There are many advantages to being observant. Observing people using your findings can help you land a new job, catch someone lying, win an argument or win the heart of the partner you desire. People are constantly (unconsciously) sending hints about who they are and what they want, you just have to know what to look for. If you want to learn how to understand other people's body language, facial expressions and communication styles without letting them know you're watching, see Step 1 and beyond.
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Method 1 of 3: Become More Observant
Step 1. Don't rush
Are you a person who tends to run through the day, rushing from one task to the next without taking time for a drink? The ability to observe takes practice, and it begins with the ability to slow down, stop, and observe. You can't do it if you're always in a hurry, and trying one or two times won't work either. You can practice being more observant by lowering your rhythm in any situation and taking time to 'smell the roses,' as it were.
- Start with your own family members. Do you have the habit of half-listening when your spouse or child tells you about their day? Put down your phone or tablet, face the person talking and look them in the eye. Part of being a good observer is being a good listener.
- If you tend to go to work every morning like the wind, saying "hello" without bothering to make eye contact, start taking a different approach. Stop and talk to your boss or co-worker for a few minutes, to give them your full attention. That way you will be able to pay more attention.
- Stepping down a street, on a train or through a public place gives you the opportunity to be a bystander. Don't just look at them, look at them. Watch them. What do you see?
Step 2. Get out of your mind
Constantly preoccupied with one's own thoughts, desires, doubts and so on is a distraction in observing others. To become a better observer, put your own needs aside and concentrate on others. This takes practice, because the mindset is actually a habit that is not easy to change. Be aware of where your thoughts are going, and deliberately focus on the other person so you can observe them.
- If you come to a party and immediately want to find the coolest person to talk to, head to the bar as soon as possible or find the nearest exit, because you're not giving your brain room to observe people. Take a step back and allow yourself to focus on the other person (that way you'll have a great party too).
- When you're having a one-on-one conversation with someone and you're worried about whether your lipstick looks good and how your laugh sounds, you're not being a bystander. Don't worry about yourself, focus on others. Thus you will learn a lot.
Step 3. Don't be too obvious
You will not be able to observe accurately if you show clearly that you are trying to interpret their every move. At best, the person will subconsciously act a bit, displaying what they want you to see and not the truth. Worst of all, the person will find your curiosity intrusive and even intrusive. You have to act normal, even if your brain is making careful, calculating judgments.
- Don't stare. People will know that something is up if you keep staring them up and down. Even if your brain is completely focused on someone, make sure your eyes are looking away appropriately.
- Don't stand out if you're trying to observe someone from afar. If you're at a party, for example, don't stand in a dark corner tracking down the person you want to observe. Or if you decide to stick to a wall instead of participating in a party, make sure you're at a point where no one will approach you and think you're scary.
Step 4. Watch when they think no one is paying attention
People reveal a lot about themselves when they think no one is paying attention to what they are doing. Observing others when they feel comfortable like that can reveal a lot. It will give you a basic picture of the person, and show you their true emotions.
- You might notice the look on your coworker's face when he or she walks down an empty hallway, for example.
- Pay attention to how someone looks after finishing a conversation, during breaks when they have time to themselves.
- Sit on a park bench or in a cafe with an open newspaper in front of you, and pay attention to the people around you.
Step 5. Pay attention to any discrepancies
Once you have basic observations about a person, you can compare them to their later behavior and note the differences. This can give you clues to interesting facts about the person, such as what they might want to hide and how they express their true emotions.
Step 6. Watch their reactions
A person's instantaneous reactions to different situations can reveal their true thoughts and feelings. When observing a person, pay attention to the expression on his face when he hears a piece of news. You can tell the news yourself or watch when someone else is telling it and note what happens.
For example, if you and your friends are out for dinner and a friend announces that she just got a raise, watch the reactions of the others. A person who takes a few seconds before expressing their congratulations may not be happy to hear the news. Could it have something to do with envy?
Step 7. Look for the pattern
Write down what you observe in someone so you can begin to notice a pattern. This can help you gain a deeper understanding of the individual, but it's also a good way to understand the human being as a whole. You can start by paying attention to small details as opposed to the preoccupation, desire, stress, fear and weakness that a person displays. The accumulation of information like this will help you understand the other person better and in a fraction of a second come to conclusions that turn out to be true.
Method 2 of 3: Knowing What to Look for
Step 1. Pay attention to body language
Body language can say a lot. People often say one thing, but their body language tells a very different story. Look at the position of their head, arms, hands, back, calves and feet. What can you tell from someone's body language?
- If someone says "yes" while shaking their head, it could indicate the real answer is "no."
- If someone doesn't want to make eye contact, they may be uncomfortable. (It is a common misconception that a lack of eye contact is an indication someone is lying. In fact, the opposite is true.
- When someone leans back or moves away while talking, it can indicate that the person is stressed or afraid.
- When a person crosses their arms, it is usually possible to feel uncomfortable in a situation.
- If a person is slouching or has poor posture, the reason may be self-confidence issues.
- When someone taps their feet, it may be a sign of anxiety or impatience.
- When a woman touches her throat, she may be feeling helpless.
- When a man rubs his chin, he may be feeling anxious.
Step 2. Take a closer look at facial expressions
People clearly communicate with their faces that express everything from happiness to destruction, but how skilled are you at interpreting subtle differences between emotions? Some people are naturally empathetic and can tell the difference between emotions such as impatience and annoyance, while others have difficulty distinguishing emotions such as brooding and boredom. The better your ability to distinguish emotions, the better your understanding of the people around you.
- If you feel you have a lot of room for improvement in this area, practice your focus on interpreting people's emotions. For example, when someone smiles, don't automatically assume "happy." Look for little things that can help you find deeper and truer emotions. Does the person smile with the whole face (including the eyes) or only in the mouth? The former may be an indicator of happiness, while the latter may be an indicator of pleasure.
- Research shows that reading more literary fiction can help develop greater empathy, which results in greater powers of observation as well.
Step 3. Listen carefully
The way a person talks is another indicator of how he or she feels. Speed, volume and tone of speech are all important factors. Notice whether the person you are observing is speaking faster or slower, higher or lower than normal, and whether their voice is loud or soft.
- People who whisper or speak quietly may be shy or have low self-esteem.
- Feelings of nervousness are often expressed through faster speech.
- People tend to speak in a slightly higher pitch than usual when they are lying.
- When people assert dominance, they speak in a slightly lower tone of voice.
Step 4. Watch your breath
This is the easiest physical sign to observe, because breathing is something you can't control. Notice if the person is breathing heavily or rapidly, and whether their voice is accompanied by a wheezing sound.
- When someone's breathing is faster, it can indicate that they are nervous or stressed about something at hand.
- Heavy breathing may be a sign of a health problem.
- It could also mean they feel attracted to someone, maybe in you…
Step 5. Look at their pupil size
Small pupils can be an indication that someone is taking drugs. Dilated pupils can be a sign that someone is excited or interested. When you observe a person's pupil, make sure it is not affected by the light factor. Bright light will make the pupil smaller, while low light will make the pupil widen.
Step 6. See if they sweat
This is a clear indication that adrenaline is running through a person's body, which could mean they are stressed, excited or scared, depending on the situation. Look for bright light on someone's face, dampness in someone's armpit area (but of course you have to consider the weather and room temperature).
Step 7. Look at their clothes and hair
Putting body language, facial expressions and other physical indications aside, you can tell a lot just by looking at the way a person looks. The clothes, accessories, hairstyles and makeup that a person wears can tell a lot.
- First notice the obvious signs. The person in an expensive business suit might be a white-collar worker, the person in the cross necklace might be a Christian, the person in the Grateful Dead and Birkenstocks t-shirt might be a hippie. Get the picture.
- Look closely for details about a person's life. White hair on the hem of your coworker's black pants. Dry mud covers the soles of one's shoes. Bitten nails. The baldness is covered by combing the hair over it. What does this little detail say?
Step 8. Pay attention to people's habits
When you observe someone for some time, notice what makes that person unique. What does he read on the train every day? What does he drink to feel good in the morning? Does he bring lunch every day or order outside? Is she blatantly avoiding the topic of her husband? You can tell something from each of these observations.
Method 3 of 3: Interpreting What You See
Step 1. Use your imagination
Now that you've taken the time to observe someone, what can you tell from the information you've gathered? Imagining what lies behind a person's body language and unique personal habits is part of the fun of observing. Whether you like paying attention to people or trying to better understand people you know, the next step is to use your imagination to connect the dots.
- If you like paying attention to other people, it can be fun to make up stories about them. That guy you see getting on the train every morning, what's his background? Based on what he was wearing and where he dropped off, what can you conclude?
- It's fun to use your imagination to try to figure out where they're coming from, but if you really want to understand other people, you have to find out if you're right.
Step 2. Ask why to create a theory
You already have the "what" factor in this scenario, you observe. The next logical step to understanding someone is to find out why something is true. This will give you a clearer picture of what is going on in someone's life and where they are coming from.
- For example, if you observe that a person starts talking faster and sweats when you ask him about his future plans, why do you think he reacts that way? Is he worried about failing to achieve a goal? Could he be lying about something?
- Narrow down your theory by narrowing the question or observing the person more closely.
- Combine all the pieces of information. Once you have a theory, determine if your other observations support it?
Step 3. Find out if you are right
As you begin to draw conclusions based on an analysis of your observations, it is important to look for ways to find out if you are right. If you tend to draw a lot of wrong conclusions, your observation technique may need to be improved.
Let's say you notice your friend is smiling broadly when talking to you, his pupils often look dilated, and his hands tend to be a little sweaty. (And he wears blue every day because you told him that color suits him, and he waits for you every afternoon). You consider the evidence and conclude that he has feelings for you. Determine if your conclusion is correct by teasing him and watching his response. Or you can also ask if he has feelings for you
Step 4. Learn by trying and keep trying when you are wrong
Sometimes you will find your observations correct, and other times you will be completely wrong. Although people often betray their own feelings with opposite body language, they are also good at hiding personal feelings. The goal of learning to observe people is something worthwhile. Later you will gain a better understanding of humans in general. But don't make the mistake of believing that you can read other people's minds just by looking at them. The mystery that naturally surrounds people is part of what makes them enjoyable to observe.
Tips
- When observing them directly, try not to stare at them all the time, try to focus on your book, then look at them again for a few seconds, before looking the other way.
- If you follow or watch someone for a long time, change your appearance (coat, hat, shoes, wear or not wear glasses, sunglasses and if possible change glasses and wigs.)
- When sitting, most people support their head with their hands. If you have a watch with a dark background, you can pretend to be looking at your watch and look at them.
- Try to master the art of appearing to be reading when you are observing someone. This takes glances and practice, as well as the art of knowing when they are suspicious of you.
