Many people feel insecure when carrying out daily activities, such as at school, at work, when interacting with other people, or because they think about their appearance. Insecurity usually arises because of low self-esteem. There are many theories about how insecurity develops, and they generally address issues of attachment and your relationship with your parents. However, low self-esteem can also be caused by certain events, such as having experienced violence during a relationship, suffering from a mental disorder, or depression. Whatever the reason, work on overcoming your insecurities by increasing your self-esteem and putting yourself first while building a strong support network. Also practice some relaxation techniques to relieve anxiety caused by insecurity.
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Part 1 of 4: Increasing Self-Esteem
Step 1. Begin to recognize your strengths
Many of us are used to underestimating our own strengths, talents, and abilities. Work on increasing your self-esteem by recognizing and acknowledging your strengths. When things go wrong that cause you to feel insecure, recognizing your strengths can be a way of reminding yourself that you are a person of value and worth.
Write down your strengths in a journal. Write down things that make you feel strong and capable. What are you doing now? What is going on that makes you able to recognize your own strengths?
Step 2. Create a “strength box” with reminders about your strengths
Set up a “power box” that you can rely on when you feel “less powerful.” Put in a few pieces of paper with strength in it, pictures, or other things that can remind you that you are strong.
If it's hard to find your own strengths, ask family members and friends what your strengths are. The opinions of others can be very useful
Step 3. Write down your feelings in a journal
In addition to helping you control your thoughts and feelings, a journal is a tool you can use to understand moments or situations when you were feeling insecure. Journaling can improve emotional health, immunity, and reduce stress.
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Start by journaling for 10-20 minutes every day to relieve stress and identify insecurities. If you're still confused, start writing some of the following:
- When do I experience insecurity? What moments make me even more insecure?
- How long have I been insecure? Is this feeling really there? Since when? How did this feeling change?
Step 4. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts
Negative thoughts about yourself are a quick way to lower your self-esteem and create insecurity about yourself. Habits of self-deprecation, fear of failure, and other negative thoughts make you feel bad. Change these mental habits to build yourself up and increase your self-confidence. Start changing the way you think about yourself like this example:
- Suppose you're thinking, “I don't have anything interesting to talk about. So, I understand why people think of me as someone to be pitied.” Take control of these negative thoughts and try to self-correct yourself to change them consciously by saying: “Sometimes, I just don't want to talk and that's fine. I don't have to please anyone or take responsibility for this conversation.”
- Replace critical thoughts with productive thoughts. This is an example of critical thinking: “I don't want to see anyone again at dinner. It felt really embarrassing because at that time I made a comment that had nothing to do with it. I really am an idiot.” Replace it with a productive thought: “I was really embarrassed at dinner last night, but I realized I made a mistake. It does not matter. I'm not a fool, but just misspoke.”
- Once you get used to controlling negative thoughts and changing them, you will realize that your self-esteem will increase as your self-confidence increases.
Step 5. Recognize that insecurity is not something that can be seen
If you keep quiet, no one will be able to see and know that you are insecure. Keep this in mind when you are in a new environment. If you're worried about starting a new school, remember that your friends won't be able to see it.
Part 2 of 4: Putting Yourself First
Step 1. Prioritize yourself
Focus on what you like and need. When with friends, eat at the restaurant you want to go to, watch a movie you like.
Even if your desires are not always fulfilled, you can be sure that you will find it easier to direct your activities
Step 2. Focus on the things you can control
Often times, we feel insecure because we think we have no control or someone else is in charge. Your insecurities will only increase if you focus too much on the things that are hard to change. However, you can take responsibility for the current situation by focusing on what can be controlled. Example:
Maybe you feel insecure about your dancing skills when out with friends. Take control of the situation by taking dance lessons. Or, if you're worried about your appearance, try consulting your hair stylist about a hairstyle that suits your face
Step 3. Don't criticize yourself
Thinking critically about yourself will lower your self-esteem and increase your insecurities. The habit of criticizing yourself and others has to do with certain emotions, such as anger and feelings of deprivation. You have to change your critical thinking habits because your thoughts will influence your feelings that influence your behavior. This way, you can prevent insecurities that can lead to behavioral changes, such as reduced invitations to social events.
- Change negative thoughts about yourself that say, “It's hard to believe I could say that. I really am such an idiot.” Be careful what you say to yourself. Change negative thoughts by saying, “Everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure no one knows."
- Another negative thought: "I'm ugly and too fat". Change this thought by saying, “My weight is in accordance with my body condition. I have beautiful eyes and hair.”
Step 4. Don't dwell on past mistakes
We like to recall certain events or conversations and bring up past mistakes. However, this is not a useful action. Forget the mistakes you've made and remember that every day is an opportunity to start a new chapter in life. Also, maybe no one remembers the conversation.
Step 5. Stop being a person who always wants to please others
When you feel insecure, you tend to put the needs of others before your own. Perhaps you justify this action by thinking that the other person will like you more if you can please him. However, this behavior will only sacrifice your own happiness, leaving you stressed and anxious. Will this person appreciate your efforts? Is he liking you more and more? Does he think of you? You don't have to be a person who always wants to please others. Start putting your own interests first.
Set limits. You may refuse other people's requests or set a time limit so that this matter does not drag on
Part 3 of 4: Getting Support
Step 1. Spend time with people who are willing to provide support
When you feel insecure, it's a waste to hang out with people who make you feel more insecure. Instead, spend time with friends and family members who make you like yourself more. They are people who are ready to support you unconditionally and want to build a relationship with you without any conditions.
Step 2. Consult a therapist
Talk about your insecurities with a mental health professional. In addition to being able to find the cause, he can also provide advice on how to solve this problem.
Look for a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which aims to change one's thought patterns so that they can improve a person's feelings and behavior
Step 3. Find an activity that you enjoy
Doing fun activities can reduce insecurity and make you more focused on happiness. Find a fun activity, such as bowling, swimming, or a hobby, such as painting over knitting. Try to create space for yourself so that you feel free from insecurities while doing this activity.
Insecurities will be easier to overcome if there is someone who wants to accompany you to do these activities
Part 4 of 4: Relieve Anxiety
Step 1. Start practicing deep breathing
Insecurity can lead to anxiety and physiological responses, such as an increased heart rate and breathing, or sweating. Try to figure out how to deal with this response, because in addition to causing discomfort, this condition can make you even more stressed. Controlling the breath will trigger a sense of calm which will be a signal for the body to relax by normalizing the rhythm of breathing and heart rate again.
- Take a deep breath while counting from one to ten and make sure your stomach muscles expand as you inhale.
- Hold your breath for five seconds and then exhale for five seconds.
- Breathe normally twice before doing diaphragmatic breathing again.
Step 2. Do a mind calming exercise
This exercise is especially useful if you are very focused on yourself and feel insecure. Maybe during this time you often think that you are less attractive, less intelligent, or less good at speaking. In this state, peace of mind can take your mind off those worries and criticisms and help you focus on what's going on right now. Thinking critically and worrying about what other people think of you can lead to negative emotions, such as sadness, shame, or anxiety.
- When you feel nervous or anxious, the level of the hormone adrenaline in the blood will increase. As a result, heart rate and blood pressure will be higher. This physical reaction makes you more aware of how nervous you are and makes you feel even more insecure.
- To calm your nerves, worry, and critical thoughts, make it a habit to focus on the current situation while letting go of all worries and critical thoughts. Letting go of worries does not mean forcibly rejecting them, but allowing these thoughts to arise while watching them without judgment. Let worries come and go that easily.
- Practice your senses and ask yourself what you hear, smell, or feel about your surroundings. Keep practicing being fully aware of the current situation until you feel relaxed. Research has shown that over time, mindfulness practice makes you better able to control your emotions and increase your mental readiness for change.
Step 3. Relax your muscles with a progressive muscle relaxation technique to calm yourself down again
Progressive muscle relaxation techniques are a way to reduce muscle tension by sending signals to the body to start relaxing. You will regain your composure by toning and releasing muscle tension throughout your body.
- Tighten the muscle for six seconds then release again for another six seconds. Watch carefully as your muscles relax again.
- Begin this exercise from your head toward your toes until your entire body feels relaxed.
Step 4. Divert attention
When you notice that you're feeling insecure or worried about other people's acceptance, try to distract yourself from these thoughts. Diverting yourself into a chore or hobby can free you from insecure thoughts and worries. This method can also reduce the intensity of the stress it causes.
- If you feel insecure or worried when you're at home, try reading, cooking, or cleaning.
- If you feel insecure when you're in a social environment, try walking, chatting with someone, discussing food menus, dancing, or other activities that are appropriate for the current situation. Anything that distracts will help you focus on something else, not worrying about what's causing your insecurities.
