Change is one aspect of life that is impossible for us to avoid, but that doesn't mean that change is a bad thing. A wise man once said "In order to change things, you have to change yourself first". If you want to be successful, use the power you have to change, even if it takes time and dedication.
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Method 1 of 3: Changing Yourself for the Better
Step 1. Recognize that every change is meaningful if it comes from within
If you don't believe in yourself to change, no one can change you. Real change must be driven by your own desire to be better, feel better, and have a positive outlook on life. Change can be scary at times, but the easy way to change is to love and believe in yourself.
Think back to the big changes you've been through. Is this experience really that scary? How well are you coping with this change? What can you learn from this experience?
Step 2. Get in the habit of using positive affirmations
A positive outlook on life and the future is the most important thing in determining change. First of all, you have to change the way you see yourself in order to make a change. For example, you will only run into obstacles if you want to improve your love life, but always believe that "I am not worthy of love." Get rid of these negative thoughts by practicing repeating positive sentences every day, for example: “I love myself”, “I can do it”, “I can change”.
Don't punish yourself or feel disappointed for having negative thoughts. Instead, replace them with opposite positive thoughts. If you're thinking "No woman likes me", counter it with "I haven't met a woman who suits me."
Step 3. Take care of your body and mind to make it easier to change
Even if your goals have nothing to do with your body, it will be easier to change yourself for the better if you are healthy and happy. Get in the habit of eating a balanced diet, sleeping 6-7 hours every night, and doing activities that you enjoy to relieve stress.
Step 4. Decide on the behavior or thoughts you want to change
Don't judge or feel disappointed because of your mistakes. This is the time to look at your behavior neutrally to determine what you really want to change about yourself. There is always a reason why someone wants to change, and this is what you should explore because change is easier to make if there is a clear motivation. Try asking yourself the following questions:
- Does the current state make me happy?
- What are the facts, not my feelings, about this situation?
- Why do I want to change?
- What is the purpose?
Step 5. Create an action plan
Make a specific, goal-oriented plan. Setting some small goals that are easier to accomplish is a way of "tricking" the brain into thinking that this task is easier to do. This way, you will be more committed to a bigger goal. For example, let's say you want to improve your love life and become a more courageous person. Big goals of "changing love life" will feel easier to achieve by setting smaller goals.
- Step 1: Think about what you want from your partner. Make a list of what makes you attracted and uninterested in someone.
- Step 2: Think about what caused your relationship to fail in the past. Go to the gym, clean your house, or focus on improving your chances of making a new relationship.
- Step 3: Make a commitment to go to the gym and social activities at least once a week or try to find a date through an online dating agency.
- Step 4: Ask someone out on a date. Whatever the answer, accept it and keep trying.
Step 6. Start making small changes before making big changes
If you want to get rid of the habit of eating junk food, it will be very difficult if you decide to stop eating pizza, drinking soda, eating cake, candy, and fast food all at once. Reduce gradually so you can feel the success from the start and gradually get used to the big changes. For example, try starting to break the habit of drinking soda. After a week or two, omit the pizza, then the sweets, etc.
Make a schedule to make it easier for you to check. If you write that you want to stop eating pizza starting April 20th, chances are you can actually stop instead of simply saying "I want to stop eating pizza."
Step 7. Set small goals each day
What activities should you at least do every day for change to occur? This is different from long-term goals or plans because these targets will shape your mindset every day so that you are directed to the changes you want. If you want to change your love life, set a goal to have conversations with people you don't know every day, whether on the bus or at work. This will get you into the habit of pursuing a bigger goal without feeling stressed or afraid.
This target can be low, as long as there is a certain size you must achieve. It's okay to target 10 push ups every day, but you are free to do it up to 100 times
Step 8. Keep your plans to yourself
This is contrary to popular opinion which says that goals will be more easily achieved if they are told to others. However, several studies have shown that people actually become less motivated after announcing their plans because this reduces the satisfaction of achieving them. This rule does not apply in group work because working together to achieve goals will usually make everyone more excited.
Writing down goals and motivations and then keeping them to yourself is a great way to “announce” your plans so you can change without having to tell them anything
Step 9. Simplify your life
Sometimes, change means leaving things that are no longer relevant to do. This way, you can focus on what really matters by channeling your energy into things that make you healthier and happier. Take a good look at your life and think about what doesn't matter anymore. What activities have made you unhappy? Are there any pending projects or appointments? Is there a way to remove stress from your life?
- Start by tidying up the little things, like sorting email in your inbox, canceling a newspaper subscription you never read, adjusting your schedule, etc.
- Make a plan that can give you more time to focus on yourself so that there is free time to change for the better.
Step 10. Be patient and know that change is not easy and takes time
Otherwise, everyone will easily change. Make a commitment to change in a few months for it to happen. Be prepared to face doubts, go back to the old ways, and change your mind because this is common. However, you are unlikely to change if you immediately give up when faced with a problem.
- Get used to the changes for 4-5 months until a brain neural network is formed that lasts a lifetime.
- Keep your goals in mind when facing adversity. How long it will take you to achieve it is not important, your goal is what matters.
Method 2 of 3: Forming Better Habits
Step 1. Form a group with friends who support the new habit
It's easier to form new habits if someone is willing to work with you. You can both keep an eye on each other, remind each other of goals, and support each other in times of adversity. If it's hard to make friends like this, search the internet for support groups or communities. There are forums and meetings for anyone with any habit, from wanting to be free from drug addiction to making art once a week.
- Invite friends to quit smoking.
- Find a workout partner to keep you motivated at the gym.
- Make a commitment to send a new chapter, poem, or idea to a pen pal once a week.
Step 2. Get into a new habit every day
However, there are exceptions to this as you don't need to lift weights without resting on any given day. However, new habits will become part of your daily life the more you do it.
- Look for easy ways to practice every day. If you can't lift weights every day, you can go to the gym and jog for 20-30 minutes.
- This also applies to bad habits, but in the opposite direction. Bad habits that you do every day (smoking, eating junk food, lying) will be increasingly difficult to break. Try to avoid these temptations one by one.
Step 3. Do a new activity or habit at the same time every day
Know how great your body is. By doing the same activity at the same time and/or place every day, your brain and body begin to recognize these activities and are ready to do them as a habit. This conditioning process is very useful for anyone who wants to form new habits and can be used anywhere. Routine is a good friend in forming habits.
- Schedule going to the gym at the same time each week.
- Prepare a special room or desk for study/work every night.
Step 4. Merge new habits with old routines
Instead of saying "I'm going to fix the house", try saying "every time I get home from work, I'm going to fix one room in the house". This method can be a trigger because you will remember having to clean up every time you get home.
You can also use this method to get rid of bad habits. If you always smoke outdoors at work, don't go there to avoid being tempted to light a cigarette
Step 5. Remove obstacles
It will be more difficult to quit smoking if there is always a box of cigarettes in your trouser pocket. Similar to implementing a healthy diet, it will be easier if there are healthy menu choices for lunch. Try to find the thought processes that can thwart bad habits by thinking about ways to remove these obstacles, for example by:
- Throw away cigarettes.
- Bring healthy food to the office for lunch.
- Exercising after work, instead of before, so as not to sweat in the office.
- Always carry a pencil and paper with you ready to write down ideas, stories, or other works of art.
Step 6. Recognize that there is no fixed time to form a new habit
Some people say that habits will form in 21 days, but this is not true. Everyone needs different time. Researchers have proven that habits can actually form automatically after 66 days, not 21 days. This means, it's not your fault if you find it difficult to form habits. But, you also need to have more than 2-3 weeks of motivation.
- Don't worry if you miss a day, you still have 65 days left. One day brings only small changes.
- Focus on the end goal, not on the number of days you have to live to achieve it.
Method 3 of 3: Changing Life's Purpose
Step 1. Draw a concrete picture of the life you want
Making major changes, such as ending a relationship or changing jobs, will usually only do bad things because you don't know what will happen next. Uncertainty can be crippling if you don't try to figure out what you want. No one has to know everything, including you, but there must be a vision of how you want to change.
- What do you want to eliminate from your daily life?
- What do you want to improve?
- How do you see yourself 1 year after changing?
- What do you most want to do to pass the time?
Step 2. Make a specific plan to change your lifestyle
Once you've determined what you want, try to figure out how to get there. Usually, this is the most difficult aspect of changing, but it becomes easier if you think back. Let's say, you want to be a famous writer. To make this a reality, think about the steps you can take to become a famous writer until you find a way you can do it:
- Goal: become a famous writer.
- Book published.
- Get a publisher.
- Write and edit books.
- Write every day.
- Write down ideas for writing a book. If you don't have an idea, start here. If you have, you can start writing every day!
Step 3. Set up savings
Big changes are easier to make if you have a safety net in case you fall. You will be more courageous if you already know that failure does not mean the end of everything. So, prepare savings. It also allows you to focus more on changing your life rather than paying the bills.
- Open a savings account and start depositing a certain percentage (5-10%) of salary.
- Many financial advisors recommend that you set up savings to pay for living expenses for 6 months before making a major change, changing jobs, for example.
Step 4. Continue education
Don't make major lifestyle changes without knowing your goals. If you are looking to start a new career, it would be very beneficial if you go back to school because specific knowledge can prepare you for life in the field you want. In fact, people who want to make drastic changes, such as taking a year-long trip or becoming an artist, usually have to study first in order to get the most out of their lifestyle changes.
- Read autobiographies of people who have gone through the same thing. While it's not necessary to follow their ways, there is valuable advice about what you can gain for being willing to change.
- Try to find information about the changes you want. What equipment do you need? Do you have to change locations? What are the downsides of a new lifestyle and does this reduce your desire to change?
Step 5. Leave the old life quickly and respectfully
Once you've made the decision to change and are sure it's time to start, break old ties. It doesn't mean that you will part with old friends forever. Instead, it means that you need time to step away from your routine, habits, and lifestyle in order to really change. Never break off a relationship by being rude or angry. Let people know that you are ready to change and that you still need support throughout this process.
Step 6. Strive to live life changes as a daily reality
You have to be completely committed to your new life if you really want to change. Sometimes this is easy to do, for example by getting on a plane and going overseas if you want to travel for a year. However, there are changes that require discipline on a daily basis. For example, you have to write every day if you want to become a famous writer.
Remember that change is a choice. Make the choice to make the changes you want
Tips
- Be patient. Not everything goes as fast as light and change will happen slowly.
- Use imagination because change can happen mysteriously.
- Get out of your comfort zone. Do something because you feel it's right for you, not because someone else says it is.
- Never change for the sake of others. Change on your own and because you want to be a better person.
