Hitting other people is a normal developmental stage of children. Most children will be taught not to hit other people. Parents who want to teach their child how to stop hitting others should consider the source of the beating, the reason for the beating, and try teaching something else instead of hitting. Be aware that spanking can be difficult to control at times, most of the time teaching is done when the child is calm.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Understanding Your Child's Reasons for Hitting
Step 1. Consider the normal development of the child
Babies generally explore the world by biting and hitting objects around them. Hands and teeth are children's first social tools. Children learn to use both to explore and see the reactions they receive.
- Biting and hitting is most common at 18-30 months of age, when a child's language is still developing.
- Biting usually stops as a child's language develops, but spanking usually continues for several years into early childhood.
Step 2. Learn why your child hits
If your child hits in a certain environment, such as at home or in kindergarten, look at those places to see what causes the behavior. Perhaps the child's behavior is a form of non-verbal communication.
- Most children have little patience when tired. Recall whether hitting occurs at certain times or situations.
- Consider the possibility that the child is simply responding to unkind behavior. Teasing and bullying are often subtle and the child doesn't know how to respond. If this is the case, you will need to explain the behavior as you try to teach something else as a substitute for hitting.
Step 3. Remember that anger is natural
Teaching children to recognize their feelings is very important. Anger, frustration, jealousy are all natural and normal feelings. Never make your child feel embarrassed about their feelings, even if you're trying to teach them something else instead of spanking.
- Pay attention to how you respond to your feelings and anger. Use this moment to help teach your child not to hit. For example, if you are angry with someone, use your hand as a puppet. Say "Okay, hands. You feel angry, but don't hit, okay?” This may sound silly, but your child will understand what it means.
- Using words to identify your feelings will help your child relate the words to their feelings. Express anger, sadness, or frustration clearly so your child learns that these feelings are normal and natural. Follow up by stating that you will help your child feel better. For example, say, “I feel angry, but I will calm down again after 5 breaths of relief.”
Method 2 of 2: Giving Substitute Hitting
Step 1. Be a role model for non-aggressive behavior
Use non-aggressive behavior to cope with difficult situations as an important tool for educating children. If you see your child hitting a toy or doll, encourage the child to be gentler. Be a role model by teaching your children to “pat the baby” or “hug the puppy”.
- If your child sees other people hitting each other (both children and adults) they may think hitting is okay. If you want to teach your children not to spank, make sure that no one in your household is hitting each other, anytime, anywhere.
- Grasping is aggressive behavior in young children, and sometimes leads to spanking. If your child takes things from someone else, guide it by teaching other ways of communicating.
Step 2. Perform an angry substitute response skit
When the child is calm, invite him to play a role to teach the anger response. Blowing soap bubbles will help train your child to take deep breaths. A red stop sign can help your child stop and think of a substitute for hitting. Provide a safe place for the child to calm down.
- There are children's educational books that teach how to replace aggressive behavior that can be read together. For example, the book Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi uses simple words and attractive pictures.
- Train your child to ask for time off or physical activity that eliminates the urge to hit another child. For example, if your child needs physical activity, allow him to run in a fenced area (such as a backyard or schoolyard) to release excess energy from anger so he doesn't hit another child.
Step 3. Make a plan with the child
Involve the child in making plans about what to do instead of hitting another child. Come up with a phrase you agree with that marks the start of the plan, such as “Remember, don't hit” or “That's enough, let's go.” This phrase is not to embarrass the child, but to remind the child of the plan.
- Don't use too many words when your child is sad.
- Make sure you stay calm while executing the plan. You are not punishing, but educating.
- Stick to the plan. This will encourage the child's confidence and help him feel safe.
Step 4. Sort your words
Don't argue when your child is sad. Instead, use observational words, such as "You look sad" or "You seem angry." This will help your child learn these words with feelings. If the child denies, don't argue. Wait for your child to calm down, while making sure he is safe.
- Remember that you are the controller of your child's external emotions while the control of your child's internal emotions is developing. Keep your thoughts and words calm.
- Don't make your child feel guilty about his feelings. Praise if the child can refrain from hitting.
Step 5. Encourage the child not to hit
If your child tends to spank in crowded and noisy places, avoid those places if possible. If your child is having a hard time being at a birthday party, attend only briefly with close supervision.
- Provide tools to distract the child in difficult situations. Children will feel safe if they have toys, breathing exercises, and a safe place to cool off.
- Practice using these tools beforehand and make sure your child can access them. Toys are useless if they are kept in a bag. Look for toys that will fit in a child's pocket, or items designed specifically for chewing.
Step 6. Prepare the child for the situation to be faced
Tell things that might happen, for example who will be there, what will be done. Then, talk about what to do if your child feels aggressive. Make a clear plan, and stick to it.
- Consider rewarding for not hitting in situations where the child is very stressful. For example, if the birthday party is too much for the child, give the child a toy as a reward for not hitting at the party.
- Teach good touch. Give a "high-5" to teach the child how to touch a child or other good adult. Practice this method beforehand.
Step 7. Do not fulfill the child's wishes
If the child learns that he can get away with hitting another child, the child will continue this behavior. To teach a child not to hit, the best response is not to fulfill his desire after the child has hit. If your child hits because he wants a toy, don't give him the toy.
- Use empathetic words to share her sadness about not being given a toy. It is natural for children to feel sad.
- Don't use harsh or angry words if your child continues his or her desires. Do not obey, but also do not scold the child. Remember that this anger will pass.
- Maintaining your boundaries will provide a sense of security and comfort for your child in the long run. If you comply with the child's wishes, regardless of his behavior, you are not providing a sense of security for the child.
Tips
- Always praise the child for not hitting. If you interact with your child only when they make a mistake, this bad behavior will continue.
- Make sure your child knows that you love him even if you hit someone else. Parents always love their children regardless of their behavior.
Warning
- Anger is the most difficult emotion to control. Children will still make mistakes even though they have learned new behaviors.
- Don't expect your child to use his words when he's angry.
