When things go wrong, we usually turn to friends for reassurance and support. Are you the kind of person you can rely on when a friend is feeling down? If you're not sure, don't worry, you can learn the ability to calm others down. You may feel awkward or nervous at first, but with practice, you won't have to worry about saying something wrong or making the situation worse. When one of your friends is having a hard time, help him out by keeping him company, finding the right words, and avoiding some common mistakes.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Giving Support
Step 1. Estimate how sad he is
Entertain friends according to their level of sadness. If it seems like he's in a lot of trouble, you may need to put in more effort to help. If something is bothering him, but he's not so sad, accompany him without overreacting.
He may be even more upset if your reaction is not appropriate, such as maybe too much or even less than expected. So, follow the lead of his attitude
Step 2. Find out what went wrong
Before saying anything, try to find out what the problem is. This way, you can know what to say and what not to say. If you want to talk to him without knowing the situation, it's possible that you said something wrong.
- Say, "What's wrong?" or “Want a story?”
- If he's too sad to talk, don't insist on asking for an explanation. Just stay with him until he calms down. Your presence helps even if you don't say anything.
Step 3. Hug him
Touches based on good intentions can have a big impact even if you don't know what's going on. You can also put your arm around or gently pat her on the shoulder.
If he doesn't like hugs, don't force it. Sit near him. Say, "I'll accompany you sitting here."
Step 4. Let him share his feelings
If he has to let out his sadness or anger, so be it. Pay attention and don't interrupt. Encourage him to fully express his feelings.
For example, you could say, "So what's going on?" or “How are you feeling?” During a pause, maybe you can say, "I'm listening."
Step 5. Just listen
He needs someone to listen attentively. So focus on listening. Be patient and don't judge. Encourage him to keep talking for as long as necessary. Don't be bored or try to change the topic.
- Set silent mode on your phone so you won't be disturbed.
- If you have another appointment or the environment isn't pleasant to talk to, say, "I think we need to talk somewhere else" or "Can we continue later? I have an appointment, but I'll be right back here after I'm done.” Make sure he knows that you really want to listen.
Method 2 of 3: Knowing What to Say
Step 1. Show empathy
Try to put yourself in his shoes, and convey that you understand his emotions. Say, “That sounds really painful” or “You must be really disappointed.”
Don't say "I know how you feel" to a grieving person because it sounds dismissive. Show emotion by mentioning the emotion specifically
Step 2. Agree to her feelings
Acknowledge that his feelings are valid so he doesn't feel alone. Say, “You have every right to be angry” or “Anyone in your position would feel betrayed.”
Step 3. Ask him what he needs
If you don't know what to help, ask. Tell her that you want to help her feel better and that you're willing to do whatever she needs.
Say, "What do you need now?" or “What do you want me to do?”
Step 4. Offer to help
There are some people who do not like to ask for help or support from others. If he's like that, take the initiative so he doesn't have to ask. Suggest an appointment as soon as possible or plan an activity to get him excited again.
For example, say, "I'll call you when I get home, okay?" or “Would you like to meet for lunch tomorrow?”
Step 5. Don't feel like you have to talk
If he doesn't talk much, don't feel like you have to fill the silence, especially if words aren't going to improve the situation. He can already feel your support even if you just sit quietly with him.
Tell him he can cry if he wants. Sometimes, crying is more comforting than talking
Method 3 of 3: Avoiding Missteps
Step 1. Don't underestimate the pain
Avoid words that belittle his feelings or use clichés even if you don't know what to say. Words like, "Everything happens for a reason" or "Come on, it's not that bad" will only make her feel worse. Take her grief seriously and if you don't know what to say, it's better to keep quiet.
Step 2. Reduce your positive attitude
There's no need to reassure him that all will be well, and don't give compliments in an attempt to cheer him up. When you're down, hearing advice to look on the bright side won't help, and compliments may seem empty and fake.
- If he's sad because of a failure, you can remind him of his strengths in other areas. However, don't overdo it and stay away from false compliments.
- For example, if he's sad that he didn't make it to his dream university, you can make sure he's smart and that his intelligence isn't determined by the college he goes to. Don't say he's the best student in his school if he's not.
Step 3. Focus the conversation on him
Don't talk about yourself and your problems even if you've had the same problem. Talking about your experience won't solve the problem, it will make him feel unheard.
Step 4. Avoid giving advice
You can't solve a friend's problem even if you want to. Advice may make him feel that you are putting his feelings aside. Focus on making him feel understood and supported.
