It's no fun trying to convince a stubborn person to do what you want. Dealing with stubborn people can leave you feeling very frustrated and exhausted, whether with coworkers or with your own mother. But if you understand that stubborn people are just afraid of hurting their ego and doing something new, you can make them feel more comfortable - and convince them to see your side of the story. So how can you deal with stubborn people without hurting you during the process? Just follow the method below.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Wiping Their Ego
Step 1. Start with a little compliment
One of the reasons why stubborn people are like that is because they hate being wrong. They think they know the best way to do things, and as such, they may be a little sensitive when they are told that there are other ways to do things; they can take dissent as a personal attack even if you don't mean anything bad. So when you talk to a stubborn person, try to make them feel good about themselves by offering a little flattery at first. But make sure it's genuine and that it doesn't sound like you're wooing them to go your way. Here are a few ways you can get started:
- "I know you've been working so hard lately. I'm very impressed with how you are able to keep your actions in sync during times of stress."
- "You always have great ideas and I thought I'd pitch one for you."
- "I'm glad to see you today. I miss hanging out with you."
Step 2. Show that you value their opinion
Another thing you should do when dealing with stubborn people is to acknowledge their position and show them that they actually have a good idea. Don't make them think that their idea is completely stupid, weak, or unreasonable (even if you feel like it), or the chances of them listening to you will be close to 0%. Be sure to repeat their argument and show that you see the good in what he has to say; that way, people will see that you value him and his ideas. This will make people more open to listening to you. Here are some things you can say:
- "I think Italian food is a good idea. I love the gnocchi at that Italian restaurant, and they have a great selection of wines. However…"
- "I know last time we went out with Sarah and Mike we didn't enjoy it and you're right about them which is a little weird. But I think we should give them another chance."
- "Moving to Bali from Jakarta will have many benefits, as you said. There will be more things to do, we will live closer to the coast and we can travel often, and we will move closer to our best friends. us. But by saying that…”
Step 3. Don't tell them they are wrong
The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that he is outright wrong. Never say, "You didn't see it right," or "You don't understand, do you?" And don't say, "How can you be so wrong?" This will keep him away and make him close completely. Explain that he has some great ideas and that you have considered them carefully. They may have been right in other times or situations, but right now, you want to do what you want to do. Make it as clear as possible.
Say things like, "We really have an amazing idea" or "There are so many ways to look at a situation like this" to show that you think he is just as right
Step 4. Show how the decision will benefit them
Stubborn people will often continue to be stubborn because they are so invested in themselves and how their decisions can help them feel better and also do what they want to do. So if you want to rub a little bit of their ego and make them think this decision is right, then you have to show them how it can benefit them, even if it might seem a little surprising. This will pique their interest and will make them much more likely to budge. Here are some things you can say:
- "I really wanted to see a new sushi place down the street. Remember you said you crave fried ice cream? I heard they have an amazing variety of flavors in that restaurant."
- "Going out with Sarah and Mike should be fun, and again, I hear Mike has extra tickets to your favorite football game and he's looking for someone to go with him. I know you've been dying to go."
- "If we live in Jakarta and don't move to Bali, we can save on rent. We can use this extra money to go abroad at the end of the year, as you would like to do."
Step 5. Make them think they have come up with their own idea
This is another trick to convince stubborn people to do what you want them to do. Make the person think that, in your conversation, he or she actually came up with an idea, or has introduced an important aspect of why the idea is a good one. This will make the person feel proud of himself, and like he is still in his own way. This trick can be a little tricky to do, but if you can do it right, then you'll be amazed how many stubborn people feel better. Here are some things you can say:
- "That's a great idea! I forgot how much I love plum wine. A sushi place would definitely be a great choice."
- "You're right - we get to see Sarah and Mike this weekend and of course you'd think Saturday night would be the best time to meet up, right?"
- "That's so true - I'll miss the usual farmer's market if we leave Jakarta."
Method 2 of 3: Persuade Them
Step 1. Be firm
The reason stubborn people often go their way is because the people around them often relent and let them do what they want. This could include a number of reasons: you may think that the person will throw something or sulk if he doesn't get the chance, maybe you don't have the strength to resist, or maybe you are even convinced that the person must achieve what he or she wants no matter how hard. You argue with him. But remember that the person uses cheap tactics to do what he wants, and that you have the right to choose to do things your way every now and then.
- If the person is getting emotional or seems very angry, take it slow until the person calms down, but don't say, "Fine, fine, you can do whatever you want, stop crying" - this will show him that he can manipulate emotions. you and make you succumb to what you want easily.
- Being assertive means standing by your side and offering a rational and logical argument for why your idea is important. This does not mean being aggressive or shouting or shouting names. Stubborn people are very defensive people, and this kind of behavior will only make them feel more threatened.
Step 2. Give them the information you have
Stubborn people are also afraid of the things they don't know. They may not want to do something just because they've never done it before or because they're not used to getting out of their routine. The more you can tell them about the situation, the better they will feel. They will feel that what you are asking is not so scary because they can imagine what the situation will be like. Here are some things you can say:
- "The new sushi restaurant has a great selection of sashimi. Certainly much cheaper than Italian restaurants. They also have televisions with awesome screens, and you can enjoy the end of the game while we eat."
- "Sarah and Mike have a cute little dog - you'll love it. Mike also really loves beer and they have some great choices. They live only fifteen minutes from here, so it won't be a long drive."
- "Did you know that the average rental fee in Bali is 100% higher than the rental fee in Jakarta? How can we afford to live there?"
Step 3. Show them why it's important to you
If a stubborn person cares about you, then he or she will be easily persuaded simply by listening to why what you want means so much to you. This will help them see the situation on a human level, and they will realize that it is more than right or wrong, but about giving you what you want and need. If you are in a relationship with this person, help them realize why this is a big step that will make you happy. Here are some things you can say:
- "I've been craving sushi for weeks. Can we go? I could go with Maria, but it won't be as exciting as going with you."
- "I really want to spend more time with Sarah and Mike. I'm lonely in our new environment, and I'm excited to have a few more friends."
- "I really want to live in Jakarta for another year. The commute to and from work is very easy for me, and I don't like getting up an hour early to get to work."
Step 4. Remind them that it is your turn
If you often deal with stubborn people, then chances are, you have succumbed again and again. It's time to be firm and remind people of all the things you've given them, whether it's big or small. You can do this without frightening them, and you can really show them the big picture and let them realize that it's time you got what you wanted. Here are some things you can say:
- "We've been to the restaurant you wanted for the last five times. May I choose, for once?"
- "We've been out with your friends and not mine for the last three weeks. Can we give my friends a chance this time?"
- "Do you remember that moving to Jakarta was your idea? Now let me have the idea of staying."
Step 5. Negotiate or compromise
You may not be able to completely get what you want, but you may be able to get a stubborn person into the middle ground. Compromising or negotiating with the person can help you persuade them to do what you want to do without giving up completely. If the person is really stubborn, then simple steps may come in handy, and you won't be able to convince the person to follow your plan. Here are some things you can say:
- "Okay, we can go to an Italian restaurant tonight. But that means we're going to a sushi place tomorrow night, right?"
- "How about we meet Sarah and Mike for a drink instead of coming over to their place for dinner? We'll still be going out with them, but of course we won't be spending all night."
- "I would be open to moving to Manado. It's more expensive than Jakarta, but not as expensive as Bali, and there's also a lot to do there."
Step 6. Stay calm
If you really want to deal with a stubborn person and even have the opportunity to do it your way, then you can't let your emotions take over. If you start to seem annoyed or even angry, then the person will think he has won, because you can't help it. Take deep, slow breaths, or even leave the room for a few minutes if you feel yourself getting emotional. A stubborn person is much more likely to listen to you if you appear calm and in control, not angry or crazy.
It's easy to lose your cool when you're dealing with someone who isn't willing to do what you want or change. But remind yourself that the more likely you are to "explode," the less likely the person will listen to you
Step 7. Don't tell them they're stubborn
The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that he or she is stubborn. Stubborn people are naturally defensive, and of course, stubborn, and if you even say these words around them, then they will become mute and unlikely to even change. Don't say, "Why are you so stubborn!?" or the person will stop listening to you. Refrain from saying these words even if they are already on the tip of your tongue.
Step 8. Look for common ground
Finding common ground in the person can help you persuade them to see things from your perspective. Stubborn people can feel a little bit underwhelmed and if you manage to convince the other person that you both come from the same mind, then he or she is much more likely to listen to you if you have very different opinions. Here are some things you can say:
- "I completely agree that we have experienced productivity issues at this company. We urgently need to find a solution on this. However, I think that it has more to do with the lack of employee satisfaction than the newly commissioned projects."
- "I agree that the friendships we've had with these people are a little weird or boring. But if we don't give new friends a chance, then we'll never find people who really fit in with us, right? so?"
Method 3 of 3: Making It Match
Step 1. Encourage them to change bit by bit
If you have to deal with stubborn people in the long run, then you should know that stubborn people don't like to obey strangers at first meeting. They will position themselves slowly. So if you want to convince someone close to you to try something different, then you have to get him used to your idea little by little until the person is fully comfortable with the situation at hand.
- For example, if you have a slightly possessive friend who doesn't like your new friends from art class, get that person to meet your new friends one by one in a short period of time instead of meeting them with a bunch of your new friends; this will make the person happier in new social situations.
- If you're trying to persuade your roommate to be cleaner, then try having your roommate wash the dishes every day. After that, you can talk about the intensity of littering more often, vacuuming the carpet, and so on.
Step 2. Choose your battle
This is key when dealing with stubborn people. You can get stubborn people to give in on a few occasions, and with the right approach, you can even convince them to make some pretty big changes. However, if the person is really stubborn, it's unlikely that he or she will often succumb to your requests. So if you're having a hard time getting a stubborn person to do what you want, then you should ask for something you really care about.
Maybe you really don't care about the movie selection on date night; but after all you care where the spring trip goes. Save your effort to to get it
Step 3. Break the pattern that always relents
Stubborn people can keep doing what they're doing because you always end up giving in. If you never say no, what reason could make that person change plans for you? So the next time you're negotiating something, even if it's something as simple as what movie to watch, try saying that you're going to watch it yourself or go home if you're not being listened to. This will shock the stubborn person so that he or she will relent or will start to think that you are someone who cannot be easily manipulated.
If you don't give in easily, stubborn people will respect you and your opinion more
Step 4. Don't beg or sound desperate
This is not a good way to get other people to do things from your point of view, no matter how much you want them to happen. If you feel that you have exhausted all your wits and options, walk away. There's no point in lowering yourself by begging and whining, and this will not only be useless in dealing with a really stubborn person, it will also embarrass you.
If you want to persuade a stubborn person to do something, you have to take a rational approach. An emotional approach will only make it more difficult for the person to agree with you
Step 5. Be patient
It takes time to really persuade a stubborn person, especially if you are trying to break a stubborn behavior pattern. This won't happen overnight, and you have to remind yourself that you have to start small (what to watch on TV) before you can move on to bigger issues (where to move). Tell yourself that you can change the person little by little, but you won't be able to make him turn into a completely different person.
Step 6. Maintain your confidence
Confidence is key when you are dealing with stubborn people. If you are hesitant or show some doubts in your own ideas, then people will tend to respect you less and listen to you less. You have to act as if your idea or perspective is the best there's ever been (without being overbearing, of course), and people will be more likely to think you've mastered your idea. Don't let the intimidating person make you back down or say that maybe your own idea isn't that great.
- Keep your head up, maintain eye contact, and don't let people bend you down or look at the floor while you're talking. Maintaining a confident attitude can make your ideas sound solid and confident.
- If you're nervous about what you're proposing, practice beforehand. This will make you sound more confident when the time comes to speak.
Step 7. Know when to give in
Unfortunately, you can try everything when you're dealing with stubborn people and you may not really get any results. If the stubborn person doesn't budge, doesn't listen to you at all, or isn't willing to accept another perspective even after you've tried to provide more information, flatter him or her, be assertive, and show how much the decision will mean to you, then they probably have. it's time to go. If you can't do anything good, then you're probably only going to make the situation worse, and it's best to leave if you know it won't work out later.
- If you keep trying to get a stubborn person to look at you from your point of view and to no avail, then you may end up being stubborn.
- Giving in to stubborn people doesn't mean you're weak. This means that you are taking a rational step and know that there is nothing else that can be done.
Tips
- Don't try to fight someone's stubbornness it will make it worse.
- Get to know yourself first!
- It's not a game nor is it funny if the person doesn't find it funny then why would you do it?
- Forgive and forget!
