Socializing with other people can help you build deep relationships, come out of your "shell," and reduce feelings of isolation. You don't have to be self-indulgent to be able to open a conversation with other people; You just need to have sharp instincts, confidence and basic communication skills. Once you're comfortable talking to other people, you can start making plans with them and spending more time socializing. To find out how to easily socialize, please read this article starting from Step 1.
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Part 1 of 3: Opening a Conversation
Step 1. Get rid of the fear of rejection
One of the reasons people tend to be antisocial is because they fear rejection when trying to get along with other people. Granted, the possibility of rejection is always there, and we all feel goosebumps when we try to talk to someone, but that person either becomes rude or turns away. However, don't let this fear stop you from saying hello, asking to join you, or having a light conversation with someone you don't really know. In fact, most people will behave fairly well once given the chance. Just ignore the people who ignore you, because they don't deserve your attention anyway.
- Although this sentence sounds very cliché, but indeed you will never know until you try. If you're trying to get along with someone and they ignore you, that doesn't mean you're a bad person. However, if the person turns out to be yes, then you are already in the process of making friends. There are many advantages to socializing with other people, instead of withdrawing. So, what's the harm in trying?
- We are all afraid of facing rejection in life. If you face rejection from time to time, use it to develop maturity and "thickness of face." Life is about how we respond to rejection, not avoid it.
- Take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself that the worst thing that can happen when socializing is being rejected or ignored. Pathetic? It could be. But rejection will have little effect.
Step 2. Master open body language
One simple way to socialize is to appear more approachable to the people you will interact with. Stand with an open posture, place your hands by your sides, and don't cross them across your chest. Also, make eye contact with other people when they talk to you. That way, you'll be more approachable than slouching and sinking into your phone, or fidgeting with the hem of a sweater. If you have a positive face and you seem friendly, people are more likely to talk to you more and think that you might want to chat with them.
- You may have closed body language without even realizing it. Shy people's nature is generally to withdraw into their "shell," as a way of avoiding other people. Practice bit by bit to show open gestures, to deal with people instead of turning your back on them, and to give the impression that you want people to talk to you instead of leaving you alone.
- Smile more often for a big effect. If other people see you as friendly, they're more likely to say hello or start a conversation.
Step 3. Small talk
As the saying goes, small talk never goes bad. You may feel allergic to talking to other people about the weather or the local sports team, but this is a way to develop a more serious bond and to get to know someone more deeply. Even if you want to jump right into a discussion about whether or not God exists, or about a complicated love relationship, you should be able to make the conversation lighter with new people before getting into the heavier stuff. Don't be lazy or think it's just a waste of time. Instead, think of it as a way to get to know the other person better. Here are some examples to make small talk:
- It may not be interesting to talk about the weather, but you can use the weather to talk about more interesting topics. For example, if someone complains about the rain that has kept them cooped up at home all weekend, you could ask them if they had time to watch something good on TV. Use it as an excuse to discuss your favorite movie or TV show.
- If someone is wearing a unique piece of jewelry, you can compliment and ask if there's an interesting story behind it. Maybe her story will lead to a story about how her grandmother gave the jewelry to her, or how she got that Murano glass necklace in Italy, a place you've been dying to want to visit.
- When making small talk, avoid asking yes-or-no questions, as the conversation will get stuck. Instead, ask questions that demand longer answers. Instead of asking, "Did you have fun this weekend?", you can ask, "What did you do last weekend?" so that he has more room to talk.
- Avoid asking things that are too personal in the beginning. Stick to light topics, such as hobbies, sports, bands, or pets, and wait for him to open up a bit more.
Step 4. Show that you are interested, not interesting
You may think that the best way to socialize is to make other people think you're cool, which is why they need to hang out with you often. It's okay to think so. But the truth is, people prefer to hang out with people who are attracted to them, rather than with attractive people in general. While you can reveal some information about yourself, one way to socialize better is to show people a real interest in asking them questions, and showing that you care about their lives. Here are some things you can ask:
- Their favorite band, sports team, movie or TV show.
- Their hobbies or interests are other than work or campus.
- Favorite place they've been.
- Do they have pets.
- Do they like where they live.
- How was their interview/basketball game/weekend outing.
- Plan them for a weekend or vacation.
Step 5. Embrace new people
People who have difficulty socializing are usually afraid, suspicious, or skeptical of new people. They may think that new people will do no good and are better off hanging out with people they already know. You should think from the opposite point of view. To the new acquaintance, you personally deserve to be known, and you are also a new acquaintance to them. Instead of being skeptical of new people until they prove themselves to you, it's better to assume that most people have good intentions. So be kind to them. If you approach new people as potential friends instead of potential enemies, you're halfway there to being more social.
- If you're in a group of people and see someone you don't know, try introducing yourself. Don't just smile awkwardly or turn away from the person. Everyone will be impressed by your initiative.
- If you see a new person who doesn't know anyone, get to know them and make the person feel comfortable. This is a basic kindness that will be greatly appreciated.
Step 6. Learn to read other people
Another way to be social when chatting with other people is to learn to “read” them, even if they say something that is the exact opposite of how they really feel. You have to be good at understanding body language and have to be able to tell a person's feelings just by the way he stands or the look on his face when he's not talking. If she says she's fine, but you notice that her eyes are puffy or that her clothes are a little tattered, you should realize that she really needs help.
- When opening a conversation with another person, look deeper to see what he really wants to say. If you're in a group of people and someone just pulls away or is just looking around, they may be bored or uncomfortable, and they may need help.
- If you're having a conversation with someone who is constantly looking at the clock or changing their footstool, it's possible that the person is running late or is nervous. It's better if you let the person in if he has other needs, and you can chat later.
Part 2 of 3: Building Relationships
Step 1. Get in touch with your contacts
You may have trouble socializing because there's no one worth hanging out with or no one around who wants to hang out with you. That's where you go wrong. Life is full of potential friends and you just have to look for them. The decision is entirely in your hands. You may not realize that the girl sitting behind you in class, the guy on the swim team, or even the neighbor, can be one of your best friends. Find someone you know a little bit about and invite them over for coffee or have a relaxing time. In this way, you will soon make new friends.
- Do not be shy. Inviting someone to have fun relaxing, such as drinking coffee, attending seminars, watching movies together, is not difficult. It's not like taking someone to the dance or asking him to marry you. You're just asking for a little of their time.
- Think about it: is there an acquaintance who looks cool and you've always wanted to get to know you better? What's the worst thing that could happen if you approach that person?
Step 2. Find a new hobby or interest
Another way to build relationships with more people is to pursue a new hobby or interest. You can do this method on campus, in the office, or in the neighborhood. You can take a yoga class and get to know the person next door. You can follow the volleyball team and get to know the people on the team. You can take art classes and meet people who share similar interests. The more you get out of the house, the more likely you are to find interesting people.
- If you spend more time doing something you enjoy, chances are you'll get to know other people too. Even if you're just developing an interest in a new hobby, you may find someone who shares your interests.
- Finding a new hobby or interest will also help you socialize, as you'll get used to getting out of your comfort zone and being outside more often. And that's exactly what you need to be able to socialize.
Step 3. Invite people often
A person who is social always invites other people to hang out with him. You don't have to throw a big party to increase the number of people invited. Don't be shy about inviting other people to have fun together and think about what activities you can do with them. Smile, invite more people, and explain that even if that person is too busy to join in on the fun, it won't be a problem. Here are some ways to invite more people to have fun together:
- Invite someone in class to participate in a study group.
- Invite someone you know to work together at the cafe.
- If someone has a crush on a certain band or artist, take them to a concert or movie.
- Take coworkers out for lunch or coffee.
- Have fun together at the office.
- Invite a few people to watch their favorite TV shows and order pizza.
- Organize non-formal football, futsal or basketball matches.
- Ask a friend to arrange a poetry reading at your house or at a cafe.
Step 4. If you are invited, always come
If you don't like socializing, chances are you're the kind of person who refuses to come when invited. While you don't have to hang out with people you're not comfortable with, it's a good idea to give them a chance. If someone invites you to a study group, party, or fun event, don't just say no, but give it a try. If you find you don't like it, just walk away – no one is going to force you to stay. By just coming, you're already half way through.
If you're nervous about accepting an invitation because you don't know what's going to happen, just ask a few things to help you feel more comfortable. If you're invited to a party, find out if any of your acquaintances have also been invited. If you are invited to a concert, ask what the venue is like. Once you know more about the situation, you won't be too nervous about it
Step 5. Spend more time outdoors
While you won't be able to go straight to a party the second time you leave the house, you definitely won't have a chance to socialize if you just lock yourself in. By simply going outside, the opportunity to converse with someone or meet new people is created. Instead of studying at home, try studying in a cafe. Maybe there you can have a conversation with the person sitting next to you. Having tea or lunch outside will give you the opportunity to pass people you know and chat for a few minutes. The more time you spend outside, the more likely you are to connect with other people.
- Just going outside will help form the habit of being around people. The more time you spend with other people, the more accustomed you will become to greeting people, making small talk, and reducing any social anxiety you may have.
- Plus, just by going outside for some sunshine and fresh air, you'll already feel less isolated, and this also increases the possibility of connecting with other people. Socializing will be more difficult if you are used to being alone.
Step 6. Get involved frequently at work or college
If you want to build more relationships with other people, then one of the best ways to do that is to get involved at work or on campus. If you work, try to get involved in organizing fun events, holiday parties, office volunteering events, or sporting events on the weekends. There must be a committee to join or an event to help with. Ways like this can help you get to know more people. If you are still in college or school, then joining extracurricular school newspapers, yearbook writing, BEM or student council, or a sports team will also help you to get more involved and get to know more people.
- While all of this won't necessarily make you friends right away, it will definitely help you learn to work side-by-side with others, be part of a team, and have daily social interactions with others.
- To be able to join the student council or BEM, you do not have to run for chairman. Start small and join a school committee or other organization that can make you a good influence without being the center of attention.
Step 7. Don't build all social relationships on the internet alone
If you're part of a helpful online community where you can exchange real ideas with other people who share similar interests, that's great. But if you're the kind of person who just spends hours on Facebook, g-chat, Twitter, or any other form of social media and interaction without actually talking to people in person, then you're in trouble. While a photo someone likes or a comment on a Facebook timeline can bring a moment of happiness, they can't replace real personal interaction.
- In fact, too much socializing on social media can prevent you from having real, personal interactions. Don't use social media as a backup, and spend more time chatting face-to-face.
- You can use Facebook to stay in touch with other people, but when it comes to asking them out for fun, keep it private. Use Facebook to invite other people to real events, and try to meet people in real life. Otherwise, you won't really be sociable-you just have a superficial measure of feeling connected to other people.
Part 3 of 3: Creating Long Lasting Relationships
Step 1. Give yourself time to learn to be open
While it's important to build relationships and learn to engage in meaningful conversations, you also need to know how to dive deeper and create more lasting relationships. The key is, this part takes time. Even people who are good at socializing are not always able to create meaningful bonds. The most important thing is that you give yourself time to open up and come out of your shell, and don't expect to make five friends at once in a month. Be patient with yourself and those around you, and realize that building deep friendships will take time.
At first, maybe you and the person are just acquaintances. But after a few times of drinking coffee or having lunch together, he can already be called a friend. After a few months, maybe you and he have started to open up to each other. It won't take long for him to become one of your closest and dearest friends. But if you hurry, the relationship may fail. Making true friends takes time
Step 2. Keep in touch
Another way to build real social relationships is to stay in touch with people who mean a lot to you. Making small talk and attending parties will increase the number of people you meet, but if you want to continue to be friends, you'll need to stay in touch. If you turn down three or four invitations from someone, that person might just give up asking you. If you don't answer calls or text messages, your relationship may end. However, if you make the effort to catch up with your friends at least once a week, make regular plans, and show that you care about them, then you'll make real social bonds.
While you don't have to be present all the time, you certainly don't want to have a reputation for being "unreliable." If they want to build real relationships with people, they have to feel that they can count on you
Step 3. Mark the date on the calendar
Another way to make your relationships with other people last is to force yourself to fill your calendar with social activities. You don't have to force yourself to hang out with other people every day, but make a plan at least twice a week to maintain social relationships. Just by mentioning that you're going to a party or concert and marking it on your calendar, you'll already feel like your social life is progressing well. Once the date is marked on the calendar, it means you've made a commitment and need to stick to it.
- If you're having a very busy week, see if you can combine social events with the activities you have to do. Maybe you can invite a friend to study together ahead of a history exam, or invite him or her to your weekly yoga class.
- Taking time for yourself is equally important. If you are naturally introverted or don't really like to socialize, it won't be easy to change from being alone all of a sudden being surrounded by many people at once. Take time for yourself and don't sacrifice that time for anything.
Step 4. Put quality over quantity
You might think that socializing means chatting with lots of people throughout the day and night. In reality, it's more important to socialize regularly with a few people you really care about, than to fill your life with lots of people who have no meaning to you. A few good friends are enough to make you feel less lonely and more social. Look for people who really mean a lot to you and spend time with them.
Once in a while, having fun with lots of people is fun. You can combine it with a more intimate personal event with close friends
Step 5. Be a good listener
Another way to develop closer social bonds is to learn to really listen to others. This means keeping your cell phone and other distractions aside when someone is talking to you, make eye contact, and don't interrupt someone who is about to tell you something. You should also remember things that other people have told you, so you can come back to them later. Chatting with someone you care about and making time for them is a sign that you are a friend worth keeping.
- If your friend tells you about the trials she is going through, don't compare her life with yours, because it will make her problems seem more trivial. Instead, look at the situation he's in separately and use your experience as advice.
- If your friend tells you that she's dealing with something important, you should contact her before the moment to congratulate her or ask her how she's progressing. It shows that you listen and care.
Step 6. Show that they mean a lot to you
Another way to forge more meaningful social bonds is to show how much they mean to you. This means that you should take the time to thank friends who have helped, or at least let them know how much your friendship means to you. While you may feel embarrassed when you express how much you appreciate them, it can go a long way in developing long-lasting and deep social bonds.
- You can help a friend by bringing her coffee or lunch, for example, to show how much she means to you.
- Don't think that thank you cards are old fashioned. Writing a thank you note to a friend who has helped you can make a big difference.
- Spread love, positivity, and compliments to your friends. Tell them why they're great, from complimenting their sense of humor to their patience to listen.
