Giving advice is not easy. You can be very depressed, especially if you are (indirectly) giving bad advice. With these tips, you'll soon be a pro at giving advice! Get started with Step 1 below.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Acting Appropriately
Step 1. Don't judge them
The first and most basic thing in giving good advice (or anything else) is not judging others. No one should be considered a person who is less good or bad for a choice made by him. Everyone has their own role in life, so whatever your path in life and whatever you have done in living it has nothing to do with the lives of other people.
Keep a straight face and remember what your mother taught you: if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything
Step 2. Get rid of your prejudices
Of course everyone has their own opinion about whether or not something is right or what someone should do, but when you're giving advice, all you have to do is give someone the things they need to make their own decisions, not make decisions for them. Try to keep your personal opinion out of the conversation and focus on helping them come to their own conclusions.
- For example, if your friend is considering having an abortion but you don't believe in the abortion process, don't waste time stating how bad abortion is. Instead, talk about the arguments you know about the pros and cons of abortion in a balanced way.
- Convey a personal opinion only when someone asks "What are you going to do?". Make sure that you give proper reasons why you have that opinion, so they can understand your logic.
Step 3. Be honest
Tell them that you are not an expert. You don't have to have a lot of experience, because all they really need is an outpouring listener. However, it's important not to give yourself the impression of having power when you don't have it.
It would be better if you didn't say "I know how you feel". Instead, say something like "You're right to be mad about that" or "I can see how that makes me feel neglected."
Step 4. Show their confidence
Sometimes, what a person needs to make the right decision is to know that the person believes in him or her and the person believes that he or she can do the right thing. Be that person for her, especially if no one else can. Say something like "This has been a really tough choice, but I know that you want to do the right thing. And of course, I also know you're going to do the right thing. You just need to show your courage which I believe you have to shine."
Step 5. Know when to do and not to intervene
Intervention is when you give advice when someone doesn't ask for it or may not want it. Interventions can often be done together with some of the other person's friends or family members who are supportive of you, but you can also do it on your own. Of course, it's important that you know when to do and not to intervene and give someone advice they don't want. In general, you should only intervene when you are concerned that someone will harm themselves or others.
- If the problem is simply going out with someone you disagree with because of their personality or religion, that's not a good excuse. However, if you're worried that your friend is being physically abused by her boyfriend because she showed up at school with a bruise, then this is a good time for you to intervene.
- To make the right decisions, sometimes what is needed is a side that can help to make the person more confident, but this can also make the person more defensive. This is a very complicated situation and you may have to bet a little.
Part 2 of 4: Listening to Their Stories
Step 1. Just listen
When someone is talking and trying to get advice from you, start by just listening. Often, a person just needs a listener to pour out his heart. They want to be heard. This way, they will have the opportunity to solve their own problems and accept the situation they are in in their own minds. Don't talk until they're done, unless they seem to need an immediate response. Sometimes, if you listen to the story in its entirety, you can see exactly what the problem is.
Step 2. Don't offer an opinion for a while
If they ask for your opinion in the middle of the story, give an answer that can avoid it and ask for all the information first. This is because you have to be able to form an informed opinion before you can actually give them good advice. They may manipulate the story and try to ask for an answer before you get all the facts, so you will give them the answer they want.
Step 3. Ask lots of questions
After they have finished telling the story, ask them questions to get more information. That way, you can develop an opinion that results from full information. And by doing so, you can also help them think about something they didn't consider before, such as another option or a different point of view. Ask questions like:
- "Why did you say that?"
- "Why did you tell him that?"
Step 4. Ask if they want advice
Asking if they want advice or not is a good habit. Some people just want to talk and don't want to be told what to do. If you feel that the person really needs your advice, then tell them that you are only making a suggestion and don't expect them to take it. If they ask for advice, then give it. If they refuse, then say something like, "Well, if you continue to have problems, I'm always here and happy to help you through them."
Part 3 of 4: Giving Good Advice
Step 1. Take the time to think about the problem if you can
If you can have a day or a few hours to think about their problem and possible solutions, then use that time to really think about every possible solution or possible way to approach the problem. You can try to ask someone else for advice if you know someone who is knowledgeable in the subject area. However, often people need immediate help when they ask for advice, so maybe you should respond as best you can and ask about the matter again at a later time.
Step 2. Talk about problem hurdles
Explain to them the difficult parts of the situation they are in and why it causes problems. Some of the things they see as impassable obstacles may actually be easy to deal with with a little help from someone else's point of view.
"So you want to change residence but you're worried it's not possible. What's keeping you from moving? Of course you have to get a job first, right? Okay. Then next? You can't leave your father here alone? Right."
Step 3. Help them to assess the problem from the outside
As people say, sometimes a person is not aware of the existence of a forest because of the trees around that person. They have a hard time seeing a problem as a whole or even a possible solution because they focus too much on small problems. Help them step back to see the situation more thoroughly, from your perspective as the outsider.
For example, if your friend is worried about taking her new boyfriend to the party because she's older and he doesn't want to be judged, you could say that he probably won't be seeing anyone at the party, so that makes no difference
Step 4. Let them see all the options they have
Guide them in thinking about the solution options they find. Then, try to think of some new options that they haven't thought of and give them those choices. In the early stages, it is important that you prevent them from discarding any of the options, so that each choice has a balanced weight with the other choices.
- When they underestimate an option, try to find the real reason. Sometimes they underestimate an object because of a misunderstanding.
- Say something like: "So you want to let your husband know that you are pregnant again, but you have to say it with caution because of the current difficult financial situation. You can wait until you find out about his new job or you can tell him now so he has more. plenty of time to look at other options Have you considered looking at what assistance programs might be suitable and discussing them with your husband?
Step 5. Help them assess the options
When all the options have been mentioned, discuss all the options with them and exchange ideas on discussing the advantages and disadvantages of each option. Between you and that person, you should be able to come up with a solution to a less preconceived problem.
"Telling your boyfriend that you want to get married is a choice, but it will make him feel like you're judging him. Another option is to go on a double date with me and James. James could have a man-to-man talk with her and maybe try to figure out why she's so indecisive."
Step 6. Give them any information you can
If you have advice from experience or more information than they expected, then provide that information after all options have been discussed. They can use this additional information to strengthen their feelings in making decisions.
Also, remember to try not to speak prejudice or judgment when you give advice
Step 7. Know when it's time to be tough and gentle
Often times, people need positive and motivating chats. However, sometimes one has to listen to the real situation. Sometimes, they need to be told head-on. You have to learn to learn when it's right to be tough and when to be gentle, and that's hard to do. There is no definite formula for doing it. In general, when someone is really only hurting themselves and not learning from their experiences, that's a good time for you to intervene.
- However, if you are not on good terms with this person or he or she is a person who doesn't take criticism well, then something bad might happen to both of you in no time.
- Even if you give someone helpful encouragement, remember not to just be mean with no positives at all. This is important to remember.
Step 8. Make it clear that you are not in control of the future
When people ask for advice, they will often ask for reassurance. Remember that you cannot guarantee them, because the future is unpredictable. Let them see that you are there for them and even if the results are not what they expected, their life will go on.
Part 4 of 4: Asking For More
Step 1. Provide help if they want
If they are in a situation that others can help with, such as a lot of interpersonal situations or an overabundance of work problems, then offer to help them. They'll likely refuse, but it's important that you help them if you offer to help them.
Of course, if you know that you can't help them well, then don't offer help from yourself, but you can offer them help finding someone who can help
Step 2. Continue to support them
When they are going through a difficult situation they are in, continue to support them as much as possible. This could mean you support them like a cheerleader, or you can help them by, for example, filling in their hours when they need to leave to sort out the situation at hand. Knowing that you are still there to help them can make a huge difference for them.
Step 3. Find some support material for them
Do a little research on the problem they are having and send them useful links. You can even buy them a book if you find a suitable book to deal with their problem. This is a great way to give them the things they need to solve their own problems.
Step 4. Ask for further updates on the issue
If they don't tell you more, then you should ask them (unless they clearly don't want to talk about it). This way, they'll know that you really care about them and that you've done a lot to get their problems resolved.
Tips
- It's good to know a little about their topic of concern (eg dating, friendship, school, etc.). If you are not very experienced in the field then tell the person that You are not an expert.
- Check on them once in a while. Ask how they are and if things have improved.
- Be careful not to hurt their feelings!
- Do not suggest anything that could harm the person.
- Think before you speak. If something bad happens, you may be blamed.
