The person you've always had a crush on turns out to be dating a friend of his own, and you must have a hard time dealing with that. Of course you are confused about what to do because in addition to your feelings, their feelings also need to be considered. If you're not careful, friendships can break down, but your feelings may be strong enough to take the risk. Even if it hurts, it's important to remember that not being the right choice for the person you like doesn't mean you're not right for someone else.
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Method 1 of 3: Studying Feelings
Step 1. Think about your friend's feelings
Talk to him and try to understand his position. His feelings for your crush may be genuine, and reciprocated. If he's really your friend, you should want him to be happy too.
- If he really loves you, the right thing to do is let it go.
- If his feelings aren't too serious, he may understand if you tell him how you feel.
- If the feelings are strong and you come to interfere, the friendship is in danger of ending.
Step 2. Consider what is best for your crush
Because you care, his feelings are certainly important to you. So, think about the situation. Does he seem to really love your friend? Are there any signs he might be interested in you?
- It can be hard to accept that he doesn't have feelings for you, but know that that doesn't mean you're not worthy or attractive. Maybe you and him just don't get along, that's all.
- If he seems to be interested in you and his feelings for your friend aren't that deep, you may want to consider sharing your feelings honestly with both of them.
Step 3. Be honest about how you feel with this special person
There are many types of interest. How deep do you feel for him? How well do you know him? If the feeling is so intense that you fear you can't shake it off, maybe you need to tell the truth.
- If you don't know him close enough, the honesty may not be worth the risk of breaking the friendship.
- If you're not sure how you feel, think again. There is no reason to rush into a decision.
- Attraction and love are different emotions that feel the same. Attraction arises when you meet someone who is attractive, but usually doesn't last long.
Step 4. Decide whether to tell them
After considering the feelings of all parties, determine what you think is the best course of action. Maybe the conclusion is that you should tell them how you feel, or it's better to keep it to yourself.
- If you decide to confess, consider talking to your friend first. Depending on the situation, he might understand and relent.
- If you choose to be honest, be prepared if the results don't turn out as expected. There are two possibilities that will happen, either you succeed, or you run the risk of losing a friend and still not being able to get the person you like.
- You must be as sensitive to their feelings as you are to your own.
Method 2 of 3: Overcoming a Broken Heart
Step 1. Remember that you have value
If you choose not to express your feelings, or if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings, you may be sad and disappointed. That's normal, but don't let sadness make you doubt yourself.
- To remind you that you have an advantage, make a list of attributes that the opposite sex would find valuable or attractive.
- Remember that it's not right for one person doesn't mean you can't have someone else.
Step 2. Find a means to express feelings
You should not harbor negative emotions. Seek release to express feelings safely without social risk or embarrassment.
- Try writing a diary. Put your feelings into words so you can better understand and deal with them.
- If you feel the need to cry, cry. After that, you'll feel a lot better and the stress built up from interacting with the two of them will be released.
- Dancing, sports, drawing, or other activities are creative ways to express emotions. Keep trying until you find a way that works.
Step 3. Don't give in to the urge to self-destruct
Sometimes, anger makes people make wrong decisions. It's human, but don't let disappointment lead you to choose consolation that is harmful or self-destructive.
- Alcohol and drugs seem to help, but in the long run they can be bad. You can also become addicted and have serious health problems.
- You can laze around and eat a lot because of stress, but not for too long. Fattening foods and not exercising will only make you feel worse, not better.
Step 4. Seek support from other friends
When hurt, sometimes the best course of action is to contact friends or family. Pouring out your sadness to those closest to you can fix feelings that are heartbroken.
- Focus on yourself and your feelings, don't discuss your friend and her new boyfriend. If this confidant is also their friend, don't put them in a difficult position because they feel they have to choose who to side with.
- You may be shy, but talking can make you realize that everyone has their heart broken and that it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Method 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Decide when you need to move forward
There's nothing wrong with being sad because of the fact that sadness is part of the recovery process, but in the end you have to get up, forget the sadness, and look to the future. You may feel like you don't want to do anything, but when you're ready, force yourself to start.
- Focus on the positive and emphasize the part of your life that is going well.
- Make the decision to try to be happy again in earnest.
- Don't indulge negative thoughts. When you start to sink again, force yourself to think of something different.
Step 2. Take control of your life
One of the hardest parts of being rejected or not being able to be with the people you love is the fact that you can't do anything about it. Even if they are strong, your feelings won't change how other people feel. Overcome feelings of helplessness by controlling your own life and actions.
- Make a conscious decision before acting. Don't just go through the day without a beat, choose what you're going to do and go after your goals.
- Make healthy decisions by adding to the many positive aspects of life. Decide to eat healthier, run, or some other worthwhile option.
Step 3. Open yourself up to new love
Once you're yourself again, maybe you're ready to get back into the dating world. Try meeting new people and going on a date every now and then. Even if you don't find the right person right away, you can enjoy the process and the opportunities that arise.
- If you're in a relationship, don't rush it and let the feelings develop on their own.
- Don't force yourself to date if you're not ready. Having new friends is enough.
Step 4. Be nice to your friend and lover
If things don't go the way you expected, it doesn't mean they're bad people. Just like you, not being the right match for someone is not a measure of character. Don't hold a grudge, and try to stay friends with them if you're comfortable with that.
- If you're not ready to be friends with one or both of them, that's okay. Wait as long as you want.
- Remember that friendship is valuable. Treat them well, and maybe one day things will go back to the way they were.
- Remember that harboring negative feelings will only hurt yourself.
