Being a social outcast is difficult, especially for children and young people. Many people have felt "outcast from their environment"; in fact, their wasted experiences have been made into successful films and books. Being isolated is not your fault. Know that these times will pass and get better. While waiting, there are things you can do to adapt to it.
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Method 1 of 4: Adapting to Social Isolation
Step 1. Trust in loved ones
Even if it's difficult, find a support person in life who also listens well, such as a parent, favorite teacher, or other loved one. When a young person feels hurt because of relationships with friends, he or she should seek adult support.
- Talk about how you feel when you're isolated.
- Feeling heard and understood can help to make you feel better.
- Talking to adults will also send a message to yourself that you are not alone.
Step 2. Find more ways to socialize
Cast a wide net when looking for friendship. Usually, when a person is isolated in one place, such as a school, he or she may be accepted elsewhere, such as a sports team. Putting yourself in some social situations will increase your chances of meeting new friends.
- Doing some extracurricular activities you enjoy will result in more friendship opportunities. You may even find it easier to do so because you can find other children who will share your interests.
- Focus on the things you enjoy. Join a sports team, sign up for theater practice, join an art class, take a vacation camp, or find another activity that you're really interested in. Then, focus on having fun and developing an interest instead of just being friends.
- Increase self-esteem. Through participating in extracurricular activities you enjoy, you will develop a passion and a sense of usefulness. Doing something you enjoy and will eventually master will increase your sense of self-worth. People with a healthy sense of self-worth will appear attractive to others, so learn self-respect to help build relationships with new friends.
- Consider finding friends online. Finding people of the same age group and sharing interests is much easier these days than it used to be. Look for pages of websites and clubs devoted to self-interest. Just make sure you use the internet responsibly and with parental supervision.
Step 3. Start small
Focus on building a relationship with a new friend at first. Having only one close friend has been shown to strengthen a child's relationship with his school and develop a sense of self-worth. The quality of friendship is more important than the number of friends a person has. A proper friend is better than ten mediocre acquaintances.
- Once you meet someone you want to be friends with, start a conversation with them. Ask him questions about himself or his interests, or talk about activities you both enjoy.
- After talking to potential friends so that you become acquaintances who are friendly to each other. Invite him to do something together. This may seem daunting at first, but it is the only way to turn a casual acquaintance into a friend.
- Get his contact information so you can follow up on plans after inviting him out with you.
- Accept the invitation you get from a potential friend.
- Continue to make plans and travel to develop relationships.
Step 4. Realize that the end of a friendship is not a failure
Relationships change throughout a person's life. If a friendship ends, especially in childhood or the teenage years, it is a sad but unavoidable part of life. This is not a failure. Accept that some friends will leave life, but in doing so, you have the opportunity to meet new friends.
Step 5. Remain polite and respectful
While friendships can end, it's how you end them that matters. Your method of dealing with people who are not friends but still acknowledges you is also important. Be the more mature party.
- Follow this principle: create distance elegantly. No matter what your former friends did, or how cold and exclusive they were, avoid getting angry.
- Don't badmouth your ex-friends to other people or online. This will only make you look mean and possibly scare off potential new friends.
- In fact, don't spend too much energy on broken relationships or on people who have alienated you. Move on and shift your focus to all the things that are right in life, such as friendships and new activities that help you feel better about yourself.
Step 6. Reject obsession with online FOMO (fear of missing out) behavior
Spending a lot of time on social media, constantly reading other people's updates and obsessing about all the fun things they do without you, can lead to an unhealthy sense of FOMO.
- Be aware that people tend to exaggerate how they feel when they write something online. They may not be as happy as they claim. Even if they are, their happiness doesn't mean you can't have fun either.
- Realize that virtual "likes" and "friends" are not the same thing as true friendship. You can be much happier with a few good friends in real life than someone with thousands of online followers.
- Disconnect unhealthy relationships on social media until you feel better. Don't look at your friends' social media accounts for a while. Instead, use the time you would normally spend online trying new activities, focusing on personal interests, and meeting new friends in real life.
- Be careful about what you write online. Anything you write on the Internet will last forever. Avoid writing unfriendly things about people who annoy you. Again, be a better person, and focus on new interests and potential social groups instead of those who alienate you.
Step 7. Don't take things personally
People are usually so focused on their problems and their lives, especially in their teens, that they don't focus on each other.
- People who ignore you may not realize that they are making you feel like a socially isolated person.
- Even if someone is actively being cruel, don't assume that he or she means harm. Sometimes, not being invited to an event occurs simply as a form of senility.
- Maybe the person you thought was ignoring you on purpose didn't really think you'd be interested in being friends with them. Unless he's actively violent, consider being friendly to him. Maybe he will become your friend.
- Everything will get better. Most social isolation occurs in adolescence, and often disappears by the end of high school. Life will get better, and you won't always be the one to be forgotten. Stay positive and realize that you are not alone.
Step 8. Be honest with yourself
Don't let what's "popular" cut you off and keep you from being unique and amazing.
- True friends will appreciate your independence and unique personality.
- Don't let the desire for friendship outweigh the knowledge of right and wrong. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, just to get people to like you.
- Speak up when friends do something wrong.
Step 9. Be a good friend
The people who are truly popular and enduring are those who can become good friends to even one or even a hundred friends.
- Being a good friend means being respectful, fair, interested, trustworthy, honest, caring, and friendly.
- So if you want to make friends, be the kind of friends you want to have. Being good friends will help to retain current friends and attract new ones.
Method 2 of 4: Overcoming Bullying
Step 1. Identify bullying
Bullying doesn't just happen because of being excluded from the group or petty teasing. Bullying is a serious problem. Bullying includes harassment that is hurtful, unfriendly, and persistent.
- Bullying is also intentional abuse and can take the form of physical, verbal, or psychological abuse. The sequence can include hitting, slapping, cursing, threatening, and intimidating to take other people's money or property, such as pocket money or shoes.
- Some children will be bullied by isolating other people and spreading gossip about them.
- Bullying includes using social media or electronic messaging services to make fun of/hurt other people's feelings. Cyberbullying is becoming more and more common these days.
Step 2. Learn why bullying happens
The reasons are many. Sometimes a bully annoys others because he needs to use the victim to make him feel more important, popular, or powerful. Other times, bullies harass others because they come from families that abuse each other or even use violence. Bullies may also learn their behavior from popular culture, so they perceive what they are doing as normal or "cool." Several reality TV shows and internet sites promote violent acts.
Step 3. Tell an adult
Bullying is not something to be faced alone. If you're being bullied, tell someone. Most schools and communities have anti-bullying policies. Reporting to an adult can help them follow procedures to stop bullying. A parent, teacher, coach, principal, cafeteria keeper, or other adult can help you. You are not alone.
Step 4. Lean on your loved ones
Even if it's difficult, find someone in your life who can be a good listener, such as a parent, a favorite teacher, or someone else you care about. When young people feel hurt because of their relationship with their friends, they should seek the support of a supportive adult.
- Talk about how you felt when you were bullied.
- Feeling that you are being heard and understood can improve your mood.
- Talking to adults will also make you realize that you are not alone. In addition, your emotional stress will be reduced.
Step 5. Find shelter
First identify five adults you can visit when being bullied. Then, find a safe place to take shelter, such as a church, community center, home, etc.
Step 6. Avoid the bully and use the friend system
Staying away from the bully and trying not to be alone is an effective short-term solution. Don't go to places where bullies usually go, and try not to be alone when they're present. Hang out with friends on the bus, school corridor, break time, or wherever the bully is. Together will produce security.
Step 7. Stay calm
Bullies will continue to interfere when he manages to trigger a reaction from his target. Remain calm when you are bullied. Don't respond by fighting or bullying back. This can make the situation worse and involve violence, trouble, and injury to a person.
- If you cry or get angry, the bully will feel stronger.
- Practice not reacting. You'll need a lot of practice, but make sure you're still learning how to stay calm in unpleasant situations. Not reacting will cause the bully to eventually leave you.
- Calm yourself by counting to 10 or taking deep breaths. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is put on a "flat expression" until it's out of harm's way.
- Smiling or laughing at the bully will only provoke him, so try to maintain a calm, neutral expression.
Step 8. Set clear boundaries
Tell the bully that his behavior is inappropriate. Say something like, “I don't like what you're doing. You have to stop” or “You are being bullied and what you are doing is not right”.
Step 9. Step away
Tell the bully firmly to stop him. Practice ways to ignore hurtful comments, such as pretending you're texting on a cell phone. By ignoring him, you're giving a signal that you don't care what he has to say. Eventually, the bully may get bored and leave you.
Step 10. Notify the authorities
If the bully attacks or physically hurts you, contact an adult and authorities. Physical bullying is considered assault and is illegal. Reporting to someone will ensure the bully is punished and can't hurt anyone else.
Step 11. Restore your confidence
Bullying can hurt your sense of self-worth. Realize that there is nothing wrong with you; The real problem lies with the bullies.
- Spend time with friends who make you feel good about yourself.
- Participate in a club, sport, or other activity you enjoy, to build self-confidence, avoid negative feelings, and help build positive friendships.
- Focus on the good things in life, and talk about them with someone.
Method 3 of 4: Seeking Help
Step 1. Report to an adult
If you are being bullied or feel unhappy in any way because of social isolation, tell a trusted adult. It will help you to express your feelings. In addition, he may also know how to help, namely by helping you talk about your feelings and/or stop the bully.
Step 2. Consider participating in social skills training programs
If you have trouble understanding social cues, making friends, dealing with conflict, or mastering other social skills, ask your parents to enroll you in a program that teaches social skills.
Step 3. Find therapy
If you are depressed, have anxiety, have trouble learning, have trouble sleeping, or are often sad and unhappy, or even feel like hurting yourself/others, talk to an adult and seek psychological therapy/counseling immediately. Coping with depression and bullying shouldn't be done alone.
Method 4 of 4: Studying Why Social Isolation Occurs
Step 1. Learn why social exclusion can be painful
Humans are by nature a social species. The biggest factor in our success is our developed ability to work together and interact with one another. From an evolutionary point of view, interpersonal rejection and social isolation are negative experiences for people.
Step 2. Learn why social alienation occurs
There are many reasons why people alienate or forget about each other, so ask yourself. This is not your fault, however, it will still help you to understand how other people think in order to learn to make friends. There are 4 main groups that are usually forgotten:
- Those who disrupt group activities. Based on evolution, the group will only accept people who can bring new value. Those who interfere with group activities will be exiled. Sometimes, people are also ignored because they are hard to tolerate. Other times, they may be forgotten simply because they are different. Humans are usually afraid of what they don't understand. This is a natural thing. The group has to learn to see this difference positively.
- Those who harm the group. Society usually alienates people who are aggressive, jeopardize the core values of the group, cannot be trusted, etc., as a way to protect the group.
- Those that do not bring specific advantages to the group. Sometimes, a group may feel that it has enough members, so they don't want to add more. If this is the case, know that it is impersonal; however, the group is not interested in expanding the number of members.
- They cause jealousy. If you have qualities that others don't have, such as intelligence, athletic ability, beauty, musical talent, self-confidence, or other positive qualities, your presence may remind others of what they don't have. This can lead to resentment. The problem is with them, not you.
Step 3. Realize that social isolation can be dangerous
Social neglect is associated with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, loneliness, poor academic performance, suicide, and even mass murder. Social isolation can also alter brain function and result in poor decisions.
Step 4. Recognize that social isolation can also be beneficial
A study shows that social isolation can sometimes be a positive thing.
- Social isolation for people who are independent and proud of their uniqueness can validate the feeling that they are not like other people. In cases like these, social isolation can help spark creativity for those who are independent.
- Being part of a group is not always fun. The group can be very demanding and may try to control the appearance, behavior, dress style, and actions of its members. On the other hand, not belonging to a certain group can help you stay true to yourself and develop genuine friendships that don't limit your creativity or individuality.
