Isaac Newton once said, "Tactics is the art of expressing opinions without creating enemies." Be tactical right that way – having the ability to convey a message clearly, while being sensitive to your surroundings so you don't accidentally offend anyone. Being tactical is different from hiding your true feelings; but rather the ability to convey ideas in the most engaging and non-offensive way. If you want to know how to be tactical, start by following step one.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Be Tactical in Talking
Step 1. Think before you speak
Take a moment to imagine how your words will be viewed, and avoid making hasty responses. You may have a deep reaction that you immediately want to get out of your boss or friend, but try to take a moment to collect your thoughts to determine what you have to say. Ask yourself if this is a good time to share your ideas, or if you should find a more appropriate time and way to state what you want to say so that people are more receptive to your comments.
- While speaking your heart out boldly can lead to interesting conversations, it's even more helpful to take a few minutes to formulate your thoughts. If you immediately disagree with what your boss says, for example, try to think of some concrete examples of why you disagree rather than simply saying it's a bad idea.
- Pay attention to the people around you. You may tell about your happiness ahead of your wedding, when one of your listeners is in the middle of a divorce. While you can't hide your enthusiasm forever, there may be a better time to share it.
Step 2. Deal with negative comments
If people around you make negative statements, you need to be able to engage in them. This is especially important at work and you don't want to be a part of office politics. There are several ways to counter negative statements, including:
- Politely correct the gossip. For example: “I'm sorry you heard that about Jane Doe. When I spoke to him he said it was just gossip, he said he wasn't fired."
- Say something that doesn't show commitment. For example: “I've never met John Doe, so I don't know anything about his drinking habits.”
- Say something positive. "Mary Sue may be late a lot, but she does a great job." Or “Bill Jones has always treated me well.”
- Change the direction of the conversation. “You know, your comment about the boss reminded me of one thing. There's an office party coming up soon, right? Are you going to bring a partner?”
- Back away slowly from the situation. If people continue to be negative and things don't improve, you can excuse yourself and say you have to go to class or work. You have to act that it is not related to the ongoing conversation.
- Politely ask them to stop. Say, "I'm really not interested in talking about our neighbors," or "I'd rather not talk about that at work."
Step 3. Start with a positive statement before giving a negative response
If you have to give a negative response to someone, whether it is a coworker or a good friend, you must express it in a way that is most acceptable to that person. This doesn't mean you have to lie if things aren't going well, but you have to start with something positive so the person knows that you care. Here are a few ways:
- If you want to give negative feedback to your friends, you can say something like, “I think it's really nice of you to always set me up with every guy you know. But if you do it every time we go out, it makes me feel worthless.”
- If you want to give a coworker negative feedback, you can say something like, “I really appreciate the dedication you put into this project. To make it even better, maybe you can let Mary help as well.”
Step 4. Choose your word usage carefully
To be tactical, it's important to remember that you must always be aware of the use of words to convey your message. You can still say it without offending anyone or appearing mean or pretentious. If you're getting ready to state an opinion, ask yourself if the words you're using are biased, hurtful, patronizing or just plain wrong for the occasion. Then, choose words that can help you get the message across without offending anyone.
- For example, if you want to tell a coworker how he should get his job done faster, don't say he's slow; but ask him if he can think of a "more efficient" way.
- For example, if you tell your boss you're out of work, you don't have to say, “I'm too smart for these people”; instead, you might say, "This company might not be a good fit for me."
Step 5. Timing
Picking the right time is a big part of being tactical. You may have the perfect words to say, but it can spoil the situation if you say it at the wrong time, and can actually hurt the other person's feelings even if you didn't mean to. Before making a comment, ask yourself if this is the right time, and if everyone will accept it. Ask yourself if you should wait for positive comments, even if you can't wait to say what you want to say.
- For example, if your friend is excited to tell all her best friends about her engagement, you might want to postpone the news about your pregnancy for a few weeks, so that Linda can enjoy the attention a little longer. You don't want him to feel like you're stealing his big day's attention.
- For example, if your boss is concluding a lengthy presentation at the end of the work day, it might not be a good time to ask about an unrelated report. Asking these questions will only lead to confusion, and your boss will be so focused on the presentation that he doesn't have the energy to answer questions; if you wait for tomorrow, your boss will be more than happy to discuss the issue with you.
Step 6. Politely decline the invitation
If you ask yourself to do something, you have to find a polite way of refusing it, even if you're screaming in your heart, "Oh no!" For example, if you're asked to come to a baby thanksgiving party from someone you barely know, or asked to stay late on Friday, instead of saying no right away and looking upset or angry, take this opportunity to say you want to do it, and give a brief explanation or apology as to why. You can't do it. The same message will be conveyed, but in the process, you don't offend anyone.
- For example, if your boss asks you to take on another project and you don't have the time and energy, you can say, “Thank you for entrusting me with this opportunity. Unfortunately, I'm still finishing the other two projects you asked for and don't have time to do the extra work. However, I would love to help with something similar in the future.”
- For example, if your friend invites you for a hike, but you don't really like it, you could say, “A weekend trip to the woods sounds great, but I think I'm going to be chilling this weekend – crazy office work this week and I need to cool off.. How about we go have a drink next Friday?”
Step 7. Don't reveal too much personal information to people you don't really know
Another thing less tactical people do is to tell their business to everyone on the street. If you want to have tactics, you don't have to tell everyone about your love problems, your hives or any personal issues. Talking to people you don't really know will make them uncomfortable and won't lead to new friendships; have a tactic and be aware of when people want to hear or when you have to end it.
This is also related to disclosing other people's personal information. If you are with a close friend and some less close friends, do not initiate the private conversation you have with your friend in public; Your friend may enjoy talking about her complicated relationship with her mother in front of you, but she doesn't need the whole world to know about it
Step 8. Make sure that your body language reflects your words
If your words are friendly and polite, but your body language is different, people can pick up on a much different message. If you say something important to someone in a sensitive way, make eye contact, face the person, don't bend over or look at the floor. Give the person all your attention to show that you really care. It will be very difficult for them to take you seriously if you say they did a great job, while you look the other way.
Actions speak louder than words, so make sure your body doesn't give different signals than your mouth
Part 2 of 2: Caring for Others
Step 1. Caring about the other person's point of view and showing it
Having tactics is the ability to understand the position of others. While it's important to state your personal opinion, it's also important to understand that other people may not see things the same way. If you tell them that you understand where their thoughts are coming from, they are more likely to listen to you and take your ideas more seriously.
For example, saying something like, “Mary, I understand you have a lot of work to do lately…” will make it easier for you to ask Mary to help with other work. If you just say, “Hey can you work overtime to finish this report for me?” Chances are Mary will find you insensitive
Step 2. Consider cultural differences and try to act in a sensitive way without having to be asked
There are many cultural differences that must be accepted in this world, depending on where people come from, how they were educated, culture and background, even from generation. What's accepted in one culture may be considered rude in another, so try asking yourself if you're sensitive to the different cultures around you before making a comment.
Step 3. Be careful
Maybe you need to correct something your coworker said during a presentation, or if you have spinach in your friend's tooth. Instead of showing this in front of a crowd, try to grab the person and say it slowly. Showing caution is a big part of having a tactic, as it will help you know what to say under certain circumstances. This is an important skill to have in both work and social environments.
For example, if you and your co-workers get a raise at the company, but only you get it, it's probably best not to brag about it in public. You can celebrate together later
Step 4. Stay graceful even when you're distracted
Keep your head cool and answer in a friendly and sincere manner. Assume the best. Even if you really want to tell your friend what you 'really' think about his or her behavior, or you really want to yell at your colleague who thwarted a project, you should keep your tongue and stay as friendly as possible until you find the right moment to speak your mind.. There's no point in stating something you regret just out of a moment of annoyance.
For example, if someone gifts you a bad sweater, say: “Thanks for the gift. Thank you for thinking of me.”
Step 5. Show Empathy
Look around you before expressing your opinion and see how other people will accept it. It's important to know where people come from before you express your personal opinion about politics, religion or anything else. While you can't really know where people are coming from when you're talking, it's still important to know their mindset and experiences so you can avoid offending them.
- For example, if you get a raise and Bob gets fired, this might not be a good time to brag about it.
- If someone around you is deeply religious, it may be best to avoid statements about the uselessness of religion.
- If someone around you is exhausted, don't expect them to be able to help you with a major emotional conflict. Be patient.
Step 6. Be an active listener
Being an active listener is an important component of being tactical. There is a difference between what people tell you and what they really think, so pay close attention to the person to really understand the message. If your friend says she's given up on her ex and is ready to party with you, but her eyes and body language say something else, try to find a way to tell her it's okay not to go out.
- Paying attention to the other person's feelings as they speak can help you make the most tactical response. For example, if your coworker is struggling with his job but is afraid to ask for help, read for signs, such as restlessness, stuttering, or repeated sentences to see if he's trying to approach you.
- Active listening can also let you see if someone is shutting down and doesn't want to listen to anything else about a topic. If you're giving feedback to a coworker who's already upset about something, you can tell by his words whether he's not listening anymore, you can end the conversation gracefully and talk about it again at a later time.
Step 7. Respect each other
Respecting this goes hand in hand with being tactical. If you want to have tactics, then you must treat others with respect. This means letting them talk to the end instead of interrupting them, paying full attention when they try to say something, and asking them how they are doing before giving the bad news. Treat each individual with care, kindness and understanding. It's important to make people feel like they're being treated fairly, even if they're not people you like.
