In everyday life, we often face many angry people. They are usually unable to control their feelings and reactions. Unfortunately, they sometimes take their anger out on others. When a person is angry, it is difficult for him to control his emotions when he has to face situations that make him angry. Sometimes, the anger is also out of control. To communicate with an angry person, you need to be calm and patient. You also need to listen effectively and help him find a solution to the problem at hand.
Method 1 of 6: Responding to Someone's Anger
Step 1. Do not respond to the person concerned with anger
When someone is angry, especially at you, of course you are easily carried away by emotions. However, when you try to communicate with him, it's a good idea to hold back your emotions.
Step 2. Maintain an emotional distance from the person concerned
Don't take the person's anger to heart. Instead, observe the situation objectively by turning your feelings into curiosity about the person's anger. You can ask yourself, “This person is really angry. I wonder what made him so angry.”
Step 3. Speak calmly and slowly
Don't raise your voice or speak in an angry tone. Take a few deep breaths if necessary, then speak in a calm, balanced tone of voice, at a moderate volume.
Step 4. Don't use threatening body language
Open and warm body language can help calm the person's anger. He also won't see you as an 'antagonist'. There are some positive body language you can show:
- Maintain eye contact.
- Stand or sit with your hands by your side, not folded in front of your chest.
- Not face to face with the other person when standing (body slightly turned to the other side).
- If the person in question allows, gently touch the shoulder. However, keep in mind that touching isn't always the right thing to do. If the hot-tempered person you are dealing with is a partner or close friend, physical touch may still be appropriate. However, if the person you are dealing with is a customer or client, physical touch such as touching or patting the shoulder is considered rude.
Step 5. Don't provoke the person concerned
If you find out what triggers his anger, you may trigger his anger even more. This may be done accidentally (or maybe on purpose). When someone is angry, try not to do anything that makes them even more angry or feel less appreciated.
Method 2 of 6: Suggesting Techniques to Calm Yourself
Step 1. Observe the situation before you make a suggestion
Giving advice as a way to calm someone down may feel inappropriate for someone who clearly doesn't need help. However, giving advice can be the right thing to do if the person in question needs help calming down. Giving advice can also be useful when conversations with the person concerned have become unproductive or their anger has escalated and the person wants to blow their temper.
Step 2. Ask the person to take a deep breath
Deep breathing can regulate emotions effectively. Give the person the following instructions:
- Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four.
- Make sure he is doing abdominal breathing (through his diaphragm), not chest breathing. When he does abdominal breathing, his stomach will expand (the movement can be felt when he holds his stomach with his hands).
- Do as much as necessary until he feels calmer.
Step 3. Ask him to count to ten
Let him know that he doesn't need to respond immediately to the triggers of his anger. Counting is useful in eliminating or easing feelings of anger. Therefore, you can advise him to count to ten while controlling and calming his feelings.
Step 4. Distract the attention
Help him forget his anger by distracting him. You can tell a joke or invite him to watch a video. You can reassure him that you care about the anger he feels. In addition, you can also let him know that it might be a good idea to change his focus for a few minutes so he can feel calmer.
Step 5. Suggest him take a short walk
By taking him away from the situation that provoked his anger, you can help him to feel calmer. Advise him to take a short walk, go out to enjoy the outdoors, or, at least, get away from the situation that made him angry.
Method 3 of 6: Listening Effectively
Step 1. Let him talk
It's important for you to make sure that he feels you really take him seriously. Let him talk and listen to what he has to say.
Do not cut or correct him while he is talking
Step 2. Show empathy
You don't have to agree with him, but you can show that you understand his feelings. For example, you might say, "If I feel like I'm not being treated fairly, I think I'll feel angry too."
Agreeing to the person's words can help to defuse the anger. In addition, it can also make him feel that from a different point of view, the anger he feels is not something wrong
Step 3. Keep asking questions
Use open-ended questions to get more information. Open-ended questions require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Questions like these require the other person to provide more information. This way, you can find out the root of the problem he is facing. For example, you might ask, “What happened at the meeting this morning?”
Use the phrase “more precisely” for more information. For example, “More precisely, what kind of behavior do other people display when you say no one is listening to you?”
Step 4. Clarify what he said by re-explaining what he said
Show him that you want to understand what he's saying. Re-explain what he said to make sure you understand what he's saying correctly.
For example, you could say, “Let me explain again. You came to a meeting this morning and were asked to give a last-minute presentation that put you under a lot of pressure. Then, your boss is so engrossed in his cell phone that you feel neglected. Is it really like that?"
Method 4 of 6: Looking for Troubleshooting
Step 1. Determine the right time to look for a solution to the problem
A person's emotional defenses can decrease when he feels tired or hungry. Therefore, determine the right time to seek a solution to the problem, especially if the person in question is feeling better and can show an approach to the problem at hand without being overwhelmed by negative emotions.
Step 2. Apologize to him if necessary
If you made a mistake or accidentally hurt her feelings, apologizing is not a sign that you are weak. Being able to apologize shows that you care about the person you hurt, whether intentionally or not.
Step 3. Help him find a solution to the problem at hand
You and the person concerned need to work together to find a solution to the problem. Ask him what kind of problem solving he wants. If you can't live up to his expectations or his thinking is unrealistic, find out if there are some things that can be negotiated.
Step 4. Use “we” pronouns
By using these pronouns, you show that you are willing to work with him to solve the problem at hand. For example, you might say, "What kind of help do you need so we can work together to solve this problem?"
Step 5. Stay focused on the problem at hand
If you try to compromise with him, stay focused on the problem at hand. Don't bring up previous fights or problems. Nor should you carry old grudges to get to the decision or solution you want.
Step 6. Be prepared if there is no approved workaround
There may not be agreement on a solution to the problem at hand until the person concerned has calmed down. This process can take a few days, and troubleshooting may need to be delayed until he can respond to the problem without getting angry.
Method 5 of 6: Dealing with an Angry Child
Step 1. Teach children about mutual respect
Children need direction on how to handle their own anger. Not everyone knows how to direct children to deal with anger so many children are left to handle their own anger. This can lead to a lack of control over emotional impulses, a history of abusive behavior, and fights (both at school and at home). Keep in mind that children learn behavior patterns from their parents and other adults who spend a lot of time with them. In order to teach children respect for each other, you should try to communicate as much as possible and show respect for your children.
- Teach your child to treat others with kindness. Don't let them be sarcastic towards others.
- Don't shout or point at it with your finger. Don't embarrass your child, call him bad names, or directly criticize his actions even if his actions were not based on careful consideration. Don't make him feel so guilty about his actions or words.
- If your child doesn't communicate with respect, don't immediately blame him for not being able to respect you. This can actually hurt his feelings. If your child is young, he or she may not realize that the actions or behavior shown are considered disrespectful. If he's in his teens, point out to him that his tone sounds like he's angry and ask what's going on. In other words, make observations first without getting irritated. Use a non-judgmental tone of voice, and give your child a chance to explain.
Step 2. Stay calm and relaxed
Make sure your face looks calm. Use a tone of voice that doesn't sound like you're angry or tense.
Step 3. Do not tolerate violent behavior
Violent behavior such as throwing things or hitting should not be allowed to occur. If the behavior occurs only once, talk to your child afterward to let him know that he shouldn't hit anyone else. Tell him that his actions or actions were a mistake, but that you want to forgive him. However, explain to him that if this happens again, he will lose his rights as a form of punishment for his actions (eg not watching television for 2 hours).
Step 4. Recognize his right to be angry
Like adults, children have the right to be angry. For older children or teens, you can say things like: “I (mother/dad) notice your forehead is furrowed, your mouth is tightly shut and you cross your arms in front of your chest. You look angry, but that's okay. You have every right to be angry. After all, other people sometimes feel angry. You may also feel something other than anger. It does not matter."
- For younger children, shorter direct reflection statements can be used. Reflection can help children learn to recognize emotions and know how to handle those feelings well. Try saying, "You're mad that you weren't allowed to eat biscuits before dinner." Don't be afraid if that's not how your child feels because they will correct the statement. The key is that you need to get him to refocus on how he feels.
- Help your child recognize more feelings whenever possible because anger is almost always accompanied by other feelings related to the situation at hand. For example, your child may feel angry that his younger sibling has entered his room without his permission. On the other hand, he also feels disturbed (or perhaps, his privacy rights are violated).
Step 5. Help your child to calm down
What works for adults can also apply to children. If you see your child (whether in their teens or young) being angry, sit next to them. Count for her while breathing deeply with her. Inhale, hold, and exhale for a count of (each) four.
Allow your child to let his emotions out and calm down. He will need this ability for the rest of his life. In addition, there are some children who are much happier calming down than having to let out or vent their emotions
Step 6. Use distraction
For some children, you can distract him for a long time from something he was focusing on before. This is easy to do for young children. Distractions are a way of dealing with emotions so that children can feel calm.
Change the mood and take your child to the garage, for example, to help you with something small. Light work can help distract him from the triggers of anger. When you're done, you can talk about the problem he's having
Step 7. Listen carefully and show acknowledgment
When he talks about his problems and explains what makes him angry, listen carefully to him. Rephrase and summarize what he said. This way, you're showing him that you're following the story closely.
- For children, the key is to teach them the difference between feelings and behaviors. It's perfectly normal and it's okay for him to feel angry or upset, but that annoyance or anger must be shown in an appropriate way. This is important to teach, especially to children who show their anger directly and hit, kick, or break things.
- Ask a few questions. Your child may still feel angry and, when telling stories, he may jump a lot from the original plot. By asking questions, you can help him manage his thoughts.
- For example, if something at school upset him, try to draw a conclusion from the story: “Let me explain your story again. Beni pushes you on break. You reported it to the teacher but your teacher only asked Beni to stop doing it. Meanwhile, you feel that your teacher should give punishment to Beni. Is it like that?"
- For example, if he has a fight with a friend, accept the fact that he has every right to be angry and upset. He may also feel offended. It may take some time for these feelings to go away, but you still need to reassure him that they will eventually go away.
Step 8. Brainstorm to find out how to solve the problem at hand
Brainstorming can distract a child from his anger so he can focus on problem solving. Encourage him to think of solutions that are fair to both parties so that there is cooperation that exists at home.
You can give some suggestions, but letting your child think about it and suggest some solutions is just as effective. When he can determine solutions to problems at hand, he will feel more in control. He also learns to solve his own problems and this is an ability he will need for the rest of his life
Step 9. Stay consistent and patient
You are teaching your child important life skills so that by following each step and applying them whenever he feels angry, this knowledge will be remembered by your child.
Step 10. Help him handle a difficult situation
In some cases, your child may feel angry because they have been treated unfairly. He has every good reason to be angry, either because of the bullying that happened to him or the mistreatment of his friends.
- If your child is faced with a situation that requires protection, such as bullying, show him how to handle the situation decisively. Go to the principal for help and alert the teacher in your child's class. Keep trying like this until you get a positive solution.
- Being patient in dealing with difficult situations can help show your child what it's like to face and solve problems at hand.
Method 6 of 6: Ensuring Safety
Step 1. Keep you and your children safe
The first thing you need to know when you're with an angry person is your own safety. If there are children in your home and they are experiencing physical, emotional and mental abuse, or they witness domestic violence, you must immediately take care of yourself and your children's safety.
- Make a plan so you know what to do if your safety is at stake.
- If possible, choose an alternative place to live or stay temporarily in a place that provides protection so that your safety is maintained.
- Teach your children the use of secret codes that can be used if anyone is in danger. Teach them what to do if you ever use the code (for example, they have to leave the house and go to someone's house, such as an uncle's house or someone they trust).
Step 2. Tell a trusted friend or family member about your situation
If possible, talk to friends, neighbors, or other family members (whom you already trust) about your plan of salvation. Tell them the visual signs you use if you are in danger at any time.
Step 3. Know your way out of your house
Identify the closest exit. If you can't get out of the house, identify safe places in your home that don't allow others to injure you with a gun or other object.
Always park your car facing the road and make sure the gas tank is full
Step 4. Always carry your phone with you
Take your cell phone with you wherever you go and store or organize important numbers.
Step 5. Contact the authorities or the Ministry of Empowerment for the Protection of Children and Women
If you're having trouble getting out of the situation you're in, contact the authorities or the protection commission. The authorities (if contacting the police, they will usually be referred to the women's and children's unit) or the commissions can help provide you with a safety plan. In addition, they can also provide temporary shelter for you.