For many people, socializing is a fun activity to fill spare time. On the other hand, the sheer number of commitments to fulfill takes away the fun of socializing and worries make it difficult for you to interact with other people. However, you'll be more likely to socialize if you're able to overcome feelings of inferiority, rejection, and other things that hold you back. In addition, improving your communication skills with others and leveraging social networks with mutual friends or communities based on common interests makes you more ready to socialize.
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Part 1 of 3: Overcome The Things That Hurt Yourself
Step 1. Be aware of possible low self-esteem
Almost everyone feels embarrassed or insecure at some point, but if this is holding you back, it's possible that you're feeling inferior because you're used to having negative mental dialogue. These feelings build up on a day to day basis because of the negative things you keep telling yourself. Try to pay attention to the emergence of negative thoughts and learn to distinguish between rational thoughts and irrational thoughts.
- Do you find yourself unattractive? Are you telling yourself that you are boring? Weird? Not responsible? Negative thoughts like this make you less confident to socialize. What's more, this condition makes you not feel happy.
- You're not ready to socialize if you haven't overcome feelings of inferiority so that you can tell yourself that you are worthy of respect.
- Sometimes, we are so used to these negative thoughts that we don't even notice them. Therefore, start observing what kind of thoughts you think.
Step 2. Learn to control negative thoughts
Once you know how to watch negative thoughts arise, learn to eliminate them so they don't get in the way of your life anymore. When you notice that you are thinking negative thoughts, do one of the following exercises.
- First, admit that you are thinking negatively. Then, close your eyes while imagining the thought with your mind's eye and label it "negative thoughts". After that, let the negative thoughts fade away slowly until they are not visible at all.
- Replace negative thoughts with beneficial thoughts. For example, you are overweight. Instead of saying to yourself, "I'm fat," make a mental determination, "I'm going to lose weight and stay healthy to be more energetic and more attractive." In this way, you will be able to turn negative thoughts into useful positive ones.
- Think 3 positive things in place of 1 negative thought.
- By being a positive person, socializing and making new friends will be much easier because no one wants to be friends with negative people.
Step 3. Write down all the positive aspects you have
Many people are so focused on developing themselves that they don't have time to appreciate their success, talents, and strengths. Ask a good friend or close person to give their opinion about the positive aspects that are your strengths. Then, make a list by asking yourself the following questions:
- What did you do last year to be proud of?
- What is the proudest success you have ever had?
- What unique talents do you have?
- What compliments do other people often give you?
- What positive impact have you had on the lives of others?
Step 4. Don't compare yourself to others
One of the causes of feeling inferior is the habit of comparing one's own shortcomings with the strengths of others. In other words, they compare the bad side of their life with the good side of other people's lives.
- Remember that in personal life, everyone experiences problems and suffering sometimes. If you're wondering why other people seem happier than you, remember that a person's happiness is determined by his attitude, not by external aspects.
- Don't access social media for a while. Sometimes, social media makes you reluctant to leave the house to interact directly with other people. In addition, you can experience depression because you compare your daily life with other people's luxurious lives through selected photos that have been edited.
Step 5. Remember that you are not the center of the universe
Ironically, people who feel neglected and inferior tend to think they are always being watched, criticized, and belittled. You can't go about your daily life without being seen, but it's irrational to think that other people are always watching and waiting for you to do something wrong. They are so busy taking care of themselves that they don't have time to notice your wrong actions or words. If anyone finds out, maybe in 1-2 hours he will have forgotten, while you continue to remember him for years.
- Socializing is more enjoyable if you can make yourself feel comfortable and relaxed when interacting with others by eliminating the assumption that you are always being noticed and judged.
- Get rid of the assumption that other people are always looking at you or judging you. Just like you, they care more about themselves, instead of taking care of others.
Step 6. Overcome the fear of rejection
Imagine the worst thing that could happen if you meet someone, but they don't want to interact with you. This experience may be unpleasant, but you will be fine. In fact, this is very rare. If you don't want to socialize for fear of rejection, you're missing out on a chance to meet nice people.
- Instead of expecting everyone to be best friends, imagine the kind of relationships that might exist if you were willing to socialize.
- Learn to say, "What's going to happen?" when you feel scared. Then, imagine what might happen if your fears were justified. This step helps you to question the thoughts that are controlling you.
Part 2 of 3: Interacting with Others
Step 1. Be a smiley person
Almost everyone likes to interact with a person who is always happy and energetic. Even if you're upset, try to smile when interacting with someone. In addition to providing a sense of comfort, this habit makes other people want to interact, chat, and make friends with you.
- Smiling is very useful if you want to attract someone's attention because it shows that you are a positive person who deserves to be friends.
- When you smile, your body produces the hormones dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin, which make you feel more comfortable and make it easier for you to interact with other people.
Step 2. Show a desire to make friends through body language
When at parties or community events, use body language that expresses openness so you can interact with others. When you meet someone, make eye contact, wave your hand, nod your head, and look forward instead of looking down. Show friendliness and a willingness to interact with other people so they want to be friends with you.
- Don't sit idly by, frown, or stand in the corner of the room. This gesture makes you feel like you want to be alone, so the other person completely ignores you.
- Keep your phone. Other people don't want to interrupt if you seem busy. Therefore, show body language that conveys the message that you are ready to mingle.
Step 3. Be sincere with others
When chatting with old friends or people you just met, show that you really want to chat. In addition to expressing kindness, being fully engaged in a conversation makes interacting with other people more exciting and enjoyable.
- Don't say something just to please other people or to make yourself more likable. Be yourself.
- Don't be too busy typing messages or on the phone while conversing with someone, especially if the topic is very important.
- Have a balanced conversation. Don't keep talking about yourself because this behavior makes you seem narcissistic. However, you will appear less interested in the conversation if you are more silent.
Step 4. Ask questions about the daily life of the interlocutor
Many people like to talk about themselves. If you want to socialize and communicate with more people, give it genuine concern by asking questions about their daily life, such as their hobbies or hobbies. However, don't investigate or try to find out their plans and ask very personal questions. Show genuine concern by asking questions to get him to talk about himself. Wait for your turn until he finishes speaking.
Listen actively when the interlocutor responds. Listen to what he has to say with all your heart and reiterate the important things he said. Showing that you pay attention when the other person is talking is just as important as asking questions
Step 5. Be an open-minded person
Assuming that you and the person you're going to meet don't get along, it can make it difficult for you to socialize. You might think he's really stupid, uncool, or too shy to be friends with, but if you're open-minded and let him introduce himself, you may find that you two have a lot more in common than you think.
Don't immediately decide that someone can be a good friend just because they have a good chat with them. Invite him to chat a few times to get to know his personality
Part 3 of 3: Expanding Social Networks
Step 1. Send out the invitation
You're not socially ready if you're always waiting for your friends to call, but you never call them. Keep in mind that they don't know that you want to be called and that your shyness makes you feel like you don't like socializing. If you want to meet a friend, try to contact them.
- Call an old friend who hasn't seen each other in a dozen years to make a coffee appointment.
- Invite a college friend, coworker, or acquaintance to dinner and chat at home.
- Invite a friend to watch a movie, play a game, go to a concert, or do other activities together.
Step 2. Try to comply with other people's invitations
If someone asks you to meet or accompany them for coffee, take the invitation seriously. Don't reject her because you're shy or assume you don't get along with her. Instead, imagine that you could meet some fun new friends by taking advantage of this opportunity, such as a party invitation, staying over at a friend's house, or attending a book review.
Get in the habit of approving 3 times each time you decline an invitation. Instead of agreeing to something that's obviously detrimental, more often than not accepting invitations to hang out with friends shows that you truly value their friendship. Plus, it will make you seem more friendly and gregarious. If you keep refusing, the person who invites you will feel rejected and you won't be able to share time with them
Step 3. Join a community or group of like-minded people
If you want to make new friends, set aside time to meet people other than coworkers or schoolmates. If you have a particular hobby or interest, join a community or group that focuses on that activity.
- Join a sports club, book club, walking group, or cyclist team.
- If you don't have a hobby, choose one, but choose a hobby that you can do with a group of people. Find out how to interact with people with similar interests through websites, such as Meetup.com.
Step 4. Meet mutual friends
The easiest way to make new friends is to meet friends of people you know. Take advantage of interacting with everyone as a "gateway" or "portal" to a new social network.
- Hold a meeting and ask friends to invite other people. This step opens up opportunities to meet new friends with the same interests through mutual friends.
- If a friend invites you to a party or meeting, accept the invitation even if no one you know is at the event. Although quite challenging, this is a good opportunity to make new friends.
Step 5. Don't separate out the various aspects of everyday life
Remember that various aspects of life, such as "professional life", "social life", and "family life" are inseparable. Although each aspect must be lived with different behaviors and rules, living life as a social being allows you to be able to socialize on your own no matter where you are. In other words, don't spend time socializing just by partying every weekend.
- Look for unique opportunities to socialize, for example by asking how the bank cashier is at your service, instead of staring at your phone and sitting still. Remember that sociability is a skill and every opportunity can be used to practice it.
- If you don't already know a coworker or neighbor, take the time to get to know them better.
- Invite family members to socialize together. This advice may not seem appealing, but as long as you're well-behaved, the chance to meet new friends wherever you are can be a pleasant surprise.
Step 6. Prioritize social life
After all, you need to hang out with friends a few times a week if you want to improve your social skills. Many people prefer to be alone when dealing with stressful work or deadlines, but don't shut yourself off so you don't socialize for up to 2 weeks, except in very extreme circumstances.
