Character comes from the Greek kharakter, which means more or less "to engrave with a stick." Think of a character as a stamp that you use to make the impression on a candle that is you. Whatever your age or experience, character building is a lifelong learning process that involves experience, leadership, and constant dedication to growth and maturity. Start building character right now.
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Method 1 of 3: Gaining Experience
Step 1. Take risks
Just as an athlete needs to learn from defeat to appreciate winning more, one needs to take the risk of failure to build character. Character is built when a person faces the possibility of failure. Learn to push yourself towards success, overcome shortcomings, and become a better person, whatever the outcome. Taking risks means committing to difficult projects that may be too difficult to handle.
- Dare to take risks. Approach the sweet barista and prepare to be rejected when you ask him out. Offer to take on extra responsibilities at work, even if you're not sure you can afford it. Decide what you want in life and work towards it.
- Don't find excuses not to do something, find reasons to act. Dare to go rock climbing with friends, even if you've never learned how to do it and are worried you'll embarrass yourself. Dare to apply to graduate school with a small number of students. Don't make excuses, but make excuses.
- Building character does not mean acting recklessly that jeopardizes your safety. Driving recklessly, or abusing drugs has nothing to do with character building. Take productive risks.
Step 2. Surround yourself with people of character
Get to know people in your life who you respect, people who you think exhibit the desired character. For others, this means a different nature and person. Decide who you want to be, how to achieve the best version of yourself, and then seek out such people.
- Hang out with older people. As time goes on, we spend less and less time learning from our parents. For those who are younger, make it a goal to make friends with those who are much older and learn from their point of view. Spend time with older relatives by talking to them a lot and learning.
- Hang out with people who are very different from you. If you tend to have a calm and reserved personality, you may find someone with an unspoken and loud manner of character to be attractive. You think you can learn to relax more and have the courage to speak your mind from that person.
- Hang out with people you admire. The best way to build character is to be around people you admire, you want to imitate, and who you can learn from. Don't surround yourself with sycophants or comfortable friends. Make friends with people with strong character, who can be role models.
Step 3. Get out of your comfort zone
Building character means learning how to handle difficult or uncomfortable situations. Offer to help at-risk children after school, or spend time doing missionary work at church. Come to a "black metal" show where you live and see what it's like. Find ways to break down the status quo and understand others on a complex level.
Visiting uncomfortable places and thinking of ways to create comfort there. Visit locations around town you've never been and ask someone you meet there for directions
Step 4. Find an unpleasant job, at least once
Sweeping dirt under a fast food restaurant meat grinder? Toiling in the hot sun mixing hot mortar? Dealing with angry customers at the shoe store? It's a very unpleasant way to spend your Saturday afternoon, but doing the hard work is a great way to build character. Money will become more valuable and more meaningful when you see so much that it is worth fighting for to earn it.
Having a tough job will help you learn a lot about how other businesses operate, and the struggles some people face. Working at McDonalds is a difficult and dignified job and someone of great character will admit it. Be an open minded person and understand people by working
Step 5. Commit to self-improvement
Building character is an important stage of lifelong learning. If you want to be a source of inspiration to others, someone who is respected in your community and considered a person of high character, make an active effort to improve yourself day by day.
- Take small steps towards character building. Choose one thing you want to work on at a time. Maybe you want to be a better listener to your partner, or be more committed to your work. Do it every day little by little and build skills slowly.
- It's natural for you to occasionally look at yourself in your youth and feel ashamed about it. Bad haircuts, the turmoil of youth and immaturity. Don't feel ashamed. Understand shyness as a sign that you are building character.
Method 2 of 3: Becoming a Leader
Step 1. Learn to empathize
After Lincoln's death, among his files, a letter was found addressed to a general who had disobeyed his orders. The harsh letter said that Lincoln felt "unlimited anger" at the general's behavior. This phrase is very strong, personal, and sharp. Interestingly, the letter was never delivered, perhaps because Lincoln-a great leader-had empathized with the general, who saw more blood in Gettysburg than Lincoln had ever imagined. He tried to accept the general's actions.
- When a friend fails to keep his promise to a plan that you have made, or if your boss forgets to mention all the hard work that has been done at a meeting, someone of high character will sometimes let it go. Learn from the past and be more careful with your expectations next time.
- Someone with character will see a bigger benefit. Removing the general and replacing him with a new one would do nothing but keep him away from Lincoln, making the situation worse. What happened, let it happen, and the past is the past. Try to focus on the future.
Step 2. Let go of being alone
Just because Lincoln didn't send the letter, doesn't mean writing it down didn't mean anything. No one, no matter how strong the character is, is made of ice. Sometimes you will feel angry, frustrated, and disappointed. It is part of life. Burying those emotions deep will not do any good for character building. Therefore, sometimes self-disclosure is needed, but do it when you are alone to defend your character in public. Find a relaxing activity to process your frustration and anger so you can let it go.
- Write a long note containing the anger you feel in a notebook, then tear it up and burn it. Listen to "Slayer" while lifting weights at the gym. Run. Find physically engaging and healthy ways to channel your inner frustration and then let it go.
- In the television series House of Cards, Frank Underwood, a stoic and cunning politician, likes to vent his anger by playing violent video games after a long day of negotiations in the House of Representatives. These are more than just cute characters: everyone needs a way to cool off. Find your own way.
Step 3. Open yourself up to different types of people
A person of high character is able to communicate openly with various types of people. Don't be narrow-minded. Character building begins with learning many things from different types of people. Have a long conversation with someone at a BBQ restaurant you frequent, with the bartender, with your co-workers, friends, and family. Listen to what they have to say. Be honest with them. This will help build character.
If you need to vent, find a mutually beneficial partner to pour out your heart to and then meet up for open conversations with each other. Then talk about something else and prioritize the happy moments. Don't just dwell on the bad stuff
Step 4. Admit defeat elegantly
As James Michener puts it, character relates to the third and fourth attempts, not the first. How do you deal with difficult situations or defeats? Learn to deal with defeat with elegance, then you begin to form a strong character.
- Compete in small things to practice this skill. It's hard to learn to accept defeat elegantly when it involves a major, life-changing competition, such as getting into college, competing for a job, or some more serious competitive moments. Build this trait through board games, sports, and other simpler ways of competing, so you have an essential foundation for something bigger.
- Be a good winner. Remember what it feels like to suffer defeat and avoid condescending or criticizing the loser. Keep celebrating victory, even in solitude.
Step 5. Challenge yourself with a difficult goal
A person of character must lead by example, taking on challenges that are not easily attainable. Whether at school, work, or anywhere else, tackle tough projects and commit to doing them the right way.
- In school, don't challenge yourself to get "good grades," but challenge yourself to do the best job you can. Maybe A is not high enough for what you are capable of achieving.
- At work, offer yourself up for extra responsibilities, ask for extra hours at the office, and do more than expected every time you do a job. Whatever you do, do it the right way.
- At home, during free time, commit to self-improvement. Evenings that are usually spent aimlessly, like switching between Netflix channels, should be spent learning the guitar, writing a novel you've always wanted to do, or repairing an old grill. Take your hobby seriously.
Method 3 of 3: Growing Up and Growing Up
Step 1. Use failure as fuel
FailCon is a Silicon Valley conference that celebrates failure as an essential part of success. Failure is just a speed block to get what you want, eliminating one possibility from many others. Fail early and fail often, face the failures, and learn what you can do the next time you get back up, then prepare yourself for better results.
Deal with failure the way of scientists. If you started a company that ended up going bankrupt, or if your band just broke up, or if you lost your job, welcome the failure. You can cross out the failure and consider it the wrong answer from a long list of possible correct answers. Your work is now lighter
Step 2. Stop asking other people for approval
Sometimes psychologists talk about inner and outer locus control. People with a deep locus of seeking satisfaction from within, seek to satisfy themselves and not worry too much about what other people think. On the other hand, people with an external locus always try to please others. While self-sacrifice may sometimes seem like a desirable character trait, pleasing others to please oneself gets others in the driver's seat. If you want to take control of your life and developing character, learn to worry about what you think is right, not what your boss, partner, or other force in your life says.
Step 3. Dream big
Dream your dreams and set big goals for yourself. What would be the best version of your life? Don't think too much, act immediately. If you want to be a professional musician, move to a big city, form a band, and start playing. Don't make up excuses. If you want to be a writer, find a job that gives you enough time to practice and set a goal of one word a day for your novel. Write down whatever and as much as you can. Set goals to be the best.
Someone who has high character is also grateful for what he has. It could be that living in your hometown, marrying an old boyfriend, and having a few kids is the best life you can imagine. Pursue it. Invite him to marry and be happy
Step 4. Find a ladder and start climbing it
Decide what you want and find the route that will take you there. If you want to become a doctor, find out which medical school will give you the best chance of finding a job, then commit to graduating from that medical school and the residency process. Start working hard and studying. Get a graduation medal.
Step 5. Learn to recognize and embrace the defining moment
The defining moment is easy to see with retrospect. Moments when courage is tested, or your character faces a challenge. A person of character will learn to recognize and anticipate the moment, to think about what you may regret doing, or not doing in the future, and making the right choices. There is no one way to do this, but it has to do with how honest and intimate you know yourself.
- Try to imagine all the possible consequences in a given situation. If you thought about moving around the country to pursue a career in acting, what would happen? What will happen if you don't go? Can you face the consequences of each choice? What does "success" mean to you?
- A person of high character, when faced with a decisive moment, will make the right decision. If you're tempted to betray a coworker in order to achieve success, is that the right choice for you if you get a bigger salary? Will you be able to live life after doing it? Only you can make the choice.
Step 6. Keep yourself busy and avoid slacking off
People of character like to act, and not talk a lot. When you decide to act, don't put your plans in a hypothetical future, act now, in the moment. Start doing what you want to do today.
- People of high character avoid self-indulgent behavior. Sleeping all day, staying up all night drinking, and wandering around for no reason, are not the behaviors of people of character. Be a moral compass, not a sea lantern of laziness.
- Try to harmonize your hobbies and work as much as you can. If you like reading books and daydreaming, choose an educational path that relates to it and make good use of your poetic senses. If you like punching the bag, start working out at the gym. When you do what you want to do, you start building and shaping character.
