In the world of biological reproduction, asexuality means that an organism can produce offspring that are exactly the same as its parent. However, when it comes to human sexuality, asexuality means that a person has no sexual attraction. When trying to understand asexuality, it's important to remember that someone who claims to be asexual isn't that much different from you, other than the fact that he experiences (or rather, doesn't experience) sexual attraction in a different way.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Understanding Asexuality
Step 1. Learn what asexual means
Asexuality is a sexual orientation which means that a person does not feel sexual attraction to people of any gender. However, someone who claims to be asexual can still have sex, can still love, and can still have romantic relationships with other people or get married, and can still have relationships like everyone else. Asexuality does not describe a person's behavior, but rather the person's feelings. Asexual people have emotional needs, feel attracted to others, and can even be passionate. They just aren't sexually attracted to other people.
- There are also many asexual people who still claim to be lesbian, gay, normal, bisexual, or pansexual (who like people of any gender or sexual orientation).
- Asexuality is not the same as having low arousal which may be due to a medical or health issue. Asexual is also not the same as suppressing one's sexual desires.
Step 2. Understand the terms involved in asexuality
As with other sexual orientations, the label asexual is a generalization that does not explain or represent everyone who claims to be. Every human being is unique and individual. Sexual orientation manifests in a spectrum according to needs, passions, interests, and attractions. Think of asexuality as a general term describing people who claim to be asexual, gray asexual, and demisexual.
- Gray asexual means a person feels sexual attraction, but not very often or very rarely.
- A demisexual is someone who only feels sexual attraction to people who have built a strong emotional bond.
Step 3. Distinguish asexuality from abstinence and celibacy
Restraint is a conscious choice to refrain from sexual activity, whereas celibacy is a conscious choice to refrain from sexual activity and marriage (or relationships such as marriage). These choices may be based on religious, philosophical, moral, or other reasons. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, but not a lack of sexual desire. This means that asexual people can also:
- Refrain from lust or celibacy.
- Sexually active through masturbation.
- Be sexually active with a partner.
Step 4. Learn what's not about asexuality
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is different from heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, and other orientations. However, asexuality also has nothing to do with biological sex, gender identity, or gender expression. Being asexual doesn't mean you're romantic, which means you don't feel romantically attracted to anyone.
Part 2 of 2: Dating Asexual People
Step 1. Realize that there are different types of relationships
Just as friendship relationships, mother-daughter relationships, father-son relationships, and the various types of platonic (nonsensual) relationships, there are many other types of romantic relationships besides romantic sexual relationships. Dating an asexual person may open your eyes to new types of relationships that can include:
- Nonsexual romantic relationships that often include physical affection, affection, and commitment.
- A nonsexual, aromatic relationship that includes a deep commitment to one another. While these relationships may involve physical affection, there is no sexual or romantic element.
Step 2. Communicate openly
Whatever the situation, the goal of dating is to get to know someone better, and dating someone who is asexual makes no difference. The key to any relationship is free and open communication. Discuss physical boundaries early on in the relationship so your partner knows what is acceptable, what is not, and what is or is not expected from your partner. If you're not sure about something, you should always ask!
Don't be offended if someone you're dating admits to being asexual. He's not making excuses or trying to break up. Your boyfriend is just trying to be honest and open
Step 3. Understand that asexual people can be intimate too
Asexual people often enter into romantic relationships, but the desire for physical or sexual intercourse depends on the person. Dating doesn't always require physical or sexual interaction, and two people can build a strong emotional or romantic relationship with or without a sexual element. Intimacy is not just physical touch or sexual activity.
- Asexual partners may or may not want to have sexual activity. So, discuss this issue so that both parties understand each other. Feeling sexual satisfaction is different from feeling sexual attraction, and some asexual people can still enjoy sex.
- On the other hand, some asexual people are not interested in sex at all, and will not want to have sex.
Step 4. Don't expect asexual people to change
Asexuality is not a choice or a preference, just as heterosexuality and homosexuality are. Asexuality is not a problem or disorder, and is not the result of torture or violence. People who claim to be asexual do not need to be healed and will not change to follow their partners.
Some asexual people are not interested in romantic relationships and may be more interested in close friendships or nonsexual, aromatic relationships
Tips
- The asexual flag consists of four equal-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are black, gray, white, and purple.
- Ace is a term often used to refer to asexual people, and as a result the ace of spades, hearts, diamonds, and curls are sometimes also used as symbols of asexuality.
- Keep in mind that acknowledging your own sexuality is not a decision that can be made easily, and if someone admits to being asexual to you, it means that person truly trusts you. You have to realize that nothing has changed, other than knowing something new.
