Feel like you don't have good social skills? Do not worry! In fact, social skills can be learned and improved, no matter your age. If you are interested in improving your social skills and getting out of your current comfort zone, always remember that these goals can only be achieved with maximum effort and process. To get started, of course you need to first set short-term goals, namely to learn to initiate conversations with strangers, spend more time with those closest to you, and invite friends to socialize together. Armed with consistent progress, sooner or later your confidence will surely increase. In addition, you will definitely feel the benefits of establishing positive relationships with other people.
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Method 1 of 3: Expanding Your Comfort Zone
Step 1. Learn to have short conversations with strangers you meet
When you accidentally meet a fellow public transport user or a social worker, use the moment to build your social skills. Instead of simply thanking the cashier and leaving the restaurant, for example, try initiating a light conversation with him. In other words, ask simple, open-ended questions to elicit a reaction, then practice your listening skills. Whoever it is, try to make them smile by providing an interesting observation or positive comment. Do this every day! Even if it feels difficult at first, surely sooner or later you will get used to it.
- Practicing with strangers will make you more prepared if you have to interact with someone you really want to get to know better.
- Don't separate your “social life” from everything else going on in your life. if you want to be a person who is good at socializing, that intelligence must radiate from all aspects of your life, whether you are partying, building relationships, or just shopping for daily necessities.
Step 2. Tell about things that happened in your life when you were interacting in a group
If you have free time before entering class or holding a meeting, try having a small talk with a classmate or coworker. The topic? Take advantage of whatever is around you, including the situation that you and they will go through after this. For example, you can talk about the topic of a meeting or a school assignment. When you're at an event, sit next to someone who looks friendly. Greet him, and ask how often they attend the event.
- When chatting with someone you don't really know, start the conversation on a topic that interests both of you. Over time, you can start to touch on other topics.
- If you are authorized to plan social activities, try to choose a location that is unique and allows everyone to communicate freely. For example, hold a meeting at a cafe that sells a variety of snacks so that you and they have more options to discuss.
- If you don't know what to say, feel free to bring up simple and classic topics like sports, popular culture, or even the weather!
Step 3. Take your free time to connect with other people instead of being alone
As tempting as it may be to isolate yourself in your free time, especially if you are an introvert, don't do it so that you won't be viewed as antisocial by others! Instead, take advantage of the moment to invite others to lunch together instead of waiting for everyone to leave and have lunch alone. Instead of going straight home after school, stick around for a bit to chat with your classmates. If you have some spare time in the afternoon, take a friend or two along for a trip with you.
- Instead of sitting alone and busying yourself with your phone or books, encourage yourself to socialize with the other people who are there.
- If you've been exploring hobbies alone most of the time, why not try inviting other people to do it together in the future?
Step 4. Attend various invitations to social events
It's easy to admit that you're too busy or tired to avoid social events, especially if you have social anxiety disorder. However, if you really want to improve your social skills, this is a good time to get out of the “cage” and spend time with other people! Therefore, thank you for the invitation or invitation given, and accept the invitation with pleasure. When the day comes, fulfill your commitment to attend the event on time and with a genuine smile. A few weeks later, respond to the invitation by turning to invite your friend to do other activities.
- Remember, you can always go home ahead of time if you feel uncomfortable.
- Learn to distinguish between genuine reasons and those fueled by your anxiety and nervousness.
- If you feel the need to change your schedule to have more free time to socialize, feel free to do so. Find free time in between your activities, and try to fill it with the activity of drinking coffee or communicating via telephone with your friends.
Step 5. Participate in various social activities or hobbies that allow you to meet new people
If you don't receive enough social exposure in your daily life, try joining an extracurricular group of people who share your interests. For example, you could join a local hobby community, book club, sports group, or volunteer community. Or, you can also register for classes that take place regularly. Whatever your choice, make sure it gives you as many opportunities as possible to socialize. Before, during, and after the meeting, display a friendly attitude and initiate light conversation with your colleagues.
- If you want to learn to play the ukulele, try taking a group ukulele class instead of studying alone at home.
- To significantly improve your social skills, try joining a local Toastmasters club to practice your public speaking skills.
Step 6. Try initiating social interactions and group activities with other people
Remember, positive relationships are built by joint efforts. If you want to show your sociability and your ability to make friends, don't hesitate to reach out to them first and create opportunities to spend time together. Try to convey your invitation a day or two before the agenda, and provide a specific explanation of the activities that will be carried out. Don't be discouraged if it looks like they're having trouble; In fact, you can use it as an idea to make a plan, you know! If you wish, call back a friend who lives far away from you by phone or text message to ask how they are.
- To a coworker who always claims to want to rest, try asking, "Why don't we get a manicure together after work on Thursday?"
- If a classmate likes the same singer as you, try asking, “Did you see their concert, the 26th of next month? If so, would you like to go together?”
- Don't wait to be called or asked to travel by someone else. If all parties are waiting for each other, then when can you and they meet?
Method 2 of 3: Improving Communication Skills
Step 1. Create a strong first impression by displaying confident body language
If you seem approachable, then other people won't hesitate to do so. Therefore, always hold your head high and pull your shoulders back to show a more upright posture. Look at the other person's eyes at all times and smile when your eyes meet someone else's. Trust me, you'll look a lot more friendly and approachable afterwards! If your body is too stiff and awkward, try practicing body language in front of the mirror until you find a posture that makes you appear more relaxed.
- If you notice that your hands are constantly moving uncontrollably, try carrying a small handbag or laptop to keep your hands busy.
- Don't put your hands in your pockets. Instead, tuck your thumbs into your back pocket for a more relaxed and confident posture.
- Reach out for a handshake the first time you meet someone, and don't be shy about giving a hug as a goodbye afterwards.
Step 2. Ask questions or raise topics that are personal to the other person
The best way to socialize is to encourage the other person to talk about themselves. Whoever you're talking to, try to ask open-ended questions about their work situation, education, personal life, or interests. After that, try asking for advice on a specific topic to show that you value his opinion. As a result, the topic of conversation between the two of you will be even more dense!
- Ask your friend in English class if he's reading something interesting and ask him for quality reading recommendations.
- If someone shares details about an important event that has just happened, ask follow-up questions like, “Hey Kip, was that fun, last week's car show?” or “Hey Natalie! We last saw each other during exams, didn't we? How about your exam results?"
Step 3. Give the other person sincere compliments
In fact, a sincere compliment can instantly improve the mood for you and the other person, as well as being the perfect conversation starter. To do this, try observing other people's style of dress and/or behavior and then look for positive aspects that you can praise. For example, try praising things that are within his control and that he has worked so hard to achieve, to confirm that his choice was the right one. Then, ask follow-up questions to throw the ball of conversation at him.
- To a barista who wears earrings with an eye-catching design, try saying, “Your earrings are beautiful! Make it yourself, okay?”
- To your classmates, try saying, “Rick, your presentation is really good, you know! The video clip you played earlier was very funny. Are you happy, because the results are satisfying?”
Step 4. Speak in a loud and clear voice so that it is easy for others to understand
If your intentions can be easily heard by others, then the conversation will run more smoothly. If you have a tendency to stutter, learn to increase the volume and slow down the tempo. Say each word with a clear intonation and don't rush.
- Whenever you are asked to repeat a spoken word, don't get confused! Just rephrase your words with a clearer intonation.
- Remember, other people want to hear your opinion too.
Step 5. Be an active listener to stay involved in the conversation
Remember, you don't have to keep talking to be seen as a social person. Every now and then, you should also listen when someone else is sharing their story or opinion. Look into the eyes of whoever is speaking and display open body language. Smile and nod your head to confirm what the other person is saying, or make any other facial expressions you think are appropriate. If the moment is appropriate, please provide a verbal response.
- Try not to be distracted by things around you like your phone or worries running through your head. Instead, focus on the person in front of you.
- Keep an open mind.
Step 6. Share your thoughts and don't keep them to yourself
For those of you who are introverts, thinking may be a more enjoyable activity than talking. However, the other person may view you as antisocial if they have never heard your voice! Therefore, from now on, learn to voice your responses or thoughts aloud. As a result, your voice can help keep the conversation going. Besides, other people can hear more information about you, right?
- If the thought that comes up is polite and reflects your personality, feel free to share it! However, don't do it if the thought has the potential to offend others or be unkind to yourself.
- Any simple observation or opinion can keep the conversation going, you know! So don't be afraid to share your thoughts and ask others for their opinion. For example, you might say, “Damn, this project is not finished! Rami, what did you do to finish your project?” or “This iced tea tastes really weird, really. How's yours?"
Method 3 of 3: Changing Your Mindset
Step 1. Be committed to improving your sociability
Whatever the reason, whether it's to improve your career, enrich your social life, or increase your self-confidence, try to think of the reasons behind your desire to become more sociable. Every day, always remember those long-term goals to motivate you!
- Try sticking a sticky note with encouraging messages on the mirror.
- Set a positive quote as your phone background to remind you to always interact with other people.
- Like having a healthy body, social skills will not be realized without consistent intention and effort. If exercise is needed to have a healthy body, then the courage to speak up and get out of your comfort zone is needed to improve social skills.
- Don't call yourself shy, cowardly, or antisocial. The more often the label is pinned, the greater your belief that you really can't socialize with other people.
- Remember, socializing is a choice, not a predisposition.
Step 2. Set simple short-term goals, such as talking to one new person each day
In fact, no one can become a person who is good at socializing overnight. Therefore, try to focus on getting yourself out of your comfort zone in a way that is simple and easy to achieve. When going to a party, promise that you will talk to a stranger there. While waiting in line, be determined to give credit to the person standing next to you. After you've accomplished these simple goals, try increasing the scale, such as talking to five employees at a job fair or inviting one of your coworkers for coffee.
Step 3. Show a cheerful and positive energy to attract the attention of others
Remember, anyone would prefer to spend their time with someone who is optimistic, excited, and happy. Even if you don't always feel positive, try to stay positive in front of other people. In other words, try to always smile, say positive words, and encourage anyone who is experiencing anxiety.
- When communicating with strangers or new people, use that positive energy to show that you are friendly and approachable.
- Make sure your behavior and words are always polite and aimed at respecting the other person. Only then will people see you as positive and fun to interact with.
Step 4. Share your helplessness with others to strengthen your relationship with them
Do not change your personality and behavior based on the identity of the other person. Instead, give other people a chance to get to know who you really are! With them, share your point of view honestly and openly. Once deeper relationships have started to form, start talking about your worries, life challenges, and insecurities. The more helplessness you share, the deeper the personal relationships will follow.
- Of course, you shouldn't share your personal problems with just anyone. However, you are welcome to share personal information if someone else has asked or has done so first. After that, you can also ask for advice, if you want.
- Sharing honest experiences and feelings with others is not easy. However, realize that everyone has the same difficulties, and sharing your helplessness will only bring you closer to others.
- Occasionally, even the most sociable people will still feel insecure. The difference is, they choose to take risks while still enjoying the moment that occurs, instead of worrying about the embarrassment that may arise.
Step 5. Ignore internal voices that are overly negative, critical, and prevent you from taking action
When you notice a thought that is sabotaging your progress, acknowledge that thought and replace it with something more positive. To do this, try to identify the truth that lies within the thought. Once you find it, try to package it into more constructive and motivating thoughts to deal with your anxiety.
- When the thought comes, “I'm so awkward and no one likes me,” admit that the thought is actually negative and hurtful. After that, try replacing it with more honest and constructive thoughts such as, “I feel uncomfortable because I don't know anyone here. If I dare to start a conversation, there will be at least one person I know and the awkwardness will definitely lessen.”
- Indeed, a person's confidence and intelligence to socialize will be seen from the way they treat themselves. Generally, they will only focus on positive things, in contrast to antisocial people who tend to focus more on their shortcomings and the shortcomings of others.
Tips
- Whenever you're around other people, view these moments as opportunities to socialize!
- Even though meeting strangers can feel very intimidating, think about it this way: If they don't know you yet, it means you have nothing to lose if the situation goes out of your way, right? On the other hand, strangers always have the potential to become your best friend, business partner, or even your new partner! So, what's there to worry about?
- Don't hang out with people who make you feel insecure. Instead, spend more time with people who can cheer you on!
