Death, addiction, financial problems, mental illness, divorce or separation, or problems that arise during transition are all problems that can affect a family. These problems may not be resolved properly, especially with the presence of a stressful event or when a family's mind and energy are completely exhausted. This will lead to discord, tension, and hatred between family members. Family conflict can damage each individual in it. Solve your family problems with effective problem solving skills.
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Part 1 of 2: Developing Effective Problem-Solving Skills
Step 1. Schedule time to talk one table with the whole family
Sometimes family problems do seem very difficult to deal with and overcome. However, all problems will be more easily resolved if all parties work together. The first step in problem solving is to agree that there is a problem that needs to be solved. Then, once the anger has cooled, everyone has to plan a discussion and come up with a strategy to solve the problem at hand.
- Schedule this consultation at a time that is convenient for all parties. Inform the purpose of this consultation to all parties. Also let them know that you want everyone's suggestions and solutions ready when they arrive.
- Remember that the presence of small children can interfere with the course of a meeting. Gather the kids in another room if you think this discussion is going to be heated or there's sensitive information to talk about.
- Therapists recommend regular family counseling. In this way, each family member can convey their respective problems before hatred arises. Speak regularly with your family to increase communication and affection.
Step 2. Focus on the problem at hand
When at odds, people tend to bring up any and every unresolved issue they've ever had with the other party. This interferes with the resolution of conflicts and makes the purpose of the consultations blurry.
Try to find things that are really important about the problem at hand. This problem will not be solved if you judge people or bring up old problems
Step 3. Ask everyone to be honest and open
Open communication plays an important role in effective conflict resolution. All parties should use statements starting with "I" to convey their respective needs, wants, and interests.
- Remember that you are trying to reduce the conflict and open up a solution. Statements that begin with "I" make it easier for all parties to say whatever they want to say while still respecting the other party who is listening. With a statement like that, everyone will admit that what they are saying is their own feeling. At the same time, everyone will find it easier to find solutions to the problems at hand.
- Example of an "I" statement: "I am concerned that our family is in the process of breaking up. I would like us to discuss this matter." Or, "I'm scared when dad drinks a lot because he gets grumpy. I actually have a urge to stop drinking."
Step 4. Listen without interrupting
When solving a problem, all parties need to listen carefully to what the other party has to say so that agreement can be reached. You can understand what someone is saying only if you actively listen to what he or she is saying. To listen actively, you need to pay attention to the person's tone of voice and body language; let him talk without interruption or other distractions; and re-paraphrase what he said after he's finished, to make sure your understanding is correct.
If you listen effectively, the other person will feel valued, the other party will also be motivated to listen to you, and harsh arguments and strong feelings will melt away. In addition, your relationship with other people will improve
Step 5. Validate and respect each party's point of view
That is, show others that you listen, respect, and accept their thoughts, opinions, or beliefs. Of course, your own opinion may differ, but validation shows that you value the other person as a person of integrity and deserves respect.
You can validate other family members by saying something like this: "I'm glad that you trust me enough to say this" or "I appreciate your good work in resolving this issue."
Step 6. Negotiate a solution
After everyone has expressed their needs, wants, and interests, try to come up with a solution. Pay attention to everything that has been said by each party and find a middle ground. Each party present must feel that the solution presented is good. If necessary, write a written contract or agreement outlining the solution to the problem.
Step 7. Seek professional help
If you can't solve this problem on your own, consult a family therapist who can provide advice on how to solve your problem.
Part 2 of 2: Recognizing Barriers to Communication
Step 1. Be aware of how each family member deals with problems
One of the obstacles that may be present when solving family problems is the differences in each family member in dealing with stress or pressure. This difference should be taken seriously; To solve problems, everyone needs to face the problem consciously.
- When faced with a problem, some people will become angry and defensive. This is the "opponent" aspect of the natural, "fight or flight" physiological response. These people will defy any responsibility placed on them. Maybe they won't listen to the other party's point of view either.
- Others will use the "blurred" aspect. These people will run away from the conflict as much as possible. They will argue that the problem actually exists, or they will assume that no solution can be presented. Such family members will pretend that there are no problems in their family or even ignore the effects of the problems their family is experiencing.
Step 2. Be aware of, but control, your feelings
Emotional awareness will make you understand that you and the other person have feelings for each other. If you find it difficult to determine your own feelings, you will also find it difficult to control your emotions or express your interests when something goes wrong.
- First of all, determine your own feelings. Pay attention to what thoughts go through your head, how you feel in your body, and what actions you want to take. For example, you might think, "I hate this family." Your hands are clenched and you want to hit stuff. Such strong emotions are called anger or hate.
- Then, try to control and calm those strong feelings so you can solve the problem effectively. Depending on how you feel, do other activities to reduce your discomfort. For example, if you are sad, watch a funny movie. If you're angry, find a friend to chat with or engage in intense physical activity.
Step 3. Fight your urge to blame people
You will only make the other person defensive if you accuse the other person of being the source of the problem. This will make it difficult to exchange useful information for solving problems. Attack the problem, not the person. You can love and respect the other person without liking everything he does. If you are blaming someone else for this problem, it will be difficult to solve it.
