Overthinking problems, events, or even conversations is a common way people deal with stress. However, studies show that overthinking and mulling over trivial/disturbing things has a strong link to depression and anxiety. For many people, overthinking is an automatic way of seeing the world, but this kind of mindset can lead to prolonged depression, and even put some people off looking for ways to cope. By learning to deal with overthinking, you can easily forget painful memories and break out of destructive thinking patterns.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Managing the Mind
Step 1. Recognize the different types of cognitive distortions
Before you can start overcoming the habit of overthinking, first know the type of experience that occurs when you engage in this destructive behavior. Every time you feel involved in a painful, unpleasant, or questionable experience, you become overthinking because of a cognitive distortion. Likewise if you feel like making excuses for not doing something, or making excuses for those doubts. The most common cognitive distortions include:
- Thinking all or nothing: Believing that everything is absolute and seeing every situation as black or white
- Overgeneralization: Viewing a negative event as a continuous cycle of defeat or embarrassment
- Mental filter: Focusing only on the negative (thoughts, feelings, outcomes) and ignoring all the positive elements of any situation or scenario
- Ignoring positive attitudes: Believing that there are no admirable qualities or important accomplishments in oneself
- Jumping to conclusions: Assuming that other people react/think negatively to you without any concrete evidence (called "mind reading"), or believe that an event will turn out badly, without any evidence for this conclusion.
- Enlarge or minimize: Exaggerating the bad things or understating the importance of the good things
- Emotional reasoning: Believing that the way you feel will reflect an objective truth about yourself
- "should" statements: Punish yourself or others for things they should or shouldn't have said/done
- Labeling: Makes errors or omissions as character attributes themselves. For example: changing the thought "I messed up" to "I'm a loser and failed."
- Personalization and blaming: Internalizing blame for situations or events that you cannot be responsible for, or blaming others for situations/events that they cannot control
Step 2. Identify the causes of overthinking
There are many causes for overthinking, many of which are due to cognitive distortions. One form of overthinking is the mindset known as "taking things as a disaster." This happens whenever you automatically predict a negative outcome for some event or series of events, and jump to the conclusion that such an outcome would be devastating and unbearable. Taking something as a disaster is a combination of jumping to conclusions and overgeneralizing.
- Identify the cognitive distortions that most influence your overthinking attitude. Write down the thoughts you are experiencing, and mark any experiences that fall into the category of cognitive distortions.
- Learn to recognize "overthinking" thoughts as they arise. Naming the thoughts you are aware of will help. Say quietly the word "think" whenever you start to think too much. This can prevent and destroy your mindset spikes.
Step 3. Write down how you feel
It's easy to fall into "autopilot" mode, but if your day is filled with potentially anxiety-inducing situations, you run the risk of slipping into a situation that makes you think too much and consider it a disaster.
- Try implementing a personal "check-in" for yourself. Assess how you feel as you enter different scenarios and situations, which tend to evoke patterns of overthinking.
- Recognize every situation you start to indulge in overthinking patterns. Don't judge yourself for it, just admit it before you change it.
Step 4. Challenge every automatic thought
After recognizing incidents of overthinking or perceiving something as a disaster, you can now begin to challenge the validity of each of these thoughts. Challenging your mind by assuming that it's not a fact can help you break out of the pattern of overthinking.
- Thoughts do not always reflect reality and are often misleading, uninformed, or false. By letting go of your perception of the perfection of your mind, you will be better able to consider other possibilities, or at least accept that overthinking isn't always right.
- Check to see if there is any real objective evidence you have to support cognitive distortions and overthinking patterns. It is possible that you will not be able to present solid, concrete evidence that the thoughts you are experiencing are true.
- Say quietly to yourself, "This is just a thought, not a fact." Repeating this mantra can help you break free from the trap of a spiraling mindset.
Step 5. Replace cognitive distortions with real facts
You may have a hard time getting out of your mindset if the pattern of overthinking is out of your control. However, once you learn to recognize that the thoughts you are experiencing are not factual, it will be easy for you to change your mindset to a more realistic one. Say to yourself, "If I accept that my assumptions and overthinking attitudes are not based on facts, then what are facts?"
- Even if you fail, you can focus on thinking about what to do in the future instead of dwelling on what you had to say/do in the past. It won't be easy at first, but once you train your brain to process different situations, the results will be easier.
- Seek input from others who are aware of your situation. Sometimes, asking a friend, relative, or coworker if you're overreacting or overthinking can help you realize that there's no reason to keep thinking that way.
- Try positive self-talk to replace self-doubt or overthinking. The way you talk to yourself (and think about yourself) can affect how you feel. So instead of criticizing yourself or dwelling on bad thoughts, focus on the things you did well and then continue to do well.
Part 2 of 3: Overcoming Fear
Step 1. Practice relaxation techniques
Many people who think too much and have cognitive distortions feel that relaxation techniques help them break out of harmful thought patterns. Relaxation techniques can also have physical benefits, such as lowering your heart rate and blood pressure, slowing your breathing rate, and reducing the activity of stress hormones in your body. There are many types of relaxation techniques that can be used, including:
- Autogenic relaxation: repeating words or suggestions to yourself internally to help you relax. You can imagine a calm environment and repeat positive affirmations, or just focus on your breathing.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: focuses on tensing, holding, then relaxing each major muscle group in the body. Starting with your facial muscles and working your way down to your toes (or vice versa), tense and hold each muscle group for 5-10 seconds before relaxing the muscles.
- Visualization: let your imagination form calming mental images and visualize calm places or situations.
- Mindful breathing: place one hand on the chest and one hand on the stomach. While sitting, lying down, or standing (whichever is most comfortable), take deep, slow breaths so that the air goes into your stomach and not just your chest. You will feel your stomach expand as you inhale. Hold the breath for a few seconds, then exhale slowly until all the breath is out. Repeat as many times as needed until you start to feel calm.
- Meditation: similar to mindful breathing, meditation focuses on inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly, plus an element of meditative awareness. You can recite a mantra (a word or phrase that helps you stay calm/focused), or focus your attention on a physical sensation, such as the feeling of sitting where you are, or the sensation of inhaling and exhaling through your nostrils.
Step 2. Find a way to distract yourself
If you feel like you're constantly doubting yourself or analyzing situations too deeply, it's a good idea to find a more active way to get out of that mindset. Pester yourself with healthy positive alternatives. For example, you could try meditating to become aware of the present moment. Or, if you're into the arts of crafts, try knitting or sewing to fill your mind whenever you think overthinking patterns overwhelm you. If you like musical instruments, play some hums. Find what comforts you and brings you to the present moment, then use those activities as often as you need.
Step 3. Trace your thoughts by writing
Writing is a very effective way to process thoughts, analyze thought patterns, and find ways to move through thoughts. One writing exercise that many find helpful is taking 10 minutes to explore the nature of the overthinking mindset in writing.
- Set the timer for 10 minutes.
- At this time, write down as much of your experience as you can. Explore the person, situation, or time span you associated with the thought, and whether this thought has anything to do with who you were, who you are now, or who you want to be in the future.
- Read your writings when the time comes and look for the mindset there. Ask yourself, "Does this mindset affect how I see myself, my relationships, or the world around me? If so, is it positive or negative?"
- You can also ask yourself, "Is this mindset ever really helpful? Or is all the opportunities I missed and the nights I couldn't sleep true?"
Step 4. Do things that make you happy
Many overthinking people avoid going out or initiating interactions for fear of what might happen. Even if you haven't been able to get out of your mindset, don't let that overthinking dictate your decisions. If there's a place you want to go (a concert or a party, for example), stop making excuses not to go, and force yourself out the door. Otherwise, your overthinking attitude will prevent you from doing so, and you'll almost certainly regret it.
- Tell yourself that the regret you feel for missing an opportunity will outweigh the regret for a less than perfect time.
- Think about every risk you've ever taken to try something new and it was worth it. Then think about every time you stayed home or were afraid to try new things that had a positive effect. You'll quickly realize that taking the risk of failure is worth it because it leads to good things.
- Always remember that you can leave early if you are not enjoying your time there. The important thing is to go and see if you can have fun and take on a meaningful experience.
Part 3 of 3: Changing Your Mindset
Step 1. Change your perspective of failure
Whether you're afraid to try something because overthinking makes you believe you're going to fail, or you can't stop repeating the memory of the time you failed at something or some role, realize that things don't turn out the way you imagined. And bad things don't always exist. Much of what we perceive as failure is not the end, but the beginning: new choices, new opportunities, and new ways of living.
- Acknowledge that the behavior may fail, but the culprit (i.e. you) does not.
- Instead of seeing failure as the end of something good, think of it as a new opportunity. If you lose your job, you will find a better job and provide more satisfaction. If you start a new art project and it doesn't turn out the way you expected, you've at least practiced it and will come up with better ideas for other things you'll be doing in the future.
- Let failure motivate you. Try harder and concentrate for better efforts, or spend more time for tomorrow.
Step 2. Don't dwell on the past
An important part of overthinking is acknowledging that you can't change the past, and regretting it won't change anything. While learning from the past is an important part of growing up and growing up, overthinking and reflecting on mistakes, missed opportunities, and all other aspects of the past is dangerous and unproductive.
Once you have learned something from the past, throw the memory away. Don't try to memorize it, and every time you feel like thinking about it, distract yourself or remove yourself from the thought pattern. Focus on the present moment because you have the power to change it
Step 3. Realize that you cannot predict the future
No one knows what will happen, and overthinking will certainly not predict a better future than the rest of the world. On the other hand, many overthinking people tend to believe they know what's going to happen: joining a basketball team will result in failure and humiliation, or rejection and humiliation for asking someone else out. However, without trying it, how do you know? What do you base that assumption on? In fact all these assumptions are unfounded and form an image of failure by assuming from the start that you are bound to fail.
Remind yourself that no one knows what will happen in the future. If you overthink, your "predictions" are largely built on self-doubt and fear of the unknown
Tips
- Bring a notebook and pen. Practice note-taking or writing to make it easier for you to process what you're thinking and determine if that way of thinking is part of a larger problem.
- Some people who think too much tend to believe that they cannot achieve or that they will fail and be looked down upon. Don't believe this assumption! Believe that you can and will do it. The pain and shortness of breath that you feel will disappear.
