Some bad experiences seem impossible to forget. Bad memories can drag us down into them, affecting our daily lives, relationships, and even hopes for the future. Mindfulness (a method to live aware of our presence) or exposure therapy can help reduce the anxiety caused by bad memories. In the end, seeing a therapist can be the most effective way to stop bad memories from interfering with your life.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Seeing the Role of Bad Memories in Daily Life
Step 1. Find out how memories affect you in your daily life
Sometimes bad memories can fill our minds so it is difficult for us to focus on what is happening in the present moment. How much time do you spend thinking about bad memories? Do these memories come to your mind when you try to focus on something else?
- Focusing on bad memories, or dwelling on them, can have a bad impact on your problem-solving ability. For example, you can feel helpless when you face obstacles at work, instead of overcoming them when they arise.
- Contemplating bad memories can also lead you into bad habits like drinking too much alcohol or other forms of self-medicating to stop these negative thoughts.
- Recalling bad memories leads to negative thought patterns related to depression and anxiety.
Step 2. Find out whether or not dwelling on these memories is interfering with your relationship
If your memories are related to someone, you may find it difficult to spend time with them without remembering what happened in the past. Bad memories can interfere with your relationship too. Reminiscing about the past can keep you isolated from others.
Thinking about bad memories can also hinder your ability to make new connections with other people. For example, if you're drowning in bad memories of the breakup of a previous relationship, you're also not open to meeting someone new
Step 3. Find out if thinking about the past affects your ability to look ahead
Everyone remembers the past, but if you dwell on it too often, your hopes for the future will be disturbed. If you spend time remembering experiences that have happened in the past, you will have less energy to think about what happened now or will happen in the future.
- Bad memories that keep popping up, especially those that are traumatizing, can make us feel helpless and it's hard to feel optimistic. You can feel that because something bad happened once, it will happen again.
- This can affect your ability to take care of yourself and make plans for the future.
Step 4. Practice mindfulness to relieve the anxiety that comes with bad memories
Mindfulness is a practice used to shift focus to the present moment, and research shows it can help with anxiety. With mindfulness, you acknowledge the emergence of bad memories, then consciously choose to shift your focus to the present. This way you can interrupt the negative thought process.
- To practice mindfulness, try to focus on the physical sensations you're feeling in the moment. Try to pay attention to the air temperature or the pressure of your feet against the floor. Try to focus on these physical feelings until you can stop thinking about bad memories.
- You can also practice mindfulness by repeating positive sentences to yourself. Try saying to yourself, "I don't have time to think about that right now."
Method 2 of 3: Try Exposure Therapy
Step 1. You can do exposure therapy
Traumatic, painful, and/or frightening experiences can lead you to push them so you don't have to. However, allowing yourself to feel it can help you to move on. This exercise is known as exposure therapy, in which you control your symptoms and your fear of the event that triggers your anxiety by thinking about it instead. Studies show that exposure therapy can treat the anxiety and fear associated with bad memories, but this form of treatment is best done under the supervision of a therapist or psychologist. The therapist will be able to help you prepare for this therapy and know how long the sessions should last. The therapist also knows how to bring you back from those memories when you're done with therapy sessions.
- If you want to try exposure therapy yourself, be prepared that this could make things worse. If possible, try to consult with a therapist to find out more about this process before trying exposure therapy on your own.
- If you try exposure therapy and find bad memories persist, try seeking help from someone else.
Step 2. Remember the bad memory in detail
Set the date and time to undergo exposure therapy. When you are ready, sit down and think about the event or situation. Try to remember every detail from start to finish. Think about what you're wearing, the sounds you hear, the smells in the air, and so on. Continue to sit with these memories for as long as you can.
- Exposure therapy that is done alone is effective when divided into several sessions. You might try sitting down and dwelling on these memories for five minutes at first, finding yourself still fine despite the re-awakening of these painful thoughts. Try increasing the time each day until you find you're not responding as badly as before. Over time, the impact these memories will have on you will become less and less.
- If you're having trouble doing this exercise in your head, try taking a pen and a book and writing down all the details of the event from start to finish. For the first session, you simply write it down. In the next session, try to read it aloud. If you have to stop because you want to cry, do it. Then continue again. If this process goes well, you will feel stronger and won't have to stop every time you read the details of the incident.
- Don't hold back the emotions associated with this memory. You can scream, hit the floor or cry if you want to. Let those feelings enter your mind while you are. Absorb all the sorrow and sadness that exists.
Step 3. Try to let go
Once you've sat down with these memories, gather your strength to say, "This is the feeling I was afraid of. I've felt it and faced it. Now I have to let go of this feeling and not fight it anymore." Release your breath. Take a few deep breaths, and let the fear and anxiety associated with this incident go away so you can heal.
- Another option to release it is to hold some kind of ceremony. If these persistent bad memories relate to someone you care about and has left the world, you can perform some kind of ritual, such as lighting candles for that person. Or another symbolic way that can be done is to release a balloon to release this pain. If these painful memories are caused by a traumatic event, you can store the pain after dealing with it and let it go on a day of your choosing during the year where you can grudgingly feel all the emotions associated with this event. As time goes on, you will find that the pain you feel is getting less and less.
- Letting go is a process and you won't be able to get rid of these painful memories overnight. If the memories persist, you should seek professional help.
Method 3 of 3: Seeking Help
Step 1. See a mental health professional
Persistent bad memories can be an indicator of post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD). It is a chronic condition consisting of intrusive thoughts or memories of the traumatic event; avoiding things that might remind you of the event; irrational and negative beliefs about the event; and other symptoms such as the startle reflex or sleep disturbances. If you experience any of these symptoms, you should contact a therapist or psychologist who has experience with trauma patients.
Some of the possible treatments for posttraumatic stress disorder include cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, stress inoculation training, and medications. If you have PSTD, a mental health professional will discuss your treatment options
Step 2. Join the support group
Maybe you've told a friend or relative about these memories and maybe they can help. However, you can also try to join a support group or a group that talks about trauma, grief, or anxiety.
By joining this group, you can meet other people who have faced and survived tough situations. You can learn coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety and stress. Who knows from there you can also make friends for life
Step 3. Surround yourself with positive people
If you really want to be able to move on with your life and overcome your fear and anxiety about what has happened to you, your social circle matters a lot. Research shows that happiness can be a chain reaction. If the people around you feel happy and cheerful, their attitude can rub off on you.
Life is short! Live life with people whose presence you enjoy and who can make you feel good about yourself and life
Step 4. Try to touch your spiritual side
You determine the way to connect with a higher power in this universe. What is clear, spiritual practices including meditation, prayer, and worship can be very effective in dealing with symptoms of anxiety and depression that can arise from painful memories.
