Sometimes, security starts to feel good. When you are tired of playing games and are interested in taking your relationship to a more serious level of commitment, you may have questions on how to make this relationship work. You can learn how to find out how ready you are for a long-term relationship, as well as how to make the relationship work and feel fresh.
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Part 1 of 3: Testing Your Relationship
Step 1. At first, take it easy
If you don't have a boyfriend and want to be in a romantic relationship, you shouldn't be in a hurry. It may take a long time to get acquainted with new people, let alone meet the right person to start a long-term romantic relationship. Therefore, try not to rush at first and let things develop over time. Every relationship has different conditions, so try to live it according to the circumstances.
- It's usually not wise to discuss things like marriage and children at the first meeting. Indeed for some people, especially those who are older, this is not a problem. However, this discussion topic is not appropriate for getting to know someone.
- The goals you set in the first days, weeks, and months of your relationship are not to take it to a more serious level. Instead, set a goal to get to know the real person. That way, you can also know if you really want to take him to a more serious level or just stop him. If you aim to take him to a more serious level, instead of getting to know him better, you may be compromising your core values in order to gain a long-term relationship. Therefore, it's best not to discuss a long-term relationship at all, at least for the first few months.
- Introduce your partner to your friends and family after a few months and wait a while before asking your loved ones what they think about your partner. If everyone says you two look happy together, how compatible you are with each other, and other compliments, take those as a good sign.
Step 2. Try asking friends and family about your relationship
It's true, sometimes love is blind so we overlook the real faults of someone who has the potential to be our long-term partner. Your friends and family will see it easily. Therefore, the opinions of trusted friends and loved ones can be useful in making decisions.
Remember, you are still in this relationship, and all decisions are yours. If your friends don't like your partner, the important thing is that you and your partner are happy in your relationship
Step 3. Once the relationship has entered a more serious stage, discuss your desires
If you're in a relationship with someone and are thinking about moving on to a long-term relationship, it's important that you discuss whether your partner wants the same thing, and then try to open up to each other. Everyone may have different opinions about what a relationship is, expectations about what it means, and views on commitment. The best way to find out is to ask your partner directly.
- Ask your partner simple but meaningful questions, such as "How far do you think this relationship can go?" Be prepared to hear a variety of possible answers.
- What does "long term" mean to you? Several months? Until the first fight appeared? Wedding? Or children?
- Think about possible scenarios that could help you consider this commitment issue. What if your partner has to move to another city because of his job? Are you willing to move in with him? What circumstances made you feel like you had to cut ties?
Step 4. Share your personal life goals with your partner
What do you want from life? Where do you want to be in ten years? What kind of career do you envision for yourself? Things like this can hinder a long-term relationship, or at least reduce your compatibility with your partner.
- Be aware when mismatches arise. If you want to travel a lot in the next few years, while your partner doesn't, you two should discuss this issue. Relationships that manipulate you into doing things you don't really want to do are unhealthy.
- There is a difference between being ready for a long term relationship and being ready for a long term relationship "with this person". Often times, taking a relationship to a more serious level sounds fun, safe, and exciting. But, is such a relationship really fitting with this person? At this time? Think about this and discuss it with your partner.
Step 5. Try traveling together
A quick way to find out if your relationship has the potential to be successful is to travel together. Vacationing together can be stressful as well as forcing both of you to spend a lot of time together. That way, you'll also see if your relationship can withstand the stress that arises. Chances are you can see what your partner looks like at their worst. Will you still like it after that?
You do not need to plan a trip abroad that costs a lot of money to do this. You can plan a weekend getaway camping or out of town to visit some relatives. That is enough to know the potential success of your relationship
Step 6. Try living together when the time is right
In some countries, when a person feels that his partner is "the one" he has been waiting for, he will try to live together before moving on to marriage, or other types of long-term relationships. Just like traveling together, living together helps you get to know your partner more closely, for example, what you look like when you're tired, angry, helpless, or in some other bad situation. If you can still love him when he has the flu or some other illness, then your relationship is truly special.
On the other hand, some couples find living apart as the secret to long-term relationship success. It is true that having your own space is important. And, there is no absolute rule that says that living together is a condition of a good relationship. Every society has its own rules and norms
Step 7. Try raising an animal before deciding to have children
Some couples make the mistake of thinking that having children can help mend a deteriorating relationship. This is a serious mistake. In addition, even though you are already ready to have children, it does not mean that it is a feasible method for you to take with your partner at this time. If you want to know what it's like for you and your partner to raise a child, try raising animals together.
- Animals that don't require major commitments, such as birds, hamsters, or rabbits, can help you see how committed your partner is to caring for other creatures and other members of your relationship. Is your partner willing to compromise and love unconditionally?
- You should also think about what your current state of life is like. There are many cases of people owning pets even though their life circumstances are not supportive and this is an irresponsible stupid act. Don't own a pet if you don't have the time and resources needed to raise one.
Part 2 of 3: Establishing Long-Term Relationships
Step 1. Make a commitment to your partner
After testing the relationship, if you think he deserves to be kept, maybe it's time to take the relationship to a more serious level. When you are ready, let your partner know that you are committed to this relationship and are willing to put in the effort to live it and try your best to keep the relationship healthy. Every relationship is different, so try to talk to your partner.
- This commitment can be as simple as an "exclusive" relationship, or as serious as an engagement, depending on your agreement with your partner. What is clear, making a commitment, deciding to fight for this relationship, and compromising to keep it is an important step.
- Usually, in a long-term relationship you are not expected to be in a relationship with another person although this is not necessarily true in all relationships. Don't underestimate anything. Try to be sure with your partner.
Step 2. Be honest with your partner
One of the most important things about a long term relationship is honesty. If you want to commit to this relationship, you have to be honest with your partner, at least about what you want from this relationship and what makes you happy. If you are frustrated with something, tell him and try to hear what he has to say too.
The flip side of honesty is being a good listener. You should always be there for them and willing to listen when they are opening up. Do you have to share all the details of your past with your partner if you feel that it is actually hurting your relationship? Only you can answer that. If it's keeping you from being happy, talk about it. If not, you should just keep it
Step 3. Overcome all obstacles
One of the differences between a non-serious relationship and a serious relationship is how you deal with arguments with your partner. Quarrel is not a sign that the relationship is over. It shows that both of you are facing an obstacle and it is up to you whether you want to work through this obstacle together, or whether this obstacle has the potential to get in the way of your happiness with your partner. What is clear, it is important for you to face the argument and resolve it.
- Immediately deal with problems as they arise. The worst thing that can happen is to ignore warnings when they appear because you want the relationship to continue. The better you deal with the problems that arise, the better things will turn out to be.
- It's important to be able to distinguish between common petty arguments that you can resolve and serious issues that you can't resolve. If you like fussing over dirty dishes, that's fine. But if your partner is constantly criticizing you, or makes you feel inferior or discouraged after discussing dirty dishes, that's a problem.
Step 4. Make friends with the same person
Often times people joke about friends disappearing from circulation after a serious relationship. The longer a relationship lasts, the harder it will be to find time to socialize because you have to work on maintaining this relationship. A simple solution to this situation, try to do both at the same time. Try to make friends with the same people and socialize as a couple.
- Avoid spending time only with your partner's friends. If your partner has lots of friends, that's great. However, try to make new friends together. If one day you are forced to break up, it must be very sad because you have to lose friends too.
- Try to find other suitable partners to spend time with, including friends who are single.
Step 5. Set common goals
If you find that your life goals align with your partner's, start making common goals for both of you and the relationship. What are your main ambitions for this relationship and for yourself? What do you imagine would happen in your life a year later? What kind of life do you want in the next five years? Find out what to do to improve your relationship and your life together.
- This means that in the early stages of your relationship, you'll need to save money together, finish each other's colleges, have a good career, and take other steps to prepare yourself for a more comfortable long-term relationship.
- If the relationship has been going on long enough, which means it starts to refer to things like marriage and children, start investing your money, and other family-oriented goals.
Part 3 of 3: Keeping the Fire of Love Burning
Step 1. Tell your partner that you love him or her
Shouldn't this be done? It's important to remember that if you love your partner, you need to say it once in a while. It's very important for a relationship that is just getting into a serious stage to be built on love and trust, and you have to say it through actions and words. Say these three words to him often.
Step 2. Do things together
While it may seem easy, it's important for couples who are in a serious relationship to prioritize their relationship, making time for each other to do things with their partner. The longer your relationship lasts, the more difficult this will be to do. Make the effort to do it.
- You don't have to spend a lot of money or do extravagant things like dating in exotic ways to keep your relationship fresh. Dinner and movies are fun, but try climbing a hill together, giving each other a massage, or playing a game together. Spending time together by doing active activities is good.
- Even if it doesn't seem romantic, sometimes it's important to schedule time to do things with your serious partner so that you are both intimate and intimate while keeping the emotional connection alive. Try scheduling weekly dates, or a weekend out of town every month.
Step 3. Try to be kind (good), willing (giving), and open (game)
Savage Love columnist and author, Dan Savage, coined the term "GGG" to refer to the qualities that each partner possesses in a good long-term relationship, namely "good, giving, and game" traits.
- Being good or kind means acting with the good of your partner first. You should always be nice to your partner.
- Giving means being willing to work hard to make your partner happy. Give a part of yourself to your partner, share your interests and your life with them. Try not to think only of yourself when you are with your partner.
- To be gaming means being open to doing things that would normally not appeal to you. It's easy for us to seem unenthusiastic about things we haven't tried or don't like. However, if our enthusiasm can make your partner happy, try to do it. It could be a fun activity.
Step 4. Make your relationship spontaneous
Long-term relationships barely have many surprises. Everything is predictable. You go to work or school, you come home, you meet the same friends, you go to the same places, you watch the same shows. Life like this can be boring and this boredom has the potential to mess up relationships. Try to try to keep things spontaneous.
- Maybe you already know each other, but that doesn't mean you don't need to date out anymore. Take time to go out and have fun with each other. Keep the relationship fun and special.
- Try to surprise your partner at the most unexpected times by making special plans beyond their knowledge. Even simple things like preparing dinner or cleaning the kitchen without being asked by your partner can surprise and delight him. It's the little things that make a difference in a relationship.
Step 5. Take time to do your own activities
While it's important that you keep your relationship active and lively, it's also important that you spend time alone without a partner, spend time with your own friends and pursue your personal interests. You don't have to involve your partner in everything.
- Have your own space, especially if you live together. This space could be in the form of your personal desk or a bedside table specially made for you. Importantly, you must have your own personal space.
- Make friends with people outside your partner's circle of friends and make separate plans with them. If your partner doesn't like you spending time with your friends, then there's an issue you both need to discuss. Each party should have their own friends and spend time with them.
Tips
- Make sure you are in a relationship with people you really love. Don't tell yourself that you're going to spend your life with someone forever just because you like their eyes or are mesmerized by their sexy belly. If the only thing you have in common is your love of cheese, it sounds like you need to find someone else who is more likely to accompany you through life.
- Communication can be key. While there may be a decision at first not to allow yourself to fully open up, this is natural. Over time, you'll need to be completely honest with this person and let them know how you really feel.
- Don't be offended if he says something that doesn't align with your views. If he doesn't like the restaurant you chose for a dinner date, go somewhere else that you guys like, even though you might be a little bored with it.
- If you feel your partner is cheating on you, don't make a decision right away. Try to look for signs that exist such as kiss marks or he is late coming home from work or college, and so on. If you find one, don't get hysterical but try to engage her in a discussion by saying, "I see kiss marks on your body. Can you tell me where it came from?"
- If your partner doesn't show their love often, don't be offended. It may take him days, weeks, or sometimes months to digest the situation. You should be supportive.
- Maybe you're in the "friend zone" with him long enough before you can move on to a romantic relationship.
