So someone you know says, “I don't know that girl”, as if that's normal, right? Good. How to deal with such a person? First of all, you have to be careful. If you want to continue to be friends with this person (and it's okay to stay away from them), you need to stay calm and learn how to deal with them without losing your temper.
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Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Liars in Daily Life
Step 1. Be alert and prepared
Mentally prepare yourself to accept that you can't trust this person and assume that everything he or she says you can't stand. Expect results that are likely to be different from what was promised or what you were waiting for. In other words? Remember who you are dealing with.
When we love someone, it is very difficult to forget the reality. It is easy for us to hope and always think well of that person. It's easy to think that the person is a good person. Unfortunately, in this situation, you can't do that. You have to be alert
Step 2. Take notes
It's not a fun thing to do in a relationship, but it can be rewarding. If you have to make sure you're not crazy or you're not making a big deal out of it, it's a good idea to keep a log to record the events. Or, if you are in a situation that requires you to start couples therapy, you can offer it as documentation of the problem.
A notebook can also help your memory. There will be times when you say, “Remember when I got mad at you because you lied about that thing at the place where the statue was. Do you remember? That thing". You can pull out your notebook and you can be content to uncover a lie when he says he picked up ketchup at the store. After all, why did he have to lie about it?
Step 3. Keep your relationship focused
Instead of constantly talking about the lie, focus your attention on the quality of your relationship. His lies shattered the trust between the two of you. You still love him, but his behavior makes it difficult for you to be happy with that person. This problem is not caused by the liar, but because of the lie and both of you.
Step 4. Recognize her unbelievable behavior at certain moments
If the big lie starts to reveal itself, you may be able to see the liar telling the truth. Hurray! But don't be satisfied right away. He may see it as something that happens only once so you can believe it. He will continue to cover up his lies. So instead of cheering, wait until you're sure what he's saying isn't a lie.
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However, some pathological liars won't. He will shut up and look at you and that's the only guilt you will get. You have to be content with just knowing that. Realize that they know you know the lie. That's quite meaningful.
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Step 5. Ignore it
When the compulsive liar in your life starts telling two truths and one lie, ignore him. If you know he's bragging, don't pay attention to what he's saying. When he says “I used to breed ferrets for the Queen of England”, and you say, “Oh”, not only will he realize that you know he's lying, but you can have a lot of fun with him too.
You could have avoided the lie. Society requires us to be kind and listen to what other people have to say and be mindful of what they have to say-but it also breaks the rules, so you can do that too. If he asks why you're being nonchalant, tell him the reason honestly. You don't want to care about his lies anymore
Step 6. Be patient
If you choose to continue on good terms with your friends/partners/coworkers, there should be some leeway within you. This person has a problem that is not easy to help. Try your best to be patient with him. We all have problems-it just so happens that the problem irritates other people.
Talk to other people who are in the same group as both of you. You will feel much better to have someone who supports you and that person has been through the same thing. You can join forces and figure out how to deal with these issues in a constructive way
Step 7. Don't feel like you have to talk about all the lies
When the lies range from "I refilled her toilet paper" to "I once bald Britney Spears' hair," it's very clear that you have to choose what you have to deal with. Let the little lies (perhaps you can ignore them) and face the big ones-if you're not tired!
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If you choose to talk about some of his lies, choose lies you don't understand. It makes sense to lie to make yourself look good, to make other people jealous of you, but why lie about how much mayonnaise is left in the fridge? Start a discussion, if you feel compelled to do so.
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Part 2 of 3: Confronting the Liar
Step 1. Offer another way before you discuss the lie
When you see him lying big, it would be unwise to say, “What a swindler! That's a complete lie." The conversation will then lead down a path you didn't want to take before. Therefore, it is better to "accuse" the person in a better way, so that the accused has a chance to correct his mistake.
An example is when you find out that your boyfriend didn't go to his mother's house to help clean the house this afternoon. Instead of saying, “Hey. I was talking to your mother earlier", starting with, "Honey, did you really go to your mother's house?" then you can say, “Your mother called. Why are you lying?"
Step 2. Break the habit again and again
At first it will feel very awkward. After that, you will get used to it. When you find out he's lying, let him know that what he said was inaccurate or untrue -but don't act like you're the judge. Being calm, relaxed, and clear is enough.
You may have to discuss it again and again so he can understand. But soon, like a bell ringing and food being served, he will know when he is lying and the habit will stop. What are the main obstacles? Your patience
Step 3. Avoid the pattern of lies
This is difficult territory. You have to let him know that you know his lie without being outspoken when telling him. You're a shrewd social ninja master, aren't you? So, when your friend says, “I defused a bomb with Densus 88 in 2009”, you can say, “Is it really like when you said you worked to catch ferrets?” And when they convince you that the story is more real than the story about the weasel, just calm down, smile, and let them know that their history of lies will work itself out.
You don't feel vindictive; there is a difference in that. You are simply telling him that his history of lying is now making him suffer whether you believe him or not. What you're saying is rational, logical, and hard to argue with-he knows it's true
Step 4. Suggest therapy
This is another sensitive way to deal with liars. If your relationship is close enough with the liar and you don't want to pretend to your friend/family member/lover, suggest therapy. Psychologists are a way out for those who want to improve themselves. If you've been in therapy or are close to someone who's been through it, use that experience as an example. Many people think that doing therapy is a weakness, when in fact therapy is a positive and life-affirming thing.
Part 3 of 3: Understanding Compulsive Liars
Step 1. Know the difference between a pathological liar and a jerk
If you're dating someone and you realize that he's not a millionaire, he's having an affair, and he doesn't speak French very well, chances are that your ex-girlfriend is a very pathetic human being. A person who lies to make himself or herself sound good or to escape certain behaviors is simply a narrow-minded, ignorant, ignorant person who doesn't deserve your attention. He is not a pathological liar.
A person who could be called a pathological liar would lie about anything. He'll lie about something that won't impress the other person, won't make him or anyone else feel any better, and serves no purpose. He will say that yesterday he saw a duck in the lake, but there is no lake around you. It does it like breathing. He did it naturally
Step 2. Understand why he is lying
For most people, lying is convenient. The truth is scary. If he really is a pathological liar, it's just a symptom of a bigger problem. The reasons for their bad habits include:
- Dysfunctional family (usually he doesn't get enough attention)
- Childhood sexual or physical abuse, or ongoing abuse
- Impaired impulse control (kleptomania, pathological gambling, compulsive shopping, etc.)
- Personality disorders (B-sociopathic group, narcissistic, borderline ("borderline"), histrionic, etc.)
- Drug abuse or drug abuse in the family
Step 3. Recognize that he may hate himself for the way he is
Many pathological liars have a lack of self-confidence and that is why they lie. He had to give the world an impression that he was someone he was proud of, not someone he hated. While liars don't deserve pity, it's a good idea to understand the root cause of the problem.
When dealing with people closest to you like this, keep that in mind. You will remain logical, rational, and calm. You're not dealing with a jerk and reckless, you're dealing with a jerk, reckless, and self-loathing. So don't be too hard on him
Step 4. Take care of yourself
The most important thing is to take care of yourself first. You may be in a serious relationship with this person, but that doesn't allow him to control your emotions and happiness. If you have to go, go. He doesn't deserve you. It can't make you happy. This is how it should be. You don't leave it; You protect yourself.
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If you choose to be with him, be strong. You can't help him if you can't help yourself. Make sure your happiness is top priority. It's not your job to fix or change it. If you want to stay with him, take it slow. But, always keep yourself in mind!
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Tips
He lies to everyone-not just you. It's about them and has nothing to do with your values and the things they do because of you
Warning
- Don't lose your temper. A heated argument will get you both nowhere.
- This person will behave like this to everyone and he should get help. The best scenario? Over time (it varies from person to person) he will realize that he is hurting the people around him and he is hurting himself.
