You don't get to choose the parents who gave birth to you, but you do have the right to choose the family members who influence your life. In order to live a good life without family support, try to find more friends and acquaintances. Join a community and learn new activities to keep yourself busy. Don't interact with negative people including family members and set boundaries by defining acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
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Method 1 of 3: Creating a Supportive Social Environment
Step 1. Trust your friends
If family members hurt you, remember that outside the home there are still many good, positive people. Try to remember a time when someone helped you. Write down this experience, then read it over and over again to restore trust in others. The next step, find friends who share the same interests and want to support you in achieving your life goals.
- You can tell a friend, once you get to know them, that you have a hard time trusting other people. If he or your boyfriend asks you to meet someone who's hurting you, say, "I don't think so. I'll explain why when I have time."
- If you live with your parents, ask your friends to meet somewhere else so they don't see each other. Another way, have a conversation with a friend via the internet to relieve feelings of disappointment or hurt.
Step 2. Make a fun activity plan
Take on new activities to have fun with friends for a closer relationship and more conversation material when you get together. If your friend is busy, go alone to dinner at a restaurant or to a movie at the cinema. Enjoying solitude is also very beneficial.
- If you're used to living in a big family and interacting with lots of people, take time to do activities alone to build your confidence and prove that you're an independent person.
- Invite someone or several friends to do activities together, such as drinking coffee together or taking a leisurely walk in the park. This activity helps you calm down and focus your mind on the conversation. Take this opportunity to build and strengthen relationships by sharing your experiences with each other and seeing if you make friends with people you can trust.
Step 3. Accept the friend's invitation
If you are asked to do an activity or take a class together, accept the invitation. A willingness to be a friend in times of trouble makes it easier for others to trust you in times of joy. In addition, you will always be involved if he needs company when he wants to go outside or have fun. Respond to his invitation so that he can always count on you. If you don't have time, make an appointment with a direct schedule to let him know that you mean it. That way, you can count on him as a trusted friend and a source of emotional strength.
Give feedback. If someone has asked you out, find ways to invite them to do activities together, such as tasting the menu at a new restaurant or shopping at the mall. Keeping yourself busy keeps your mind free from family problems
Step 4. Join a hobby community
If you live with your parents or are still in school, joining a community can be an excuse to make positive use of time outside the home. After school, you are free to determine how to socialize and expand your social life outside the family. Use the internet to find communities in your city that host activities for people with similar interests and hobbies.
- For example, if you like horse riding, join a horse club in your city. Alternatively, contact the nearest recreation center to find out about indoor sports activities for adults. This activity can be used to pass the time at night or on weekends outside of working hours.
- Join a community at a nearby church for support. In addition, you are in an environment that allows for quiet personal contemplation.
Step 5. Learn new things by joining a class
Research shows that the brain keeps working and stays active if we keep doing new activities. In addition, it is beneficial for emotional health as it increases self-confidence and problem-solving abilities. Search the internet for various in-class activities for adults or seniors. For young adults, engage in new recreational activities for teens or young people.
- Joining a class to exercise, for example practicing yoga keeps the body fit and active. Asking for help from classmates is a way of expanding social life outside of the family.
- If your family doesn't support your plans, don't tell them. When starting a new activity, you need to adapt and hear positive, motivating comments.
- If you're young and living with your parents, it's a good idea to find a part-time job to finance these activities. This step is very useful because when you are at work, you don't meet family members and can interact with colleagues!
Step 6. Donate time by volunteering
This gives you the opportunity to see firsthand that other people are also having difficulties. While volunteering, you may find a new hobby, such as cooking or painting. Look for volunteer opportunities online and contact the event organizer for detailed information.
Be careful when choosing the groups you want to serve, such as those who experience domestic violence because when you serve them, you feel like you are at home. Instead, volunteer to help others in an environment that keeps you motivated
Method 2 of 3: Stop the Negative Treatment
Step 1. Keep your distance from family members
If you live with your parents, avoid areas used for family activities, such as the dining room. If you live alone, don't visit family, call, or text back too often. Keep your family away by not visiting or inviting them to your home. Remember that your energy is limited. Staying away from negative people keeps energy from being drained so that it can be shared with positive people.
If a family member asks why you're keeping your distance, say, "I've been busy lately" and don't need further explanation. Keep in mind that people who are used to getting a certain response from you and then suddenly not getting a response will usually continue to demand before giving up. Be prepared to face rejection when you want to distance yourself
Step 2. Learn to resist
One way to enforce boundaries is to define what you want and don't want to do for certain people. If you need to maintain a relationship with someone, prepare yourself by making a plan so that the interaction takes place as desired, comfortable, and brief. If he asks you to do something self-defeating, say no. Don't feel like you owe an explanation because only you have the right to decide how to use your time.
If you live with your parents, you must obey the rules and comply with their requests. So, think carefully before refusing and (hopefully) your response is taken seriously
Step 3. Take a parenting course (preparation to be a good parent)
If you're worried about imagining what your family life will be like after parenthood, overcome your fears by taking an education that teaches you how to raise children and be a good parent. The instructor is able to show that troubled family life does not repeat itself. In addition, he will tell useful and unbeneficial actions as a parent.
Find information about parenting courses by contacting the course organizer. You can take courses on various topics related to parenting or free courses for couples who will soon have children
Step 4. Consult a counselor
If you are still in school, see a school counselor and it is usually free of charge. Sometimes, you need to get objective input from a neutral person. If you're worried about copying your parents' parenting style, talk to a counselor who deals with family issues. You are free to schedule counseling and meet the counselor alone or with a partner.
- Discussing your family history with a counselor gives you an awareness that negative or problematic family members are not your fault. You are solely responsible for your own decisions and actions.
- Many books cover this topic and teach you how to set and apply boundaries for healthy relationships. In addition, you can join a support group.
Method 3 of 3: Maintaining Emotional Health
Step 1. Find activities to fill holidays or holidays
Special events and dates, such as birthdays and holidays, can usually feel overwhelming and upsetting when you are separated from your family, either physically or emotionally. To keep your mind positive in times like this, it's a good idea to work late or hang out with friends throughout the day. Busyness reminds you that you are a productive person with a good life.
- If a coworker or friend knows that you will be alone for the holidays, he or she may invite you to hang out with his family. Before accepting the invitation, carefully consider your feelings as this can trigger negative emotions, such as envy.
- If you live with your family, schedule a holiday at a friend's house and join the celebrations with the family. Plan ahead of time, considering whether you have to travel to a friend's house and prepare the funds for the plan to work.
Step 2. Be prepared for unpleasant situations
When dealing with personal conflicts, today may feel better than yesterday. Set aside time to evaluate your state of mind every week, instead of every day. Don't beat yourself up when you feel sad. Write down how you felt at the time, give yourself time to cry, or share your feelings with a trusted friend. This step will help you recover. Then, think about how to have a very pleasant tomorrow, such as enjoying dinner at a favorite restaurant.
- Tell a friend if/when you feel sad. Maybe he can do something to cheer up or distract in a positive way. Make sure you return the favor as soon as you get the chance.
- If you're still in school, try to get the best grades by participating in class (and other grades) when dealing with family conflicts. If you are self-focused and are more silent, share your opinion during the discussion for added value.
Step 3. Learn how to interact in a healthy way
If as a child you lived in a negative and dysfunctional environment, start observing and finding out how to treat others positively and supportively. Read a book or article about healthy interpersonal relationships. Be patient and be kind to yourself if you make a mistake.
For example, maybe you want to know when to say "thank you" and how best to say it. Are you sending a thank-you card or just a text message? Find out the most appropriate way for you
Step 4. Determine someone who is worthy of being a role model
If you are a young adult, choose someone who deserves respect and example, such as the teacher who taught you at school or a professional athlete you don't know personally.
Gather more information about the role model, for example finding out why he or she made a certain decision. For example, if the soccer player you are modeling for is a volunteer, follow what he does
Step 5. Say a positive mantra over and over every day
As soon as you wake up in the morning, the first thing to do is say simple positive sentences to yourself, for example, "Today must be fun" or "You must have succeeded today!" Make a spell easy to remember and change the wording if the spell is no longer effective or not effective. Alternatively, take some time to imagine your daily life going really well.
- After all, you are the best motivator for yourself. Decide how to focus your attention on the positive, for example by chanting a mantra or practicing deep breathing.
- Write positive affirmations in a journal and read them over and over again. Stick a card with positive words in a place that is easily visible, such as a mirror or a computer screen.
Step 6. Focus on the life goals you want to achieve
You can't change what happened, but you can decide your future. Set aside time to define short- and long-term personal and professional life goals. Write these goals down on paper and stick them in an easily visible place, for example on a bedroom wall. Celebrate every time you tick an accomplished goal.
- Examples of personal goals: exercise at least 3 times a week or watch 1 movie every week and enjoy leisure time by having fun.
- To make it easier to achieve, break down your goals into easy-to-follow, realistic steps to keep you progressing and stay motivated.
