All parents will tell you the same thing: stubbornness and children are like peanut butter and bread. Children are usually very stubborn in their infancy and adolescence. However, this attitude can still appear at any age. Sometimes, these traits also become part of their personality, so you as a parent must teach them to manage these behaviors. In other cases, stubbornness is just a way to test boundaries and show freedom. Children may also have difficulty expressing what is happening to them. Teaching a stubborn child to express feelings and manage stress in healthy ways is the key to effective discipline here. Do this by remaining calm, listening, and understanding the child. Make sure you also set an example of good behavior.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Disciplining Babies and Children Who Have Not Talked
Step 1. Understand both
The first three years of life are known as the "critical period" in child development, as a baby's brain continues to grow and learn, and stores information that he will use for the rest of his life. Babies' behavior that looks like stubbornness or mischief is actually a natural process of learning about cause and effect.
For example, if you're used to saying "no" or showing an angry expression whenever your baby misbehaves, he might repeat it to see if your reaction will stay the same. By varying the response, your child will realize that he is not always getting the results he wants, so he will try other behaviors
Step 2. Change the environment
If your child keeps touching the same glassware every day or refuses to come out of the kitchen cupboard, instead of punishing or disciplining him, reorganize the house to make it safe and baby-friendly. Your house is also his home. He will learn to the maximum if allowed to explore.
- Babies learn by exploring, and are not trying to act naughty by touching objects. Move the crockery and make your home "babyproof" instead of reprimanding his normal learning behavior. Secure your home.
- As your baby grows, you have to secure new areas for him. All of this is part of conditioning the surrounding environment so that he remains safe and undergoes a maximum learning and playing process without risk. Start securing the house before your child can move on their own (usually at 9 or 10 months).
Step 3. Say "yes"
Most babies and young children hear the word "no" too often in things that are not to their liking. Saying "yes" will ensure your child can master the learning experience and explore things that interest him or her.
Let your child spend time outdoors, do craft and art projects, or have as much fun in the tub as possible. Expressive activities, both physically and creatively, will be useful for draining his energy, so the child can sleep better. In the long run, he will be more obedient and less stubborn
Step 4. Divert your baby's attention
If he's about to misbehave, call him by name and turn his attention to a toy or other object he likes. Prepare a lot of strategies to distract him in an instant.
For example, carry a favorite board book, snack, or toy in your bag when you leave the house. Hide this thing in the bag until needed. If you and your friend are going to visit a friend's house and he or she approaches a power line, call out his name and lure him with his favorite ball. This distraction is likely to attract him and leave unwanted behavior behind
Step 5. Teach "be gentle"
One of the most common bad behaviors babies and children engage in is hitting, biting, or kicking. They do it to see the reaction they will get, not to hurt you or anyone else. Teach children how to interact with others in a safe way.
- When your child hits you, hold the hand he's using, look him in the eye, and say, "We can't hit. Our hands have to be gentle." Then, still holding his hand, use it to touch your arm or face (wherever he hits), and say, "Your hands have to be soft. Remember? Gentle." Also use your own hand to gently touch him, so he knows the difference between hitting and light touching. Use the same technique to teach babies or young children how to interact safely with pets and younger babies.
- You can also try reading a simple board book to her, such as "Hands are Not For Hitting" (in English), by Martine Agassi and Marieka Heinlen, to demonstrate appropriate behavior.
Method 2 of 4: Disciplining Children and Youth
Step 1. Think of disciplinary activities as teachings
Instead of just giving negative consequences to certain behaviors (punishment), disciplinary action is a way to turn bad traits into teaching moments. When your child refuses to cooperate or continues to repeat bad behavior, your goal is to teach him to be cooperative and not repeat the behavior.
Consequences for bad behavior should not be random or punitive. These consequences must be related to the behavior. This is why abstinence sessions are usually so ineffective for stubborn children; idle time for him has nothing to do with bad behavior, and feels more like a punishment than a consequence or disciplinary action. If you can't come up with a consequence, get rid of one of his favorite things, but try to teach aspects related to the child's choice so that he loses it. For example, if your child plays video games for longer than he should, the consequence could be that he is banned from playing with his friends in the afternoon. This makes sense, because time with friends he already spends playing alone
Step 2. Be consistent
If you say that certain behavior will have consequences, live your word. Don't make empty threats, because your child will learn that you are inconsistent and like to lie.
- If you tell your child to tidy up his room before going to a friend's house, don't give up if he hasn't done so even though it's time to leave. Consistency is the key here!
- Since consistency is important, make sure you never set a consequence that cannot be met. The trick is not to make a sudden decision, as this decision may be driven by frustration. For example, if you have to say, "If you do it again, I'll…", this means that you may be overly emotional and may be overreacting. Instead of going like this, set a pre-existing limit. If you know your child will continue to walk around at dinner, let him know that he has to sit still, and convey the consequences if he doesn't comply (for example, the dinner session will end, or he won't get dessert).
Step 3. Create a routine
Structure and predictability are very important for children and young people. This way, they know what to expect, and can avoid uncomfortable distractions in their daily lives. Set daily and weekly routines so they know what to expect. In addition, a consistent daily routine improves a child's behavior and success in school.
- Set and maintain strict rest and wake times each day. Make sure your child gets enough sleep, as lack of rest is associated with behavioral problems. From ages 3 to 12, most children need 10-12 hours of sleep each day (including naps). However, they usually refuse to rest even when they need it. If your child seems to be grumbling or exhibiting bad behavior near bedtime, this is a sign that he is not getting enough rest.
- Give lots of warnings if you have to change his routine, but reassure your child that you'll soon be back to old habits.
Step 4. Watch your response
Many stubborn children and teens are very sensitive and pay close attention to your behavior and tone of voice when disciplining them. They may also imitate these responses, for example by rolling their eyes, sighing, shouting, or getting angry.
- Parents can become frustrated and angry with a stubborn child. However, the key is to control all these emotions and not let them affect the way they interact with the child.
- Pay attention to the types of things that annoy you while caring for children. You may get angry easily because he messes things up, answers things, or is disobedient. The things that frustrate you usually relate to areas that are out of control. Addressing personal issues (from work, childhood, or other relationships such as marriage) can help you to be more positive with your child.
Step 5. Learn to negotiate
Generations of parents in the past were advised never to give in to their children's demands, as doing so could make children lose respect and forget who was in charge. However, psychologists today recognize that children should feel they too have some control over their lives. Parents should not try to dominate every decision. If a choice is not related to the health or safety of the child, but only to his opinion or taste, let him decide for himself.
For example, you might prefer your child to wear neat and appropriate clothes when out of the house, but he or she may prefer something comfortable and cool. As long as he's wearing clothes, be tactful about things that don't really matter but can give him an element of control
Step 6. Understand prepubertal
Sometimes, around age ten or eleven, children begin to experience the hormonal changes that lead to puberty. These changes usually result in emotional outbursts, unexpected stubborn behavior, and sometimes withdrawal.
- Children at this age are usually testing the limits of their independence. This is a normal and healthy part of growing up, although it can be frustrating for parents who are used to controlling. Let your kids know that they have the right to control some of the decisions that affect them, so let your kids choose their next diet or hairstyle.
- Always remember that your child is a human being. Stubbornness is only a small part of a complex personality. This trait may even be a good thing, for example, to learn to stand up for yourself and friends, to resist bad influences, and to always do the right thing. Stubbornness will be a key element in the development process to become a healthy human being.
Method 3 of 4: Disciplining Teens
Step 1. Understand puberty
Teenagers go through massive hormonal changes; acute stress in his interpersonal life due to romantic problems, friendship disputes, and bullying; they are also more independent. Fortunately, teens are still emotionally immature, and their brains are still developing to understand the long-term consequences of their behavior. These factors create a bad environment for many parents, who have difficulty dealing with their children's stubborn and rebellious behavior on a regular basis.
Puberty is a process that takes place over several years, not just once, and usually starts between the ages of 10 and 14 for women, and 12 and 16 for men. In these times, behavioral changes are common for both sexes
Step 2. Set clear boundaries and consequences
Just like children and toddlers, teens must thrive in an environment with clear boundaries and expectations regarding their behavior. Even though many teens will try to test their boundaries, they still want consistency from you. Create and enforce family rules with clear consequences.
- Let the child provide input on rules and consequences, then write them down. This way, he feels that you take his opinion seriously and he also personally engages to act well. For example, if your child inflates his phone bill because he is accessing the internet too much, the consequences may be that he has to pay the bill, or his cell phone will be confiscated in the coming week.
- Be consistent, but make sure you're willing to adjust if needed. If your rules and consequences don't work, talk to the youth and consider other options. Also, sometimes you have to be a little flexible if your child is responsible and respectful (for example, by allowing him to come home late for a special occasion).
Step 3. Rest
The teenage years can be very emotionally draining for parents. Emotional and irritable teens often do and say things that hurt their loved ones to get a reaction. However, yelling at each other and releasing uncontrolled emotions is unproductive for an effective discipline routine.
- Prepare responses ahead of time. If your teen tends to say hurtful things during an argument, prepare a response beforehand to prevent yourself from making comments that are also offensive. For example, say, "Your comment is hurtful. Let's pause and talk about it later when we calm down."
- Take breaks if needed. If you're too tired because of your teen, let him know you need some time, and come back for a discussion afterwards. Make sure you do. Sit down with him when you're calmer so he knows you're not going to let things happen.
Step 4. Ask for help with destructive behavior
If your teen's behavior is not only stubborn but already dangerous to yourself and others, seek professional help.
A psychologist can help determine the most appropriate course of action for a troubled or destructive teenager. These teens may be experiencing early symptoms of mental illness or depression
Method 4 of 4: Understanding Discipline
Step 1. Recognize the difference between punishment and disciplinary action
A parent's job is to raise a child who is successful, friendly, and healthy, not just managing his day-to-day behavior. Discipline should be considered as a way to teach children to regulate their behavior, so that they are used to doing it when they grow up.
- Meanwhile, punishment is painful and unpleasant words or experiences to stop unwanted behavior. Punishment can be physical, such as spanking, or emotional/verbal, such as telling the child that he is stupid or that you don't love him, or running a penalty and/or withholding a gift. Physical and emotional punishment is cruel and teaches children that you cannot be trusted and that they are not a worthy human being. Often, physical and emotional punishment includes child abuse and is illegal. NEVER use physical or emotional punishment on a child.
- Punishing a child for breaking the rules is usually not an effective way to teach real life lessons. Your kids will hate you. In some cases, he may also rebel.
- However, discipline helps children learn about life through ways of solving problems, cooperating with others, and achieving the ultimate goal by getting what they want in the right way.
Step 2. Understand the role of the home environment
A stressful, tense, or abusive home life can contribute to behavior problems in children, who usually mimic the attitudes they see in their siblings or parents – who often feel a lack of control when life at home is chaotic.
- Homes characterized by noise, overpopulation, lack of order, and general chaos tend to be more likely to produce children with behavior problems, hyperactivity, and inattention.
- Similarly, children who experience stressful life events (such as moving house, the birth of a new sibling, or parental separation/divorce) are also more likely to have behavioral difficulties and perform well in school. These children often "screw up" in stubborn and unkind ways.
- Dealing with environmental factors that contribute to a child's behavior is important if you want your discipline methods to be effective. After all, even if you are successful in disciplining your child today, if the environmental factors that cause him to misbehave are still present tomorrow, the problem will not be solved.
Step 3. Distinguish personality from bad behavior
Some children are more determined by nature than others, with personalities that require them to have more control over their daily lives. On the other hand, other children may be more submissive but may misbehave to get your attention or because they are frustrated with their lives. Determining the root cause of your child's stubbornness can help you deal with it.
- Children who are more stubborn naturally respond effectively to consistency, but not to long and deep explanations of what they are doing and why it is wrong. They usually act on your reaction, so stay calm and try not to give them the reaction they want.
- Extreme cases of stubbornness, anger, or sudden mood swings may indicate certain mental conditions, such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Treatment methods include therapy and medication to deal with the chemical changes that cause emotional outbursts.
Step 4. Learn to say "Why?
" At any age, stubborn behavior can emerge when something is going on, either physically or emotionally, or when your child is trying to deal with an external problem. He may feel helpless, hurt, tired, hungry, or frustrated. If the child becomes stubborn, ask the question: "What happened?" and listen to what he has to say. Here are some things you should consider:
- Physical growth can be a very unpleasant experience at any age. Toddlers will grow teeth and feel pain. Older children may feel pain in their legs as they grow in length, or even headaches and stomach aches.
- Children also become more sleep deprived. Research on growth shows that children often become walking zombies, and other research suggests that emotional regulation can be affected, even after just one day of sleep deprivation.
- Physical needs, such as hunger or thirst, can make children of any age appear stubborn and difficult to handle. However, this is simply because their bodies and minds need fuel to cope with a situation.
- Sometimes, children can appear stubborn if their emotional needs are not met. They may also become like this if they feel frustrated because they don't know how to express their feelings.
Tips
- Know when to back off. If a stubborn child refuses to put on a coat and it's cold right now, so be it. He will eventually feel cold and learn that a coat is a necessity in harsh weather. Just make sure you have a jacket ready for when your child learns from his experience and wants to wear layers.
- If your child isn't usually stubborn, talk to him and find out if he's encountered new stressors at school or home that's causing the behavior.
