Courage is considered by many to be one of the most important human virtues. In the Middle Ages, courage was one of the four great virtues, and modern psychologists agree. Learning how to be brave isn't just not being afraid, it's about asking the person you've liked for a long time on a date. This means learning to do things despite being afraid.
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Part 1 of 3: Building a Courageous Mindset
Step 1. Accept your fear
To be brave means to do something despite being afraid. Fear stems from the body's natural response to the brain's resistance or avoidance response. The brain sends cortisol, a hormone that causes stress, throughout the body's nervous system, so that the body has excess energy. Fear is a learned behavior, based on brain chemical reactions, but reinforced by the world around us that has trained us to fear. Learning to overcome fear and overcome it is retraining the mind.
- Avoiding fear will actually only make it stronger and scarier. There is a certain mindset in western culture that views emotions as weaknesses and tries to suppress them. But suppressing negative emotions will only increase the fear of negative emotions themselves, becoming stronger the more they are avoided.
- Opening up to the things you fear (as well as making sure you stay safe and smart about them) can help your brain to be less reactive to fears, making it easier for you to deal with them.
Step 2. Try not to hesitate
The longer the brain makes excuses for not daring, the longer it will take you to panic about the negative effects that are just based on guesswork. If you're in a situation where you have to catch a spider, jump out of an airplane, or ask someone out on a date, do it without hesitation if you're going to go all out.
Reinforce your success by rewarding yourself for overcoming your fears. This can be a physical reward, such as a nice bottle of wine, or a mental reward, such as pausing to interact with humans and watch a show on Netflix
Step 3. Learn to be mindful
Being mindful is when you are truly present in the present moment. Awareness can help change the brain to deal with fear in a more effective way. You have to give yourself time to learn this skill and it takes practice.
- Meditation is one way to help raise awareness. Find a quiet place and sit comfortably. You can meditate on the bus, airport, or anywhere else busy, but it's best to start studying in a quiet place with few distractions. Close your eyes and focus on your breath (thinking “in” when you inhale and “out” when you exhale can help with that focus). Do it for 20 minutes. Be aware of the moment that happened and the sensation that was felt. If distracted by other thoughts, direct your attention back to the breath.
- If you're feeling overwhelmed by fear, using the practice you've learned from meditation and mindfulness can help overcome it. Focus on your breathing and take deep breaths. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions, but mark them as your own (example: if you're thinking, "I'm scared," say "I have thoughts when I'm afraid."). The difference is subtle, but the other sentence helps you not to be overwhelmed by thoughts.
- Visualizing thoughts as the sky, and emotions, both positive and negative, as clouds passing through the surface of the sky can help you perceive them as part of who you are, but not dictate your life.
Step 4. Get out of your comfort zone
Getting out of your comfort zone can cause anxiety, but it's a great way to learn to be brave. Doing something you're not used to will help you cope with the unexpected, in which fear often arises. Learning to overcome fear, in the situations you have chosen, can help you act boldly when the unexpected occurs.
- Start small. Start with actions that cause a little fear and require a little courage to achieve them. So send a friend request on Facebook to the girl you like, or have a small conversation with the person at the back of the line before asking someone out.
- Know your limitations. There are certain things we cannot do. Maybe you really can't catch spiders, deal with scary bosses, or parachute. It is okay. Sometimes these are fears or limitations that can be overcome and sometimes they are not. Sometimes it's so easy to be bold; maybe it doesn't make sense to do something you can't do. Focus on building courage for other things, like covering the spider with a glass so someone else can handle it or dealing with an old person instead of a scary boss.
Step 5. Build self-confidence
Having self-confidence makes you believe in your abilities and in yourself and realize that you are more than just your fears. When you have self-confidence, you will find it easier to take bold actions. Learning to have self-confidence takes practice. There are a number of ways to build self-confidence.
- Pretend until you succeed. You can trick your mind into being confident by pretending to be confident. Tell yourself that you can ask the girl you like on a date and whatever she says, you won't care. You can also shape your posture and feel more confident and strong. Extend your arms or place them behind your head and puff out your chest.
- Don't let failure or limitations control you. Failure means you are trying; this is something to be learned, not avoided. Be sure to remind yourself that failure doesn't limit you unless you let it.
- Have loyalty within yourself. Courage requires an attitude of trusting and believing in yourself. Tell yourself that you have something to show. Remember, arrogance and self-confidence are two different things.
Part 2 of 3: Having Courage in a Moment
Step 1. Build courage for special situations
Asking someone out on a date, talking about a raise at your boss, or dealing with bullying takes different kinds of courage. However, one important thing that is required of all these situations is to show confidence, no matter how you really feel. Your confidence and courage show through acting as if you weren't afraid, even (and more so) when you were.
Step 2. Have courage when asking someone out
When asking someone out, it's best to be direct, even if it seems intimidating to open up. Practice beforehand what you are going to say. If you can, talk to him in private. Imagine how happy he would be if he said yes; isn't it worth the risk?
Remember, if he says no, it doesn't mean he's belittling you or your interests. Respect his decision and be proud of yourself for having the courage
Step 3. Show courage when talking to superiors
Talking to a supervisor can be daunting, especially if it's about your problems at work; it may also feel awkward to talk about money. However, if you structure it as a conversation rather than a confrontation, chances are you can get more than what you want.
- Ask to speak to him in private and plan ahead what you will say. It's okay to feel anxious, don't fight it. Be sure to take deep breaths and speak with conviction.
- If the conversation doesn't work, step back and reevaluate. If you've thought about it and think you're right, consider getting the human resources department involved.
- Alternatively, sometimes the better thing to do is change jobs; some people are very stubborn and choosing not to face every conflict doesn't mean you lack courage.
Step 4. Show courage when you face bullying
When facing bullying, remember to act as if you feel brave and confident. You trick yourself (and the bully) into thinking you're not afraid. Bullying increases emotional responses, so don't give them the satisfaction of that reaction. Be confident (even if you don't feel very confident).
If bullying occurs as a result of a confrontation, ask a teacher or parent for help. Knowing when it's time to get outside help is courage in itself. This shows that you are being honest with yourself about the reality of a situation
Part 3 of 3: Conquering Fear
Step 1. Identify your fears
What are you afraid of? Before you can overcome your fears and act boldly, you need to know what scares you. There are a number of things that tend to scare people, namely:
- Height
- Snakes and/or spiders
- Crowd
- Public speaking
- Water
- Storm
- Closed space
Step 2. Recognize your fears
If you've identified a fear, don't try to ignore it; don't avoid it. Don't try to convince yourself that you're not afraid; It requires more effort to conquer fear. Instead, accept that you have a fear so that you can work on it productively.
- You can identify your fear by writing it down or saying it out loud.
- You can rate your level of fear by writing it on a scale from 0 (not afraid at all) to 100 (very afraid), how afraid you are of something that is a problem.
Step 3. Try to reduce the fear gradually
In this way, you allow yourself to gradually approach or come into contact with whatever you are afraid of.
- For example, if you're afraid to go out, you could start by wearing your shoes as if you were going out, but not actually going out.
- Next, you can open the door and walk two steps out, then four steps, eight steps, then walk around the compound and back home.
Step 4. Try direct confrontation
This is also known as “flooding.” Push yourself into the situation you are afraid of and allow yourself to be truly afraid. Feel the fear so that it makes you flutter; just pay attention, but try your best so that the fear doesn't overwhelm you. It can help if you imagine yourself in the third person by saying things like, “he looks really scared right now.”
- In this way, if you are afraid to go out, you will go outside and walk around the housing complex on the first try. Then you'll try to think that it's actually not that scary being away from home.
- Then you'll repeat this process until you're not at all afraid to go out.
- The goal is to show that there is nothing to be afraid of; this method is best used to overcome irrational fears.
Step 5. Try visualization
If you notice that you are afraid of something, try to stop thinking about it by focusing on more positive thoughts. Do your best to visualize something that makes you happy, like a dog or someone you love. Use these positive emotions to overcome fears.
- Visualize what makes you positive. Try to imagine it with various feelings to make it more real.
- For example, if you think of your dog, think about how he smells, how he feels when you pet him, what he looks like, and how he sounds.
Step 6. Talk to someone
Talking about your fears with someone, a licensed therapist, a trusted family member or friend can help you figure out where the fear is coming from; it can also help you overcome your fears and act more courageously.
- There is also a website you can use, if you need to talk about it anonymously.
- Maybe it's time to talk to someone if you realize your fear is interfering with your life so you want to change.
Tips
- Being brave takes practice. The more often you face your fears and deal with negative emotions, the easier it will be to overcome them.
- Use courage to stand up for others who can't afford it. This will help you overcome your fears and will help your community.
- Imagine if you could do it until you didn't have to imagine it anymore.
Warning
- If you face bullying, be sure to exercise caution. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to the problems of dealing with bullying and sometimes not getting involved is the better course of action.
- While these instructions can be used to help people with anxiety problems, they should NOT be used as a substitute for advice or treatment from a doctor or therapist.
