If your life isn't going the way you want it to, you may need to redefine yourself before continuing on your way. Get to know yourself in the present moment and try to see how it differs from what you want about yourself, and then work to change it for the better you want.
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Method 1 of 4: Defining Your Present Self
Step 1. Define your current self
Look at your life objectively and ask yourself, what aspects are you prioritizing right now, whether you think this is important or not.
- This aspect can be internal (your work ethic, your desire to stay busy) or external (your job, family, or pets.)
- Try to determine your current priorities based on your actions, not your beliefs. For example, you may believe that your family should be your top priority, but in reality, you may be so busy working that you take over the priority for your family. In this case, work becomes your real priority that is shown by your current self, even though you may not want it.
Step 2. Observe your relationship with yourself
Defining oneself is very easy if it is done only or mainly through external circumstances. After you've thoroughly analyzed yourself, take some time to think about who you really are when you can be alone.
- Think about the things you value, including your life principles and personality traits. Maybe you value your time-management skills or your religious beliefs. Make a list of things you value, even if you don't put these things into action the way you would like to.
- Also think about what you enjoy in your life for example, family, friends, pets, and other things like hobbies or activities that you enjoy. Make a list of those things, even if you can't give them time or to do these activities the way you want.
Step 3. Talk to yourself about who you are
When analyzing who you are today, try to use a third person style of speaking to talk about yourself to yourself. This way you can direct your mind to think in a more objective way so that you can understand yourself more accurately.
- The third person speaking style uses personal pronouns such as "he" and "they." Your name will also be used in this style of speech.
- That is, if you want to say, "Time for spending time with family is very important to me," replace it with, "Time for spending time with family is very important for (insert your name here)."
Method 2 of 4: Leaving Your Old Self
Step 1. Forget the past
Ask yourself what aspects of your life are affected by old wounds, insecurities, and disappointments. Once you are able to identify these problems, make a commitment to forget them so that they no longer control your life.
Examine your past thoroughly. You may find that you still feel guilty about ending the relationship or that you're still hurting as a result of this way of breaking up, and these feelings can make it difficult for you to be in a relationship again now and in the future. Likewise, if your family may have experienced financial problems when you were growing up. As you grow up, this insecure state makes you obsess over your job more than you need to
Step 2. Learn from past mistakes
Don't let past mistakes and trauma hold you back, but often, there are lessons from the past that you can take to improve yourself in the present.
- Learning from past mistakes can prevent this from happening again.
- For example, you can analyze what went wrong in a relationship that ended in hurt and what you can do to prevent the same thing from happening again in your next relationship. Try to see which decisions have brought you or your family into financial trouble in the past, and develop a financial plan for the future that can correct these mistakes.
Step 3. Eliminate one bad habit
Correcting bad habits and despicable personalities is the most important part of leaving your old self, but it's also the most difficult. Focus on changing bad habits one by one, no need to change yourself drastically.
- You'll run out of steam if you make too many changes at the same time. If a person becomes too tired while trying to improve himself, he is more likely to give up and go back to his old life.
- On the other hand, it's easier to make small improvements little by little. Once you achieve a goal, you will feel more energized and will find it easier to change others.
- Start small with real goals. Quit smoking and don't keep stalking your ex-boyfriend online. After going through this process further, it's okay to talk about the problem you're having that isn't physical.
Step 4. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones
As soon as negative thoughts about yourself or about life arise in your mind, try to replace them with positive thoughts. This will train your mind to focus on opportunities and not on difficulties.
- For example, a failed date might make you think, “I'll never find someone. There must be something wrong with me.”
- If such thoughts arise, quickly dispel them with self-correcting thoughts such as, “This date was a flop, but that doesn't mean the right person isn't waiting for me out there. I won't find it unless I keep looking for it." You can also reaffirm your sense of worth by making a list of some of your most positive personality traits that are worthy of praise.
Step 5. Stop worrying about what other people think
So many things that are considered doable or not are controlled through social demands, and these demands are one of the reasons that you are in the position you are today. If you really want to redefine yourself, be the person you want to be, not the person others expect you to be.
- Social demands may also come from other people in your life. Everyone from your parents to your boss or best friend may expect you to be someone you are not in some ways.
- You must be able to recognize and stay away from the social demands that come from social life itself. Society also expects something from you based on your race, gender, economic class, or religion, all of which can limit you.
Method 3 of 4: Applying It in Daily Life
Step 1. Evaluate your priorities
This time, ask yourself, what aspects of your life should you pay the most attention to, no matter if these aspects are really worth paying attention to.
- Make a commitment to reorganize the way you apply the priorities you have set to suit your perspective.
- If you are currently a workaholic but you believe that your family should have a greater priority than financial success, make a commitment to change the way you manage your time. Come home on time after work, don't come home late. Schedule a special time to be with your family and don't break this commitment unless it's really urgent.
Step 2. Ask yourself what qualities you would like to develop
Decide what kind of person you think you are best at and work to identify the personality traits that have shaped you the most, both those that are already a part of who you are and those that you have never exhibited.
For example, one of the best aspects of your personality is your ability to manage your time wisely. You may have had these skills when you started your career, but the monotony of everyday life makes you lose your spirit. On the other hand, you may have to struggle all the time to manage your time wisely. Either way, as long as this trait is the best aspect of your personality, put it on the list and try to develop it
Step 3. Put expectations into action by setting goals
Optimism and hope are very important, but no one can experience change just by hoping. It takes time and hard work to redefine yourself.
Instead of just wishing that you had more time to manifest your creative abilities, try to work out a schedule for doing so. Make a plan for how much time you want to spend each month on creative things. Alternatively, make a plan for how much creative work you want to get done in a month regardless of the amount of time you want to spend on this activity
Step 4. Set aside a little time each day to pursue your goals
Once you've set your goals, you really need to take the time to make them happen. Start right away and work towards your goals by consistently giving yourself a small amount of time each day.
For example, you can plan to improve your health by exercising. Instead of telling yourself, "I'm going to start exercising tomorrow" or "I'm going to start next week," start today. Do light exercise every day, even if you don't like it, so your efforts to reach your goals will form as a habit that grows from within you
Method 4 of 4: Rewrite Your Self-Definition
Step 1. Leave your comfort zone
A quick way to change yourself is to do something that makes you uncomfortable.
- The steps you have to take are steps that can bring you closer to what you want, not away from it.
- If you're an introvert but you want to be more social, try joining a hobby group or a social club. But first make sure that you join a good community, not a bad one.
- If you want to be more adventurous, do some kite flying or plan a short trip abroad. But being adventurous is not the same as being a fool, so you don't have to do rash things like being a racer or getting involved in a relationship with someone dangerous.
Step 2. Pursue your old pleasures
Ask yourself if there are any dreams or pleasures that you've stopped because you don't have time. If so, start making time to re-enact these old pleasures. Maybe you will rediscover a positive side of yourself that is worth holding on to forever.
- If you've ever dreamed of becoming a chef, take a cooking class, even if you have no desire to switch careers right now.
- If you enjoyed playing basketball when you were in school, try joining a sports club for adults. You can make friends and rekindle appreciation for dedication, health, and cooperation.
Step 3. Make time for the things you currently enjoy
There may be things you enjoy such as certain hobbies or activities that you don't develop further. Stop making excuses and start making plans to be more active in pursuing what you love.
Take a class or join a group so you can carry out this activity with support for planning this activity
Step 4. Meet people you don't know and make new friends
The people in your life now know you by now and may or may not help you as you redefine yourself as someone new. If you meet people you don't know yet, tell them about the person you want to be so they can help you stay accountable for your desire to be your best.
- Make sure that these new people you meet have a positive attitude because it will be easier to become the new you if you are surrounded by positive things than negative things.
- That doesn't mean you have to leave your old friends and family behind. You only need to stay away from a relationship if it can interfere with your happiness in life. If this relationship is good, keep it, even this relationship does not have to push you to achieve goals.
Step 5. Create a visual reminder
Instead of just thinking about what you want to be and what your goals are, write down all this information. Also write down all the steps you need to take to achieve it.
Put this list in an easily accessible place so you can view it every day. Visual reminders that can be seen all the time will make it harder for you to forget them
Step 6. Take time to think about it again each morning
Before starting your morning activities, take a few minutes to reflect on who you are and what you want to be.
- Once you're awake and ready enough to think clearly, ask yourself if you're still the same person you were yesterday. Reflect on what aspects of your self-definition have changed for the better and which aspects still need improvement.
- By doing this in the morning, you will be calmer throughout the day.
Step 7. Keep moving steadily
Don't procrastinate, but don't rush either.
- Doing small things to redefine yourself every day is often enough to keep you from procrastinating. If you get to a certain point where you feel stuck, do something big to rebuild the little momentum.
- Know that redefining yourself can't happen overnight. Do not try everything at once because this method will only make you very burdened and want to give up.
