"Be yourself" is perhaps the most frequently used phrase throughout human history to advise personal development. Be yourself. This is an ambiguous sentence. What does it really mean to be yourself? Is it as easy as it sounds? With the steps below, the answer is yes.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Finding Yourself
Step 1. Find out who you are and define it in your own words
Oscar Wilde once said Be yourself, others have been taken. As funny as it sounds, it's true. However, you can't be yourself if you don't know, understand, and accept who you are. You have to find it first.
- Dive into the norms you believe in and think about the things that make up your core. As part of this process, also reflect on your life and your choices. Try to think about the things you want and don't want to do, and act accordingly. Learning from mistakes will help you more than you might have previously thought.
- You can also try a personality test, but remember not to take the results at face value. Instead, make sure the meaning is based on your suitability and comfort. You may feel inferior, but over time if you hang out with the right types of people, they will accept you for who you are.
Step 2. Don't be surprised if the norms you believe in seem contradictory
This is natural because the norms of life come from various sources, including culture, religion, mentors, people who inspire, educational resources, etc. The most important thing is to keep working through the conflict to find what norms you value most.
If the norms you believe contradict, don't ignore them. Think of the conflict as your dynamic. You can't be forced to be anyone you're not. Every aspect of your life has its own norms, so it's natural to be different
Step 3. Don't dwell on the past and get in the way of self-development
One of the most unhealthy approaches to being yourself is to conclude that you are defined by a single moment or period of time, after which the rest of your life is spent trying to stay that way, not the same person but evolving with age and decades. Allow yourself to grow, be better, and wiser.
- Allow yourself to forgive mistakes and actions in the past that you can't be proud of. Try to accept the mistakes and choices that have been made, they have passed. There's a reason behind it and at times your decision seems reasonable, so instead of continuing to regret it, allow yourself to learn from the mistake and keep growing.
- Look for people who proudly state that they are no different from who they were when they were 16, 26, or 36, or whatever. Do they seem flexible, relaxed, and happy? Most likely not, because they are too busy insisting that nothing has changed about them, that they can't accept new ideas, learn from others, or thrive. Developing with age and life stage is an important part of being yourself and being emotionally and overall healthy.
Step 4. Never stop looking for your strengths
Strengths can change over time, and so your definition of yourself changes, but never stop looking. Strength is not just to balance the drawbacks, but the main reason not to compare yourself to others.
- Comparing yourself to others can lead to disappointment. People who are filled with disappointment can't focus on the "be yourself" mantra because they're too busy wanting to be someone else!
- Comparisons also trigger criticism of others. A busy life criticizing others stems from low self-esteem and the need to put others down. Both can draw friends and respect away, and prevent you from being yourself because you are filled with envy and spend too much time admiring other people's characteristics.
Step 5. Relax
Don't always worry about the worst, especially in public. So what if you fall over? What's the problem if you have spinach in your teeth? Or, is it wrong if you accidentally bump into your boyfriend's head when you want to kiss him? Learn to laugh at yourself when and after something embarrassing happens to you.
Turn embarrassing incidents into funny stories and tell your friends. They will know that you are not perfect and this will also make you calmer. Being able to laugh at yourself and being relaxed are also attractive qualities
Part 2 of 4: Connecting with Others
Step 1. Always be honest and open
What else needs to be hidden? We are all imperfect humans, still developing and learning. If there's an aspect of yourself that makes you feel ashamed or inferior and feels like you have to hide it physically or emotionally, you have to come to terms with that flaw and learn to turn it into something unique, or simply admit that you're not perfect.
Try the tactic of admitting imperfection when you're at odds with other people. You'll often find yourself in a situation where you suddenly let go of an argument, which is usually just to keep your face and not give up. The moment you say, “Yeah, I get annoyed when the room is messy too. And I admit I shouldn't have piled clothes on the floor but I did it anyway because there's a lazy part of me, I'm still trying to stop it. Sorry, I know I can and I will try,” you've included a genuine honesty that can defuse an argument
Step 2. Don't compare yourself to others
If you're always trying to be someone else, you're not going to be happy. Unhappiness arises from comparing yourself and wanting certain things. This is where it goes wrong, the thought will only become more and more negative.
- You can always see someone else's perfect appearance on the outside, but never know what it's like on the inside. By comparing yourself to them, you overestimate that person and always think of yourself as lacking. This is useless and will only harm yourself.
- Instead, respect yourself, love your personality, and accept your flaws. We all have flaws and as explained earlier, being honest is better than running.
Step 3. Stop caring about what other people think
Some will like you and some will not. There is nothing wrong with them. It's impossible to be yourself if you keep thinking “Do they think I'm funny? Does he think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid? Am I good/smart/popular enough to be part of their group?” In order to be yourself, you have to let go of such worries and let your attitude flow. Think of them as filters, do not think about their opinion.
If you change for the sake of one person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you can't stay stuck in trying to please others instead of focusing on developing your talents and strengths
Step 4. Don't always try to please other people
Always wanting love and respect from everyone is a futile act that will only hinder personal development and self-confidence. Who cares what people say? As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, no one can underestimate you without your permission and most importantly you listen to your own beliefs and if you don't have one, start growing them.
Does this mean other people's opinions matter? No. Being rejected really hurts. If you find yourself in a situation that requires you to spend most of your time with people who can't stand being around you for their own reasons, don't trust their opinion of you because it's dangerous. What you can do is weigh in on some opinions that you value more. It's healthier to pay attention to people who sincerely wish you better and who agree with what you want to do in life
Step 5. Surround yourself with positive people
Don't underestimate what you're going through if you're facing negative social pressure or bullying. You can save yourself if you are aware of the pressure and have a healthy defense. The best way to reduce the impact of adverse people is to have a circle of trusted friends and people who share your views and beliefs. You can convince yourself that other people's opinions don't matter, but it's much easier to have someone else agree and stand by your side.
Compare people who love you and people who look down on you. You'll quickly realize that their opinion of you, your family, or your lifestyle doesn't matter. We should care about the opinions of those who value us and whom we look up to. It goes both ways, if someone doesn't respect you, his opinion of you is just empty words coming from an almost complete stranger
Step 6. Know the difference between derogatory, sarcastic, or harmful comments, and good-intentioned constructive criticism
Harmful comments focus on mistakes you don't know about and can be corrected. Meanwhile, parents, mentors, teachers, coaches, and others will tell you things that you need to digest and reflect on to improve yourself. The difference is that their criticism is meant to be helpful.
These people care about you and are interested in your development as a person, and value you. Learn to distinguish between them so you can live a better life, ignore pointless negative criticism, and learn from constructive criticism
Part 3 of 4: Developing Your True Self
Step 1. Treat yourself as you would a friend
You value friends and those closest to you, then who is closer to you than yourself? Treat yourself with the same kindness, care and respect you would treat those you care about. If you had to spend time with yourself all day, could you be a fun/fun/happy/calm/satisfied person, but still be yourself? What's the best version of yourself?
Take responsibility for yourself and to increase self-esteem. If other people don't tell you you're great, don't let it affect you. Instead, convince yourself that you are special, amazing, and valuable. When you believe in it, other people will see that spark of confidence and begin to believe in it too
Step 2. Develop and express your individuality
If you like a certain way out of the ordinary, whether in the way you dress or the way you talk, and still come up with something positive, be proud. Have characters, not just types.
Learn to communicate well. The better you express yourself, the easier it will be for people who like you to get close and people who don't like to move away
Step 3. Don't treat yourself unfairly
Sometimes comparisons cause us to compare apples to guavas. For example, say you want to be a top Hollywood producer when in fact you aspire to be a screenwriter. Looking at the lifestyle of a top producer and wanting it is an unfair comparison, he has years of experience and connections, while you are just starting out, just testing if your writing skills will prove to be outstanding later on.
Compare yourself realistically and view others only as inspiration and a source of motivation, not a tool to belittle yourself
Step 4. Have your own style
Many imitate others because it seems like the easiest way to fit in, but seriously, shouldn't you be different from everyone else? It's hard, yes, but you shouldn't realize other people's perspectives on you, even if you're not used to it. That's what it means to be yourself.
Whoever you are, accept. Different is beautiful and interesting. Don't let other people change you
Step 5. Accept that some days are better than others
People may raise their eyebrows and make fun of you when you present yourself, but as long as you relax and say, “Hey, here I am,” and ignore it, they will eventually respect you and you will respect yourself too. Most people have a hard time being themselves. If you can, they will probably admire you even more.
Ridicule is painful. While this is difficult and much easier said than done, try to ignore it. In the end, you will become a greater and better person, know who you are, and be able to survive the obstacles that stand in the way of the future
Part 4 of 4: Act Brave
Step 1. Self-defense
When someone is bullying you, don't let it go. They have no right to oppress anyone. If you have a problem, there are lots of kind and understanding people willing to help.
Step 2. Defend others
When you find someone bullying you, it's only natural that you stop them. Whatever you do, you have the right to stop it. Believe in yourself.
Step 3. Understand the people you are dealing with
Just because they make you have to defend yourself doesn't mean they are heartless.
Tips
- Just because someone says you don't like something about you, doesn't mean you have to change it. Sometimes it's just a matter of preference.
- Don't feel like you have to do something spectacular or unusual to be different, you just need to show who YOU really are.
- Change is constant. So you're bound to change, and it's great if you're always informed, relevant and connected to the world around you and prioritize personal development.
- Even if your friends are different from you, don't hesitate. Just be yourself and if they don't accept it, they're not your real friend.
- Fashion and trends are a personal decision. Even though many people avoid it like the plague in the word “individualism”, that doesn't mean you can't be yourself if you choose to follow trends. It's about what "you" want.
- Know when going with the flow is better than forcing yourself to be different. For example, sometimes going to a concert you might not like is a better option because you'll be having fun with your friends. It's about compromising and respecting other people's choices.
- Don't agree to something just to please other people! This isn't helpful at all, and that person will also notice it right away.
- In an attempt to accept yourself, don't let your shortcomings discourage you. You can or you can't, know that these shortcomings shape who you are and help determine who you are. In fact, flaws are an inseparable part of you, so don't be shy.
- Don't let other people make the choices for you.
- When getting dressed, look at yourself in the mirror. Instead of being disappointed by what you see there, concentrate on the good. This will help increase self-confidence.
Warning
- Respect others as you respect yourself. Even though being yourself means expressing your opinions, dreams, and choices, it doesn't mean you can go easy on other people. Everyone has equally important needs, dreams and desires and we should respect each other. So don't be rude, intolerant, or selfish in your search for identity.
- No matter what other people think, don't neglect appearance and etiquette. Respect for self and others lies in ethics, as well as ensuring all people live side by side in harmony and respectful relationships.
