Do you often clash with colleagues, relatives, or even your boyfriend because they say you are being too selfish? Are you having trouble working in a team? Does asking other people for help feel silly and unnecessary to you? If so, you probably have a big ego. Of course a big ego can be useful in helping your progress in the field of work. However, being overly selfish can also mean that you are unable to establish good social relationships with other people. Improve your relationship by learning how to control your big ego.
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Part 1 of 3: Changing Your Perspective
Step 1. Stop comparing
Regardless of whether the action is directed in a positive or negative direction, comparing can lead to anxiety, depression and a greater chance of making poor decisions. There are always two sides to everything. You might look at someone and say to yourself "I'm so much better at this than he is." but it is possible that the person outperforms you in other abilities as well.
- You can stop comparing when you start to appreciate more. Instead of measuring everything according to the standard you have in mind, simply respect and appreciate what other people can provide as individuals.
- Remind yourself that no one is perfect in this world, including yourself. If you have to compare, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
Step 2. Modify the way you view failure
A person with a big ego may think of failure as the end of the world. You don't have to feel that way. Having a fearful attitude toward failure can keep you from trying again, or even lead you to develop smaller goals and objectives. Failure gives you the opportunity to hone your knowledge and skills. Learn to celebrate every failure as it can take you one step closer to success.
- Pay attention to how you react to failure at this point. Do you blame yourself? Did you give up all your big plans?
- Decide how you want to react and do it. Maybe you want to carefully examine what's going on and change your plans to suit the new information you now know.
- Give yourself a little advice. Find some inspiring quotes and place them around your work or living environment. Repeat a powerful mantra to yourself after every setback or obstacle.
Step 3. Change your view of success
In today's stressful life, success can only be measured by tangible results, such as trophies, congratulations or promotions. Relying on these things can give you a big ego when you shouldn't, because there are many other ways to measure success than with money or gifts.
- Another way to view success is to think of it as a journey. There is a saying, success is a progressive realization towards a commensurate ideal goal. In other words, as long as you keep moving (even if it's only in small steps) toward your goal, you're already successful--even if your boss or teacher doesn't notice and you don't get any rewards afterward.
- In the meantime, try not to brag about your successes too much. Calmly praise yourself when you complete a task well, but don't forget to praise other people who were also involved in the accomplishment. A powerful way to not have a big ego is to be able to share success and victory with your colleagues.
Step 4. Let go of your expectations
Having very high expectations of yourself or others can contribute to your ego problems. Expectations shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us. As a result, we respond to the environment depending on these expectations. When we break free from the trap of expectations, we have the power to see ourselves and the world from a new perspective.
- See if any illogical fantasies are driving your actions. Maybe you were told as a child that if you act like the greatest person, other people will feel that you are. This might work, but it could also cause other people to walk away in the process. Get rid of the "if, then" principle and define success on your own terms.
- Think mindfully. Try to be truly present in every moment of your life. That way you are not limited by past or future-oriented thoughts that limit the present.
- Start with a beginner's mind. Believing that we know everything about a situation can cause us to not see the big picture of the situation. To fight this expectation trap, enter every situation as if you were entering it for the first time. That way you have the openness to accept new ideas and points of view.
Part 2 of 3: Changing the Way You Interact
Step 1. Learn to compromise
Controlling your ego is mostly about getting used to agreeing a middle ground with other people. Whether it's at work or in a relationship, mastering the art of compromise can help you and others interact more effectively. Here are some easy tips for compromising:
- Reconsider your motives. Again, when you reach a dead end with someone, you have to ask yourself whether you disagree because you feel superior or inferior. Try to give in a little if any of these factors are driving your feud. Try to find a middle ground that benefits everyone involved.
- Determine what's important. Remember that you are not alone in a team. What is a common goal that your team is pursuing? Are you willing to give up a little to help achieve a common goal?
- Realize that compromising doesn't mean losing. Working with others to achieve a goal while giving up some small things (like being the most right or dominant) is well worth it. Just make sure that the really important variables, like your personal beliefs or values, are never compromised.
Step 2. Accept differences in opinion
Getting annoyed when other people have different views will accomplish nothing. Friction in personal and professional life to some extent can also be healthy. There is a saying that goes "If everyone thinks the same, someone is not thinking". The same is true in your interactions with other people. If everyone always agrees with you, then you only always get one opinion. While it may be fun, it severely limits your personal and career development.
This doesn't mean you should just fight with your partner or co-workers. What the saying means is that you don't have to be harsh and cut off communication whenever you feel your opinion is a bit threatened. Sometimes, hearing a different point of view than yours can challenge you to see the world from a different perspective
Step 3. Be attracted to other people
Instead of spending a lot of interaction time talking about yourself, be attracted to the person you're talking to. Showing genuine interest will do you much more than simply trying to force others to be attracted to you. There are many ways you can show interest in other people.
- Make eye contact. Keep your eyes on the speaker. Don't cross your arms and legs. Active listening is listening to understand rather than to answer. Before sharing anything about yourself, summarize what the other person said and ask questions for clarification such as "Do you mean…?"
- Use the name of your interlocutor. Ask about something you know is important to her, like her children or her favorite hobby. Say something like "Hey Astrid! Where have you been traveling lately?"
- Give praise. This may be challenging, but give it a try. Instead of focusing on yourself, direct your energy outward. Look for the things you really value in other people: their well-groomed appearance, their effort or their personality. For example, you could say "Hey, man, your energy for this project is really contagious. Thank you!"
Part 3 of 3: Realize When Ego is at Play
Step 1. Ask yourself
Even if you continue to have problems with people at work or at home, you may have doubts about whether you really have an ego problem. There are many complicated routes a person can use to explain his ego. Perhaps the best explanation is the part of you that is always hungry for recognition. To find out if your ego is playing a role in a situation, ask yourself two things:
- “Do I feel superior to other people?”
- “Do I feel inferior to other people?”
- If you answered "yes" to any of the two questions above, then your ego is most likely playing a role in your behavior. It may make sense to you that feeling superior is a sign of a big ego. However, you may not know that feeling inferior to others around you can be an ego problem as well.
Step 2. Pay attention when you get into a dispute
People with big egos tend to have trouble with other people crossing into what they perceive to be their domain. For example, a friend who is trying to provide some information about how to perfect your badminton playing technique. Or the office manager who sits at his desk all day and feels he can teach you how to do a better job.
If you feel emotional spikes after situations similar to those described above, then your ego is at play. You may get angry when other people try to suggest things you think you already know. You may refuse help. When people offer potential ideas that beat your own, you ignore them so yours doesn't go away
Step 3. Find out if you are easily offended
An inflated ego may not always be obvious. Sometimes, having a big ego is shown by how quickly you get offended by a point of view that is different from yours. A person with a large ego tends to think that he has and knows everything. When someone disagrees with your point of view or criticizes it, you feel as if all of your competence is being questioned.
