Sometimes it's hard not to care what other people think. However, there are many steps you can take to increase your confidence, develop your style, and form your own opinion. Try not to focus too much on what other people think of you or get too hung up on what they think. Remember that taste is subjective, and no one has an absolute opinion on style. Form your opinion by looking at several different points of view, rather than accepting and adapting your principles or mindset based on other people's opinions or thoughts.
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Method 1 of 3: Become More Confident
Step 1. Stop overthinking
Try not to assume that everyone is judging every little thing you do. Before you get caught up in self-doubt, remind yourself that anyone worthy of your care has more important things to worry about than simply criticizing you.
- Do your best to notice when you start to overthink or doubt yourself. Tell yourself, “Stop overanalyzing. Calm down and don't worry."
- Thinking and self-reflection are good things or activities, as long as you focus on positive development rather than overthinking every step you take. Don't obsess over every action you take, but ask yourself, "What's the best way to move forward?"
Step 2. Don't exaggerate anything
Try to look at things from the right perspective and realize that just because you're negatively judged or criticized doesn't mean the world is ending. Think of a worst-case scenario or situation, and be realistic about it. What's the worst thing that can happen if someone looks down on you?
- Remember that someone's opinion of you says a lot about that person. Ask yourself, “Is this person's opinion valuable? Was what he said something I should work on to become a better person, or was it just a trivial judgment that was purposely aimed as an insult to me?”
- Try not to overreact to anything. Remember that what other people think or say is just an opinion, not an absolute truth.
Step 3. Accept yourself as you are
Be yourself, develop the aspects of yourself that can be developed, and accept the things about yourself that cannot be changed. Don't try to change yourself just to satisfy or make other people happy. Remind yourself that everyone has doubts, talents, and things to work on.
- Think about the things you like about yourself and write them down. Make another list that includes the things you want to develop. Also think about specific steps you can take to improve yourself, for example, “Sometimes I overreact to things and yell at other people. Whenever someone makes a statement, I have to restrain myself before responding and think about what I'm saying before I say it."
- Think about the things you can't change. For example, you may want to be taller, but you can't really change that. Instead of figuring out why you can't grow taller, think about the little things or "advantages" of being short (eg your head won't hit the door frame or ceiling as often).
Step 4. Be pragmatic to turn seeking recognition by others into self-acceptance
Most of us yearn to be accepted by others because of the previous mental conditioning that governs our behavior in a big way. For example, a person who doesn't get much love and attention from his parents may try his best to be accepted by others. Ideally, we don't want to do that, but it's human instinct to fulfill such social needs.
- The human mind has an inherent need for other things. You may realize eventually that no other external factor can satisfy you, except for a moment. Even if you get the response you want from the other person, the satisfaction usually doesn't last forever.
- It's good to accept yourself, but it's important that you stay practical. You can't just change your mind to accept yourself overnight. Therefore, pragmatic balance plays an important role in this.
- Instead of fighting off the emerging mindset that pushes you to get validation or approval from others, allow that mindset to emerge. Let the desire for recognition persist, but make sure you fulfill it in a practical and creative way. For example, stick with people who accept you for who you are. This means, try to establish a true friendship or relationship. Having this kind of support in your life is a practical way to feel less needy or indifferent to the opinions of people outside your social circle. Your wishes have been fulfilled by the support of those closest to you, and you don't need to care much about what other people think. At the same time, realize that the motivation to not depend on other people's thoughts comes from external factors (friends). This means, if you remove that factor, you will again depend on the opinions of strangers. This kind of awareness helps you gradually stop seeking acceptance from others, and start seeking acceptance from yourself.
- There are some pragmatic things so you don't depend too much on other people's thoughts: try to chat more often with family and friends, make it a habit to give to others, do interesting things from time to time, take up hobbies or activities that you enjoy. you are interested in, and so on. These things can create a sense of acceptance that you can feel.
Step 5. Imagine success instead of being afraid of shame
Try not to focus on failure, shame, or what other people will think when you make a mistake. Break your goals down into small goals, and imagine you succeeding in achieving each of those small steps or goals.
- For example, if you want to be more confident when chatting, break down your goals into smaller parts: maintaining eye contact, listening to the other person, nodding when the other person makes a statement, asking questions, and providing honest responses based on your own experience.
- If the results do not go according to plan, try to learn from the experience and not feel ashamed. Remember that everything is a learning process and no one is good at everything, especially on the first try.
Method 2 of 3: Forming Your Own Opinion
Step 1. Try to see things from several points of view
When forming an opinion on something (eg a news topic), try to find different sources. Read articles published by different news portals/agents, including stories with perspectives that conflict with your values. Try gathering information yourself rather than simply agreeing or disagreeing with what other people think.
For example, your parents may have their own opinion on the news. Instead of just agreeing with their opinion because they are your parents, try searching the internet for articles on the same topic from several news agencies/portals. After knowing several points of view on the topic, you can form your own opinion based on what you have learned/know
Step 2. Don't make false agreements just to satisfy or make other people happy
Feel free to have opinions that go against the norm, especially if you've put a lot of time and effort into forming them. Balance the evidence with your instincts, and don't force yourself to conform to other people's opinions to make others feel satisfied/happy. Respect other people's opinions, and accept that not everyone has the same opinion as yours.
For example, if you prefer dogs to cats, don't pretend you like cats just to satisfy or please your friends who think cats are better animals. You have to form your own opinion, even when all your friends prefer cats
Step 3. Stick to your core values or beliefs
You may "challenge" your core values and beliefs, and who knows by questioning them, you will only strengthen your beliefs. However, don't compromise your own traditions in order to gain popularity.
For example, if you were raised in a religious tradition, you may find that questioning or “doubt” about the tradition (as long as it is in a “healthy” level) can deepen your belief in that tradition for a long time. However, you don't have to change your beliefs just because someone (instinctively) criticizes your beliefs
Step 4. Find out if the other person understands or has proper knowledge of the topic being discussed
Before getting too hung up on other people's opinions, think about their skills or knowledge and the way they express their opinions. If (for example) your teacher is writing his graduate thesis about an historical event, you certainly need to value his opinion more than the opinion of someone less educated.
In addition to considering the source, think about the delivery. Does someone, despite their knowledge, speak to you clearly and tactfully? Or is he deliberately insulting and criticizing your opinion for not agreeing with you?
Method 3 of 3: Finding Yourself and Style
Step 1. Work on connecting with yourself more
Think of yourself as a series of concentric circles. Think about how you would like to represent yourself to strangers, people you are already familiar with, and yourself. What are the similarities and differences between your actions or behavior when interacting with others in private, and when in front of many people?
- Try to think about the things that characterize you. Write down a list of traits that are important to you, such as honesty, loyalty, or a sense of humor.
- Take time to reflect and reflect on yourself, your values or values, talents, and things you enjoy. Try to develop an appreciation for your own uniqueness.
Step 2. Make a decision based on your own values
When you have things you like, don't like, talents, and values that you value, try to make those things a determinant of your lifestyle and actions. By doing what you believe in, instead of doing what other people think is cool, you will reflect more and more of who you really are.
For example, let's say your friends want to go to a party and get drunk, while you have a soccer game tomorrow (to you, football is the most important thing). In those situations, don't party with them just because you want them to think you're cool. Choose to prepare yourself and rest well for tomorrow's match because that is the most important thing for you
Step 3. Present yourself in a way that makes you happy
Think of ways to incorporate or apply your interests, likes, and dislikes to your style of dress, neighborhood or lifestyle. Focus on creating a style that makes you happy, rather than just following what's trending or trending.
- For example, if you find you enjoy mixing and matching patterns, feel free to wear what you like just because of what other people think of you.
- Decorate your residence or room with knick-knacks that have sentimental value, even if others suggest you use more trendy or minimalist-style knick-knacks. On the other hand, don't use or save decorations if you don't like knick-knacks (eg because you think your house will look messy). Do whatever it takes to make your living space more comfortable.
Step 4. Create an inspiration folder to further connect with your own style
When developing a dress style, read trending magazines and blogs for inspiration. Save or cut out motivational photos, and use them to attach to your digital or print lookbook, or inspiration folder. With this new library, mix and match looks that can make you feel unique and confident.
“Special” items such as custom jewelry, scarves, unique hats, or clothing with special patterns can help make your style unique. Think of a particular item or aesthetic element that makes you happy and can show what you like about yourself. For example, if you enjoy sailing, perhaps a necklace with an anchor pendant and an outfit with a sharp sailor stripe pattern can be a unique touch to your look
Step 5. Remember that taste is subjective
If someone says something about your taste, remember that their opinion about your taste or style is not the absolute truth. Taste is subjective, and you may not be trending in someone else's dress or decor. Diversity is an amazing thing. Imagine how boring life would be when everyone's clothes and house looked exactly the same!
While it's nice to dress in a way that shows your individuality, remember to consider modesty in every situation. Dress professionally or according to the workplace dress code to earn more respect than simply wearing a t-shirt and holey jeans
Step 6. Stay away from unwanted bad judgments
Using social media is a fun way to stay connected with other people. However, social media can also provide many opportunities for people to assess your lifestyle choices. For example, if you don't want to "invite" people to criticize your outfit or appearance, it's a good idea to avoid posting too many posts (e.g. selfies) on various social media platforms.
