You are often called stubborn, stubborn, and do not want to change? Maintaining principles is important, but so are compromising, cooperating, and collaborating. Your stubbornness may be the reason why you are not invited to some events, and you may lose out on friendships and even job opportunities. If you're sticking to your stand, it's time for a change. Cope with your stubbornness with practical techniques, develop negotiation skills, and analyze the reasons for stubbornness.
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Part 1 of 3: Using a Practical Approach
Step 1. Listen to the other side of the story
You may agree with some things you hear, and vice versa. This allows you to hear things you've never known before, and also increases your chances of coming to an agreement. When both parties listen to each other well, all problems will feel easier for both of them to deal with.
- If you fill your head with excuses to argue with the person who is speaking, you are not actively listening. If you have trouble listening, say, "Okay, I'm hearing what you have to say now." This will force you to stop and focus on the person speaking.
- Maintain good eye contact. This will help you stay focused and will also show your interest in hearing what the other person has to say.
- Don't interrupt someone's conversation. Instead, wait until he stops talking to reply. Repeat the words according to what you hear. Each time you do this, you will build credibility as an active listener.
- If the other person is sad, happy, or excited to say something, you can say something like, “You seem really excited about the opportunity. I can see why it is so important to you.” People love to be heard. When you repeat what he's saying correctly, he knows you're listening.
Step 2. Remind yourself that you are not always right
When you listen to someone else talk, you may think everything he says is wrong because you know the “right way”. There is a difference between fact and opinion. Your opinion is not always the most important, and your knowledge is not always accurate. You have to accept that you are learning something new every day, even if it will override what you already know.
- You can have an opinion, but you can't have other people agree with you all the time. Repeating your opinion out loud, more often, or in a judgmental way will not make everyone agree with you. Everyone has their own opinion.
- Nobody likes people who know a lot. If you feel that maintaining relationships with family, friends, and business associates is important, you must have a pleasant personality.
Step 3. Build trust in others by starting small
Stubbornness may be associated with distrust of others. Most people won't take advantage of you after you've worked hard to get to your goals. For the people who take advantage of you, his nature will quickly become visible and you can distance yourself. Remember, these types of people are the exception.
- There are many ways to build trust in others. Start with small steps that lead to bigger steps. For example, if you feel someone is irresponsible, let them carry your clothes at the laundry. This is a small risky activity, but it will build your trust. Once the person has shown that he or she is reliable, you can let him do the more demanding tasks. Each time that person succeeds, your trust will grow even more.
- Even if someone forgets to do something for you, that doesn't mean they can't be trusted. Give him a second chance to earn his trust. You will also feel grateful if given a second chance.
Step 4. Keep an open mind by accepting other people's judgments
Join any discussion or situation with an open and neutral mindset without any negative judgment. Show that you are willing to listen to what the other person has to say so that you can make a fair decision, rather than do it arbitrarily. Taking into account everyone's opinion will lead to a positive outcome.
- Don't jump to conclusions negatively by using visualization techniques. For example, close your eyes and imagine a box containing all the negative things you believe about a person or event you should attend. Imagine yourself closing the box, locking it, and putting it aside. Open your eyes and come forward symbolically to get away from your stubbornness. This will help you have an open-minded discussion.
- Focus on positive feelings that lead to good results and let them motivate you through a situation.
Step 5. Be humble
Don't always feel that other people are inferior to you. Think that everyone is the same. It's okay to feel confident and have reasonable self-esteem, but you'll come across as stubborn and narrow-minded if you overdo it. You can also be called arrogant, selfish, and even evil.
- To be humble, you have to look at all situations from the point of view that you are grateful for what you have. Don't exaggerate your achievements. Appreciate what you have and the people in your life. If you never forget this and uphold your concern for others, you will find that your stubbornness will lessen.
- Humility requires you to have a very simplistic view of yourself rather than the other way around. For example, if you have a college degree, don't look down on people who don't have one. There are a variety of reasons why someone doesn't go to college, and most of these people will probably be more successful than you.
Step 6. Realize that stubbornness can be a good trait in some cases
For example, when you believe you are right or are defending something of value, it is necessary to be stubborn. Also, if you take full control of all decisions, and the consequences of those decisions will have a personal impact on you, your stubbornness will come in handy. In certain situations, stubbornness is necessary. Only when this trait gets out of control and has a negative impact on you and those around you should it be controlled.
- If you or your attorney is fighting for your rights, being stubborn is an asset.
- If your medical procedure has to be approved and you are troubled by the insurance company, being stubborn may save your life.
Part 2 of 3: Developing Negotiation Skills
Step 1. Build relationships to reduce tension
Don't use stubbornness to get what you want, instead, learn important negotiation techniques so you can compromise, work together, and collaborate. You will get what you want in a more effective and professional way. Building a relationship is the first step, People tend to be more open to someone who shares their interests. If you put your stubbornness aside and understand the other person, he or she will respond in a more positive way.
- Find common interests by looking at a photo or piece of art on someone's wall or desk and saying, “This photo is great. It was like the places I saw in New Mexico. Where did you take the photo?”
- To find common ground with others, make conversations about the weather, pets, and children. People will respond to someone they have something in common with. Find a topic that the person can relate to and talk about it. Revisiting the topic as you go is a good way to end a conversation.
- You will be asked something that makes you feel defensive. Continue to be patient and say, "I'll try to answer without seeming defensive so this matter can be resolved". Saying it out loud will remind you to focus on building a relationship again.
- You may feel competitive with someone, so remember that good sportsmanship is very relevant in any competitive situation.
- Maintain a professional and friendly tone of voice throughout the conversation.
Step 2. Eliminate misunderstandings to increase resolution
Create a desire to understand what someone is talking about and wants. If something doesn't make sense to you, ask for clarification. Next, express what you want in a way that allows the other person to understand what you want. Once both parties understand each other, it will be easier to create a positive outcome.
- If there's something you don't understand, say, “I'm not sure I understand why you have to take the car next week. Does that mean you won't be able to come to work, or you'll be fired for it?”
- You may have to apologize if there is a misunderstanding. For example, you could say, "I'm sorry for confusing you. Let me repeat my words in another way."
Step 3. Support your opinion with clear evidence
Your stubbornness may lack rational support if it has become your main tactic for controlling a situation. The other person may have given up on working things out with you because you're constantly forcing your opinion on them.
Saying, “Because I said so”, in a negotiation is unacceptable and will not come to an agreement. You must support your opinion with evidence that will help justify your wishes. For example, if your boyfriend wants to go to a party at his office and you don't want to go, you could say, "I know I'm stubborn, but the reason I don't want to go to the party is because I don't know anyone, and I'd rather you go. with your friends and have fun. You don't have to worry about me. So go, I want you to have fun.”
Step 4. Facilitate and celebrate the deal
If you look at something with the intention of turning it down, the deal will drift further and further away. Conflicts will be resolved more quickly if you start with the attitude, "how can I fix it?" You will not lose power by using this approach. In fact, finding a solution with a thoughtful attitude is an achievement.
- If you've just had an argument with your roommate and you've already worked it out, say something like, “I'm glad we finally sorted this out. Let's go eat dessert and drink coffee, shall we? I treat."
- Whenever you have a problem with someone, always respect their desire to find a solution. For example, say, “I appreciate your efforts to solve this problem. Hopefully we can forget about this problem now.”
- Realize when you have put your stubbornness aside and it makes a difference. For example, say, “I really try not to be stubborn and I think that helps a lot. If you?" You don't admit flaws. Making change is a hallmark of power.
Step 5. Agree to disagree
There will be times when you cannot resolve a conflict. If you're trying to participate, that's your maximum effort. You should make more effort to find a resolution. Unfortunately, there are times when you have to accept it and move on.
- You can always take a break to let you and the other person think, calm down, and process the results that will emerge.
- Sometimes, the best outcome is understanding that you can't understand. This will help you mentally forget about the problem.
Part 3 of 3: Analyzing Stubbornness
Step 1. Find out and identify what is missing from your life
Stubbornness can be a reaction to losing someone or something in your life. You may be protecting yourself from future loss because the loss is so painful. Something, someone, or family status may be taken from you. Your subconscious thinks that if you stand firm, you won't get hurt.
- The root of stubbornness varies from person to person. Possible reasons include: feeling weak, hiding secrets, wanting attention from others, feeling afraid to give up power.
- Situations that will trigger stubbornness include: playing a competitive game, a close friend fails a class and he doesn't want anyone to know so he refuses to talk about his class, someone arguing over something and taking sides with one just to get everyone else involved. get angry, and a friend refuses to take responsibility for the problem of financial expenses.
- A world filled with stubbornness that you are trying to create is unhealthy. In the end, you will end up isolated, depressed, and suffering from other psychological problems.
- Did you feel out of control when your parents divorced, your spouse was murdered, or your dream job turned you down? Instead of being stubborn, learn new and healthier strategies for dealing with this problem including: participating in healthy activities that require you to open up, learning about the grieving process, or meditating.
- Are you passive aggressive because someone in your life is always telling you to do something and you don't like it? Now, when someone asks you to do something, you say yes, but you stubbornly try to make that person angry. Keeping promises as passive aggressive behavior will destroy all relationships.
Step 2. Ask yourself why you always have to be right
Insecurity drives various human behaviors and causes anxiety and depression. Are you afraid that others will think you are uneducated, unintelligent, or not great if you show weakness? Feeling that you are most right when you are clearly wrong will eventually fuel your self-doubt.
Admit you're wrong when it's proven. You will see that the world will not end if you do. In fact, you will feel relieved and begin to understand that stubbornness is only bothering your mind, emotions, and relationships
Step 3. Determine what you really want to get by being stubborn
Being too stubborn will create boundaries between you and the other person. Do you stay away from other people? Do those boundaries make you feel safe? What are the possible replies you get? Are the results of your behavior reasonable?
- Is your stubbornness against yourself? Do you want stability and togetherness, but your behavior drives others away? The answer is: it doesn't work for you.
- Be honest with yourself and write down a list of things you want to achieve by being stubborn. For example, do you feel that this trait will make you feel superior to others, will not make a difference in your life, or do you want to prove that no one can tell you to do something? Expecting an outcome like this is unrealistic. Checking for thinking errors is essential for change to occur.
- Write a second list of things you can do to stop being stubborn, and live the free life you want.
Step 4. Get help if you're having trouble
It does take courage to ask for help. If you're having trouble controlling your stubbornness, reach out to a trusted source to talk about help. There are several resources available to you through a private provider, such as a counselor or doctor. Talk to someone who will help you lighten the load and develop an effective approach to dealing with things.
- If you feel isolated, call a counselor or doctor to make an appointment. If you're feeling lost, it's normal to be stubborn for a while. However, this trait could be a sign that you may be suffering from unresolved grief, so bereavement counseling will help.
- Art therapy is also available and can be very beneficial.
Tips
- Respect the beliefs of others besides yourself.
- Take the advice of others.
- Love others and let others love you.
- When you read articles about making positive changes like these, you increase your chances of success.
- When you feel like you're starting to be stubborn, say, "I'm not going to be stubborn. I will be open to all possibilities.”
- When a mule is very stubborn, it will move with proper handling, kindness, and persuasion.
- When you feel threatened with losing something of value, there's a tendency to cling to it so it won't be taken away. You can learn to let go.
- Be brave in the face of stubbornness. That trait will stop you from living a happy life.
- If you want to stop being stubborn, pick a day to commit so you can feel it. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time you will feel the freedom that comes with the effort.
- Apologizing for your stubbornness can win over your friends and influence others. Develop the habit of apologizing when you hurt someone or are trying to protect yourself from the cause of your stubbornness.
- Know that you can be wrong sometimes.
- Listen and respect others, but stick to your feet.
- Learn to realize that sometimes, you can hurt someone by staying away from them because of your stubbornness.
- Put your community, friends, and family before yourself.
- Stubbornness can be the result of selfishness. Learn about the possibility that selfishness could be at the root of your problems.
Warning
- Being stubborn can risk your relationships, job opportunities, and even your life if you don't seek medical care when it's needed.
- It's never too late to apologize in order to avoid the difficult situation caused by your unwillingness to budge.
- Know that your personality has a bit of a stubborn streak, and that's you. However, you can learn to control it so that it doesn't turn against you.
- You must have a view of the consequences of your behavior before it can change. Your behavior affects others and you have an obligation to treat others the same way you would like to be treated.
