Having a romantic relationship with someone who is difficult to trust and triggers anxiety often makes the mind go into chaos. If you call, but they don't pick up, you're immediately accusing him of having an affair or doing something bad. However, negative thoughts have a negative impact on yourself and your partner. If you want to change that, learn how to control your thoughts, maintain a balance between your mental and physical health, and have a harmonious relationship with your partner.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Mind Control
Step 1. Take a few deep breaths
As soon as negative thoughts arise, breathe deeply and calmly and regularly. You will feel calmer if you take a few deep breaths. Take a deep breath through your nose and then exhale through your mouth for 3 seconds. Do this step a few times until you feel relaxed.
Step 2. Use an instant way of dealing with anxiety
Often times, triggers for worry can be easily dealt with right away. Instead of letting negative thoughts get you down, work on controlling them! You will regain your composure if you take real action.
- For example, your partner hasn't replied to the message you sent this afternoon until he gets home from work. You'd better call to make sure he's okay.
- If he still can't be reached, set the phone alarm to ring in 1 hour and then go about your normal activities while waiting. You can take a warm bath, take a nap, or watch a few episodes of your favorite movie to pass the time. Call again when the alarm goes off. Maybe he has called you!
Step 3. Fight negative thoughts by providing a logical response
When thoughts start to run wild, try to control them. Instead of thinking about the worst-case scenario, consider the most realistic reasons.
For example, if you've been waiting for news for several hours until you go to bed at night, but he doesn't come back, you may suspect that he's having an affair. Instead of thinking this way, remind yourself that he was so busy working all day that he fell asleep from exhaustion
Step 4. Find reasons to laugh
Sometimes, you think too much just because you are upset. Laughter is the best medicine for this. Look for funny videos on YouTube and watch them to entertain yourself.
Step 5. Try to distract yourself
Do fun or productive activities so you don't worry. Play your favorite song and dance or call Mom to see how she's doing. Enjoy the warm water in the bath or the morning sun.
You can use distractions as a temporary solution, but the underlying cause that triggers negative thoughts and emotions must be addressed. Otherwise, relationships are often colored by resentment and distrust
Step 6. Share your thoughts with a friend
Talking to a friend helps you think logically. When you're worried, find someone to talk to to make sure your feelings are reasonable. If not, think no more and do other useful activities. Find someone to talk to who is wise and trustworthy. Don't tell friends who are equally worried.
Step 7. See a counselor to determine whether or not you have an anxiety disorder
If the anxiety persists or gets worse, you may have an anxiety disorder. When it comes to being in a relationship, worrying is normal, but you need to seek help if these complaints are difficult to deal with or are making you unhappy and unproductive. Counselors can help you overcome anxiety disorders so that your relationship remains harmonious.
If you are still in college, some universities provide free therapy. If you are not working, find a therapist who is an insurance company partner. In addition, you can search for a therapist in a nearby location via Google
Method 2 of 3: Balancing Mental and Physical Health
Step 1. Set aside time to meditate every day
Meditation helps you get rid of negative thoughts and improves your ability to concentrate. Take at least 10 minutes a day to sit quietly in a quiet, distraction-free place while focusing your mind on your body and breath.
If you've never meditated before, practice using the Headspace or Calm apps
Step 2. Don't look at your phone too often
You're overthinking maybe because you're so dependent on your phone that you stare at your phone screen almost every minute expecting it to call or text. Instead of getting addicted to chatting, put your phone down so you can move on in peace.
Leave your phone at home when you go out with friends. Silence the ringing of your phone while you work or watch your favorite movie
Step 3. Say a positive mantra to yourself every day
Maybe you often think too much because you lack confidence. This feeling makes you worry that you are not good enough or want to give your partner the best. Overcome negative thoughts by affirming yourself every morning or when you are feeling anxious.
For example, say to yourself, "I'm beautiful/handsome. I'm smart. I deserve to be loved."
Step 4. Set aside time for activities alone without a partner
Spending time together is fun, but the relationship will be problematic if you always spend free time with your partner to monitor him. Allocate at least one day of the week to take care of yourself. Remember, your identity includes aspects of your personal life that don't involve your partner.
- Take time to do things you enjoy, such as reading a book, writing an article, running, or dancing.
- The more you move without a partner, the less you will feel worried.
Step 5. Watch yourself
Maintaining mental health is not easy if physical health is neglected. Make sure you sleep at least 7 hours a night, exercise 3 times a week, and adopt a healthy diet.
Take time to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Start exercising by walking in the park near your house. The next step, join the gym and take an aerobics class. You can practice yoga if you want to exercise at home
Method 3 of 3: Establishing Harmonious Relationships
Step 1. Find out why you are worried
Do reflection to get to know yourself and the thought patterns that trigger anxiety when thinking about your partner. Problems can't be solved if you don't know the cause yet. Write down what you think whenever you feel worried or suspicious and then reflect on the issues you noted down.
For example, you may find that your anxiety arises because you feel that you are not good enough and that you don't deserve to be his girlfriend
Step 2. Celebrate the good times with him
Even if there are things that worry you, remember the good things since you were in a relationship. Maybe he's so patient or humorous that it's a lot of fun being together. Do activities that you both enjoy and show that you appreciate his kindness.
- Take him to exercise in the park, take a painting class, or watch a movie at the cinema.
- Give appreciation by saying, "Mas, I'm glad you always take me to the office. You are very kind."
Step 3. Discuss what you both want
Anxiety may be triggered by unresolved issues between the two of you. Communicate what you expect from your partner honestly and openly. Also listen to his wishes. Make a deal so you're both happy.
- For example, you're upset because he didn't tell you after he got home after work. Have him call or text when he gets home every time he comes home from work.
- Tell him that you want to change too and then ask him what changes you need to make. Maybe he wants you to give him more freedom so he can work alone. Fulfill his request and let him spend time without you.
- Know that the purpose of a romantic relationship is to share and feel together, not to solve personal problems because it's personal, only you can do it for yourself.
Step 4. Get busy when you're not with your partner
When he's traveling or hanging out with friends, don't call him every few minutes to ask how he's doing. Give him the freedom so he doesn't feel constrained. Use the time to meet friends, tidy up the house, or do other activities.
Step 5. Trust what he says
Instead of feeling suspicious and finding fault with him every time he tells a story, trust him, unless you have good reason not to. Suspicion will eat away at you and damage the relationship. If things are suspicious, ask for clarification and believe what he says.
However, if you can prove that he's lying, it's time you broke up
Step 6. Invite him to discuss if there is a problem
Instead of calling her all day or making accusations, express what's weighing on her mind. Wait until he has time to rest after work or school and then bring up the issue you want to discuss.
Tell him, "Ma'am, I want to vent, but I'm waiting for you to come home from work so you can relax. I was thinking about last night. I know you're upset, but I'm sad because you snapped at me."
Step 7. Show vulnerability to your partner
This step helps you build mutual trust and make the relationship closer because you're just being honest and letting him know your flaws, secrets, and ugliness without feeling embarrassed. Express your desires, feelings, and expectations to your partner, instead of keeping them in your heart. This is quite risky and requires courage because you need to open up and be honest. However, your efforts can reduce anxiety and increase mutual trust.
Step 8. Consider continuing the relationship if trust has been lost
Maybe you think too much every time you're in a relationship or it's been getting worse lately. Anxiety can occur because you are in a relationship with someone who is not worthy of trust. Break up, instead of being with someone who cheats, lies, or breaks promises. Remember, this decision does not mean disaster. Instead, use this experience as a learning opportunity.
