Even the happiest and most trusting relationships have to go through times of doubt. If you're worried that your boyfriend might have feelings for someone else, make sure your anxiety is justified before taking any further action. Paying attention to some subtle signs of your boyfriend's behavior, what your boyfriend is saying, and your boyfriend's habits can help you figure out how he really feels. Don't forget also that no matter how sure you are, nothing is more powerful than concrete evidence that is right in front of your eyes. Follow these steps to start assessing your own anxiety.
Step
Method 1 of 4: When Should You Start Investigating?
Step 1. Learn to trust him before delving into his past and personal life
Your relationship is built on trust. Of course, this doesn't mean you shouldn't feel jealous or suspicious. However, try to put your suspicions aside and trust them. If you can't trust your boyfriend, maybe you should break up with him. Suspicion and jealousy can drive you both further away from each other, especially if you start rummaging through his personal belongings for no apparent reason.
- If he's avoiding you, seems distant, or is spending all his time without you, it's okay to ask him.
- Your boyfriend may have male friends, this doesn't mean he will leave you. Try not to feel too threatened by the presence of another man.
Step 2. Accept the fact that you won't be able to know what other people are thinking
If he says there is someone else he likes, or he approaches that person, think about it, how often do you have feelings for other people? However, how often do you approach this person?
- A little liking for other people is normal, even in an established relationship. However, if you tell everything to your boyfriend, your relationship will not last long.
- If you think about it, you've probably also looked like you're attracted to another woman when you're just being friendly with her. Thoughts filled with jealousy can make you imagine the worst.
Step 3. Let him deal with his emotions, and you deal with your own
If he likes someone else, that's the problem. He's the one who has to cut ties with you and move on, or realize that his feelings for the other person aren't that great. In the end, it's the actions that you should consider, not the thoughts. On the other hand, your self-confidence will make you more attractive. A possessive man is usually difficult to find a girlfriend.
He is already your girlfriend. As long as he still loves you, even if he likes someone else for a moment, this shouldn't be a big deal, unless he's really having an affair
Step 4. Investigate further if you have reason to be suspicious, but still want to maintain the relationship
Relationships require the role of both parties. If you have no reason to be suspicious (e.g. he has hidden texts, he's staying away, he's lying, etc.), it's not a good idea to investigate his life. If you don't want to continue the relationship, or don't trust the person anymore, end the relationship. Do you really care if she really likes another guy? You may also have bigger problems in this relationship.
- Ask yourself why you care if he likes someone else. Are you afraid of losing it? If so, talk to him. However, if you are blinded by anger, calm yourself first.
- If you really can't trust him anymore, be it because of past problems or you just can't get over the suspicion that he likes another guy, it's best to just end the relationship.
Method 2 of 4: Assessing Your Boyfriend's Behavior
Step 1. Notice if he withdraws from physical closeness
One of the most visible and basic signs that something is wrong in a relationship is when one party is uncomfortable being close or touching. Whether it's holding hands, making out, kissing, or even having sex, physical closeness requires a high level of trust from both parties. If one of the parties finds out that he or she has been betrayed, the physical closeness will suddenly feel awkward and unnatural, even if previously it wasn't problematic at all. If your boyfriend is reluctant to touch you at all, there must be something, even if he's not cheating on you.
To be clear, what you should pay attention to here is a sudden and inexplicable refusal to get physically close, even though you weren't in trouble before. If you have had sex before and now you don't do it again, this is a sign that there is a problem. It's different if you only ever kissed your boyfriend on the cheek. His unwillingness to have sex with you doesn't mean he likes someone else. Everyone needs time to build physical closeness. Even having sex too early in a relationship is one of the most common complaints women make regarding physical closeness in relationships
Step 2. Check if your boyfriend is hiding his phone from you
In this modern age, cell phones and other personal electronic devices have become our primary way of keeping in touch with loved ones. If your boyfriend likes someone else, chances are that his cell phone will show evidence of his feelings for you. Pay attention to the way your boyfriend holds his phone. Did he hold her tight while texting? Has he changed his password recently? Does he forbid you to use his cell phone? Was he reluctant to take his eyes off his cell phone? In that case, there was a possibility that he was hiding something.
This advice isn't just for cell phones. This can also be applied to other electronic devices that can be used to communicate with each other. For example, if your boyfriend is constantly closing his laptop or logging out of his social media accounts every time you approach him, this is suspect if it occurs in conjunction with the other signs listed in this article
Step 3. Observe if your boyfriend suddenly gets busy
Couples with active and busy lives often find it difficult to find time to spend together. This is very common and is a problem many couples face. But if your boyfriend has suddenly become so busy he hasn't seen you for a long time and the reasons seem absurd, it could mean he's spending his free time with other people. If your boyfriend has been having a hard time making time to see you lately and the reasons aren't all that great, you deserve to be worried.
To help differentiate between the usual busyness and the problematic ones, try the following trick. When your boyfriend says he can't see you, suggest a different time. If he still says he can't, wait until he proposes a different time himself. Usually if someone wants to meet, but his schedule is busy, he will propose a time to meet on his own willingly. But if your boyfriend is okay with not finding a solution to his busy schedule, this could be a sign that he doesn't want to see you at all
Step 4. Notice if he avoids looking you in the eye
Looking someone in the eye is generally considered a sign of sincerity and honesty. When a person realizes that he or she is hiding something, looking into the eyes of a loved one can be difficult or even painful. If your boyfriend suddenly can't look you in the eye, it's a sign that something's wrong with him.
- Of course that doesn't mean that your boyfriend can look you in the eye, he's telling the truth. A trained (or guilt-free) liar can look their loved one in the eye with no problems at all.
- Also keep in mind, people who are shy or rigid in socializing generally have difficulty looking someone in the eye. In addition, some social disorders can make it difficult for a person to look other people in the eye.
Step 5. Watch for any changes in your boyfriend's habits
When you've been dating someone for a long time, their daily routines and habits should be familiar to you because you've been spending time with them. Seeing a sudden change in the way your boyfriend spends his time is sure to instantly make you frown and feel anxious, but if that change is accompanied by the other signs listed in this article, you should be wary. This is especially true if your current boyfriend is doing things he doesn't want to do with you. People usually tend to be willing to engage in social activities that they don't care about in the early stages of a relationship if doing those activities can make their new partner happy.
For example, let's say your boyfriend hates going to the beach when he's dating his ex, but now he's spending two weeks with his “friends” at one of his friend's beach villas. As his girlfriend, it's natural for you to question this, especially if he reasons that he's always liked the beach too
Step 6. Notice if the dress style starts to change
For both genders, a sudden and drastic change in dress style may be a sign that one aspect of her life is changing as well. For example, it might be a sign that someone was recently single, lost someone and is in mourning, or got a new job. But in the context of a committed relationship, if a person changes his or her style of dress drastically for no reason or explanation, or for reasons that aren't convincing, this could be a sign that he or she wants to charm a third party.
This can be especially worrisome if your boyfriend's current style of dress seems attention-grabbing or provocative. For example, someone who is known to dress modestly is less likely to wear clothes that reveal their belly button or that are low slit than someone who is not known to dress modestly
Step 7. Realize if he ignores you
The mere thought of being ignored already made some men tremble. If you're curious about your boyfriend's main goals, pay attention to how he treats you when you're together. Does he seem indifferent or disinterested in what you have to say? Does he look down on your opinion or completely ignore it? Does it seem like your existence hasn't changed your boyfriend's behavior at all? Is he completely unreachable via cell phone or social media? If you're starting to feel like your boyfriend isn't paying attention, it's a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
If you feel neglected, calm yourself. Sending 100 messages to your boyfriend to get a response is not going to pay off, whether he likes the other person or not. Remember that constantly begging for someone's attention will make you seem hopeless and unattractive
Step 8. Don't tolerate signs of infidelity
All the signs listed in this article are for those who have a hard time knowing if their boyfriend likes someone just by looking at them. But if your boyfriend is boldly expressing his love for someone else, you don't need to look for other signs. In such cases, the relationship times need to be reviewed. Below are some of the behaviors that should not be tolerated:
- Showing affection for others overtly is more intimate than pretending to be flirting or making jokes (e.g. kissing, intimate dancing, etc.)
- Leaving you to be special together with others in a social context.
- Disrespect you or make fun of you in ways that go beyond just flirting, especially if it's only done around certain people.
- Openly teasing or provoking others with jokes or sexual temptations that are not intended to be sarcastic or scornful.
Method 3 of 4: Listening to His Speech
Step 1. Pay attention to how often you talk
Even the most intimate partners sometimes forget how important communication is. But a lack of communication that has been going on for a long time may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble. If you feel like you're getting a negative aura from your boyfriend, start counting how often you two talk (this includes non-face-to-face conversations like the phone, texting, etc.). If you notice that your talking time has suddenly decreased drastically or that you don't talk much now, you deserve to be worried.
This advice applies especially if you are in a long distance relationship or LDR. In an LDR, the two parties cannot be in physical contact, so intense communication is key to keeping your relationship healthy. Many relationship experts recommend communicating in simple ways if someone is in an LDR
Step 2. Observe petty lies and mismatches of reason
Mark Twain once said, "If you're telling the truth, you don't need to remember anything." Even the most reliable liars can sometimes fall short, so if you start to suspect your boyfriend, look for illogicalities and contradictions in what he's saying. where he was before, what he's been up to, and who he spends his time with inevitably ends up making mistakes or contradictions in his story. You just have to listen to catch your girlfriend off guard.
Step 3. Pay attention to whether he is covering up his personal life
Instead of lying, some people who want to keep things under wraps will avoid talking about their activities in their spare time. If your boyfriend used to love to talk about his life, his friends, and his hobbies, but now refuses to tell you voluntarily, this may be his way of not feeling guilty about lying to you. Observe what he's saying and watch out for these cover-ups and non-commitments when you ask him about his day; If he doesn't tell more than the following lines, he may be hiding something.:
- "It is nothing."
- "So what?"
- "I've been busy lately."
- "I don't want to talk about it."
Step 4. Notice if he's reluctant to talk about his new friends
Usually making new friends is a good thing. But if your boyfriend isn't comfortable talking about a certain new friend, something's not right (especially if he's been talking about his friends all along). Even if this isn't a sign that he likes someone else, it could be a sign that he's shy about his friends or the things he does with them and is afraid that you'll get mad if you find out. Openness and trust are important in any relationship. If your boyfriend isn't upfront about his friends, it's a sign that something is wrong, even if the problem isn't infidelity.
Step 5. Notice if he's reluctant to admit your relationship
If one of the parties in a relationship realizes that he has betrayed his girlfriend's trust, his heart will ache even if it is only discussing the relationship in everyday conversation. Discussing the relationship can make him feel guilty because he imagined his betrayal or upset him because it reminds him that he hasn't left his current relationship. Try asking your boyfriend some of the following questions to understand how comfortable he is about discussing your relationship. If he's introverted, annoyed, embarrassed, or reluctant to answer, it may be a sign of trouble:
- "What do you think of our relationship?"
- “Is there anything exciting you want to do in the next few months?”
- “What do you think we can do to strengthen our relationship?”
- “Of all our memories, which one do you like the most?”
- "What do you think of our relationship in the next year?"
Method 4 of 4: Understanding His Emotions
Step 1. Be sensitive to emotional gaps
Often times when things go wrong in a relationship, one or both parties can sense a growing emotional divide. Where once the two sides were close and connected, now they felt like they didn't know each other. In the past, both parties could easily express their feelings, make out, and talk here and there, now such interactions feel forced and cold. This kind of emotional gap is a sign of various problems in a relationship, including infidelity. If your boyfriend seems cold and unintimate, talk to him about the matter. Talk about it immediately to find out the cause because it is better than suffering the consequences of unhappiness.
But don't forget, prolonged emotional gaps are a sign of most problems in a relationship, not just infidelity. The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center cites differences in family and cultural backgrounds, situational conflict, and stress as some alternative reasons
Step 2. Watch for extreme defensive actions
Sometimes people who are aware that they have made a mistake become very sensitive to any form of criticism or accusation. Because their mistakes are still fresh in their minds, any form of satire or criticism can be taken to heart. If your boyfriend recently surprised you with an overly rude response to a mundane question, there may be a serious problem he's hiding. Here are some common questions that can be a bad sign if answered with anger or frustration:
- "Who just called you?"
- "So, where were you last week?"
- "Where are you going next Friday?"
- "How are your friends?"
- "Who have you been spending time with lately?"
Step 3. Beware of sudden aggressive behavior
In one of the worst conditions in a relationship, one of the parties may love the third party so much that he or she keeps trying to ruin the current relationship. This destruction can take the form of aggressive behavior, rude behavior, frustration, insults, and so on. If so, chances are that your boyfriend wants to break up with you so he can start a new relationship without guilt.
If your relationship has gotten to this stage, unfortunately, the best thing is to give your boyfriend what he wants. The pain of a prolonged breakup is generally less than that of not leaving an unhappy relationship with someone who constantly wants to ruin the relationship
Step 4. Notice if he's uncomfortable accepting your kindness
Generally, kindness done without reason creates a spark of love in a relationship. But if one of the parties is thinking of a third party, this kind of kindness can make him feel guilty. Hardly anyone enjoys receiving kindness from someone they've offended, so if your boyfriend doesn't seem happy about receiving gifts or favors from you that usually have a positive effect on your relationship, watch out for this sign. Here are some things that usually have a positive impact, but become negative if your boyfriend is thinking about someone else:
- Gifts for any anniversaries (especially when you just want to give gifts)
- Luxury night walk
- Special dinner
- Surprise his office
- Making time just for him
Step 5. Be on the lookout for unexpected excess affection
While liking someone else can cause your boyfriend to become defensive or aggressive, he can also be very kind or affectionate. If your boyfriend is worried about you revealing his secret, for a period of time, he will try to seduce you with kisses, hugs, compliments, affection, and more. A boyfriend who seems to insist on keeping you busy with unexplained excessive attention may be up to something, so watch out, especially if his affection grows every time you inquire about his activities or whereabouts.
Of course, affection is generally a good thing in the context of a relationship, so don't be suspicious of reasonable, commonplace affection. It's great to get kisses and fancy dinners after graduation or promotion, but being treated like that after asking where your boyfriend has been the past week is a bad sign
Tips
- There may be other signs that your boyfriend likes someone else. Basically, trust your instincts if you suspect your boyfriend and be wary of your boyfriend's unusual behavior with other men (or other women).
- The steps above could also mean your boyfriend is cheating on you. But that's not always true.
