Sometimes it is difficult for parents to determine the best way to manage unwanted behavior by their children. This effort will be more difficult if the child is autistic. As a parent of an autistic child, it is important for you to realize that disciplining is more than punishing a child for being "naughty," but changing bad behavior into something more constructive.
Step
Method 1 of 5: Disciplining in a Child-Centered Way
Step 1. Don't forget that, above all, a child with autism is a child
Any given child has their own preferences, habits, behaviors and reactions. Every child has things they don't like, as well as things they like. Autism doesn't change that reality. The discipline technique you use should be a difficult behavior approach with understanding. Focus on providing children with the support they need to control themselves and turn "naughty" behavior into more constructive action.
Like children in general, children with autism can misbehave. Kids don't always follow the rules, and sometimes all kids have a hard time controlling themselves when they're upset. Being autistic should not be a "free ticket" from the obligation to follow the rules, but on the one hand, autistic children should not be punished for the way they express themselves. True discipline involves teaching self-control and how to meet needs in a constructive way
Step 2. Be patient
While you may sometimes get frustrated trying to understand a child's behavior, it's important to remember that the key is patience. Over time, using the strategies discussed below, your autistic child will learn better ways to behave. This will not happen overnight.
Remember that some autistic children exhibit auditory sensory problems, visual sensory problems, or tactile sensory problems. So when they don't pay attention to you or don't seem to be listening and following what you have to say, don't jump to the conclusion that they're doing it to annoy you. Something might be distracting them
Step 3. Stay focused
Remember that much of "discipline" involves encouraging the child to behave in the right way, as opposed to punishing wrong behavior. Talk with the child to identify what is inappropriate and provide appropriate alternatives (discussed below). The stronger you instill good behavior, the more often the behavior will be applied by the child. If the behavior persists, it may be helpful to take your concerns to a specialist.
Step 4. Handle crises with care
Much of what you might think of as "bad behavior" in autistic children emerges in the form of crises. Sometimes it is very difficult to react to this when dealing with younger children or who do not use verbal communication to express when they are upset. What may seem like "bad behavior" tantrums to some children is actually an attempt to express their needs, deal with troubling sensory experiences, or deal with stress.
- Ideally, you need to come up with a plan to help teach your child to avoid the crisis on their own. Classic punishment-focused "discipline" tactics, such as restraint, can make things worse by upsetting children more and taking away the sense that they have control over their own decisions. On the other hand, teaching children to take breaks and teaching self-soothing techniques will empower them to manage their time and emotions and encourage them to self-regulate.
- To help you, please read information and articles on how to deal with the crisis of autistic children and how to reduce the crisis and tantrums of autistic children.
Step 5. Don't yell at the child
Yelling at your child, trying to be a bossy parent or showing too much power can make your child anxious and confused. When faced with anxiety, children can become very restless and confused. They may start to show anger, yell or scream. Therefore, it is important that you keep the sound low, even if it is very frustrating.
They may also exhibit self-injurious behavior such as banging their head on something. Discuss surrogate behavior with a therapist. For example, a child who bangs his head frequently may shake his head rapidly to relieve stress without harming himself
Method 2 of 5: Creating Routines to Reduce the Need for Disciplining Children
Ensuring that the following steps are carried out on a regular basis is very important because it is difficult to implement strategies aimed at disciplining children with autism when there are inconsistencies in the way of disciplining or inadequate supervision of children.
Step 1. Have a ready-made, established routine and structure
Set a predefined place to do the activity. A general routine in a child's life is essential for them to understand the world and feel safe. When you create a routine, you will also be able to pin down the reasons for your child's excessive behavior.
Step 2. Use the “illustrated schedule” to create order
The illustrated schedule helps explain what activities the child should do next. An illustrated schedule is a great help for parents to guide their autistic child through the various activities they will undergo in one day. A schedule like this helps to improve the structure of a child's life, especially if the child with autism has difficulty keeping up with the picture of their daily activities. Here are some ideas how to use an illustrated schedule:
- You and your child can find out the task by “ticking” the completed activity.
- You and your child can bring the clock close to the activity site to determine the time frame for each activity.
- Help your child design and paint all the pictures so that they feel more connected.
- Save the picture in a book, stick it on a board or wall so the child can refer to the picture if they want.
Step 3. Be consistent with the schedule
This helps the child feel safe. If a change must be made, give the child notice and explanation, so that the change doesn't feel so shocking. Work with other caregivers (such as teachers and therapists) to create a consistent system.
Step 4. Adjust the schedule little by little as the child grows up
Although the schedule should remain relatively consistent, it does not mean that there is no room for the development of children's activities and discipline as they grow and develop naturally as individuals.
For example, you may have scheduled exercise as an after-lunch activity. But if your child has stomach pains every time, they may start acting in pain before each exercise session. This doesn't mean you have to follow a scheduled activity for fear of "confused" the child if the schedule is changed. Instead, all can be modified to best meet the child's needs. In such cases, the schedule can be changed so that exercise is done before lunch. Discuss the changes with the child so he understands
Step 5. Ensure there is adequate supervision for the child
This monitoring includes knowing when and where the child needs a “quiet period” (eg after school). Quiet periods are especially relevant when children feel like too much is going on and their senses are overloaded. When the child is stressed or upset by the over-stimulation, this is an indication of the need for a period of calm. Just take your child to a safe and quiet place, allow the child to "relax" in a normal environment under relaxed supervision. An example is letting your child draw in a quiet room while you sit next to him reading a book.
Step 6. Resolve sleep or medical problems
If a child is not getting enough sleep or feeling aches or pains, it is natural for them to express pain in a way that might be misinterpreted as “problem behavior”.
Method 3 of 5: Specific Strategies for Disciplining
Step 1. Create a direct link between discipline and problem behavior
Disciplining children immediately after the occurrence of problem behavior is very important. Sometimes, as a parent, choosing which is more important is a smart move. If you wait too long to punish, your child may be confused about why they were being punished. If so much time has passed that the child cannot relate the punishment to which behavior, it is best to leave it alone.
If children learn well through visual tactics, create a series of pictures that explain how their bad behavior leads to punishment and good behavior leads to reward. This will help your child understand the relationship between bad behavior and discipline
Step 2. Have different levels of discipline
Don't rely on one particular punishment or type of punishment. There should be a scale that determines the punishment given according to the severity of the behavior.
The means of discipline you apply should depend on the severity of the problem. Autism is not just a disorder. Autism is a spectrum of disorders. So all children and all behavior problems do not have a single solution or treatment. All these types of disorders should be treated differently depending on the child himself and the severity of the behavior
Step 3. Recognize that consistency in disciplining is very important
Children need to make associations that unwanted behavior will lead to undesirable results and that those unpleasant outcomes will be followed up no matter who administers the discipline.
Step 4. Choose the form of discipline that you think will work best for your child
Once you know what discipline methods work best for your child, pick a few and stick with them. As an example:
- Don't give in to bad behavior. This sends a message to the child that their behavior is unacceptable. Explain clearly that the behavior is counterproductive (eg, "I can't understand when you scream. Would you mind calming down for a minute and tell me what's wrong?").
- Patiently remind your child of self-winning strategies they can use, such as taking deep breaths and counting. Offer to work on the strategy together.
- Use a strategy of losing rewards as a consequence. If the child behaves inappropriately, the loss of the reward may be considered a form of punishment by the child.
Step 5. Avoid discipline that involves physical pain, such as hitting, slapping, or exposure to intense stimuli
Responding to violence with greater violence can instill confidence in children that it is okay to be harsh when feeling angry. If you are very angry with your child, follow the same calming strategy that you would like your child to use. This encourages your child to imitate you when he or she is feeling angry or frustrated.
Step 6. Avoid labeling your child “bad” or “wrong”
Point out misbehavior in children in a way that encourages corrective action. For example, say to your child:
- “Father can see you are really upset, but shouting won't do any good. Would you like to take a deep breath with dad?"
- “Why did you throw yourself on the floor? Are you angry about the shop matter just now?”
- "I don't understand when you do that. Let's find a better way to tell dad when you're upset…”
Method 4 of 5: Creating a Reward System
Step 1. Create a reward system that is directly related to good behavior
Similar to punishment, children need to have an understanding that as a direct result of appropriate behavior, they receive a reward (such as a compliment or medal). Over time, this will create behavioral changes and can help discipline a child.
Step 2. Rank what activities your child likes the most, and what he or she dislikes the most
Rate your child's preference for various activities or gifts, from the least he likes to the most he likes. Create a list to track these rankings. You can use these activities to reward a child's desired behavior or when they stop certain negative or inappropriate behavior.
- While this may sound like a “bribe” at first, it is not really the case when applied correctly. Implementing a reward system should be based on rewarding right behavior, not stopping bad behavior.
- Use this technique casually and not too often. For example, "I'm so proud of the way you behaved in that noisy shop. We have free time this afternoon. Would you like to read a picture book with me?"
Step 3. Be open to new ideas about disciplining and rewarding children
Every child is different and every autistic child is different. What might be considered a punishment or “boring” for one child can be a great reward for an autistic child, and vice versa. It is therefore important to be creative and open to new ideas about the concept of punishment and reward in the area of disciplining children.
Qualification: always think about the discipline carefully before applying it. Would you feel comfortable doing the same for a non-autistic child? Otherwise, the practice of the discipline is destructive or abusive
Step 4. Set up the reward system
There are several ways to do this, but here are the top two reward systems:
- Create a behavior chart that includes an explanation that good behavior is rewarded by means of stickers or markings on the chart. If the child receives enough marks on the chart then they get a prize. Offer to engage the child by allowing him to stick a sticker.
- The gift system is a very commonly implemented system. Basically, good behavior is rewarded with souvenirs (stickers, coins, etc.). Later these souvenirs can be turned into gifts. These systems are often designed by contracting with children according to their behavior and thus may be difficult to implement for most younger children.
Step 5. Praise your child
Speak clearly in a calmer tone when rewarding your child. Being too loud can overstimulate them or irritate them. Praise the effort more than the result. This includes praising them for trying to achieve a goal. Valuing perseverance and effort over results will be more valuable for children with autism.
- If your child doesn't understand what is being said, add a small gift along with your compliment.
- Showing sincerity and joy because the child's behavior is appropriate can increase the frequency of the behavior.
Step 6. Give the child a sensory reward
These are sometimes more difficult to give like regular gifts, but good gifts include gifts that also encourage sensory activity. However, be careful not to over-stimulate your child, as this can irritate them. These prizes may include:
- Vision: Something the child enjoys seeing, such as a new library book, a fountain, animals (fish are very good), or seeing a model airplane.
- Sound: smooth, soothing music from a soft instrument such as a piano, or singing a song.
- Taste: It's more than just eating. These gifts include tasting the various foods they like – sweet fruit, something salty and the kind of food the child finds delicious.
- Scents: Provide a variety of scents for the child to distinguish: eucalyptus, lavender, citrus, or different types of flowers.
- Touch: Sand, ball pool, water, food packaging such as chip wrap, bubble wrap, jelly or toy wax.
Method 5 of 5: Understanding the Causes of Bad Behavior
Step 1. Keep in mind that children with autism think “concretely”
This means they take everything literally and so you have to be careful when you talk to them. Before you can discipline your child, you must understand why your child is acting up. If you don't understand the cause, you may be disciplining your child in a way that for them only reinforces bad behavior.
- For example, if your child is acting up at bedtime and you're not sure why, you can choose to take him or her up. However, the reality is that "strap" can be a reward for the child if the goal is to delay sleep as long as possible. By disciplining without understanding the cause, you're actually showing your child that if he misbehaves at bedtime, he'll be able to stay awake longer.
- Sometimes children act out because of external stressors that they don't know how to handle (eg screaming and crying over loud music that hurts their ears). In such cases, the best course of action is to eliminate the cause of the stressor, discuss coping and communication strategies, and forgo the punishment.
Step 2. Understand the purpose behind the child's behavior
When autistic children show bad behavior, the behavior actually has a purpose. By understanding your child's goals, you can figure out how to prevent this unwanted behavior and try to replace it with more appropriate action.
- For example, the child may want to avoid something or a situation so that he "acts" to avoid the situation. Or, he may be trying to get attention or get something else. Sometimes it's hard to know what a child's ultimate goal is – you have to observe the child to fully understand it.
- Sometimes children act aimlessly; they just don't understand how to handle stress. Sensory problems, hunger, drowsiness, etc. may be the cause.
Step 3. Find out what the specific reasons for the bad behavior are
One of the key clues to knowing what a child is doing (avoiding situations or seeking attention) is if the child continues to “act out” in certain scenarios. If your child is acting unusually for activities they normally enjoy, then this could be an indication that they are seeking more attention.
For example, a child may "act up" when it's bath time. If he does this right before or during bath time, you could conclude that he's acting badly because he doesn't want to shower
Tips
- Keep in mind that the suggestions above do work but will vary depending on your child's specific needs.
- If your child has a crisis in an overstimulating environment such as a busy store or mall, your child may have a sensory processing disorder. Sensory integration therapy can help increase a child's tolerance to painful stimuli.
- Remember that your child is a human being, not a monster controlled by autism. He wants love and acceptance just like any other child.
Warning
- For best results in applying the above techniques, it is recommended that you talk to your doctor for a referral to a good behavior therapist who specializes in children with autism spectrum disorders.
- Remember that some forms of ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) and other therapies come from an abusive culture, and specialists may recommend a dangerous discipline. Never use discipline that would be seen as rude, manipulative, or overly controlling if used on a non-autistic child.
