Disagreements don't have to be painful all the time, but they can turn out that way if you're not careful. Fortunately, there are a number of techniques and tricks you can practice to convey conflicting points without turning the argument into a fight. The ability to argue effectively is actually a great skill to learn, and it can be useful in a wide variety of situations. This skill also gives you the ability to stand up for your convictions and beliefs. That being said, be careful when choosing battles - some things just aren't worth arguing about.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Disagree Positively
Step 1. Act fairly
Most likely you know exactly how to provoke other people, but it's very important to exercise restraint if you want to have an argument in a proper manner. Calm down even if the person makes you very angry, you shouldn't say something that you know will cause dissent to cross the line.
Step 2. Respect others
Respect what other people have to say. Arguing must be carried out by both parties; if you fail to hear the other side's opinion, they will reciprocate and not listen to you either. It's natural to deny someone's opinion, but refusing to listen to it will make the debate pointless.
You should always show respect for other people's opinions when arguing with someone. Remember who they are: the party or the other person. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Don't just dismiss their ideas because they don't agree with yours. Listen to their opinion
Step 3. Attack the idea, not the person presenting it
When you are arguing with someone, remember that you are only attacking their ideas, not the person's personality. This means you don't have to call people stupid for thinking what they think, and you don't have to move on to attacking their physical appearance either.
Step 4. Admit when you are wrong
When you make a mistake, admit it. Admit when you misunderstood or misinformed. Admitting wrong does not make you a lowly person, on the contrary admitting you are wrong makes you a big-hearted person.
Step 5. Apologize at the appropriate moment
If you've hurt someone or your argument is causing trouble, you should apologize. Be an adult in the situation and take responsibility for your actions.
Step 6. Open yourself up to new ideas
The best way to have a positive argument is to be open to new ideas. You don't want to make another mistake when arguing, do you? Open yourself up to the possibility of better, new ways of thinking, or interesting information.
Part 2 of 3: Arguing in a Persuasive Way
Step 1. Make them think they are smart
When you make other people think they are stupid, this will shut them down and the debate will tend to be unfocused. Make them think they're smart and you'll have the freedom to change the argument in your favor.
Step 2. Use evidence and facts that match the theme of your argument and counter your argument
Evidence and facts from reliable sources that specifically support and relate to what you're arguing can be one of the easiest ways to win an argument. You should also adjust the type of evidence or facts you use according to the opposite of your argument, using more logical or emotional evidence based on what you think will elicit a better response.
Step 3. Look for logical fallacies
Pointing out mistakes in their logic and politely explaining why the logic is wrong is a good way to start changing someone's mind. Learning to recognize logical fallacies can be difficult, but here are some things you can do:
- Consider an argument with the wrong conclusion that it considers correlation to be causation. For example, the rate of autism diagnoses increases with the increase in cell phone use. Therefore, autism is caused by the use of cell phones. The fallacy that follows an event is similar, but is based on the idea that since event A is followed by event B, B is caused by A.
- An argument for the fallacy of silence, the Silence Fallacy, is the idea that just because there is no evidence against something, it shouldn't exist. For example, God / germs / evolution / aliens do not exist because we can never physically witness them.
- Non-Sequiturs are when the conclusion of an argument is unrelated to its premises. For example, the argument that we can't pay more teachers because police and firefighters don't make that much money.
Step 4. Describe themselves as heroes or victims
People like to think of themselves as the main character in their life story. Let them continue to think this way and then invite them to change their views by carefully packaging the way you raise the issues.
For example, "I know you really, really want to help people. You're one of the most generous people I know. But if you really wanted to help people, you wouldn't donate it to a charity that abused the money they received. Don't you need to make sure that your money is really to save other people's lives?"
Step 5. Select the words you use
When arguing, avoid words like "you" and "I." Instead, use words like "we". This will make your opponent think the two of you are a single entity with a single interest, instead of separating the two of you.
Step 6. Know when to stop
Sometimes, someone just can't change their mind right in front of you. Once in a while you should step back and let their thoughts slowly change over time, while they think about what you have to say. Of course, sometimes you just need to hang on. This is a subtle art that you may need to explore.
- Generally, if someone seems really about to get angry, it's time to stop.
- Close the argument with something like, "Okay, I realize I can't change your mind, but please think about what I've said."
Part 3 of 3: Arguing Effectively
Step 1. Don't provoke arguments
When you want to start an argument with provocation, this will be realized by the other person. They will be less likely to take you seriously because they know you just want to scream for a while. Avoid acting like a monster if you want to have an effective argument.
Step 2. Be honest
Show your humanity and identity. This will make your appearance more sympathetic and less likely to anger the other person. Explain why you believe in what you believe in and are willing to admit that it was your own idea, instead of using the "devil's backer" way, taking a position you don't really agree with, just to cover up an idea you know won't be popular.
Step 3. Focus on the topic
The quickest way to make an argument pointless is to leave it undirected. Focus on the topic when you're arguing and pull the other person back on topic when he or she starts to get lost. Resolving a single dispute is better than having a pointless argument over 20 unrelated issues. Discuss one issue at a time, covering everything you want to say about it. When the argument is resolved or you reach a dead end, move on to the next topic.
Don't let the topic change. The other person may try to change the subject to cover up his mistake. Most people, when proven wrong in certain areas, choose to underestimate their mistakes instead of admitting them. Your attitude should be to leave the argument if the person refuses to admit their fault (i.e. by saying "it doesn't matter", "That's my opinion anyway.", etc.), or forces them to admit it was wrong
Step 4. Explain, Explain, and Explain
Explain why you believe as you believe, where you got the information, and how you came to that conclusion. This can expose misunderstandings but also forces the other person to enter into your headspace and follow your line of reasoning. This can be an effective way to get the person to agree with your thoughts!
Step 5. Understand and justify their arguments
When you are arguing with someone, acknowledge their argument and make sure that you really understand what they are saying. Make it clear to them if necessary.
Step 6. Argument with a good premise
Make sure that you understand the basis of your argument before arguing. You also have to make sure that you agree with the premise of the other person's argument. If you don't agree with the examples they used, or if you think the idea is unrepresentative or flawed in some way, say so before getting into any deeper arguments. Allowing the other person to start an argument from a flawed premise will make it even more difficult to show him the right ideas.
Step 7. Don't expect afterwords
The desire for both of you to get the final word on an argument quickly, will turn the conversation into a disastrous one in the form of an endless pit of anger. Don't go this way. You won't like it. Just "agree to disagree" then calm down.
If you and the other person have been arguing for a long time and neither of you are budging, consider stopping. There are some arguments you can't win if the other person isn't willing to reconsider them, no matter how good your argument is. If you know when to quit, you may still be able to maintain the relationship
Tips
- Remember that someone can still be a good friend even if they have different opinions.
- Admit if you are wrong.
- At times one of you may take a few minutes alone to absorb what has been said. This is only natural. If the other person asks for time alone to think, you should respect it and agree on a time to continue the argument. If on the other hand you need time then you should also be given the same award.
- An argument can be reasonable and without being clouded with anger, as long as both parties think with a clear mind. Struggle, on the other hand, differs from argument in the sense that argument is meant to decide which hypothesis (conclusion) is correct (or most correct), whereas feud is meant only to dominate the opinion of the other person.
- Be kind and respectful to others. We have different thoughts because we are human.
Warning
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Once in a while it is best not to argue about politics or religion unless you are very close to the person, and you know that they will respect your opinion. Most people find it easy to come to an agreement on these topics.
If you argue with a logical minded person, political themes can be successfully and logically debated. However, it will be more difficult to reach agreement on the topic of religion because the risks involved in "winning" or "losing" the argument are much higher
