Having calm means being able to be calm, authoritative, and elegant when socializing. In order to become a calm person, you need to increase your self-confidence, be a pleasant person to talk to, and be able to control yourself in difficult situations.
Method 1 of 3: Boost Confidence
Step 1. Accept yourself
You will stay calm if you have confidence because the two influence each other. Accepting yourself is one way to increase your self-esteem so that you feel confident and stay calm.
- Write down all your strengths and things you would like to improve, including your personality, personality, and appearance. After that, accept every aspect of yourself by saying, “I accept my talkative nature. I accept my quick-tempered nature.”
- In addition, you can use self-affirmation, for example by saying to yourself, “I accept myself completely. I accept myself for who I am, how I look, who I was in the past, now and in the future.”
Step 2. Believe in yourself
The way you see yourself affects your actions and your ability to show composure. Learn to trust yourself so that you can develop self-confidence. This means believing that you are a positive person who has fun things to share. Apart from that, you also need to do things that make you believe in yourself.
- Use visualization to cultivate self-confidence. Close your eyes and imagine that you have become a confident and calm person. Where were you at that time? What do you feel? What do you think? What are you doing?
- Think positive things about yourself. If you are feeling anxious or having negative thoughts, change the situation. Change your mind by saying to yourself, “I can do it. I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I believe in myself.”
- Have an authoritative posture. The body language we display can affect how we see ourselves. Authoritative posture is done by making your body look bigger (over a wider area), instead of getting smaller (indicating a lack of confidence). Stand up with your feet apart and on your hips. Look for examples of other authoritative postures online.
Step 3. Focus on your strengths
Paying attention to the positive aspects that you have is one way to increase your confidence and calm when socializing. In this way, it is easier for others to accept you.
- Write down all your achievements. Did your paper get an A? Are you a great swimmer and have you ever won a medal?
- Think of ways to use strength to promote calm.
Step 4. Believe that you will succeed
Whatever situation you are in, what you think will affect the outcome, it can be good or bad. People who believe that something bad will happen are actually influencing themselves so that bad results occur. For example, if you're worried that you'll say something embarrassing or wrong in a meeting, that thought will make you even more anxious that you'll say the wrong thing. In conclusion, you create the result you want to avoid yourself.
Instead of thinking about what will happen or the worst-case scenario, focus on the event that you want. Instead of thinking, “Hope I didn't say anything wrong,” think of something positive, for example, “I will speak clearly and fluently. I will be calm and confident. I can do it.” These positive thoughts will reduce negative feelings and increase the likelihood of positive results
Step 5. Get social support
Supportive relationships make you more empowered and able to increase self-confidence. This will foster a sense of connectedness, belonging, and acceptance.
- If you are feeling sad or insecure, share this with a friend or family member. Often, other people can help you see the good in you, improve your mood, and put your mind at ease. Knowing that others support and trust you is very beneficial and can increase your self-confidence.
- Ask yourself if you have been in a relationship with supportive people. Social interactions should help you become a more positive person and stronger at dealing with stress. Try to keep your distance from people who belittle or belittle you as this tends to make you less confident. Break free from harmful relationships and start building relationships with supportive people.
Method 2 of 3: Be Fun to Talk to
Step 1. Develop yourself by studying various topics
Comfortable interactions with other people show that you are a confident and calm person. Conversations are easier when you master many skills and understand the various topics as the subject of the conversation.
- Read a book in the library, for example: history, science, sociology, psychology, or whatever you like.
- Search the internet for information and consult reputable websites for the latest news.
- Read online (online) or sheet newspapers to find out what is going on in the community and events around the world. This will make it easier for you to start the conversation by asking, “Recently there is news about ____ What do you think?”
- Explore new hobbies and activities, for example: playing music, dancing, practicing yoga, rock climbing, surfing, diving, painting, drawing, or singing. That way, you have lots of activities to talk about when meeting new people. Who knows he also has the same interests.
Step 2. Be a good listener
When hanging out with friends, make an effort to listen to the other person talking, rather than wanting to direct the conversation. People usually like to be heard and look for friends who will listen to them talk.
- Relax, take deep breaths, and talk like you're chatting with the people closest to you.
- Ask questions and show interest. Focus only on the other person and his or her experiences, instead of thinking about what you have to say. Be fully aware of what is happening right now.
- Ask questions that provoke explanations, instead of just answering “yes” or “no”. This makes the conversation more fluid and more enjoyable.
- Show that you are actively listening to build mutual understanding and trust. One way to show that you are listening to the other person is to express what you understand from the information he has just shared, for example by saying, “Hearing your story earlier, it sounds like you are upset with your sister. Is that true?"
- Provide feedback and show empathy, for example by saying, “Sounds like you have a really big problem. I can understand if you feel hurt in a situation like this.”
Step 3. Focus on the positive
You'll come off as a complaining person and can't calm down if you talk too much about negative things. Therefore, focus the conversation only on positive subjects so that others see your elegant and charming demeanor.
- Ask positive questions, for example by asking the other person to talk about the good and fun things that have just happened to him.
- Don't discuss politics and religion unless you are discussing it with someone who shares the same mentality and is open to the subject.
Step 4. Be assertive when communicating
Being assertive means respecting others and yourself while expressing your feelings and thoughts wisely and being able to control yourself. Assertive communication will feel familiar, open, and comfortable.
- One way to be assertive is to understand other people and their situations while respecting yourself when expressing your needs and wants, for example by saying, “What a great idea. How about we do it together?”
- Show assertiveness through body language. Make proper eye contact (don't keep staring, but don't look away, shift your gaze by occasionally looking elsewhere). Just relax, but don't let your body appear smaller (because you're bending over) or too big (because you're standing on your hips).
- Do not communicate by being aggressive, for example: insulting others, scolding, or shouting.
- Expressing your feelings or thoughts to the other person, even though you know you're going to hurt them, is also a form of aggressive communication. There are things that are better left unsaid, such as negative comments about someone's appearance or actions. These words and actions show that you are aggressive and make others see that you are losing your temper.
- In some cities, there are personality courses that teach social skills.
Method 3 of 3: Self Control
Step 1. Calm yourself by breathing deeply
In order to be a calm person, you must be able to control yourself when faced with difficult or upsetting situations. Instead of responding impulsively, such as throwing things or cursing at someone, try to stay calm by calming yourself down and taking deep breaths or removing yourself from a problematic situation in an elegant way, for example by saying goodbye to the restroom.
If you can be alone, do deep breathing exercises to calm yourself down. Take a deep breath in through your nose and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on your breath and the sensations you are experiencing, such as feeling your body relax. End the exercise when you have calmed down again
Step 2. Make observations
Being aware of what you are responding to is an important aspect of being able to control yourself. Change the way you respond to certain situations and show a calm demeanor by observing what is going on.
- Ask yourself, “What am I dealing with? What do I think and feel because of this situation? Is this incident in line with the pattern that I have experienced so far? Do I feel upset because of the current situation or because it reminds me of another incident that hurt me?”
- Look thoroughly. Observe from afar as if you were looking at the view from a helicopter flying high. What is the full picture you see? Is this situation still as important after 1 month, 6 months, or a year from now? You may find that this situation doesn't affect your life in the long run.
Step 3. Use the most appropriate method
Think ahead about how to deal with negative emotions to ensure that you can keep yourself in control when faced with a difficult situation. Decide how to deal with negative emotions that works best for you.
For example, if you get angry quickly if someone disagrees with you during a discussion, anticipate it by preparing ways to deal with negative emotions, for example by breathing deeply, counting to 10, or reminding yourself that everyone is allowed to have a different opinion and this doesn't mean they don't like you or think you're stupid
- Don't make changes you don't want.
- Pay attention to people who are calm so you can do the same.