Pain is unavoidable in a serious relationship. However, pain and discord does not mean the relationship will end soon. Many couples realize that solving problems can usually make their relationship stronger than before. What they realize is that all relationships require hard work, love, and patience to succeed, and this is evident when you try to mend a broken relationship.
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Method 1 of 4: Solving Couple Problems
Step 1. Determine if your partner wants to improve the relationship
There's no point in trying to fix something if you're the only one who wants to do all the hard work. If your partner never apologizes for his mistakes, underestimates your desire to talk, or continues to behave in ways that hurt you, it may be time to move on in another way.
Repairing a relationship takes two people. If you are the only one trying to save this relationship, you will never succeed
Step 2. Determine the reason your relationship is problematic
All relationships go through tough times at some point. As the new things in your first months together start to age, problems and stress build up, and the things you thought were sweet start to piss you off. While there are always minor problems in a relationship, some issues can lead to bigger problems if not resolved quickly:
- You feel your opinion is not valued.
- You feel your partner doesn't care about your needs.
- You feel your partner is not helping with household chores, paying bills, taking care of children, and so on.
- The two of you don't communicate well and/or argue a lot.
Step 3. Talk about what annoys you with your partner
Often times, relationships end or are hit by a storm when communication is no longer working between the two parties. Even though it's difficult, you must be willing to share your problems with your partner in order to improve the relationship.
- Take the time to be honest with your partner. Your problem must be exposed if it is to be fixed.
- During this conversation, try to open yourself up. Opening up is very important in a relationship because it allows you and your partner to work things out through closeness and intimacy.
- Writing down your problems beforehand or discussing them with a close friend so that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with your partner later may be helpful.
Step 4. Listen to your partner's response instead of fighting it with arguments
Instead of trying to think about what you're going to say later, try to understand what your partner is saying. Listening carefully shows respect, and will help both of you understand the issues in your relationship.
When responding to your partner, try to use "I" instead of blaming them. Explain your point of view by saying "I feel lonely when you go out with your friends every night. I also want to spend the night with you once in a while."
Step 5. See the world from your partner's perspective
Oftentimes, couples get caught up in their own emotions and can't understand why their partner is angry. This is the easiest way to extend the argument from day to day, but this problem can be easily solved. Think about why your partner is angry. What mistakes did you make that upset your partner?
Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Admitting mistakes in a relationship is more important than ignoring or avoiding them
Step 6. Do something to fix the problem ASAP
It's not enough to just talk about these matters together. You have to do something to solve it. When you already know the problem you are facing, you and your partner should think of at least two things that will be done to solve the problem. Tell him your solution and ask him to blame you-the only way to mend a broken relationship is to commit.
- For example, if your partner feels like he or she is doing all the work, make a list of 4-5 household chores that you have to do every day.
- If your partner feels that there is nothing romantic in your relationship anymore, arrange a "date" night once a week.
- If your partner feels left out or unloved, explain that you will listen more and talk less at dinner and before bed.
Step 7. Forgive each other
Forgiving your partner's mistakes can be the most difficult part of repairing a relationship, but it's also the most crucial. Forgiving mistakes will release pent-up anger, pain, and emotions so they won't come back and sabotage all the progress you've made. Remember that no one is perfect, and without forgiving one another, there can be no lasting relationships in this entire world.
- Forgiveness takes time, so don't worry if you're still angry for 1-2 days after the fight. Keep trying to forgive your partner and you will be surprised at how quickly the negative emotions will go away.
- Talking to your partner and seeing their mistakes from their point of view can help you understand the problem and be more prepared to apologize.
Step 8. Give each other time to heal
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you are controlling your partner. When repairing a relationship, your instincts may tell you that you should spend every moment together. But this can prevent both of you from seeing the future of your relationship. So spending time together has its pros and cons, and often leads to fights or feelings of restraint.
Remember a saying that says, “if you love something, let it go”. Restricting or controlling other people will only make him go away. Trust yourself and your partner to spend time alone and both of you will be happier and healthier
Step 9. Remember why you fell in love
Once you're with the same person, it's easy to let life's problems, such as money, children, or stress suppress the good memories you have. Try to take a break from everyday life and think about the reasons you enjoy spending time with your partner, focusing on the reasons you both can stick together. This will help let go of the negative thoughts that are colonizing you and remember why you fell in love.
Look back at old photo albums and tell the story of your early romance
Method 2 of 4: Repairing Relationships After Cheating
Step 1. Recognize that rebuilding trust after an affair has occurred can take time
When one party loses trust in the other, it can take years to regain the trust that has been lost. Whenever a cheating spouse leaves the house, meets a coworker, or texts someone new, feelings of jealousy and distrust are natural. Be prepared to work hard for several months to rebuild trust after an affair.
Make a commitment to repair the relationship, no matter how difficult it is to live the relationship from day to day, and someday, you will be able to rebuild the trust that has been lost
Step 2. Take responsibility for your mistakes
Don't make excuses, blame your partner, or explain that the affair was just “one night love.” To apologize and start living, you have to admit your unfaithfulness. With introspection, someday you will realize why you decided to have an affair and find ways to avoid making the same mistakes.
Step 3. Say sorry
Apologizing can be the most difficult thing to do after an affair, no matter which side you are on in your relationship. However, apologizing is the only way to start the repair process-you won't be able to move forward if your partner is still holding on to feelings of hatred. Even if you won't be forgiven outright, you should be merciful and keep apologizing.
You may have to apologize again and again, but you must be honest and sincerely sorry for your mistake
Step 4. Be an open person
If you cheated on your partner, the quickest way to regain their trust is to be completely transparent. Let your partner access your schedule, calendar and contacts. Don't hide anything, even if it's a small thing, because it can lead to distrust.
Step 5. Keep all your promises
You have to show that you are reliable again. Call him when you say you'll call him, be on time, and do the little housework as you promised every time.
- Don't promise something you can't deliver.
- If you must change plans, change them a few days in advance, so your partner will have enough time to work out his schedule.
Step 6. Communicate your partner's needs
Listen to what your partner needs from yourself to improve the relationship. Maybe he needs some alone time. He may ask you to come home early or to stop drinking. Either way, ask “what can I do to correct my mistake?” to your partner and listen to the answer without giving an opinion.
However, this is not an invitation to abuse. Be sincere, helpful, and loving, but don't let your partner abuse your apology for "justice" or revenge
Method 3 of 4: Avoiding Relationship Problems
Step 1. Spend some time alone
Everyone knows it, but you do have to be together to keep your love alive. Find something you both enjoy and commit to it, from cooking dinner to climbing mountains on Sundays. A relationship takes hard work to stay healthy, so don't neglect your partner while you still have hope of loving each other.
If you can't stay together, write letters to each other or schedule time to chat on the phone or online
Step 2. Communicate something openly and honestly
Honest communication keeps problems away before they become big ones. When something bothers you, talk about it instead of keeping it to yourself. Allowing anger to fester or grow only makes it more difficult to control later.
Jealousy, misunderstandings, and egos can all cause a relationship to fail, so be honest about your concerns rather than hiding them
Step 3. See each other as a team
Your partner is half your soul, and you need to remember this when the relationship is going through a storm. One of the best parts of falling in love is knowing that you don't have to face everything alone-you have a partner and friend to help you through situations and feelings that are pressing you down.
- Work on a project together.
- Discuss problems at work or at home and think of solutions together.
- Call your partner when you want to chat with someone. He will definitely want to listen to you when you need him.
Step 4. Invest time to develop yourself
Get up early and eat healthy, exercise, and take care of yourself. Apart from making you happier, this activity also makes it easier for you to focus on your partner. You have to be in good physical and mental condition to love your partner. And that means, love yourself.
Step 5. Accept your partner's mistakes
No one is perfect, and we usually judge our partners more harshly than anyone else. Your partner is bound to do something wrong or hurt your feelings, and you may find it difficult to forgive them right away. However, the only way to keep loving each other is to know and accept that your partner isn't perfect, and forgive them when they make mistakes. Accept and respect the habit rather than trying to change it.
You have to be willing to forgive if you want to be forgiven. Don't forget that you're not perfect either
Step 6. Take a vacation together
Escape from the stresses of everyday life during the week or on the weekends and try to reconnect with each other. Changing the environment is a good way to change the way you think. When you leave your bills, work, and daily routine, you can focus on what matters most: you and your partner.
If you can't take a vacation, find ways to have a vacation at home. Head to a restaurant or movie theater, rent a hotel room downtown, or enjoy a rainy Sunday in your pajamas
Method 4 of 4: Knowing When to Disconnect
Step 1. End a relationship that is constantly making you sick and angry
Even if you have fun with your partner when nothing is wrong, someone who is always hurting you by yelling, cheating, or disappearing will never change. If you notice that you often fight or hurt each other, it means that you are stuck in an unhealthy relationship and you need to get out of the relationship.
- Don't let traces of happiness make you reconsider your decision. Your partner should never hurt or break your heart, no matter if he was ever nice to you.
- If the dispute between you and your partner worsens to the point of being physically assaulted, leave as soon as it is safe to do so. Physical assault from your partner is abuse, and not something you deserve.
Step 2. Recognize that relationship issues are never assigned to one person
Love relationships are done with two people, so don't let your partner blame you for all the problems that occur in your relationship. Someone who is always blaming others and doesn't want to think about their own faults will find it very difficult, if not impossible, to support you. Don't let someone force you to change in order to save a relationship-this is a sign of a strained and unhealthy relationship.
You should always feel free to be yourself when you are with your partner
Step 3. See if your fight is amicable or continues for weeks
Healthy relationships do have fights, but they can usually be resolved quickly and without violence or yelling. If the fight goes on for days or weeks, or you keep having the same issues, maybe it's time to find a new partner.
This can also apply if you argue about different things every day. If you notice that you're always fighting when a small problem occurs, ask yourself why
Step 4. Realize when you and your partner's plans are no longer in line
Couples who used to be very compatible can get into trouble when life goals collide. For example, if one party wants to continue his education while the other wants to explore the world, one party will feel belittled and cheated regardless of which option the two of you choose. If you're constantly fighting or drifting away from each other because you have different dreams, maybe it's time to pursue your own life goals.
Discuss marriage or children-if you and your partner have different points of view, this is a warning that a long-term relationship may be in trouble
Step 5. End the relationship when you are more miserable than happy
Love is about having fun, feeling safe, and enjoying life together. If you regret spending time together, waking up unhappy, or feeling miserable around your partner, it's time to move on with your life with someone else.
