Sometimes you want to avoid people who make you feel neglected. However, if you want to keep your distance because of a troubled relationship with your boyfriend or family member, you may need to be cool with him. For that, make sure you completely shut yourself off emotionally and physically from the person. Plus, you need to keep reminding yourself that you're being cold in order to live your life the way you want.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Showing Attitude Changes
Step 1. Make a decision and do it
Once you decide you want to be cool with someone, make sure you stick to it consistently. Remind yourself that you decided to separate and not give him affection so that you can live a calm and happy life.
- When disconnecting, say firmly: "I want to separate because our relationship is making my life problematic. From now on, we live our own lives and my decision is final".
- Keep in mind that this method is impolite and difficult to do. So it's better if you choose another way, unless the relationship is very problematic and cannot be repaired.
Step 2. Don't interact with him
As much as possible, avoid interacting via phone, email, social media, etc. You may become indecisive if you give him the opportunity to explain or apologize.
- Make your wish only once and last by saying: "Don't contact me unless it's absolutely essential".
- Every time he tries to make up, remind yourself that he's going to hurt you again.
Step 3. Keep the conversation as short as possible
If the two of you are forced to communicate, refuse firmly if he asks for a chance to call you, give an explanation, etc., for example by saying, "No need" or "I'm busy," then walk away or hang up.
- Alternatively, pretend you don't see him or he doesn't hear him.
- Use these tips when you want to ignore a coworker or schoolmate.
Step 4. Don't let him know what you're thinking or feeling
Intentionally or not, don't act in a way that makes you feel doubtful or sorry, for example, by saying, "Sorry" or "I'm sorry". Show that you are completely ignoring him by showing no affection, even looking away as soon as you see him.
- Avoid discussing what you want to do to overcome the heartbreak, future plans, or other topics around this. Let him continue to wonder.
- Since you've made your final decision, you don't have to respond to him, no matter what he says.
Step 5. Don't get nostalgic or get carried away
If you have had a good time with him, don't reminisce about it. You can be cool while keeping good memories. Delete all messages, emails, photos from it. Keep souvenirs, gifts, or anything else that reminds you of him.
- Even if both of you have had some good moments, try to forget them to break up with no regrets.
- You can relive good memories if you have a healthy relationship in the future.
Method 2 of 2: Persistently Cold
Step 1. Remind yourself that you are empowered and in control of your life
Chemicals in the brain and learning when socializing makes empowered and independent people able to control themselves when empathizing with others. In fact, they do not easily feel sorry for others simply by remembering things that raise awareness that they are empowered and have the independence to live life the way they want. Take advantage of this ability by imagining a moment that made you feel very empowered and in control of your life.
For example, before there was a conflict in a relationship, maybe you were a successful entrepreneur who started a business from the ground up, a man who was financially secure, or a woman who was respected by many
Step 2. Use the reason for ending the relationship as a reminder
If your will to be cool is weakened, use anger as a powerful motivator. If things get worse and you want to give up, ignite your anger by remembering times when you were abused, lied to, or left without living support.
Write down in detail all the treatment that hurt or made you feel neglected and then read it as a reminder. If needed, stick the photo on a styrofoam board or bag to practice boxing and then punch it as hard as you can
Step 3. Do various activities to keep you busy
During the transition period after the relationship ends, make sure you stay active and don't daydream. Use the time to enjoy hobbies that have been delayed or do activities that you enjoy.
If an activity or hobby you do reminds you of someone you want to ignore, stay away from it for a while or find a new environment, such as working out at a different gym or taking cooking lessons instead of dancing if the two of you often dance together
Step 4. Establish close relationships with those closest to you
If unhealthy relationships cut off relationships with other people, try to be a good friend, sibling, child, or parent to them. Show that you love and appreciate them because they are always loyal to accompany and support you.
Don't let them ignore you. Give them the affection they deserve
Step 5. Make sure you take care of yourself regularly
Take the time, attention, and affection you have given him to take care of himself. Restore your emotional and physical strength by prioritizing your primary needs so that you are completely free from a troubled relationship. For that, do the following tips.
- Keep your body healthy by exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and adopting a healthy diet.
- Take care of your emotional health by meditating, praying, practicing yoga, practicing tai chi, doing relaxation, and so on.
- Spend time with supportive friends and family members.
- Do fun activities, such as watching movies, outdoor activities, visiting tourist attractions, and so on.
Step 6. Seek help in other ways
Breaking up isn't easy even if you're dealing with a psychic vampire who only accepts and doesn't give. Don't hesitate to seek help if you can't be cool and free yourself from someone like this.
- Ask for information about a licensed therapist from a doctor, friend, or family member.
- When you talk to a therapist, you may understand that being cold isn't the right solution. The therapist can help you find other effective solutions.
Step 7. Don't be cold to everyone
Remember that you choose to be cool in a certain way for a certain purpose because you are in control of your life. If you've succeeded in realizing the desire to free yourself from a problematic relationship, act as usual.
- People who are cold as an innate trait usually experience an avoidant attachment pattern that was formed as a child. Therefore, being cool for a while for a specific purpose doesn't have to make you act like this forever.
- If you achieve your goal by being cool, you may want to apply it more often or for another purpose. Remember that this method can lead to more suffering, rather than preventing it.
Tips
If you're getting desperate, remind yourself that other options aren't working
Warning
- Be prepared to accept criticism. People who don't understand your goals may find your attitude unpleasant and they will turn away from you.
- Don't be cold too often so it doesn't become a bad habit that's done impulsively.
