It's easy to ignore fear and hope it goes away. Unfortunately, that rarely happens. When fear begins to affect your daily life, you have to do something about it. How do you deal with it? With the right method of thinking, you'll wonder why you didn't do it in the first place!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Think Thoroughly
Step 1. Realize that you are not alone
There are thousands – maybe even millions of people who face the same fear as you. For example, more than 50 percent of Americans are afraid of crawling animals (snakes, spiders, insects)! Feeling ashamed of yourself won't help you conquer your fears, but acknowledging that fear is a normal human thing can help you find the strength to conquer your fears.
You can also search online for groups that share your fears. How did they conquer that fear? What can you learn from them? And, of course, there's always wikiHow
Step 2. List your fears
Right now, take a piece of paper and a pencil. Write about your fears. What's that? Where does it come from? How did your fear come to be? When did that fear start? When did fear feel so bad? How do you feel about that fear? Getting away from your fears and yourself – seeing yourself on paper – will help you become a little more logical, a little more objective about your fears.
- You may need to group similar fears together, especially if you are afraid of many things.
- It's a good idea to start a journal. Whenever you feel like you've conquered your fear, grab your pocket notebook and start journaling. Not only is this a good channel, but it can hone you and help you realize that you're in control of the situation after all.
Step 3. Distinguish between rational and irrational fears
In some situations, fear on several different levels is natural. A healthy fear response is an advantage that has helped humans to survive for thousands of years. However, some fears may be irrational, and it is this kind of fear that usually causes distress and distress.
For example, if you are climbing a mountain and encounter a wolf, feeling scared is a perfectly normal and healthy response, because you are in a dangerous situation. On the other hand, if you refuse to travel by plane because you fear the plane will crash, this fear is fairly irrational. Flying is statistically safer than driving your own car. Understanding when your fear is unreasonable will help you conquer your fear
Step 4. Create a fright ladder
Alright, now choose one fear you want to conquer. At the top of the ladder, write it down. We're going to break it down into steps – at the bottom of the stairs, think of one small step you can take to start dealing with that fear. With each “step,” write one action that takes you closer to the top, directly confronting that fear.
- Here's an example: let's say you're afraid to fly. Even being so close to the plane makes you a little nervous. At the bottom of your stairs, write “going to the airport” as your step. You just have to go to the airport, that's all. Next, you've learned the mechanics behind the plane (no more "wings are only supported by magic!"). Then you'll book a short, 30-minute flight with a friend. A few steps later, you're on a 4 hour flight alone. See how it works?
- It's a good idea to start small. Some people make the mistake of directly confronting what they fear the most, but the best way is to face your fears step by step.
Step 5. Face your thoughts
Now that your brain is wrapped around fear – you know where it comes from, you've broken it down into steps – it's time to wrap your brain, all right, your brain. Think about this: this fear of yours? It's just a way of thinking. It's not real, it's not alive, it's just the nerves in your head that make you want to run to the top of the hill. These tiny nerves can be "controlled". Easy. You just have to face yourself, really.
Seriously take some time looking at this concept upfront. Whatever is in your head is created by you at some other point. You literally don't have to face other people – you just have to change the way you think about it. When you realize the hurdle is not there, you can start making big progress
Step 6. See a mental health professional
If you're afraid of public speaking, that's one thing. Most people are afraid to do that. But if you're scared of a little green creature coming out of your closet and dragging you to Santa Fe, that's another thing. Chances are you understand that your fears are justified, irrational, exhausting, or even debilitating. If your fear is one of them, try seeing a therapist. A therapist can help you deal with your fear starting now.
The field of psychology has developed rapidly with exposure techniques. There's progressive desensitization – where they bring you closer to your fears each day – and then there's flooding – where they are BAM! Hit you right in the face with that fear. Sounds pretty bad, yes, but the results are worth it
Method 2 of 3: Enter the Conquest Zone
Step 1. Imagine success
Imagine yourself confident and completely fearless. You might think it sucks, it does, but it works. At least this way will put you in a good mood where you are positive and willing to step out of your comfort zone. So imagine yourself in that state. Imagine the sight, the smell, how you feel, what you can touch. Now take control of it. The situation in your mind is now as real as it is in real life. Amazing, right?
This takes practice. For initial practice, start with just 5 minutes of visualization. Once it feels easy, make it 10 minutes. Then, spend as much time as necessary getting into the zone. It's like meditation with positive, life-affirming twists. When success does come, it almost feels like no big deal – because you get used to it before
Step 2. Relax your body
As you lie in bed, try this: hold your breath, clench your fists, and assume a very tense position. Soon, you will “really” feel the tension. Your mind picks up clues from your body too, and not just the other way around. The good news is this also works the other way around. Relaxing your body can help ease your mind. Try!
If you're like most people, just "thinking" about your fears can annoy you. Similarly, you are in a safe place, concentrate to be more relaxed. Start with your forehead and work your way down. Think about your heart rate, think about how you hold yourself back. When your body doesn't change, it's very difficult for your mind to be ready to fight or flight
Step 3. Breathe
A big part of not being afraid or not being nervous is breathing. As our breath rises, our thoughts begin to become chaotic. We feel a threat near us, whether real or not. The adrenaline starts to pump and something has to be done (imagine having a panic attack). The solution here is “remember to keep breathing”. You “can” consciously slow it down. The extra oxygen will calm your nerves.
Try to breathe deeply. Many of us breathe through the chest, even though there are unused lungs around the diaphragm. So make sure your belly expands when you breathe – that's right
Step 4. Live in the present
Most people are afraid of the future. Winston Churchill is even credited with saying, “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of an old man dying in his bed who said he had so many problems in his life, most of them never happened.” So when anxieties start to creep up on you, think about the present. Think about the smell. Think what you heard? What do your fingers touch? How does your skin feel about your clothes? What part of the body feels the coldest? What catches your eye? Center yourself on the "present".
For example, you are going to give a big speech and you are afraid to speak in public. Instead of imagining yourself plodding down silly on the podium, stuttering, and everyone laughing at you, think about the ugly carpet in the lobby. Think about how your stomach feels because of that weird lunch you ate earlier. Peeling paint near the ceiling. Then, it's time – and you don't put yourself in your usual dark trail. Succeed
Step 5. Think about past accomplishments
It's a bit cheesy, but thinking about your success (even a very long time like learning to ride a bicycle) can be very empowering for you. What extraordinary things have you done in the face of adversity? What have you done that you didn't believe you could do? What failed to kill you and made you better?
It may take some time, but they are there. Have you ever managed to graduate from school? Have you ever been part of a successful team? Have you ever cooked/painted/made/written/something extraordinary? You learned to drive a car? Play a musical instrument? All things to be proud of
Step 6. Think 20 seconds later
Only 20 seconds later. When you want to face your fear, think only 20 seconds later. There he is. It's not the rest of your life that's at stake, not even the rest of your afternoon. All you need is 20 seconds later. If you can handle these 20 seconds, you will be gold. You know how short 20 seconds is?!
20 seconds of shameful bravado. 20 seconds of insatiable lust. 20 irresistibly awesome seconds. You can handle it, right? Can you fake it down to 1/3 minute? Because after the first 20 seconds is over, it's going downhill from here
Method 3 of 3: Attacking Your Fear
Step 1. Open yourself up
Open yourself up to fear. This is the only way to do it. You will climb those stairs. So go to the pet shop and see the snakes. Whatever your fear is, do it. You are in the zone. You've come this far.
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When you see a snake, and you are calm, move closer. Then the next day, one step closer. Move forward until you can touch the cage. One day, touch it with your hand. Next, play your finger on it. In the end, whether you realize it or not, you will play with the snake and even buy it as a symbol of your greatness.
By the way this is just an example. Replace “snake” with whatever you are afraid of. But you don't have to keep an animal you're afraid of
Step 2. Realize the fear is learned
You know what it's like to sit in a cafe, enjoy your coffee, and then have a child appear and just stare at you, without saying a word. In a few years, the same habit will shame the child. Our growing fear is the same! When we were young, we were fearless. Then we become adults, and we learn to be afraid of certain things. We are afraid to look at other people. We're afraid to wear silly lab clothes to chemistry class. We are afraid to ride roller coasters. At the same time, we are not afraid.
If your fear is social, this will suit you. Let's take the example of the “silly chemistry lab coat” above. You wouldn't be caught harassing those bad boys in front of people, would you? Why is it? What can they do, laugh and point? And if so? What's wrong? Appropriate. If your best friend did the same, wouldn't you commend them for their lightning courage? Hopefully yes
Step 3. Divert yourself
This one is quite easy to understand. Your brain can only think about so many things at once, so if you bombard it with lots of stimuli, some of the bad, scary stimuli will be sucked in. So when you get past security at the airport, keep your iPod on. The songs will be a distraction for you.
Music is good, but there are many other ways too. Pinch yourself. Eat spicy food. Start writing a list of 10 fish names. Even things that look very simple can be effective
Step 4. Get together with your support group
Having a friend to help you through this can make all the difference in the world. You only need one person to hold your hand! There's no need to be ashamed. Even adults need support from time to time. They can cheer you on, distract you, and be your cheerleader.
Ask family or friends to help you through this. They will be very proud of you! Tell them your plan, how you plan to conquer this fear, and simply ask them to be there when you experience it. Let them know how you might act and what you need from them. They can help only if they know “how” to help
Step 5. Share your fears
Sometimes when we don't say things out loud, they make sense. Then we say it out loud… and we realize we acted really silly before. This can happen to fear! Share your fears with someone. This might just bring you back to reality!
Let's say you're afraid to talk to your boss about asking for a raise. Your friend asks why you are afraid. You answer, “What if I get fired?!”… Think about it. Of the "all" possibilities, how likely is it that you will be fired? You may get a raise, or your boss may refuse, you'll be explained why you didn't get a raise (but it's also explained what you have to do to get it), but chances are you'll be fired? Not good. Sometimes you need to shout it out loud to realize it
Step 6. Pretend
As long as this advice sounds useless, it can work. Many people have learned to be confident by pretending to be confident; many became resolute because of this, and many faced their fears as well. And it works! There's a lot going on in your head. No one knows you're just faking it because in reality for "them", you're not pretending. It's only in you!
The mind is a master deceiver. Have you ever smiled and then realized you were happier? Have you ever forced a yawn and got tired? It's the same logic. If you pretend that you are not bothered by fear, that you are not afraid… soon, you will not be afraid
Step 7. Decide you want more
Sometimes we humans are known to waste time. We waste a lot of time. We stay silent until something really "must" change. Unfortunately, that point is not really in your control. The point came when he wanted to come. That point is when you decide you want him more than you fear him. Then, suddenly, fearing him was no longer an option. You want it so much that the fear is gone.
This is easiest with fears that directly affect you on a day to day basis. If you're afraid of the African toucan, you probably won't be able to afford it you "have to" conquer it. But if you are afraid of crows, that wish can come true. Focus on him. Restraint him. Take the time to realize these fears are not worth it. Use this. Use this to your advantage. You got it
Step 8. Reward yourself
Every time you face fear, climb that ladder, reward yourself. Eat cake! Crazy shopping! Nap! You deserve it. You do what most people can't. Tap on the shoulder and tell everyone about this. This is something to be proud of!
When you strike at the core of all fear, reward yourself with the ultimate gift. The bigger the fear, the bigger the reward. Plan gifts as things to look forward to! Everyone needs motivation. When you have a gift, when others know about your progress, you will be more motivated to succeed. And if you think positively, you will succeed
Tips
Read more about dealing with fear, preferably at least one article per day. The more you surround yourself with the mindset of overcoming your fears, the more you will subconsciously intend to kick your fears out the window
Warning
- When we say face your fears, we don't mean doing anything "too" dangerous. For example, if you are afraid of sharks, don't swim with them in the ocean. If you want to face your fears, please do so intelligently and carefully.
- Sometimes you may find yourself afraid and unable to face the fears that you were originally facing today. It's not really a problem. Don't stress. Get ready to beat him tomorrow!
