If you love someone, you certainly don't want to see them engage in habits that are harmful to themselves and others. Unfortunately, smoking has both effects. You can help make it easier for him to quit smoking forever. However, if you can't force someone to quit smoking, it's ultimately up to you to make the decision.
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Method 1 of 4: Providing the Right Support
Step 1. Don't quote statistics
Your boyfriend already knows that smoking isn't good for him, and he may already have the urge to quit. Therefore, mentioning facts about illness, life expectancy, etc. will not do much good. In fact, telling someone to quit smoking only encourages them to smoke more often.
- You'd better focus on trends in human behavior and the role of addiction in smoking.
- Point out that the number of people who smoke has steadily declined over the past few decades, and that many people have had success quitting.
- Since most people start smoking in order to become part of a group, the knowledge that the habit is becoming more and more unusual will encourage them to quit.
- Showing that smoking is an addiction can help your boyfriend realize that he has no control over his own life. He may not be happy about it, so will try to quit in order to feel more in control of himself.
Step 2. Realize that everyone is different
This means that the same strategy won't work for everyone, but it also means that each person wants a different level and type of support than others. Talk to your boyfriend to find out what kind of help he needs.
He may indicate indirectly that he wants to talk about quitting smoking. Look at the topics he brings up to find an opener, such as advice from a doctor, a family member who is pregnant, or someone else who is quitting smoking
Step 3. Find a way to gently open the conversation if he doesn't give any indications
For example, bring up the topic of smoking laws or rising cigarette taxes. Ask her opinion on this, and use her answer as a transition to asking her own habits.
- You: I read earlier in the article that the city government prohibits smoking in restaurants.
- Him: Good. I don't like eating food that tastes like smoke.
- You: I'm surprised you said that. Isn't it hard to pass that long time without smoking?
- Him: No, actually I'm trying to cut back.
- You are serious? How can I help?
Step 4. Try the push method
It's hard to find the right balance between encouraging your boyfriend to quit and acting in a way that he might think is robbing him of his options. Lawyers and economists say that the push method can motivate change and at the same time let the person decide for himself.
- The push method works like this: telling your boyfriend to open a savings account to save money for cigarettes (a jar does, too).
- At the end of the allotted period, ask him if he has smoked that long. Otherwise, he gets the money he saved earlier. If he smokes, the money will be kept for donations.
- A similar version of this method includes having to donate the money to an organization it doesn't support!
- If he has a friend who is also trying to quit (or your friend), make it a competition. Whoever can last longer without smoking gets the money, and the first to strike must donate the money to the charity of the winner's choice.
Step 5. Deploy your support network
If your boyfriend doesn't mind, talk to friends and family about his plans, and encourage them to be supportive. Remind your boyfriend that doctors are also part of the support network, and ask him if he's ever considered making an appointment with a doctor to discuss methods that help with a smoking cessation program.
Step 6. Think before asking
Some smokers want you to ask about their progress daily to keep them accountable, while others find it invasive and counterproductive. Ask your boyfriend if he thinks regular checkups will help or not.
Step 7. Ask open-ended questions
Invite him to talk about his experiences, such as why he started smoking, how he felt when he smoked, why he wanted to quit, what made it difficult for him to quit, etc. This will help you become more aware of his relationship with smoking, and may even help him make connections he's never had before.
- You: Why did you smoke?
- Him: Because another older kid at school smokes.
- You: How about now? No more older children.
- Him: I think it's become a habit.
- You: Do you think you will smoke forever?
- Him: No, but quitting is always hard.
- You: You can! You want me to help you plan?
Step 8. Celebrate small victories
For smokers, a day without smoking is already an achievement. Admit and use that achievement as proof that he is able to live without smoking. This small win could boost his confidence.
Step 9. Focus on him as a whole
Don't let this quitting process become the core of your relationship. Even if he doesn't want you to ask about his progress, ask about his day and about himself in general. Don't let your relationship revolve around the question of whether he smoked today or not.
Method 2 of 4: Focusing on the Long Term
Step 1. Make a plan, but be prepared to change it
Having temporary goals can motivate and give your boyfriend something to focus on, but they don't need to be written in stone. If he wants to set a date, make sure he knows he's not a failure unless he stops completely on that ladder.
Step 2. Emphasize the temporary nature of nicotine withdrawal symptoms
Many people who try to quit will experience withdrawal symptoms such as insomnia, inability to concentrate, anxiety, restlessness, irritability, and depression. This usually passes within a week or two. By reminding your boyfriend that these symptoms are only temporary, you help him to believe that he can get through it
Step 3. Recognize that quitting smoking is a learning process
There are many people who try several times until they finally stop. If your boyfriend relapses, encourage him to learn from the experience so next time he can avoid whatever triggers him to smoke. Smoking is a learned habit, and so is quitting smoking.
Step 4. Use the word if, not if
It's upsetting if he relapses to smoking again, so point out that it's only a matter of time before he tries again, and before he succeeds. In fact, most people who quit smoking and then relapse will try again afterward.
Method 3 of 4: Offer a Diversion
Step 1. Provide alternatives
There are many reasons people smoke, one of which is overcoming boredom. Your boyfriend needs some kind of surrogate. Consider providing the following alternatives:
- Hard candy to suck
- Straws to bite on
- Fruit and vegetable slices
Step 2. Spend time together
Use quitting as an excuse to do more together. The two of you could try cooking, watching a movie, visiting a museum, or anything else to distract him.
Step 3. Exercise
One of the activities carried out together must be a physical activity. Exercise can alleviate many aspects of the smoking cessation process, including:
- Worry
- Depression
- Angry attitude
- Weight gain
Method 4 of 4: Protecting Your Health and Space
Step 1. Don't be offended
People who try to quit smoking usually get angry easily. Know that his attitude is not because of you. However, you certainly have the right to rebuke his rude and unkind behavior and walk away completely if his behavior develops into violence.
Step 2. Make your home and car a smoke-free area
This is especially important if the two of you spend a lot of time at your place. If the habit makes you second-hand smoke, you are both at risk for serious health problems. What's more, people who don't smoke at home are more likely to quit.
Do not keep matches or ashtrays at home, this will only remind your boyfriend of what to avoid
Step 3. Avoid places where people will smoke
This is not only to protect your own health, but by staying away from places that trigger your boyfriend to smoke, he will be able to avoid the habit.
Step 4. Know your limits
How important is it to you that your boyfriend quit smoking? While there are steps you can take to help him quit, you should think about how you're going to continue the relationship if he doesn't intend to quit?
- Think about whether his smoking habit trumps any of his other qualities. Most people have serious flaws, and experts say that unresolved problems are not very conducive to happiness.
- The exception here is a serious moral or ethical deficiency. Smoking actually doesn't fall into this category, but it can hinder a healthy and long life. If losing a girlfriend due to health issues seems too painful, smoking may be too big a problem to deal with.
- If his smoking habit isn't resolved so you back off, he should be aware of that. It's unfair to give him an ultimatum if he doesn't realize it. Say that you can't relate to a smoker, but that you believe he can quit and want to help him.
