Being a good father is not easy. The father's role will never end, regardless of the age of the children or the number of children you have. To be a good father, you must always be there, apply good discipline and be a role model, also be able to sympathize with your child's needs without giving in to their every whim. If you want to know how to be a good father, follow these steps.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Always There
Step 1. Make time for the child
The child does not care about the big promotion in the company or the most expensive house in the complex. For them, what matters is whether you get home in time for dinner with the family, whether you take him to a ball game on Sunday, or whether you can accompany him to a movie that week. If you want to be a good father, you have to make time for your kids every day, or at least every week, no matter how busy you are.
- Include activities with children in your schedule. For example, the best nights you can provide are Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. Prioritize your attention to your child on those days, don't let other commitments get in the way.
- If you have more than one child, make time for each one individually so a unique relationship can develop.
- If you're too tired to play basketball with your kids, do something instead, like watch a basketball game or movie. Most importantly, you must accompany.
Step 2. Watch the key moments
While weekly "daddy time" is essential for strengthening the father-daughter relationship, you should also make an effort to witness important moments in your child's life. Set up a work schedule so you can drop your child off on their first day of school, watch their first big sports game, or attend their child's graduation.
- Your child will remember those moments for life, and your presence means a lot to him.
- You may be very busy leading up to this important moment, but if you miss it, you will regret it.
Step 3. Teach important things
You have to teach how to complete daily tasks. For example, helping a boy urinate, teaching him how to brush his teeth properly, teaching him to ride a bicycle, teaching him to drive when he is old enough. You can also teach boys to shave and maintain personal hygiene. Children need you to learn the big lessons in life as well as the small everyday tasks.
- Share teaching duties with his mother. Both parents must teach the important things that children need to know to grow and develop.
- Help children learn from their mistakes. If your child makes a mistake, you should help him understand why it was wrong and talk about ways to avoid making the same mistake instead of punishing him and then finishing.
- Praise the child's efforts and criticize gently. The right attitude is very important in the process of children developing self-esteem.
Step 4. Develop strong communication
In addition to being present at important moments, you must also be able to communicate with children. You don't always have to do fun activities with your kids, just make sure you focus on communicating so you can figure out their problems and difficulties.
- Ask how your child is doing every day so you know what he's worried about, what he's been up to that week, and what he's thinking.
- Don't just ask "How were you today?" casually without really wanting to know the answer.
- If your child is a busy teenager or college student, he may not want to discuss the details of his day with you. Just make sure you ask how he's doing enough to let him know you care without making him feel stifled.
Step 5. Plan a vacation with your child
To be a good dad, you have to make time for the holidays, with or without his mom. You can take your child every year for fishing, going to the beach, or camping, which he will never forget. Whatever the activity, try to make the event special, memorable, and repeatable at least once a year to form a fun routine with dad.
- If the mother comes along, spend a little special time alone with the child.
- If it is planned several months in advance, children will be eagerly waiting for this exciting and different activity.
Step 6. Take some time for yourself
Accompanying your child is important, but you should also have some "alone time" when you get the chance, such as doing something yourself on a Sunday afternoon, running for an hour every morning, or relaxing with a good book every night before bed. You should still prioritize your child's needs before your own, but don't ignore yourself completely.
- If you don't make time for yourself, you won't be able to relax, recharge, and give your child the time and attention they deserve.
- You can specify a special room or chair in the house, which the child should not disturb. Help your child get used to the idea of “alone time” and explain that you will be doing activities alone for a while, except when he needs you the most.
Part 2 of 4: Applying Fair Discipline
Step 1. Give appropriate gifts or awards
The application of discipline is not only by punishing a child who makes a mistake, but also by giving a reward or award if he does something good so that he is encouraged to repeat the good behavior. For example, when he gets good grades, helps a sibling with a difficult task, or is old enough to avoid a fight, say that you're proud, take him to his favorite restaurant, or do anything else to show that you really appreciate his behavior.
- For young children, affectionate rewards go a long way in helping them see that you are proud.
- Appreciate your child's efforts and praise them for trying. Try to give 3 compliments for 1 criticism.
- While occasionally buying food or toys can encourage good behavior, food or toys should not be the only reward. Your child should feel motivated because you are teaching him the difference between right and wrong.
- Don't reward something you've already done, like washing dishes or picking up toys. If given a gift, he will feel helpful, not doing the task.
Step 2. Give proper punishment. To apply fair discipline, you must punish your child when he or she makes a mistake. This doesn't mean the punishment is physically or psychologically cruel, what's important is conveying that he did something wrong and showing that there are consequences. Once a child is old enough to think, he will know for himself when he made a mistake.
- Talk to your wife about the rules in the house and what the next steps are to support your child's character development.
- Make sure you and the mother agree on the punishment for the child. The consequences must be the same, regardless of the mother or father witnessing the wrongdoing. It helps you avoid the "good cop, bad cop" parenting mode.
Step 3. Apply consistently
Consistency is as important as the reward and punishment system itself. If your child makes a mistake, the consequences should always be the same even if it's unpleasant, or when you're tired or in a public place. If your child does something great, don't forget to make him or her feel special even if you're tired or stressed.
If you're not consistent, your child will notice that your mood can affect your reactions
Step 4. Don't scream
Even if you are angry at your child's behavior, yelling is not a solution. If you have to scream, do it when you're alone, in the bathroom, or bury the scream into your pillow. However, don't yell at your child, no matter how hard the urge. You can raise your voice slightly to show that he's made a mistake, but if you scream, your child will be scared and won't communicate.
Even if it's difficult, don't let your kids see you're losing control
Step 5. Don't be violent
No matter how angry you are, don't hit, hurt, or jerk your child. It will hurt him physically and emotionally, and will encourage him to always avoid you. If your child feels that you will be rude, he or she will shut down and won't want to be around you. Don't display rude behavior around your child or mother if you want to be respected.
Step 6. Make sure you are respected and loved
It's important that your child knows that you are strict with discipline and that he can't fool you, but it's equally important that your child wants his father's love and affection, and to have a special time together. To be a good father, you have to find a balance between teaching a lesson firmly and making your child feel loved and appreciated.
- If you focus solely on being respected, your child may not feel comfortable enough to open up to you.
- If you focus too much on being loved, your child may think you can be influenced and don't really enforce the rules strictly.
Part 3 of 4: Becoming a Role Model
Step 1. Give an example
If you want to set an example, apply the motto "Do as you say and as you do" to let your children know that you are not just talking when teaching what is right and what is wrong. If you want your child to behave as expected, he or she must first see a positive attitude from you. Here's how to set an example:
- If you don't want your child to smoke, don't smoke in front of them, or don't smoke at all.
- If you want your child to treat others with kindness and respect, he has to look at how you treat other people, from restaurant waiters to shop assistants, with respect too.
- If you want your child not to fight, don't fight with the mother in front of her.
Step 2. Treat your child's mother with respect
If you want to be a role model, you must treat your child's mother with respect. If your child's mother is also your wife now, show that you love her very much, help her, and enjoy being with her. If you are mean to your wife, your child will see that it is okay to be mean to your mother or other people because your father did that too.
- Part of appreciating the child's mother is sharing the responsibilities of parenting and housework.
- Let the child see you praise his mother and give love and affection.
- You must not only treat your wife well, but also love and cultivate a relationship that is affectionate, fun, and caring. If mom is happy, everyone will be happy.
- If you and your children's mother are divorced, never say bad words about the mother even if you and your ex-wife are not on good terms. Showing a non-ideal relationship with the mother will make the child stressed and confused.
Step 3. Admit mistakes
You don't have to be perfect to be a role model. In fact, it's better not to be perfect because the child will see that no one is perfect and that everyone can make mistakes. If you've made a mistake, such as forgetting to pick up your child from school on time or getting emotional, you should apologize and admit that you made a mistake.
- If you can let go of your prestige in front of your child, he will also be encouraged to admit when he made a mistake.
- Admitting mistakes builds a stronger character than "always right" all the time.
Step 4. Help with homework
If you want your child to help out at home, you should also help even if you are also working outside the home. Let your child see you doing the dishes, wiping the table, and vacuuming, and he'll be moved to help too. If your child thinks cleaning is "mother's job," he or she is less likely to want to help.
Helping with housework will not only make your wife happy, but it will also make your kids see that you and your wife are working as a team and that she should join in too
Step 5. Earn the child's respect
Respect must be earned, not given, and you must do your best for your children to respect you as a father. If you're rarely home, yell at his mom, or only occasionally discipline him, he's not going to respect you just because you're his dad. You need to be admirable, honest, and consistent so that your child sees that you are a role model and someone he or she deserves to admire.
The goal is not for your child to adore you and think you are perfect. The child must see that you are only human and want to do your best
Step 6. Water the child with love and affection
Being a role model doesn't mean keeping your distance and always doing the right thing, but it's actually a kind and open relationship to kiss and hug your child, and say that he or she means a lot to you. Say "daddy loves you" every day, give him physical affection, and show what he means to you.
- Children really need father's love and affection, regardless of age.
- Praise your child and say that your life would not be the same without him.
Part 4 of 4: Understanding Children
Step 1. Accept the fact that your child is not you
Even if you want your child to continue the family business, attend school at your alma mater, or become the school football star you used to be, you have to accept the fact that he or she is a person with her own needs and wants, which may not be the same as yours. You may think that only your path can lead to happiness, but as a good father, you have to accept that your child may have different ideas about how to live his life.
- You may feel that your job is to tell your child what to do or how to live his life, but you are actually destroying his independence by trying to control him.
- It takes time to accept the child's wishes. If you can't immediately understand why your child wants to be an artist when you want him to be a doctor, ask him to explain and listen carefully, then try to understand.
- If you want to control your child, he will hate you and won't open up again.
- Let children make their own decisions by freeing them to be independent and open-minded. Even if you want him to play baseball, enroll him in various activities and let him decide which one he likes best.
Step 2. Realize that times change
To be a good father, you must understand that children do not grow up in the environment you are raised. Due to globalization, the influence of social media, and political changes, it is likely that your child is not as protected as you once were and is more aware of the problems and changes in today's society.
- Therefore, realize that things like piercing, premarital sex, and traveling around the world are more common these days than they are in yours. Accept that your child is a product of time and may be more willing to explore the world than you are.
- You may think you know what the world is like, but let your child express himself and share his point of view with you.
Step 3. Accept the child's mistakes
If you want to be an understanding father, accept that, like you, children are imperfect and prone to faults. Life is full of mistakes that help children learn, and you have to accept that many needed lessons are learned in unpleasant ways, such as minor accidents, failing a test for not studying, or buying unnecessary things with money saved.
- If you don't let your child fail once in a while, he won't learn. Even if you want to protect him, let him make mistakes so he can make better decisions in the future.
- You should still discipline your child when he makes a mistake, but it should also be accompanied by talking about his mistakes and letting him see the mistakes, not just yelling.
Step 4. Understand if the child is having problems
If you want to be a good father, be aware of when your child is going through a difficult time and pay attention to their needs. Maybe your daughter is sad because your family moved to a new city and she doesn't have any friends, or maybe your son has just broken up with his first love and is hurt.
- Even if you can't allow your child to act as he pleases or shut up, you need to be aware of what he's feeling in order to better understand, and talk about it.
- Words like, "I know you have a problem. Want to talk about it?" is enough to let the child know that you care.
- Try to put yourself in his position. If you are frustrated, try to understand what it would be like if you were him, to understand his behavior.
- Put your child first by always being open to talking even if you don't fully agree with your child's choices.
Step 5. Don't place unreasonable expectations on your child
Children's lives are stressful, from siblings and other children at school to teachers or coaches. Help your child understand his wants and know his abilities and limits. Help him set achievable goals. Encourage him to fulfill his potential, but don't trust your dreams, expecting him to achieve what you have or can't achieve.
Step 6. Realize that dad's job is never done
Don't assume that when your child turns 21 or has graduated from college, your job of raising him is done. While your child should be encouraged to be financially and emotionally independent, show that you care and are always there for him, and that he is worthy.
Tips
- Invite children to communicate, not just telling them to listen.
- Ask your dad and/or grandparents to share your child-rearing experiences, and ask questions about things you don't understand.
- Show patience and understanding.
- Always listen to your child even if you don't understand what he means.
- Educate your children by example, don't make excuses for your actions, such as the mistake "Do as you say, don't copy what you do."
- The purpose of disciplining a child is to show that his behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable. The use of force (eg, slapping) is highly controversial and some punishments are even classified as violent. The most effective form of punishment is usually to stop the allowance.
- If you're too loud, don't be surprised if your kids are rebelling behind your back, especially teenagers. Remember that there is a big difference between being a father and being a dictator.
- If you adopt a child, accept him as he is and don't be pushed to be like you.
