Finding your close friend pregnant can be a confusing matter for a teenager. You may be concerned about your friend's health and well-being. Maybe you are worried that having a baby will change your friendship. These are difficult times for everyone, especially for your friends. As her closest friend, the best thing you can do is be by her side, support her, and encourage her when she's feeling down.
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Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Pregnancy News
Step 1. Listen and offer support with open arms
Make sure your friend knows that you are always willing to listen to her outpourings. However, if your friend says they need time to think alone, don't force them to talk. Give him time and remind him that you are always there if he needs someone to talk to.
Say, "I know you must be really overwhelmed right now, so I'm always here in case you need someone to talk to."
Step 2. Keep it a secret
If your friend reveals her pregnancy to you, don't spread the news without her permission. Only your friends can decide to spread this news or not. Therefore, spreading this news without his consent could cause problems.
If you're worried that your friend isn't asking for help with her pregnancy, talk to her about how you feel. For example, you could say, “I know you must be overwhelmed, but I'm worried about your health. You'd better go to the doctor first."
Step 3. Ask how you can help
Your friend will have to make a decision about her pregnancy. If she decides to raise her child, or is put up for adoption, or some other decision, don't confuse your friend with her decision. Just offer how you can help a friend deal with the problem.
For example, your friend may need to be taken to a doctor's clinic or child adoption agency. To determine his needs, all you have to do is say, “I'm here to help you. What can I do?"
Step 4. Refrain from saying “I told you”
Talking to your friends now won't help in the slightest. Don't tell your friend what to do, what you did, or what the best solution for this problem is. If you don't ask, don't give advice.
- Instead of being judgmental, ask your friend how they are feeling right now. Maybe she's feeling nauseous from morning sickness or is emotional because she's keeping a secret. Let him pour out his heart instead of dictating his feelings.
- Tell him that you still love him and that your friendship will not change. Your friend may be frightened and need to be reassured.
- Stress will have a negative impact on the baby so your friend needs to be supported to feel positive. If your friend decides to raise the baby, talk about the child. Raising a baby can be a fun topic you can talk about.
Part 2 of 3: Discussing Pregnancy
Step 1. Help your friend learn the options
Your friend will have to choose between raising her child, being given up for adoption, or having an abortion. This decision is difficult to make without a full understanding of each option so your help is needed so that he can understand the options he has.
- Try starting your research by asking about the options he is considering. Many people have strong feelings for things like abortion so this option is usually not taken. Help your friend research each option.
- Help your friends make a list of pros and cons as you research your options. For example, the advantages of abortion may be that no one will know about pregnancy except the two of you. The downside, your friend will regret his actions and the risk of medical complications.
Step 2. Offer to accompany him if your friend decides to tell his parents
If your friend decides to raise her child or is put up for adoption, she should tell her parents. One way to support him is to accompany him when notifications are made.
- Say, “I know you're afraid to tell your parents. If you want, I will accompany you." If he refuses your offer, don't be offended. Maybe your friend wants to talk to her parents alone.
- Prepare to see the disappointment of his parents and prepare a backup plan in case your friend is kicked out of his house. Is your home available in case of an emergency?
- Ask your parents for advice after your friend talks to their parents. Your parents may know your friend's parents and can offer peer-to-peer help. Adult help will be able to help relieve your friend's burden and stress. However, make sure you tell your friends first.
Step 3. Support and respect your friend's decision
Don't forget, the final decision rests and only in the hands of your friends. If your friend asks for advice, feel free to give it, but don't try to change his mind or force your opinion.
- If your friend says you're going to raise a child, say, "You must be really scared right now, but you'll make a great mother!"
- If your friend says you're putting their baby up for adoption, try saying, "This is all going to be tough on you, but you're going to make a special gift for the lucky couple!"
- If your friend says you will have an abortion, say, "This decision must be very difficult for you, but I am here to help you."
Step 4. Protect your friends from rumors or harassment at school
One of the duties of a friend is to be by the side of a friend when it is difficult and happy. Teenagers who become pregnant often drop out of school, but support from friends may help keep them in school.
There are schools that have special programs for pregnant teenagers. If your friend is interested, you can check with your counselor whether these facilities are available at your school
Part 3 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Don't let what happened to your friend distract you
While it's important to support a friend who is having a hard time, you should also be able to keep your focus on school and extracurricular activities. A pregnant friend can overwhelm you, but you need some space to yourself without getting into trouble all the time.
Step 2. Accept the fact that your friendship will change
You may be angry that your friend is pregnant, jealous that you have less time with him when he is with his child, or stressed because of a secret being kept.
You have every right to feel that way, but don't forget that a pregnant friend is not the best place to share your feelings. You may need to talk to a trusted adult instead of adding stress to an already stressed friend
Step 3. See a counselor if you need someone to talk to
Going through this difficult time with friends may be weighing heavily on you. Therefore, try talking to a counselor. Counselors are adults you can trust to keep secrets, except in certain cases.
- The counselor can offer advice and support, but he or she cannot divulge your friend's secrets unless there is danger, such as your friend having suicidal tendencies. If you tell a counselor that your friend is suicidal, the counselor has an obligation to know the truth. If so, the counselor must report it to the social service
- Don't forget that talking to an adult provides an opportunity for you to ask questions and get more information that can help you and your friend deal with this problem.
Step 4. Make sure to always practice safe sex
Don't forget, teenagers who are pregnant are at risk of dropping out of school and affecting their future. Take this incident as a lesson to protect yourself. Even if your friend is happy to be pregnant, the life of a teenage mother is not easy.
