Sexuality is now appearing in various media, especially through television, radio, internet, books, magazines, and various other media. Therefore, abstinence (abstinence to have sex) can be difficult to practice. Keeping focus, communicating with your partner, and finding healthy ways to channel your sexual desires can help make your abstinence successful.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Keeping Focus
Step 1. Remind yourself why you chose abstinence
It's hard to maintain abstinence in an age filled with sexuality. If you have any doubts, remind yourself why you chose abstinence in the first place. This can strengthen your resolve.
- People choose abstinence for a variety of reasons. Some people choose not to have sex for religious reasons, while others feel they are not ready to have sex. Some people may have had sexual intercourse and want to stop for a while. Whatever the reason, all of these reasons should be appreciated if they feel right to you.
- Sometimes, writing down your thoughts can help. Write down why you choose to abstain regularly to remind and reassure yourself that you've made the right decision.
Step 2. Know the benefits of abstinence
When you feel weak or depressed, remember all the benefits of abstinence. This can help you make up your mind.
- Abstinence has many health benefits. This is the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. From a mental health perspective, abstinence relieves anxiety and depression from having sex too soon or with people who don't feel right.
- Abstinence can also strengthen the emotional aspect of a relationship. When you don't focus on the physical aspects of a relationship, it can sometimes lead to deeper conversations. You can get to know your partner better by delaying sexual intercourse.
- Many people also feel that they can concentrate more on their career, education, or otherwise by not focusing on sexual activity.
Step 3. Maintain willpower during situations that encourage your sexual desire
Unfortunately, in today's modern society, sexuality is difficult to avoid. Movies and television shows are used to showing sensual scenes. If you are dating someone, sometimes situations are very encouraging to both of you physically. During this situation, stay strong and stay determined.
- If it's too difficult, get out of the situation. If the television show scene is too sexual, change the channel. If you're making out with your partner and get really excited, take a break.
- If you are very tempted to have sex, ask yourself a few questions. What will happen if I have sex with this person? Am I really going to feel good? Is my abstinence worth breaking? Am I ready to have sex? Does he make me feel depressed?
Step 4. Get help
Joining like-minded people can help you stay focused. Seek support from fellow abstinence practitioners.
- If abstinence is carried out for religious reasons, many places of worship hold meetings or seminars to discuss the benefits of abstinence. Try attending this meeting and exchanging phone numbers between abstinence practitioners. You can hang out outside the house of worship activities and keep your attention away from sex.
- There are several forums on the internet that discuss abstinence. If you feel uncomfortable discussing abstinence in person, try channeling it online. This method helps if you don't practice abstinence for religious reasons.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with Couples
Step 1. State your decisions and boundaries openly
If you have a partner/lover, talk about clear boundaries. Tell why you chose abstinence and clarify the expectations and limits set.
- It's important to talk directly to your partner. Many people do not understand why someone would practice abstinence and how they can suppress their sexual desire. Explain why abstinence is important to you to your partner, why you do it, and the impact it will have on your relationship.
- There are several levels of abstinence. Some people don't want to have physical contact, including kissing and holding hands. Others still want to kiss, make out, and touch lightly but do not reach orgasm. There are also people who adopt an "everything except" approach, simply abstaining from activities that involve genital touching or penetration. Explain your boundaries to your partner and what types of touch are allowed.
- Your partner may be hesitant to support you so talk about activities you enjoy in lieu of sex. Tell your plans for a fun date that limits sexual temptation. You can hike together, volunteer together, and attend events with friends and family members that can help you stay away from temptation and respect each other's boundaries.
Step 2. Find other ways to have sex
There are many ways to have intimacy without sexual activity. Here are some examples of activities that can make you feel intimate without having sex:
- Chatting will help you pass the time. You can even spend time together by talking to each other and discussing various topics.
- Touch can help your intimacy. Hugging, holding hands, kissing, and other casual physical interactions with your partner can build intimacy without sexual activity.
Step 3. Recognize disrespect
Sometimes, abstinence is underestimated by others. If your partner shows disrespect, it means he or she doesn't deserve your love. Know how to recognize signs of disrespect.
- No one can force you to have sex. If your partner says, “If you love me, you'll want to have sex with me”, or “If we don't have sex, other people will think you're weird” and you feel depressed. If your partner disagrees about abstinence, he or she should acknowledge your boundaries without judgment.
- If you continue to be pressured to have sex, especially in a judgmental way, just end the relationship. Don't be in a relationship with people who don't value your worth.
Part 3 of 3: Coping With Sexual Desire
Step 1. Masturbate
Masturbation can be an easy way to overcome sexual desire. Regular masturbation can be a healthy activity that helps you to experience abstinence.
- Masturbation is good for mental and physical health. People who masturbate regularly tend to feel comfortable with their bodies and are less stressed. You will also be more familiar with how the body works, especially in the pubic area. That is, if there is an abnormality, you can detect it.
- People can masturbate only with their hands (rubbing, touching, or rubbing the genitals). Not the standard way of masturbating, just do what feels comfortable to you. There are also people who use equipment, such as dildos, to enhance the sensation. These kits can be purchased online or at sex shops.
- Sexual fantasies can enhance the masturbation experience. You can watch or read erotic stories to build the atmosphere.
Step 2. Channel your sexual energy into other activities
Many people are able to restrain their sexual energy by doing other activities. Try some of the following activities to ease your sexual desire:
- Dance
- Sport
- Shop
- Cook
- Play video games
- Other preferred activities.
Step 3. Engage in sensual, but not sexual, activities
You and your partner can have sex without sex. However, some people find it difficult to hold back after undressing. If you are strong enough, perhaps some of the following activities can be useful:
- A deep and passionate kiss
- cuddle
- Taking a bath together
- mutual masturbation
Tips
- Communication is very important in a relationship. Be open to your partner about your sexual desires and how these desires change over time.
- Try wearing an abstinence ring or bracelet as a daily reminder of your determination.
- Don't be shy and be confident. There's nothing wrong with abstinence and you shouldn't feel like you have to defend yourself to anyone.
