Fighting for yourself can be very challenging if you are used to letting other people control you and just pleasing them. When you change yourself to just fit in with someone else, it's easy to be downplayed. Learning to fight for yourself is a way to get others to respect you and not manipulate you. Forgetting old habits and gaining self-confidence is not an overnight job, it is a long journey that begins with the first step.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Believe In Yourself
Step 1. Have confidence
Developing a feeling of self-confidence is the first step to getting started. If you don't have faith in yourself, how will others have it in you?
- It's easy for others to notice that someone lacks confidence, which makes them easy targets. If you are confident, people will be less likely to mock you and think you are weak.
- Confidence comes from within, so do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Learn new skills, lose weight, repeat positive affirmations every day. Nothing changes in a day, but confidence will grow with time.
Step 2. Set goals for yourself
Goals give you a sense of purpose and control your destiny. This is an important part of fighting for yourself and preventing others from controlling you.
- Motivate yourself by setting ambitious but achievable goals in the next few weeks, months, years of your life. This could be anything, a promotion, good grades, or running a marathon, whatever it is that makes you feel worthy.
- When you achieve your goal, remember to take time to remember how far you've come and appreciate what you've accomplished. Make an oath if there is no going back to be the same person as before again.
Step 3. Develop good behavior
Your behavior is everything, it impacts how others see you and even how you see yourself. Your behavior sets the tone of your speech, the quality of your thoughts, and is reflected in facial expressions and body language.
- Remember that behavior is contagious. If you are happy and bright about many things, you will make other people feel good about themselves and the world around them. If you are pessimistic, feel lazy for anything, this of course will also affect other people.
- We naturally want to hang out with people who make us feel proud of ourselves, and we're more willing to listen and respond to someone who has good manners.
- Likewise, we are bound to stay away from people who feel small, victimized, or constantly depressed. Make the choice to feel and have a positive attitude and you are on track to fight for yourself.
Step 4. Stop seeing yourself as a victim
When you act like a victim, you do the opposite of fighting for yourself. Instead, you will tend to run away from responsibilities and blame others.
- For most people, the inability to fight for oneself stems from a fear of rejection or ridicule, as a result of negative feelings in the past. By choosing to take this experience personally and hide in your shell, you stop fighting for yourself and start acting as a victim.
- If you have had a bad experience in the past, the best thing to do is try and talk about this experience with someone you trust. This will help you to find the root of your problem and solve it, instead of just hiding it.
Step 5. Feel satisfied with yourself physically
While you don't have to be like Iron Man, your appearance is important and looking fit, strong, and healthy will give you confidence and help you fight for yourself.
- Choose an activity that you enjoy, whether it's weight training, running, dancing, rock climbing, then really dive into it. Not only will you become more physically satisfied, you will find lots of fun and become a more interesting person in the process!
- You should also consider starting a different yourself. Self-discipline will increase your confidence and the moves you learn will double your confidence and allow you to fight for yourself when you are in a physical battle.
Method 2 of 3: Learn To Be Assertive
Step 1. Be firm
Assertiveness is the key to fighting for yourself. This means increasing your chances of getting what you want and being heard.
- Being assertive allows you to express your needs, wants, and preferences in a way that shows that you are ready to fight for yourself while respecting others. This involves being open and honest about your thoughts and feelings, while trying to find a solution that pleases all parties.
- When asserting your feelings and opinions, it is highly recommended to use "I" rather than "you" statements, as these are less blaming and prevent the other person from becoming defensive. For example, instead of saying "you never ask my opinion", say something like "I feel ignored when you make decisions without me".
- Assertiveness can be learned, so don't be afraid if you don't have it yet. There are many good books and courses that teach that. You can start with When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, by Manuel J Smith, and Your perfect right: A Guide to Assertive Living, by Robert E. Albert.
Step 2. Learn how to say no
Learning this is the hardest but also the most important way to fight for yourself. If you tend to be an affirmative person and don't want to disappoint others, you run the risk of being just another person's footwear who will walk over you and take advantage of you.
- For example, if your boss keeps asking you to work overtime when your colleague leaves at 6pm, it's very hard to say no. But if this extra work puts stress on your personal life and relationships, you need to resist. Don't put other people's needs above yours, learn to say no when needed.
- Learning to say no will help you to fight for yourself with friends as well as people who are bullying you. Think about a friend who always borrows money from you but never returns it, assertiveness will make you ask for the money and say no next time, while maintaining your friendship.
- People may stay away from you at first, but they will learn to accept it and will even appreciate it.
Step 3. Use body language
The way you stand, walk, and sit will make an impression on others. Positive body language will generate respect, approval, and trust whereas bad body language will generate an invitation to be played with.
- Using open body language shows people that you are confident in yourself, confident, and can't be played with. Open body language includes standing up straight, making eye contact, standing with hands on hips and feet apart, using slow and steady gestures, turning your heart towards people when you meet them and not crossing your arms or legs.
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Closed body language, on the other hand, sends a negative signal and leaves you open to attack. Closed body language includes folding your arms, clenching your fists, using gestures that are too fast, avoiding eye contact, and turning your body away.
Step 4. Practice presenting yourself
For the shy, this is very difficult, but that's okay. All you need is practice, and over time you will become more confident and more assertive about getting your opinion heard.
- Sometimes you fail because you can't articulate what you need to say at the right moment. Take the time to write good response questions in difficult situations and practice them with a friend using a timer.
- Ask your friends to act like someone who scares and intimidates you. Set your timer for 2 minutes and respond to that! Keep doing this until you can survive.
- You can also practice fighting for yourself in everyday situations. For example, instead of receiving the wrong order at a coffee shop, you might as well say "sorry, my order was wrong. Can you make the right one?" You'll soon have the confidence to tackle bigger and more important issues!
Step 5. Stay away from negative people
Another aspect of fighting for yourself is trusting your instincts about other people and applying them to them. As an example:
- If other people bring you down with their negativity, don't hang out with them. Start politely but be sure to stay away. You don't have to explain anything to them why you're spending less time with them.
- Avoid people who like to bully and sarcasm. You don't get anything from them and you really don't have to deal with anything like that.
- Remember, staying away from the source of discomfort and trouble is not running, it's an important part of learning to fight for yourself, because it shows that you don't let unreasonable things affect your life.
Method 3 of 3: Resolving Conflicts
Step 1. Protect yourself in a calm and reasonable manner
Protect yourself verbally when attacked, provoked, and take care of yourself when others try to humiliate you, verbally abuse you, or physically harm you.
- Don't be silent, it's much better to speak your mind. Even if the results don't change, you're demonstrating that you don't tolerate being disrespected.
- Oftentimes, a polite but firm clarification of disrespectful comments or actions is enough to draw attention to the need for change, especially when you're the audience. For example: "Sorry, I'm next in line, and I'm as rushed as the overtaker."
- Avoid mumbling or speaking too fast. That tone of voice and speed of delivery are an important part of clarifying what you want and being confident about how you feel.
- Naturally, the attitude in which you protect yourself depends on the situation and if anyone changes your mind, put your safety first.
Step 2. Don't be aggressive
You shouldn't be aggressive when fighting for yourself. Being aggressive or even rude, only makes you friendless.
- Being aggressive is a non-constructive way to get what you want and other people will immediately reject someone like you.
- You will be more successful in getting what you want if you can resolve issues more calmly and objectively. You can still say what you want clearly and unequivocally without raising your voice or getting angry.
Step 3. Avoid being passive aggressive
Be careful about taking passive aggressive responses to people and situations.
- The passive aggressive response is where you do something against your will and the end is just filled with hatred and anger, hating the person who made you feel that way.
- This will negatively affect your relationship and affect your physical and emotional health as well. Often, a passive aggressive approach to life will never make you fight for yourself.
Step 4. Try to turn negative into positive
Another way to fight for yourself is to take the negative things that are thrown at you and turn them into positives. In the process, you will often discover that envy and insecurity are at the root of attacks. As an example:
- If someone says you like to order, rather than back down, take this evidence that you are a natural leader and can manage people and projects well, and an active change agent.
- If people say you're shy, take this as a compliment meaning you're not ready to jump into the new Bandwagon but like to reflect on the consequences first and then decide.
- If you are considered too sensitive or emotional, let it be a sign that you have an open heart and are not afraid of others seeing it.
- Or people say people don't think much about curry, this confirms that you are living a less stressful life and helps you live a longer life.
Step 5. Don't give up
No matter how hard you try to increase your confidence, there will always be days when you fall.
- Instead of seeing this as a failure, see this as a day where you will indeed fall in order to rise higher again. A few tricks to help your bounce back process:
- Fake it until you succeed. If you don't feel confident, act like you do.
- Be consistent with your approach. People will grow to expect that you are now the one fighting for yourself.
- Expect some people to find your assertiveness. It takes time to re-establish established patterns with people who can put you down. In some cases, you will find that you no longer want to be a part of their life.
Tips
- Use a voice that is confident, strong, and stable. Speak with authority and confidence. this will help you convey your ideas and thoughts.
- Love yourself as much as you can. Don't embarrass yourself by being afraid, knowing that gradually you are becoming less timid.
- Don't let your past weaken your confidence because you will need it to fight for yourself.
- Avoid yelling at other people. This becomes an excuse for others to laugh at you and make the situation worse and clearly shows that you are out of control. Even people who were afraid would react with disgust.
- Smile. Your smile shows that you are not afraid.
- Be sure to think about what you are going to do or say beforehand.
- Be brave and don't listen to others.
- Do not exaggerate. Fighting for yourself and looking strong is different from looking too much.
- Think that you are not smaller but equal to the others. Say things that make other people feel good. If you say it outright, the other person will accept.
- Rely on a friend or trusted person when you feel like you can't handle it on your own. Fighting for yourself is not a lonely journey.
- If you find yourself in doubt when it comes to protecting yourself, put that aside and think about it later. Doubt only makes you fail. You have plenty of time to reflect after that protection.
- The desire to change how others see you and how you relate to them is important. If you're tired of just pleasing other people, then you're ready to start.
- Recognize sentences like "will not fight for oneself", "please others", "passive aggressive", "empath", "control", and others are codes for codependency, and if these apply to you, find sources for this subject, "Codependent No More", or other sources will help you deal with it.
- Try to redo the damage caused by the hardships of life. The fact is that everyone experiences it and what matters is how we respond to it that changes everything. Taking action can be as easy as making the decision to stop taking negative things personally, but for many people it will take a lot of work through negative thinking patterns and learning to divert them.
- Forgive the person who wronged you. It's easier to tell someone about your problem when you feel you need guidance if you don't have something about them.
Warning
- Avoid saying things like "I have to fight for myself". This shows that you are learning and not confident. don't give them a loophole. Let them think that you are confident.
- Don't worry about people who are more assertive. You can always suggest things they can do to help them, but you don't have to explain yourself, apologize or continue to take care of them. This is your life, keep fighting for yourself!
- Don't try to fit in with people trying to change you. Find people who accept you for who you are, and make sure they are good friends.
- This is a guide, not a rule. The rules are in your heart, coming from your experience and preferences. Take what fits, and ignore what doesn't.
- Know that sometimes, people who need to learn to fight for themselves will prove to be troublesome foes. You will soon realize their pain and weakness because it is like your experience but this is no excuse to weaken your guard and allow them to hurt or humiliate you. Help them if you can, but don't join their cycle of grief.
