Ending a romantic relationship is a difficult situation for anyone, especially if your ex-partner decides to date one of your closest friends afterward. Admit it, these situations can give rise to feelings of jealousy, low self-esteem, sadness, and extreme anger. If you are in that situation and are still overcome by negative emotions, don't hesitate to discuss it with your friends so that your friendship is maintained without having to be colored by sadness or discomfort.
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Method 1 of 3: Communicating Anxiety to Your Friends
Step 1. Discuss your feelings with your friend
Express your sadness, but explain that you will try to make the emotion more positive. If you want, tell him that you may need to distance yourself from him until the negative feelings are completely gone.
- You can say, “Honestly, yes, I was sad when I found out you were dating Jen. At the time, I was annoyed and insecure, but now I'm trying to fix it."
- If you suspect that your ex-spouse and friend have been attracted to each other since your relationship wasn't over, don't be afraid to confess your suspicions to your friend. After that, listen to the explanation before drawing any conclusions.
Step 2. Tell the truth with your friends
There's nothing wrong with telling him your feelings, you know. If you expect him to want to talk about his relationship with his ex-spouse from the start, don't hesitate to share it. If you feel upset or betrayed, don't hesitate to talk about it in a calm and controlled manner. Trust me, honest conversation can make you feel better and improve your friend's understanding of the situation.
- If your friend doesn't respond to this request positively, keep yourself under control by controlling your breathing and listening carefully to the response.
- For example, you might say, “I really wish you and Maron would tell you the truth that you two are dating, so I can prepare myself. Because I still can't forget him."
Step 3. Ask your friend for help not to mention his relationship in front of you
If the topic of an ex-spouse makes you upset or sad, try to avoid it. Also convey these wishes to your friends, if possible. By doing so, your friendship will undoubtedly be maintained, and your feelings about your ex-partner will improve.
- You might say, “The conversation about Jen made me uncomfortable. Can we not talk about it for a while?"
- If you don't feel emotional when you offend your ex, chances are that you've already forgotten about it and are ready to talk about it in a neutral situation.
- If you've managed to get over your relationship with your ex-spouse, try saying, “Do you remember when I said I was lazy to talk about John? I've forgotten about it now, really, so you can mention it if you want."
- If absolutely necessary, feel free to distance yourself from your friend to recuperate. Emphasize that you still value your friendship, but feel that you need time and distance to heal and process your feelings.
Step 4. Don't stop your friend from having sex with your ex-spouse
As well as hurting her, doing so has the potential to damage your relationship and ruin her chances of finding happiness. Therefore, try to control your jealousy and sadness by understanding that their relationship was not meant to hurt you.
If your friend accepts the ultimatum, he or she is more likely to choose an ex-partner over you
Step 5. Avoid the urge to badmouth your ex
If you find out that your ex-partner is currently dating your friend, you will likely feel a tremendous urge to sabotage the relationship or speak ill of your ex-spouse in front of your friend. Unfortunately, doing so runs the risk of ruining your relationship with your dearest friend!
Therefore, think before sharing any information about your ex-partner with your friends, including details regarding your relationship or your ex-partner's relationship history. Before doing it, first think about the positive benefits that you will get by doing it
Method 2 of 3: Managing the Feelings That Appear
Step 1. Allow yourself to be upset or sad
Want to cry or scream after ending your relationship with your ex? Don't hesitate to do it! Remember, avoiding negative emotions will only prolong the duration of your anger or sadness. Therefore, do not suppress the emotions that arise so that you can move on with life more quickly.
- Don't say, "I don't care" or "Oh, that doesn't matter," if you're actually still upset about the situation. Acknowledge the emotion that comes up, whatever it is!
- Don't look for an outlet or do other things just to get your ex's attention back.
Step 2. Write down all the reasons why you and your ex-spouse had to end
Try to observe the relationship from the perspective of a third party so that the evaluation results can be clearer and more objective. Think about the reasons why the relationship between the two of you had to end. If it turns out that the reason is too big of a mismatch, it means that the two of you weren't meant to be together.
- Even if you don't want to end the relationship with him, the possibility of incompatibility doesn't go away.
- If you're worried that your friend might have the same problem, don't be afraid to express it. However, make sure your actions don't sound like an attempt to vilify your ex-partner in front of his new girlfriend, OK!
- Some of the symptoms of an unhealthy relationship are when one or both parties are constantly initiating arguments, belittling the other, unable to provide reassurance, manipulating the other party, or being jealous of the other party.
- Also, you may not be on a financial or emotional level with your ex.
Step 3. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex
If you've ever had signs of a relationship with an ex-spouse, get rid of them immediately so that it helps you to distance yourself emotionally from them. Doing so can actually reduce the negative emotions that arise in your mind, and help maintain positive relationships with your friends.
Throwing away or destroying items that remind you of your ex-spouse can be a therapeutic experience, you know
Step 4. Unfollow your ex on social media
Unfollow your ex on social media or block their profile so you can no longer see their photos and status. Be careful, constantly observing the activities of your ex-partners and friends online can have a very unhealthy impact on your emotional health. Therefore, be determined to keep your distance from both of them online so that your hurt can heal faster, and so that the situation doesn't have the potential to make you angry or sad.
- If you want, unfollow your friend on social media if she keeps posting photos or information about her new relationship that upsets you or makes you sad.
- You don't have to block your ex's social media profiles. However, don't hesitate to do it if it can improve your mood!
Method 3 of 3: Keeping Your Distance
Step 1. Try temporarily distancing yourself from your friend
Stop contacting her by phone and text messages, and stop taking her out with her. If the situation requires both of you to see each other every day, communicate your wishes directly so that he doesn't feel confused about your attitude. By keeping your distance, surely you can avoid feeling jealous or annoyed when you see their relationship. If negative emotions persist afterward, it's a good idea to stay away from your ex-partner with your friend until you feel better.
- For example, you could say, "I'm sorry, I really tried to forget about this problem, but I still feel uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I still hope the best for you. That's why, I feel the need to keep a short distance from you and him. I hope you understand, okay?"
- If your friend is constantly flaunting her new relationship in front of you or is starting to be negative, it's best to keep her distance from her permanently.
Step 2. Understand that your friend's new relationship is not a personal attack on you
Of course you can be upset, but always remember that the lives of your ex-partners and friends are actually separate from yours. In other words, their relationship is their business that is completely unrelated to yours.
- Respect your friend's boundaries, just as you would want them to respect yours.
- Don't compare yourself to your friends or think of the situation as a competition that requires a winner.
Step 3. Focus on becoming a better person
Always remember that your identity is not defined by the relationship you are in or have been in. In this moment, focus on becoming a stronger and more confident person. As a result, afterwards you can move on with your life better while at the same time understanding your real identity as an independent individual.
For example, you could take a class where you've always wanted to learn something, or you could pursue a specific personal health goal
Step 4. Travel with your other friends to take your mind off negative situations
Try taking your other friends on a trip with you, or feel free to get involved in various social situations that allow you to meet new people. Trust me, socializing and spending time with positive people can instantly improve your mood! In addition, you can also complain of negative emotions that weigh on these people, right?
If you want to avoid unnecessary drama, travel with people who don't know your friends personally
Step 5. Keep your mind busy by doing interesting activities or hobbies
Try to think of an activity or hobby that is interesting and will prevent your brain from obsessing over the situation. In fact, doing so will preoccupy brain activity so you no longer have time to think about your ex-partner's relationship with your friend.
- Some of the activities you can do are playing music, participating in sports, playing video games, or reading books.
- Try taking classes that accommodate those hobbies or interests
Step 6. Reward yourself with activities that are fun for you
Think of an activity that makes you truly happy, like eating your favorite food, going to the beach, or relaxing at the spa, and then do it all! if you want, you can also spend time with other friends who can provide emotional support. Trust me, doing positive activities can help focus your mind on the present and take your mind off negative situations!
Doing a relaxing activity can also clear your head in a difficult situation
Step 7. Improve the friendship when you feel ready
After considering the situation and realizing that your anger has subsided, try calling your friend again. In fact, after that you might also be able to repair your relationship with your ex-spouse, you know! As a result, the situation will not feel awkward anymore when the three of you have to travel together. If you want, try calling your friend or texting her to ask her out, even if the two of you haven't spoken in a while. At this point, explain why you were annoyed with him, but also emphasize that you are ready to move on with life in a more positive direction.
- If the friendship is successful, make sure you don't badmouth your ex-partner in front of them both.
- You could say, “Hi Kendra, I know we haven't talked in a while, but you want to meet up, don't you? I miss you, here!"
