A disobedient child can be stressful for parents and caregivers, an indication that the child is angry, scared, or confused. A disobedient child needs to be handled with skill and strategy, but you can work with the child yourself so he can learn to be more self-controlled so you can both be calmer. Remember that the problem here is the child's behavior, not him. Make sure that the disobedient child knows that you love him and that you continue to view him positively even if his behavior causes problems. You must not hit or slap the child, and you must not shake or hit the baby no matter what.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Creating Order from Irregular Behavior
Step 1. Create family rules
Your first priority is to make rules about the behavior of the child that causes the most chaos or has the potential for harm. If you are the primary caregiver for your child, you can create your own rules. If your child also spends a lot of time with other caregivers (other parents, grandparents, or salaried caregivers), make arrangements with them.
Make sure that your rules are clear and simple. For example, for a child who has a problem with physical aggression, make a rule with the short word "no hitting"
Step 2. Provide alternatives to bad behavior
Children need help replacing unwanted behavior with something that will help them learn to control themselves. You can try one or more different alternatives, depending on what behavior you're trying to address.
- Stop, think, choose. Tell the child to stop what he is doing at the moment, reflect on what he is thinking, and then consider the consequences for himself and others before choosing the next course of action.
- Absorbed. Have the child step aside and be alone for a few minutes to cool down before returning.
- Talk about how he feels. Ask your child to share his feelings with someone he trusts by mentioning what he feels and how it affects him.
- Breathe deeply. Have your child inhale and exhale deeply to help if he or she is overwhelmed with various feelings.
Step 3. Define meaningful rewards and consequences
Prepare a meaningful reward to give when the child obeys the rules. The consequences you choose should be small in scale and should not involve slapping or hitting. Consequences must be age appropriate.
- The positive impetus for good behavior has a very strong impact. A meaningful gift doesn't have to be an expensive toy or a trip. Playing with your child in a game he likes can be a joyous gift for him. And praise is a very meaningful gift for every child.
- Make sure the consequences you give are small. For older children, effective consequences include reducing pocket money or giving extra chores around the house. For younger children, short sips (no more than one minute for each year the child's age) will be more appropriate.
Step 4. Set aside time for you and your child to discuss the rules together
You certainly don't want your child to be confused about what the rules mean or what "includes" breaking the rules. Focus on what you want your child to do, not bad behavior.
- For example, tell your child that instead of hitting someone, you want him to come to you and tell you that he is angry.
- Try role-playing using “real” situations when your child is angry and exhibits bad behavior.
Step 5. Model the behavior you want in your child
One way to help children understand how to behave is to set an example. If you and your child agree that the best way to avoid hitting is to calm yourself down, you can try to practice this in your presence.
Step 6. Implement the rules immediately and consistently
If your child breaks the rules, always give the consequences right away. If you wait until later or only apply the rule occasionally, you are less likely to see a change in behavior in your child. Similarly, when your child obeys the rules by using alternatives to replace their agreed-upon behavior, you should reward and praise them right away.
Parents who don't apply rules consistently and quickly are less likely to see changes in their children
Step 7. Communicate the rules with all those involved in the care of the child
If your child spends the weekend with the other parent or after school with the caregiver, talk to them about the system you have set up with the child. Consistency in all situations will help your child adhere to it successfully.
Method 2 of 3: Dealing with a Child's Anger
Step 1. Know the facts
Anger is a natural thing, especially in young children. A child's tantrum can last for minutes or hours, and is equally stressful for both the child and the parent or caregiver. A child with a tantrum may scream, scream, and cry, but may also roll on the floor, run around the house, or punch a wall.
A child's tantrum can be caused by many things, from feeling tired or hungry to not knowing what words to use or not being able to do something difficult
Step 2. Remain calm when the tantrum begins
When your child has a tantrum, you need to stay calm. If you are angry, the situation will worsen. Know that tantrums are natural for children and will pass.
Step 3. Don't give up and don't argue or scream
Don't give in to your child's wishes. Giving up will only teach that the tantrum is successful when the child should learn to control and express his feelings. Arguing and shouting won't work either. While you may be stressed if your child throws a tantrum, arguing and yelling will only lead to an argument. Calmness is best.
Step 4. Make sure the child is not injured
When a child has a tantrum, especially a young child, sometimes he endangers himself. Make sure your child doesn't injure himself during the tantrum. Watch him carefully.
Make sure that no one else is injured by the child's tantrum, such as other children nearby
Step 5. Try to speak calmly to the child
If your child is old enough to understand, approach him and explain calmly that you want him to stop what he is doing and that you want him to change his negative behavior. Do not give up.
Step 6. Move the child to a quiet and safe place
If your child can't seem to stop, you can take him to a quiet place and tell him to be quiet for a minute. Once the child has been quiet for that one minute, end the set.
Step 7. Show your love when the tantrum stops
It's important for a child to feel loved after a tantrum. Remain calm and express your love for your child, praising him for stopping the tantrum.
Get rid of whatever is causing the tantrum and give your child something easy to do. For example, if your child throws a tantrum after trying to color a difficult picture, get rid of the picture and choose something else that is easier for him to do
Step 8. Avoid tantrums at home
Learn what situations cause your child to throw a tantrum and spend time with your child to talk about how to recognize their emotions. Make sure your child has age-appropriate toys and that he eats and sleeps regularly every day.
You can also talk to your child about how to express feelings through words or by channeling negative energy in a more positive way
Step 9. Avoid tantrums when outdoors
If your child is prone to tantrums when outside, don't leave if your child is tired. Make sure you also provide snacks. Involve the child in whatever you are doing by telling them what is going on. Help your child feel as if he or she is actively participating in what you do, even if it's just standing in a long line at the bank.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Someone Else's Disobedient Child
Step 1. Be prepared to talk to the child's primary caregiver
Children, especially toddlers, can't always control their feelings or behavior. Be prepared for misbehavior and confusion, and talk to the child's primary caregiver (for example, the parent) about what to avoid, what rules to accustom the child to, and how you can enforce the rules in the absence of the usual caregiver.
Children must have rules that are consistently applied by everyone who cares for them, including you. Know what rules your child must follow and how their parents want you to deal with violations
Step 2. Don't try to be a “parent”
While you may prefer a slightly different approach to the child's parents, you should still follow their rules. The child needs to hear consistent messages about what is expected of him, and he must see the consequences of being consistent when breaking the rules. Otherwise, the child becomes confused and will often misbehave.
“Giving up” to a child's demands, including for things like eating too many sweets or not getting to bed on time, can irritate parents and confuse the child. Your child may appear to respond positively to your permission at first, but his behavior will deteriorate sharply if you don't set good boundaries based on his parent's guidance
Step 3. Keep the child busy with activities
Boredom is a common cause of bad behavior, so if you're parenting someone else's child, make sure you pass the time by doing fun and interesting activities. If the child is busy, he is less likely to misbehave.
If you can, find out beforehand what activities your child enjoys doing. Interesting activities for children include arts and crafts projects, games, or playing with their favorite toys
Step 4. Do not let the child feel hungry and tired
Hunger and fatigue can also be the root cause of disobedient behavior. Make sure you provide snacks and meals, and that you are aware of the younger child's nap schedule. Children will behave better if they eat enough and sleep on time.
Step 5. Stay calm and apply positive discipline
If your child misbehaves, you should remain calm and then bend down until you are at the child's height. Tell the child, calmly, what is wrong with his behavior. Then say what you want him to do. Remember to apply the rules and consequences you have discussed with the child's parents.
Never raise your voice or hit a child. Never shake or hit the baby no matter what
Step 6. Distract and comfort a very upset child
If your child can't understand anything you're saying, the next option is distraction and entertainment. You can try to help your child feel better with hugs, favorite toys, dolls, treats, or new activities.
Warning
- Never try to discipline a baby. Never shake or hit a baby. If your baby cries, it's a signal that he needs your attention, so approach him and see what you can do to make him comfortable.
- If you are babysitting someone else, never hit or slap them. Ask the primary caregiver (parent or guardian) how they would like you to help implement methods for disciplining their child.
- Never hit or slap a child. There is ample evidence to suggest that physical discipline methods have negative effects and are ineffective. Hitting or slapping a child can cause serious physical and psychological damage.
