The woman who has been in a love relationship with you turns out to be tying a promise as long as she can with another man. This can be a painful “surprise,” depending on your relationship with him. It is possible that you will experience a variety of emotions. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to recover from the shock of your lover marrying another man. In addition, you can also focus on getting up and going back to life, as well as dealing with the remnants of the wounds caused by the betrayal you experienced.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with “Surprises”
Step 1. Keep your distance from him
You may be devastated and hurt when you hear the news. Even if it's impossible not to contact him right away, try to exercise restraint. Regardless of the hurt you feel, remember that he made his own decisions.
- Refrain from texting him. If you can't stop thinking about what to say, reach out to a close friend to talk to. You can also write down how you feel if you want.
- Unfollow them, unfriend them, or avoid interacting with them on social media.
- Don't be tempted to visit their social media profiles. If you do end up being tempted, don't feel bad about yourself right away. Stop what you are doing and find another activity.
Step 2. Don't overreact
In this situation you may have been treated unfairly, but don't do anything out of spite. Of course you shouldn't do anything dangerous or illegal. Also, you shouldn't say or do anything that isn't commendable. Do not contact him constantly to question his fairness or morality.
- When you feel betrayed, you will usually see the situation from one point of view regarding who is at fault. Don't let the initial thoughts and feelings guide your behavior.
- Don't get into trouble or be hysterical. This means that you need to avoid him if you are likely to show an over-emotional response when you meet him.
- If you're having trouble keeping yourself and your emotions in check, go about your normal daily routine. Structured repetitive activities can be relaxing, especially when you're feeling stressed.
- Don't use alcohol and drugs as an escape. As well as being unhealthy, both can encourage you to behave in ways you may regret. Instead, try to calm yourself down through deep breathing exercises, meditation, running, or other activities that can focus your mind on yourself.
Step 3. Remind yourself that the worst is over
Again, this does not necessarily erase the hurt you feel. However, you can begin to understand the importance of rising from the wounds and getting back to life. You've heard the traumatic news, and the experience has allowed you to face the harsh reality more courageously and emerge from adversity.
- If a more direct approach feels more appropriate, remind yourself that you have no choice in this situation. You have to wake up and realize that in the end you can recover, even if it doesn't seem possible at the moment.
- Be proud when you manage to survive. When the shadows appear after you haven't thought about them for a while, congratulate yourself on getting up and living life, even if you don't think you can.
Step 4. Find support sources
As hard as it sounds, what you're going through is likely to trigger deep grief. Grieving itself is a process that must be passed and at this moment, you need additional support from others. Call friends or family members, especially those who have been through a bitter breakup.
- Focus your time on spending with people who can make you happy. Good listeners with a positive attitude are the best people to help you recover. Also, make sure you're surrounded by people who will allow you to speak honestly, without fear of being judged or criticized.
- Find new friends. When dating, people usually notice that their social network is shrinking. This condition can worsen if most of your friends are also friends with your lover. Feel free to contact the people you like, then plan simple activities and see if you can immediately become friends with them.
- Don't hesitate to openly ask for help. You could say, for example, “Hey! Can I tell you about something? I think I'll feel more relieved and I'll appreciate your advice."
Method 2 of 3: Get Up and Move On
Step 1. Realize that your relationship with him is not meant to last
One of the hardest things about parting with your partner is letting it go. Even if one of the parties has risen, you may still be stuck and speculating. However, remind yourself that there are several reasons why the relationship isn't working.
- Reflect on how you felt when you were still dating him. Most of the time, we thought too much of the sweet things in our previous relationships. Maybe you've been questioning your relationship.
- Accept that he has risen and forgotten you. Maybe you're still holding out hope that things will be okay, and that you still have a chance to be in a relationship with him. It is painful to let go or let go of those dreams, but his marriage is the ultimate answer to all the remaining questions. Your relationship with him has ended.
- Even if you're not sure that the relationship is destined to work, it's still painful to be the one to leave. However, remind yourself that you are still fixated on him because of his sudden appearance of distance away.
Step 2. Follow your interests
Everyone has things they want to do, try, or understand. Choose an activity or two that you want to try or do more often. For example, try visiting the gym three times a week instead of just once a week. As an alternative, choose a new hobby to pursue.
- Try to choose activities that are active and creative. You can interpret this activity as broadly as possible. In essence, staying active helps your body and mind feel better, and having creative outlets is a way for you to express your feelings.
- For example, yoga or guided meditation not only makes you feel better, but also allows you to meet new people. A simple weekly activity can pave the way for meeting groups of friends and living a new lifestyle!
- Maybe you've always wanted to play guitar. Take this opportunity to give it a try! You can find people to study and practice with by contacting the nearest music store, or by searching the internet for bands.
Step 3. Plan something you can look forward to
A simple example is vacation. Create a group email or text message, invite friends, and make some weekend getaway suggestions. Choose a place that is relatively close to make it easier for people (and doesn't cost a lot of money). Set a date on the weekend one month in advance. That way, you and other friends can plan the trip. Surely, there will be something to look forward to in the next month!
If you can't plan a vacation trip, invite friends over for the weekend and spend some time together. Exciting activities like video game marathons can distract you and make you feel calmer
Step 4. Find a new priority
Sometimes, what you need is a "cruel" awareness. Take advantage of the freedom you have right now to focus on your life's purpose. When you start to think about it, immediately divert your attention. Choose a goal that you want to achieve and every time the thought comes to mind, think of something that can be done to achieve that goal, and start taking action.
When looking for another purpose in life, try to meet new people. Instead of waiting to meet someone, start introducing yourself to the people you like. This is easier to do, especially when you are at events that involve something you like or are interested in
Step 5. Try dating someone else
Some of the scary things that you may face when left by your lover are various self-doubts. Maybe you're starting to question your ability to trust someone or maintain a relationship. Get rid of that doubt by dating someone else.
- Take advantage of the freedom that exists today! However, that doesn't mean you should jump into a more serious relationship. The truth is, you shouldn't be in a serious relationship right away. However, you can of course get acquainted with the sweet barista you've always admired.
- If you feel betrayed and have a hard time trusting others and aren't ready to date, take some time to manage your emotions and learn to trust others again.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with and Managing Emotions
Step 1. Allow yourself to grieve
Grief is a natural reaction to loss, especially when you've been left by someone you really care about. Not only a life partner, the ideals of the future that you built with him also disappeared. Feeling the pain of a loss like this is an important part of letting go. In addition, feelings of anger, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion are also part of the recovery process.
- Tell me how you feel. It's a good idea to talk about what you're currently facing, both to friends and therapists.
- Keep a personal journal. Writing down your thoughts is a very powerful way to let go of your emotions and focus your thoughts on yourself.
- Realize that existing wounds will subside. Even if you're feeling really down right now, your heart and mind will eventually heal. If after a while your mood and emotions don't improve, take the time to meet someone who has been trained and talk to them about mental health.
Step 2. Learn to trust others again
Being left behind by your lover may leave you feeling devastated and betrayed. You may wonder if you can trust anyone anymore, or are reluctant to open up to new relationships. There are “tasks” you can complete with a therapist or on your own so you can recover and trust someone again in the future.
- Work with a therapist to learn how to separate the fear of betrayal experienced from future relationships. You can identify things that indicate that a potential partner is someone you can trust (e.g. promises you keep or how you react when you show a vulnerable side). See if he takes responsibility for his mistakes and understands your wants, needs, and conditions.
- Suspicion after experiencing betrayal limits social relationships with others and deprives you of opportunities for new, better and fulfilling relationships.
Step 3. Process any existing negative thoughts
Maybe you will feel quite heavy emotions for a while. You may also feel used, embarrassed, or betrayed. Some people who face unexpected breakups often feel like they're not good enough or even "wasted". Notice if you start to see yourself as less attractive or attractive. You may also feel stabbed, hit, and angry. Negative thoughts that arise are normal in situations like this. However, try not to hold it in and leave it unmanageable. Processing these emotions can be difficult, but if you do, you can get up and start feeling better about yourself.
- First, feel the emotions that exist and recognize what they are feeling. Instead of distracting yourself from what you're feeling, try asking yourself these questions: “What feelings or sensations do I have? What do I think? What do I feel about my body (eg tightness in the chest, stomach ache, headache, etc.)? Do I have an assessment of what I feel? Do I feel the urge to fight those feelings?
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Even if it hurts, remember that your emotions won't kill you. Feel the emotions that arise and ask yourself: “What will happen if I feel these emotions? Is this emotion really intolerable? What can I do to make these emotions easier to accept (eg deep breathing, meditation, relaxation, etc.)?”
- Handle the emotions. Realize that these emotions arise because your ex-boyfriend married another man. You may feel unloved, but that's not really true. In fact, those feelings exist because you are responding to a bitter experience. Teach yourself to fight negative thoughts by repackaging and looking for evidence to counteract them.
- For example, you may always feel that you will never see another woman again. Record all evidence that shows this to be false. You must have met other women who you liked and loved, before even getting to know your ex. When you visit a coffee shop and look around, you can meet many attractive and attractive women. There are billions of people on this planet and chances are, you want to date at least one of them.
Step 4. Focus on the perceived freedom
In moments of emotional stress, you may still find relief. Now you no longer have to wonder about a relationship that may have been filled with doubts. Whatever it is, your ex-boyfriend has risen, and this can motivate you to come back from adversity.
In addition, people often don't realize how bad a relationship is until they leave it. Do you remember recurring problems that were never resolved? Now you don't have to think about it anymore
Step 5. Be honest with yourself
During this time, you may be trying to get rid of the emotions and feelings of loneliness and abandonment that always arise. Sometimes, you can distract yourself or convince yourself to look at the positive side of the situation. However, negative thoughts always seem to stick to the brain. This is something natural. Feelings are feelings, and they often arise unexpectedly.
- Even if the situation isn't that bad and the two of you have separated on good terms, the fact that she would be happier with another man may not be easy to forget. It's understandable if you feel upset or sad. This kind of reaction is natural, and you may actually feel upset or disappointed. In fact, it's healthier to accept and feel those emotions than to try to suppress them or pretend that everything is okay. Process your emotions and take steps to feel better, such as talking to a friend or throwing a basketball in the hoop to vent your emotions.
- Observe if the existing negative behavior or attitude worsens or persists. If you're always feeling down, try seeing a therapist.
Step 6. See a mental health professional
Separation wounds have a significant biological effect. Everyone is programmed to have a strong sense of attachment to their romantic partner. This shows the potential or power of love. When your ex openly confesses his love for someone else, you will feel hurt. Try seeing a therapist if you're having trouble getting over your sadness or are constantly distracted by any thoughts.
- Therapists have talked to various individuals about different types of relationships, and know how to help you deal with certain thoughts that come up.
- A therapist can also help you conceptualize life in a way that is healthier, future-oriented, and happier.
