Breakups can be very painful at times, and can be stressful if you find that you left a lot of important things at your ex's place. Even though the process is quite complicated, there are many ways to make it easier for you to retrieve the item. Speak calmly to your ex to ask for anything he left behind, then get your thing as soon as possible. If you ever buy an item together, make a special deal. Find out the fairest way to split property purchased with your ex to end the relationship on good terms.
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Method 1 of 3: Creating a Schedule
Step 1. Wait until you calm down
It's a good idea to wait a few days after breaking up before picking up anything to give yourself time to process and control your emotions. This way, you can deal with the situation more calmly and in control.
- Get enough sleep, meet your friends, and spend the day pampering yourself so you feel better.
- However, don't wait too long. It's best to pick up your belongings within a few weeks of the breakup.
Step 2. Send a short message
Phone calls can trigger emotions. So, send a short message to keep you cool. For example, send a message like “Some of my stuff is still at your place. When can I come to pick it up?”
At worst, you may need to call your ex if he doesn't text back after a few days
Step 3. Set a schedule for picking up your belongings
The ex may not want to be there when you pick up things. So you may have to stop by when he's at work or isn't home. However, if your ex wants to meet up, find a time that's perfect for both of you.
- Hold on to yourself as best you can, even if it hurts. Arguments often arise after breaking up due to accumulated emotions. So remind yourself to stay calm when angry. The sooner you pick up things, the better.
- If you're having trouble managing your pick-up schedule, ask your ex to send small items in the mail.
Step 4. Communicate only the essentials
When negotiating an appointment, discuss only the essentials. You don't want to argue about the breakup. Try to communicate in 5 minutes or less to prevent your ex from getting emotional.
Say something like “When do you have free time?” and ask any questions you have (for example, “Can I pick it up myself or should I wait for you there?”)
Step 5. Let your ex know how to take care of your things
If you don't want your ex to touch your stuff, say that you want to pack it yourself. However, if you don't mind, you can ask him to pack it up to speed up the process.
Make sure you ask politely. Say something like "Would you like to help pack my things so we can get through this faster."
Method 2 of 3: Picking Up Items
Step 1. Ask a friend for help
If you don't want to do it alone, ask a friend for help. This help is especially useful if you have large items, such as electronics, at your ex's place. If you don't break up on good terms, your friend can help get the item.
- Make sure you ask the right friends for help. An emotional friend may be tempted to fight with your ex. So, choose a friend who can be calm and cool, even in difficult situations.
- If your ex is making it difficult for you to pick up things, call a friend or relative with whom he or she is still on good terms. They may be able to help you.
Step 2. Make small talk, if necessary
If your ex is there when you pick up your things, it's best not to have a lot of conversation. If you want to feel comfortable, just talk a little and ask simple questions, and don't talk about anything serious.
- For example, ask “How is your job?” or comment on the weather.
- Avoid open-ended questions and topics that can provoke negative answers. Asking "How are you?", for example, can get your ex to talk about his difficulties with your breakup. He may pretend to be normal to hurt your feelings.
Step 3. Don't beat around the bush
You may find it difficult to let go, and you may feel tempted to linger at your ex's place to say goodbye. Focus on the fact that you're there to pick up things and don't want to discuss old issues with your ex. As soon as you get through the door, start packing your things and leave as fast as you can.
If you want to say goodbye before you leave, do it quickly. This is not the time to feel guilty or talk about your relationship. Say something like “I'm leaving now. Hope you are doing fine."
Step 4. Come several times, if necessary
If you two live together, or if you leave a lot of things at their place, you may have to come a few times. Take really important items, such as clothes, at the first opportunity. After that, before leaving, talk about when you can come back to pick up the rest.
Step 5. Keep physical contact to a minimum
You shouldn't complicate things further and physical contact after a breakup can lead to confusion. Avoid things like hugging or saying goodbye for a long time. If your ex wants to hug or have other physical contact, keep it as brief as possible.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Conflicts of Ownership
Step 1. Make a list of priority items
Invite your ex to make a list of things according to your priorities. List the things you want most at the top and the things you need most at the bottom.
Step 2. Compare the list of objects you both wrote to find a solution
Meet at a neutral location, such as a quiet coffee shop, to compare the lists. You may have a difference of opinion, but try to deal with it calmly.
- For example, you may both want a TV that you bought together. Offer other things to your ex. Maybe you both like a coffee table, but he feels more attached to it. Give the table to your ex if you can take the TV set home.
- For things that you both can't let go of, ask your ex to sell them, then divide the proceeds by two.
Step 3. Hand over the pet to the person who takes care of it
It is very sad to let go of an animal that you have cared for, but be sure to make the best decision for the animal. The animal must be handed over to the person who cares for it. Whoever takes care of it longer has the right to take the pet when you are separated.
- For example, you have a dog that is being looked after by an ex. You are often busy at work and away for long periods of time, while your ex works at home. In this case, it is better to leave the dog to your ex as he can provide better care and attention.
- Releasing a pet can be difficult. If you and your ex are still on good terms, you may want to pay him a visit or take him for a walk to the park once in a while.
Step 4. Keep gifts from him, but return essential items
You can keep gifts your ex gave you. If he gives you clothes or household items, you can keep them. However, if he gave something of sentimental value, it's best to return it.
For example, if your ex gave him the watch he inherited from his grandfather, you should return the item
Step 5. Learn to be proud
If your ex is being unfriendly, be patient. Remember, items can be replaced. You're better off spending the money on a new TV set than having a long argument and breaking up on good terms with your ex. If your ex doesn't want to let go of something and doesn't want to budge, then let it go.
