Everyone must have felt embarrassed because everyone made mistakes. Shyness can be caused by unwanted attention, mistakes, or being in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. You may feel like hiding until the shame is over, but there are better ways to deal with the shame. You can try to understand your feelings of shame better, learn to laugh at yourself, and love yourself when you're embarrassed.
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Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Embarrassing Situations
Step 1. Assess the situation
How you deal with embarrassing situations depends on what happened to make you embarrassed. For example, if you did something wrong, like made an inappropriate comment to a friend, you may feel embarrassed that you shouldn't have said that. However, if you're feeling embarrassed about doing something accidentally, like slipping and falling in front of a bunch of people, that's a different situation. Every situation requires a slightly different approach to dealing with shyness.
Step 2. Apologize if necessary
If you do something wrong, you need to apologize for your mistake. Apologizing may make you feel even more embarrassed, but it's very important to address the main source of shame and move on. Make sure your apology is sincere and direct.
Try saying, “I'm sorry you said that. I didn't mean it like that. I'll try to be more sensitive later."
Step 3. Forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself
After you apologize (if necessary), you must forgive yourself for what you did or said. Forgiving yourself is an important step in overcoming shyness because it will help you stop punishing yourself. By forgiving yourself, you realize that you made a natural mistake and don't need to think too much about it.
Try saying to yourself, “I forgive myself for what I did. I'm only human and I do make mistakes sometimes
Step 4. Distract yourself and others
While you shouldn't ignore something embarrassing you did or said, once you've evaluated it and worked through the situation, you should move on with your life. You can help yourself and others forget the embarrassing thing by changing the subject or asking them to do something else.
For example, after you apologize and forgive yourself for saying something inappropriate to a friend, ask if he or she watched the news last night. Or, praise him. Say, “Hi, I like your clothes. Where to buy?"
Method 2 of 3: Coping With Past Shame
Step 1. Reflect on the most embarrassing incident
While it can be painful to recall the most embarrassing thing that happened to you, it can help you see the other side of another embarrassing incident. Make a list of the 5 most embarrassing things that have ever happened to you and compare them to the shame you just felt.
Step 2. Laugh at yourself
After making a list of embarrassing things, allow yourself to laugh at yourself. Laughing at the things you do can be a self-purifying experience. By seeing these things as ridiculous things that happened in your past, you can help yourself to let go of the shame.
- For example, if you've ever walked into the cafeteria with your skirt stuck to your underwear, try to laugh at the experience. Try to see it from the other person's perspective and stay away from negative feelings. Realize that it's just a stupid mistake that might make the other person look twice or spit a drink out of his mouth.
- Make an effort to discuss embarrassing moments with a trusted friend. You'll find it easier to laugh if you share your embarrassing moments with someone you haven't seen in person and you can also listen to other people's embarrassing stories.
Step 3. Have pity on yourself
If you can't laugh at what you're doing, try to feel sorry for yourself. Be aware of your shyness and talk to yourself like a good friend. Allow yourself to be embarrassed and understand the pain the situation is causing.
Try to remind yourself of who you really are and what values you hold dear. This can make you strong and get rid of shyness
Step 4. Focus on the present
Once you've calmed yourself down through laughter and love, bring yourself back to the present. Realize that embarrassing moments are a thing of the past. Try to focus your attention on what is going on in your life right now. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with now? How do you feel? Changing your focus to enjoying the present will help you stop dwelling on something that happened in the past.
Step 5. Keep trying to be the best
Though painful, shyness can be beneficial for your development. If you did or said the wrong thing and made you feel embarrassed, think about what you can do to avoid doing it again in the future. If you make a natural mistake that could happen to anyone, realize that you didn't do anything wrong and move on with your life.
Try not to remember things you did or said because then you will feel more pain than before
Step 6. Consider seeing a therapist
If you still can't get over the embarrassment despite your best efforts, consider asking a therapist for help. You may be dealing with something that requires ongoing effort or your shyness may be related to another thought pattern, such as rumination, or it may be low self-esteem.
Method 3 of 3: Understanding Shame
Step 1. Realize that shyness is normal
Feeling embarrassed can make you feel like something is wrong with yourself or that you feel completely alone. However, it is very important to remember that feelings are not accurate. Shame is a normal feeling like feeling happy, sad, angry, etc. When you feel embarrassed, remember that everyone feels embarrassed at some point.
To see that embarrassment is something that everyone feels, ask a parent or other trusted person to share the last time they felt embarrassed
Step 2. Learn that it's okay for other people to know that you're embarrassed
One of the worst things about being shy is when other people know you're shy. Knowing this can make you feel even more embarrassed. This is because shyness makes you feel more exposed or vulnerable for fear of being judged negatively by others. Unlike disgrace, which can occur in public or private, shame usually occurs in public. Try to remind yourself that there's nothing wrong with the fact that other people know you're embarrassed about something because it's a normal emotion.
One way to deal with other people's negative judgments is to be realistic and ask yourself whether others are judging you negatively or yourself
Step 3. Understand that some shyness can be beneficial
While not a pleasant experience, occasionally feeling shy can be beneficial. Several studies have shown that people who blush when they do or say the wrong thing can appear more trustworthy. This is because such a person demonstrates his awareness of social rules. So, if you occasionally blush when you make a mistake, don't dwell on it all the time because it makes other people look at you in a more positive light.
Step 4. Consider the relationship between shyness and perfectionism
Perfectionism can cause embarrassment. You may have unrealistically high standards that make you feel like a failure if you don't achieve them. This feeling of failure can be embarrassing, so it's important to set realistic standards for yourself.
Remind yourself that you are your own biggest critic. While it may seem like the whole world is watching and judging you, that's not a realistic point of view. Think about how you pay attention to the little things other people say or do. It is impossible for you to observe others the same way you do yourself
Step 5. Think about the relationship between shame and self-confidence
Confident people tend to experience embarrassment less often than non-confident people. If you have low self-esteem, you may experience more embarrassment or feel more shame than you should. Work on building your confidence to reduce the embarrassment you feel every day.
If you are truly insecure, you will face disgrace which is not the same as shame. Disgrace is the result of a weak self-portrait and can be caused by being embarrassed too often. Consider talking to a therapist if you feel that your shame has made you feel like you have disgraced
Tips
- Laugh with your friends. Act like the embarrassment doesn't bother you and they won't mind.
- Don't obsess over the little things. A little shyness is not something to dwell on constantly. Try to get rid of it and move on with life.
