Do you find sex unpleasant or painful? Are you worried about how much your partner enjoys their relationship with you? Either way, if you put in the effort, your sex life will be better.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Creating Success
Step 1. Practice safe sex
It will be easier to relax and enjoy sex if you are sure that you are practicing safe sex. With this in mind, make a plan to make your sex life as safe as possible. Before having sex, make sure you know your partner well, and talk about your past sexual history openly. Use a condom or dental dam every time you have sex.
- Only latex and polyurethane condoms can protect against STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and HIV. Polyurethane condoms are more easily damaged than latex. Use a condom every time you have vaginal, anal, or oral sex. Dental dams are latex barriers that can be used when performing oral sex on women. This barrier can prevent the spread of STIs and HIV. You can also cut the condom wide and use it as a barrier.
- Women should also consider the HPV (human papilloma virus) vaccine to help prevent problems such as genital warts and cervical cancer. The HPV vaccine might cause an allergic reaction or fainting in some people, so talk to your doctor to determine if this vaccine is right for you.
Step 2. Love your body
Not being confident or ashamed of your own body can make sex uncomfortable. If you have a body shape problem that is negatively affecting your sex life, then prioritize improving what you can and accepting what you can't. Accepting your body shape is the key to happiness and the first step to making your sex life better.
- Try looking at yourself in the mirror and make it a goal to find one positive thing about yourself each day.
- You can also try to get to know your body sexually. Women who masturbate have significantly more sexual satisfaction than women who do not masturbate. If you know what feels good, you will be able to share your needs with your partner.
Step 3. Communicate your needs openly with your partner
Communication with a partner will increase sexual satisfaction and help intimacy. Open communication with your partner can be difficult to initiate and maintain if you're not comfortable with sex and don't know what you want. Think about what you can say, and do it while feeling comfortable and safe.
- Your partner is not a fortune teller, he will not know even if you know each other well. If there is something in your sex life that you want to change, then you should talk about it. If your partner is truly committed to you, he or she will listen and respect your needs.
- Communicating sexual needs can also be a bonding experience for you and your partner.
Step 4. Say what you like
You must openly express your thoughts and feelings about sex to your partner. You should also ask what your partner likes and wants. Being shy or hesitant will only make your partner feel unsure, making the moment worse. Allow yourself to enjoy it and let your partner see that you are enjoying it.
- Don't judge your partner once you find out what he likes. Disclosing personal information can be scary at times, so listen to him without interrupting. If your partner likes something you don't like, let them know that you're not interested in doing it without making them feel weird or cornered.
- Avoid choosing subtle words whenever possible. Choosing softer words won't make your point clear, and your partner will have a harder time understanding them. Use language you're comfortable with, but remember that sex isn't "wrong" or "despicable," so it's helpful to use clear, communicative terms and words.
Step 5. Let your partner know what doesn't feel good
There are times when some of the things you try in the bedroom don't produce the desired results. Instead of blaming someone else, use "I" statements to express what you found unsatisfactory about the experience. If you're more honest about what you don't like, you can both fix it. This will make sex feel better.
- For example, say to your partner, “I feel like this is being rushed. What can we do to fix it?” This statement conveys the problem you have but doesn't blame anyone. Instead, the statement indicates that the problem can be fixed together.
- Wrap your words in positive phrases whenever possible, such as "I really enjoy it when you _ and I want you to do that more often." or "This and that tastes better than this and that, can we try?"
Step 6. Watch your partner's reaction
Think of the pleasure he gets as your goal. It's important to get what you're looking for in a sexual relationship, but you have to start setting a good example. The more he gets pleasure, the more he wants to give you the same pleasure. The key to satisfying sex is making sure that you respond and recognize your partner's reactions.
- When you see your partner frown, stop. Maybe you have hurt him. If you hear your partner moan, repeat the movement you just did because it may feel very good to him. Most importantly, always pay attention to your partner during sex to make sure that he is also interested in what you are doing.
- Stop immediately if he says "no."
- Remember that even if your partner doesn't say "no," it doesn't mean he or she is comfortable. Approval requires a process. After all, the goal of sex is "yes!" steady from the both of you.
Part 2 of 4: Mastering the Art of Making Love
Step 1. Get rid of porn stereotypes
Porn is like all movies: it doesn't reflect reality. Porn is shot and arranged to look good on camera, but usually doesn't reflect what really feels good or describe what actual intercourse looks like.
Try not to expect anything. Let everything happen naturally
Step 2. Relax yourself to enjoy
You'll want to enjoy every minute of this experience. Making love is not an "in and out" operation. Enjoy the sexual experience to the fullest. Pay attention to your partner's sensitive zones and devote time to giving him pleasure there. Trace the entire body of the partner slowly. Don't go straight to the core.
- You can also include games to liven up the atmosphere. Keep the focus on your connection and keep him guessing to keep sex interesting.
- Try to keep kissing. Always returning to passionate kisses in the middle of making love is a great way to maximize pleasure.
Step 3. Focus on warming up
Before getting to the core, enjoy some time kissing, petting, and pleasing each other. Heating can make sex last longer and feel more sensual and romantic. Women in particular find warming up really helpful to put them in the right mood, while men may be more prepared at any time.
For men, getting your partner into the right mood is for your own enjoyment. Heating will increase his natural lubricant and make him enjoy sex more
Step 4. Continue to compliment your partner
You have to make sure your partner doesn't doubt for a second that you think he or she is the sexiest creature in the world, maybe even the sexiest creature in any world. When you see a body part you like, tell him that.
You don't have to put it into words, but spend time there enjoying it. Let your partner see that you are enjoying his body too
Step 5. Use a good lubricant
Personal lubricating products can significantly increase sexual satisfaction. Using a quality lubricant is very important in great sex, especially if your partner is a woman or if you are going to have anal sex. Sexual interactions involve a lot of friction, and usually, friction is good. However, friction also has its drawbacks, such as chafing and discomfort. You can buy lubricant in many stores and pharmacies as well as on the internet. You can also get it from your doctor or sexual health clinic.
- Choose a lubricant product without glycerin which can cause dryness in the vaginal area. Avoid products that contain perfume or other ingredients that can cause vaginal dryness, including douches, hand lotion, soap, or perfume. To use the lubricant properly, follow the instructions on the package.
- There are three types of lubricants, namely water-based, silicone, and oil-based lubricants. Water-based lubricants rinse off easily and are widely available in stores or pharmacies. Water-based lubricants can also be used with condoms, can prevent condom leakage, and are less likely to cause other genital symptoms such as silicone-based lubricants.
- Silicone based lubricants last longer than other types of lubricants and are best for anal sex. Oil-based lubricants should not be used with latex condoms as they can cause the condom to leak.
Step 6. Make a happy sound
When having sex, try to sound happy as a token of appreciation for your partner. Don't overdo it, of course, but moaning and inhaling can let your partner know that you like his moves and that he should do it often, and confirm that you're enjoying yourself a lot. This will increase your partner's enjoyment and will also encourage him to increase your pleasurable efforts.
Recent research has revealed that two people who make noises during sex tend to have a better sex life. So go ahead and do what feels natural and if you like making noise, just let it go
Part 3 of 4: Trying New Things
Step 1. Indulge your fantasy
You don't have to blow all your wild ideas out in bed, but a little play can add variety and excitement to your sex life. The problem is, over time sex can feel like a routine, especially if you and your partner have been in a relationship for a long time. To maintain passion and make sex better, you need to get out of the monotony of sexual activity. Nothing can say a more convincing "goodbye monotone" than silk blindfolds, furry handcuffs, and a game of Evil Police.
- You should also experiment with sex toys. Including sexual toys in your sex life can increase satisfaction and most of these toys can be enjoyed by both you and your partner.
- Other sexual aids can also help create a spark in your love life. Do your research and see what you might have missed so far.
- Many people have sexual fantasies that are so specific that they are embarrassed to share them with their partner. If you feel comfortable enough, share your fantasies with your partner.
Step 2. Don't let things be predictable
Maybe you know how to make your partner orgasm quickly, but that doesn't mean you have to. Sex should happen naturally and feel spontaneous. If you and your partner always make love at the same time every day or every night, now is the time to make variations.
Vary the positions you do, where you have sex, who's in control, and what aids you use
Step 3. Try a new position
Changing positions can increase sexual satisfaction. Trying new things can make you and your partner feel more satisfied. For example, try different cowboy positions. These positions give a woman more control and can increase her pleasure.
- Also try doggy style. Although the name is not pleasant to hear, but this position is good for pregnant women and gives certain stimulation to women.
- You can also try the coital-alignment technique. This is a sex position that has been researched and proven to provide a lot of stimulation for women, so both of you can make the most of your lovemaking event. This technique is similar to the traditional missionary position, but creates more enjoyment for both of you.
- Try a side position. If either of you has back or joint pain, or there is discomfort due to penis size, a sideways position can provide more control and comfort. You and your partner are both lying sideways in the same direction with the man behind you. There are many variations of this position so find out which one works best for you.
Part 4 of 4: Asking for Outside Help
Step 1. Find some sources
You can find inspiration from erotic stories-many women love 50 Shades of Grey-but it's also a good idea to seek advice from manuals on how to improve your sex life. Look for books written by sex experts. Resources that are more focused on your specific needs will also be helpful; there are many resources available for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender), older people, and others.
The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy recommends the "Better Sex" video series by the Sinclair Institute
Step 2. See a doctor
Some causes of sexual dysfunction are medical problems, especially in men. For example, erectile dysfunction is generally caused by health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure or obesity, although stress can also be a cause. If you have physical problems that are interfering with your sex life, talk to your doctor.
Most conditions that cause sexual dysfunction are highly treatable. Don't be shy about seeing a doctor with this problem; Sex dysfunction is a very common problem and most likely doctors often treat the same problem
Step 3. Consult an expert
Sometimes couples in relationships have problems with their sex lives that they can't seem to solve on their own. This is a very natural problem. If you continue to have sexual problems, then seeing a therapist who specializes in sex therapy can help. A sex therapist (or a couples therapist with sex therapy education) knows what questions to ask to help you and your partner find the cause of problems in the bedroom.
Talking about your sex life with strangers can be embarrassing at times, but sex therapists are bound by confidentiality rules, just like all mental health professionals. They are there to help you, and will not judge or discuss your problem with anyone
Tips
Just like anything else, sex takes practice to be perfect. If you're new, don't panic if this experience isn't great at first. You're still studying your own body and still figuring out what techniques and movements give pleasure and what doesn't satisfy in bed
Warning
- Remember that birth control does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases, and is not 100% effective in preventing an unplanned pregnancy.
- No sex is 100% safe, but healthier sex practices such as open communication about sexual history and always using condoms will greatly reduce the risk.
