Not everyone is able to respond to failure with a positive attitude. In fact, some people will consider themselves a disgraceful failure after experiencing one failure! If someone close to you is experiencing this, there are many things you can do to restore their confidence and help them move on with life. Try to remind him that everyone has experienced failure. That is why failure cannot be used as a benchmark to define one's identity. Help him to find more efficient ways to study to increase his success in the future. In addition, you can also help him find a more conducive learning location, and share learning strategies that have proven to be effective for you.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Helping Him Cope With Failure
Step 1. Remind him that everyone fails at some point
Failing an exam will have a greater impact on those who have never failed before. So try to remind him that everyone fails at some point, even if they don't tell anyone about it. Also remind him that he is just an ordinary person who does not escape failure!
You could say, "Don't worry, everyone fails at some point. You're not the only one who failed in our class. Honestly, everyone has experienced it at different times. You'll get through it!"
Step 2. Let him express all his emotions
Sometimes, humans just need to let out all their emotions, disappointments, and anger before they can truly move on with life. Be willing to listen to all his complaints without giving too many comments, and allow him to vent all the emotions that have been weighing him down after experiencing the failure.
Ask him to share his feelings with you, and allow him to talk until he is completely satisfied. You can say, “Don't be afraid to tell how you feel, okay? I'll definitely listen anyway, for as long as you need."
Step 3. Emphasize to him that his failures do not define who he is
Many people consider themselves a failed product after experiencing a failure. If you don't want your friend to feel the same way, try explaining that he failed only once, for one exam, in one subject. Thus, the failure does not necessarily make it a failed product; doesn't mean he will always fail throughout the semester!
You can say, "I know you must have a hard time forgetting this problem. But failing an exam doesn't necessarily make you a failed human being. Think of it as just a small pebble that will color your life's journey."
Step 4. Set a positive example
Shortly after experiencing a failure, some people tend to think of themselves as a failed product who will not be able to do everything well. If there's someone you know who failed an exam (or in a similar situation), but continued to be a success afterward, don't hesitate to share it with your friends! Remind him that positive things can also come his way as long as he is willing to persevere and keep trying.
For example, try saying, “You know John, right? He's known as the most successful alumnus of our school. Well, actually he also failed in the same test as you, you know. But after that, he can still be successful, right?"
Step 5. Ask him to rest
After experiencing failure, some people feel the need to immediately devote all their time to returning to learning. In fact, taking short breaks can clear his brain and improve his mental health. Therefore, ask him to take a break and do fun things like taking an afternoon walk or even keeping himself busy at home.
Try saying, “You want to go for a walk, don't you? Seriously, your brain will be clearer afterwards. You'll feel better too."
Step 6. Don't tease or ridicule her
Remember, failing a test can actually lower his self-esteem significantly. Even though he looks fine, it's likely that the bottom of his heart is harboring a very big disappointment. Never take the situation as a joke, or even compare its value to yours.
Method 2 of 3: Helping Her Move Forward
Step 1. Help him find more efficient ways to study
Ask him how long he has studied, how often he takes notes in class, and his dissatisfaction with his current learning system. After that, have him study the various study strategies summarized on the Princeton Review Help website and help him choose a strategy he has never tried. Trust me, using a new learning strategy can give different results.
Share learning strategies that work for you. For example, if you've always been studying with the help of picture cards, try teaching him the strategy and asking him to try it
Step 2. Ask him to set a time limit for grieving and being upset
Believe me, humans are more easily obsessed with failure than success. To prevent him from grieving for too long, ask him to set a time limit (for example, 24 hours) for whichever reaction he wants. Tell them that after the deadline is over, they should refocus on trying to move on with life and no longer feel burdened by failure.
Step 3. Help him to find a new study space
Ask where the location of the study so far. If the location is too noisy and full of distractions, help him find a new study space. For example, choose a quiet corner of his house and help him move tables and chairs to it. If she doesn't want to study at home, help her find a comfortable, quiet, and distraction-free coffee shop to make her new study location.
Step 4. Ask him to take additional courses or lessons
In fact, some people have difficulty studying alone. That's why they need help from others to understand certain material. Emphasize to him that the situation is perfectly normal. Encourage him to seek any help he needs, such as taking classes outside of school hours.
For example, encourage him to take additional lessons provided by his educational institution, or access online learning sites such as Zenius
Method 3 of 3: Helping Him Cope With Serious Failure
Step 1. Encourage him to contact his teacher immediately
If his failure has the potential to prevent him from graduating, make sure he contacts his teacher immediately. No matter how much regret or fear dominates his mind, explain to him that speaking to someone who can change his destiny as quickly as possible is the most important thing he should do right now.
For example, he could say, “Good afternoon, sir. If you have time, I'd like to discuss my last exam scores. To be honest, I was worried that the bad grades could keep me from graduating."
Step 2. Help him find a way to raise his complaint
Just walking up to the teacher and saying, "You've made me unable to graduate" won't have any positive impact on your friend. Therefore, try to role-play him to practice his words; put yourself in the shoes of a teacher and ask him to train his words in front of you.
- For example, she might say, “I'm really worried that my last test score will keep me from passing. I've studied all the materials and personal notes ahead of the exam, that's why I'm sure that the material that comes out in the exam isn't in any of the notes."
- Or, he could also say, “I feel like I've given a complete answer in the description section. You can see that I have marked the sentences that answer your question. Would you mind discussing the answers and my test scores?"
Step 3. Ask him to explain negative situations that affect his performance to his teacher
If your friend has a migraine during an exam or receives bad news just before the exam, it's likely that those situations will negatively affect her performance. Therefore, encourage him to help explain the root of the problem when discussing with his teacher.
For example, he could say, “During the exam, I didn't tell you because I didn't want to be seen as making excuses. But to be honest, I was really sick at the time and couldn't concentrate well."
Step 4. Encourage him to ask his teacher for a second chance
Some teachers have very rigid policies, especially regarding improving grades. However, if your friend is having a very serious problem, it's more likely that the situation will affect the teacher's policies. Therefore, try to encourage him to take remedial exams or do any assignments to increase his test scores.
For example, your friend might say, "May I take a remedial exam?" or "Is there anything I can do to increase my test scores? I'm afraid this will affect my chances of passing."
Step 5. Ask him to stay calm
When faced with a negative situation that could potentially thwart his entire academic vision, it's natural for him to feel irritated or compelled to say bad things to his teacher. Therefore, encourage him to remain calm and polite during the meeting.
Practicing a conversation that will take place long ago is also effective in helping him control himself on the D-day, you know! Try offering to take on the role of his teacher and allow him to let go of all his frustrations on you
Tips
- Show a supportive attitude. Being supportive, understanding, caring, and easy-going is the best approach you deserve.
- Be patient. If you are able to be understanding and appreciative, he will gradually respond to your help and encouragement in a more positive manner.
Warning
- Do not be angry. Save your disappointment. Trust me, voicing what you demand of the person is not going to help him. Often, this attitude will erode the other person's confidence and make the situation worse.
- Don't keep complaining. Don't be superior either, as if you are far greater than him. Trust me, that kind of attitude shows that you lack empathy. Most likely, your attitude will actually make him hate you. As a result, he will be even more rebellious and driven to thwart everything just to annoy you.
