Keeping the conversation flowing is a challenge in itself. Fortunately, there are some simple techniques you can use to keep the other person interested and actively engaged in the conversation. Prove your interest by asking good questions and listening carefully. Then, find a rhythm that allows you to make a good impression on the other person. Make sure your body language is open so that the other person feels comfortable during the conversation.
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Method 1 of 3: Show Interest
Step 1. Choose a topic that you know and like the other person
In general, people like to talk about themselves and their own interests. So you can keep the conversation flowing by talking about topics the other person likes.
- Before meeting people, think of a backup topic you can talk about if the conversation breaks down. Recall your recent vacation, an event at work, or a relationship a friend told you about.
- Ask about school or work, interests or hobbies, family and friends, or background (place of origin or family).
- You can also use the context from the previous section of the conversation to determine whether the topic should be forgotten or continued. For example, if the other person has previously been excited to share their experience of riding a horse, you can ask about other riders, cowboy culture, or how it felt the first time you rode a horse.
Step 2. Ask open-ended questions
Questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no" can stop a conversation, while open-ended questions open the door to many other possibilities. Always use open-ended questions that allow the other person to explain as much as he or she wants.
- Open questions demand more answers. For example, instead of asking, "So, in 2006 you studied abroad for a year, right?" try asking, "How did it feel to study abroad?" The second question gives the interlocutor an opportunity to develop his answer.
- If you use a “yes” or “no” question, continue by asking, “How did the story go?”
Step 3. Listen attentively
In conversation, listening is as important as talking. Active listening means the opportunity to know the other person's perspective. Wait for him to finish speaking before you say something. Then summarize what he has said to show that you are listening. For example, say “From your story it seems…”
- If you don't understand a certain part, ask for clarification. Ask, “You said…?”
- If you're a good listener, use topics that haven't been covered, but have been mentioned in passing. For example, say, "You said earlier…"
- Express empathy while listening by putting yourself in his shoes.
Step 4. Encourage him to keep talking
The best listeners don't just sit and stare at the other person. You should also be actively involved without interrupting, by encouraging him to talk more. For example, mumble a sound of approval such as, “Ahh” or “Oh?” This kind of encouragement inspires people to keep on telling stories, the same way you would say, “Keep going?”
You can also encourage him by nodding or mimicking his facial expressions, such as looking surprised or annoyed
Method 2 of 3: Developing a Fun Rhythm
Step 1. Don't filter for words
One of the reasons the conversation stalls is that both parties are filtering what should and shouldn't be said. When you start to run out of topics, you may not be able to decide whether the idea that comes to mind is appropriate or impressive enough. At such times, follow the strategy of saying whatever is in your head uncensored.
For example, when chatting, there is a long silence, and at that time your legs feel sore. Just say, “These high heels make my feet feel like nails are stabbed!” It's a bit odd, but honest words like that can lead to talk about feminist views about avoiding high heels or stories about people falling for wearing shoes with too high heels
Step 2. Acknowledge the awkwardness
Even the best of conversations can graze on sensitive topics that might just blow things up. The most effective solution is to admit it and move on. Pretending nothing is wrong will only drive the other person away.
For example, if you misspoke and say something that offends you, apologize quickly. Don't act like nothing happened
Step 3. Make the other person laugh
Humor is a great way to ensure a smooth conversation. Humor also helps form bonds with the person you are talking to. We are usually quick to laugh with friends. So, making people laugh can be considered a form of intimacy.
You don't always have to tell jokes. Timely sarcasm and witty humor are equally effective. For example, you have repeatedly expressed interest in anime. After mentioning it a third time, say, “I guess I should stop saying anime before you think I'm weird. Yes, I'm weird, really. Actually I carry my favorite character's costume everywhere, but that's a lie!”
Step 4. Ask more in-depth questions
Once the formalities are passed, take the conversation to a deeper level. Think of chat like food. You eat an appetizer before enjoying the main course and dessert. Once you're done with the small talk, start on deeper topics.
- For example, you may have asked, “What is your job?” After a while, dig in again by asking, “Why did you choose that career?” Generally, “why” questions elicit deeper information than has already been told.
- When asking more intimate questions, pay attention to cues of the other person's comfort level. If he seems uncomfortable, hold back and ask other, more general questions.
- Try to keep up to date with the latest events so you always have something to talk about. For example, you can ask the other person's opinion about current political issues or world developments.
Step 5. Don't be afraid of silence
In fact, moments of silence are very useful in communication and should not be avoided like the plague. You have time to breathe and process thoughts. Pauses of silence are also a signal of whether the topic of conversation is getting boring or too intense.
- A few seconds of silence is natural. Don't feel like you have to say something right away.
- However, if the silence persists, change the topic by saying, "I want to hear the full details of what you said earlier about…"
Method 3 of 3: Maintaining Good Body Language
Step 1. Show a relaxed posture
Good body language is very important to help people feel comfortable and open talking to you. Sitting stiff might actually make the other person restless. To show your level of comfort, smile and lean back slightly in the chair. Or, lean back casually against a wall or post if you're standing.
Another way to show that you are relaxed is to relax your shoulders. Lower it slightly and pull it back if it feels tight
Step 2. Turn your body towards the other person
A good conversation involves the connection of both parties. You won't get that connection if your body is turned the other way. Also, pointing your body or feet away from the person you're talking to shows that you're getting ready to leave. So, turn your body towards it.
To show interest in a particular part of the conversation, lean toward the other person
Step 3. Establish eye contact
Eye contact is essential to keep the conversation flowing. You have to start making contact from the very beginning of the conversation. The trick, look into the other person's eyes for four to five seconds. Avert your eyes. Look around for a few seconds before making eye contact again.
Try to look him in the eye 50% of the time you talk and 70% of the time you listen. This ratio helps you remember how often to make eye contact without looking at you
Step 4. Don't cross your arms and legs
Crossed legs and arms convey the message that you are not interested in what the other person has to say. Another impression is that you are defensive and fortify yourself. If you're used to crossing your arms and legs, try to drop your arms at your sides and straighten your legs.
Don't worry if it doesn't feel normal at first. Just try it. Over time, you will be more relaxed
Step 5. Choose a strong position to display confidence
If you're not confident, position yourself in a way that looks and feels confident. When sitting, try to bring your hands behind your head in a "V" position. If you're talking standing up, put your hands on your hips.
